Sandcake

During the weekend, I went out with a few friends for drinks and dancing in zona T. For those who don’t know it, it’s a pretty lively night area filled with bars and pretty upscale restaurants, typically a gringo’s area. 

I had danced a lot all night and decided to sit down on myself while the others kept on dancing- they were clearly energetic due to the copious amount of aguardiente in their bloodstream so I couldn’t even blame them. 

One guy came over and decided to sit next to me. He placed a hand on my bare thigh (I was wearing a mini skirt) and asked me for my name. Now this was a guy who was along with the group, but seeing as we were over 15 people I didn’t bother catching everyone’s name so I actually had no clue who he was nor had attained any sense of familiarity with him. So let’s call him S.

He asked why I wasn’t dancing and I told him, smilingly, that I was just taking a little rest.  S tried to pull me up for a dance and I tried to resist with a few laughs as to not make him feel awkward. When he noticed I wasn’t bulging he plopped down next to me and said ‘’You’re very pretty, you have a pretty face.’’

Awkwarded as hell, I just said thanks. 

And then he said he wanted to kiss me. So I raised my eyebrows at him and asked if he was drunk. Sassy as hell, he replied he didn’t have to be to kiss a girl. I told S, in my clumsiest Spanish, that this cannot and would not happen because I had a boyfriend. His reply?

‘’Oh I’ll see with him. Besides, you said you couldn’t, not that you didn’t want to.’’

I contested again that nothing would happen and while I thought he was only inching his ears closer to hear me out due to the music, he fucking turned his face around and landed his lips on mine and I swear I was about to go berserk so I just shoved him away and went out for air. 

He only laughed.

Gah. 

Moments later, we both found ourselves outside. Drunkenly, he complained that I didn’t want to get with him and asked where I lived. By then I had just about enough and had my partner entirely in mind so I went home. 

So yesterday, I was sitting in the library with a pregnant teacher. While munching on pieces of melon and each doing our work, I asked her if pregnancy is hard. She said that it was, and it was even harder considering she was breaking up with the father of the baby. I asked her if she were married as well and she said she wasn’t, fortunately. 

I was completely floored.

Naturally I wasn’t judging, but I marveled at how different family dynamics can be from Colombia to Egypt. In my country, I had never heard of anyone having a child out of wedlock, let alone consider leaving their partner mid-pregnancy.

I then remembered what my partner had said about most Colombians babies being a mistake. 

She talked to me a lot about how most of her girlfriends were single mothers as well and that they much preferred that than to stay with their abusive partners. I wondered what she meant by abusive, and she explained that some men spent too much time with their friends, that they wanted to enjoy their freedom and drink. For her, if her boyfriend stayed a night out without telling her first, that was enough reason to break up. 

In Egypt, I know that women are never encouraged to leave their partners and most of the times, families also push the women to stay in abusive marriages because that’s better than the ‘shame’ of divorce. The husband can hit, emotionally abusive or even rape her and she would still rather stay in that situation then opt for a divorce.She wouldn’t even bother reporting him to the police and would seen as the guilty one if she did. Here, it seems like women have their families’ total support in even rearing the children. 

One thing was interesting though, she mentioned how ‘macho’ culture here was a big thing: women were sometimes expected to stay at home, cook, stay with the kids but that men wanted to do whatever they wanted. It reminded me a lot of Cairo, where a man saying that he was ‘open-minded’ was usually just for show because at the end of the day, he expected the exact same compliance at home. 

At the end of the talk, the teacher caressed her stomach, gave me a side smile and acknowledged that, of course, this wasn’t the case for all Colombian men but the majority. 

So after a long flight I made it to Colombia where I spent my real first day just checking out the area I’ll be living in for the next two months as well as bonding with my flatmates. 

They’re 6 nationalities in total: one Peruvian, Taiwanese, Dutch, German, 2 from Brazil.

We attended our preparation seminar yesterday at Titan mall and I took it as an opportunity to study the people around us in the food court. 

Women here tend to have dark long hair, which sorts of plays into the latina stereotype that I expected. However, Colombians seem to be very diverse; when I was staying in the immigration line at the airport I had no clue who were Colombians and who weren’t. I definitely saw natives, some who looked very European with light features, some who didn’t quite belong to anything I had in mind. 

Observing the women here is definitely interesting, one lady in particularly grabbed my attention yesterday: she was wearing extremely tight clothes on her curvy/chubby body, a v-neck and her midriff was showing. I don’t think anyone else was as interested in her. When I went to get an arrepa for breakfast, one of random waitresses at an adjacent restaurant sported blonde hair with very neon pink dyed that took up half of her hair. 

I have been leafing through posts on Facebook room, flat and accommodation  offers so I can have a clear idea of what to expect when I finally make the big move out of my parents’ home. 

I am struck by the amount of posts for ‘’women only’’. Rooms and flats that would ONLY take on women and that explicitly dictate that ‘’no male visitors’’ would be allowed. 

How is this even a thing? What kind of idiot are you to decide for your paying tenant what he/she is allowed do? 

Egypt is soul crushing in the lengths it goes to not leave women be. 

Their sexuality is controlled, they get harassed in the streets, their family home often proves to be an apparatus of oppression and they’re not free to do whatever they want with their bodies unless they obtain permission.. And if the control and pressure isn’t coming from the families, then it’s from the aunts who are judging a girl for not getting married or it’s the male co-workers making suggestive comments to the girl they know lives alone.

How much pressure and tension can a person sustain before they crack? Living in a society so keen on destroying your essence as a unique individual is a lethal thing. 

I still personally can’t wait to move out and try to challenge that. In that regards Simone de Beauvoir was very much on point where she emphasized the importance of work and emancipation for women. When one has a job, then one has the capacity to procure her means of survival and diminishes any chances of dependency on others. Thus, opinion on one’s life and judgment become secondary and worthless unless solicited. 

I’m positing two videos on the topic of sexuality and sex education. One is Norwegian, from a serie for kids called ‘’Pubertet’’ which has often been criticized for being too explicit and provocative.

The other is an Egyptian short documentary called ‘’Libido’’ which sheds some light on the overall ignorance that Egyptians suffer from when it comes to the topic. 

I chose each one because they represent opposing attitudes to the topic. The Norwegian one is straight to the point, well made and very informative in a way that’s child friendly. In a way, it reflects the values of a society very nonchalant and open about sex- prioritizing it done right rather than not done at all. On the other hand, the short film presents how taboo the topic can be even for adults, let alone sex education in schools, in Egyptian society. 

I’m sure there are more mild examples, perhaps it would be interesting to look at how some south African/ Asian/ Latin american videos depict the matter but I chose these two based on the flagrantly opposite attitudes of the society they stem from.