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Wow suddenly having a bunch of porn bots fallow me! Iām flattered
Riley Samels on Instagram / Etsy
To be a bunny is madness.

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No one can stop my glorious feast.
ITS SLIMEY THE WORMS BIRTHDAY EVERYONE
EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR SLIMEY THE WORM
AHHHH happy birthday slimey
September 24 2022
I woke up depressed again.
Gonna take a shower try and wake myself up.
I feel better.
Tonight Iām having a sleepover with my sister and her friends. We all used to be roommates last year during my first year of college.
I havenāt done anything today. Just kill time playing video games and watch tik tok.
Since I donāt have much to say today Iām going to put a question out there. I donāt know whether I attract crazy guys, am attracted to crazy guys, or drive men insane. I think it being a combination of all of them is a real possibility.
Iām at the house hanging out with my sisterās friends and weāre deciding on what scary movie we want to watch.
Weāre watching incantation which is supposed to be very scary, but who knows. Iām easily scared, but I feel somewhat desensitized to fear now.
It was scary, but not as much as I expected. I liked the twist and the end I felt like it was decently surprising. I could probably do a more in depth review if you guys would be interested. Iām not sure why Iām acting like I have an audience I donāt think a single person has seen my sort of diary posts.
After the movie I got really tired so I went to sleep in the spare bedroom.
September 23 2022
I accidentally deleted it so here I go again
TW! SELF HARM TW!
I gave into cutting again. I wanna say it was a lapse in judgment, but it wasnāt. I had planned it. I wanted to cut so I found a time I could get away with it. My boyfriend is gone for the weekend and I wasnāt supposed to see him yesterday so early in the am I cut some. Not too deep I wanted it to be mostly gone by the time he came back.
I went to sleep late, but woke up early anyway. I started doing my Astronomy homework, but it was really difficult. I tried to ask the guy I knew for help he told me Iād be better off googling it. I donāt know if he also didnāt know or just thought I was straight asking him for answers. He also said he was emailing the dean of students about her suddenly giving us a midterm. I decided Iād go to my teacherās office hours.
Only problem is since my boyfriendās classes were starting late he came to visit me that morning. I just decided that weād stay upstairs and clothes would stay on. He grabbed my hip (where I cut) through my clothes, but it didnāt hurt to bad. He couldnāt stay long so I was safe.
I didnāt know what to do while waiting for my teacherās office hours so I sat around drew some watched tik tok played video games basically just killed time.
I then went to her office hours and she was really helpful worked through it all with us and listened to us when we brought up our concerns about the sudden mid term. She decided to change it into just being a quiz and put the PowerPoints back up! She told everyone on announcements. The dean ended up emailing that the issue had been resolved. Iām glad it turned out alright I wouldnāt want her to get in trouble.
I has dinner with my family we ordered Ethiopian food. It was pretty good.
My boyfriend decided to drop by at night to come give me a quick cuddle it was nice, but I was on edge. He tried to slip his hand under my pants on my hip and I stopped that real quick.

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Sandās pass that test spell
Ingredients:
Bay leaf
Cinnamon
Ginger
Allspice
Salt
In fire safe container mix together: Cinnamon, Ginger, Allspice, and Salt
Next get a bayleaf and write down your intention in my case to pass those upcoming tests. Fully burn bay leaf. Mix or further grind in a mortar and pestle. Be sure that as you fallow these steps that you have the right mindset. Think about your goal maybe even repeat affirmations in your head. For affirmations make sure they are positive and in present tense āI am passing this testā. You can fallow these steps the night before. If opting for the jewelry method now is the time to put in a piece of jewelry youāve cleansed.
The morning of the test you want to take your jewelry out and put it on. I recommend using it on your skin for full effect. Rub mixture into skin with cotton round where youād apply perfume. Maybe even carry some with you in a spell pouch or jar. Whatever is youāre preferred way of doing spells.
Let me know if your guys try it and I will update you on my results in a couple weeks.
September 22 2022
September 22 2022
The power went out last night so I didnāt write much at the end of the day.
I woke up before my alarm at like 5:30 am. I couldnāt go back to sleep after that. I just laid there. Once it was time to get up I got ready and put the spell on.
Took my first test and I feel pretty good about it. I studied some beforehand which helped. I probably couldāve done better if I wasnāt busy studying for my dreaded American Government test.
My Astronomy class that was chill before took a change of tone. My teacher freaked out that so many people did badly on the homework and decided that she was going to give us a midterm. She was also taking down her PowerPoints so weād have to pay attention in class. I was planning on studying more for American Government, but instead I was furiously taking notes. I didnāt see the guy from last class so I texted him letting him know what went down. Apparently he was in class just somewhere else.
I took the American Government test. I feel weirdly confident though I knew nearly nothing on it. Probably just cause I hyped myself up so much and told myself Iād do well.
I got rained on I planned on finally getting those poke berries after work, but it started pouring rain and the wind kept blowing my umbrella inside out. My dad got into traffic so I had to sit waiting for awhile. Thankfully the storm hadnāt made it to the suburbs at least not yet.
I saw my boyfriend because heās gonna be gone for a few days he took his emissions test then went to his house and had Chinese food with his family. After eating we had a good cuddle and I almost fell asleep. I went home after that ended my day on a good note.
Well that is until I got home I couldnāt sleep and I felt empty.
September 21 2022
TW! SUICIDE, MEDICATION, IMPLIED ABUSE, IMPLIED SEX TW!
Woke up depressed. I was running late so I got my dad to drive me rather than take the metro. I showed up in time for work. We opened and it was mostly empty like normal in the morning. We had someone come in to use the track saw. Normally no one uses our power tools. It was a chill shift. I showed up for class though and only one person is here. My class was pushed back an hour so weāre just sitting here on our phones.
Iām thinking of going to the market next door they have restaurants and stuff. Iām a little nervous to go though. Maybe Iāll go check it out. I donāt know crowds and strangers and new things make me nervous.
It was fine, similar to other world markets but less of a selection. Some things were at good prices, but others were way out of my price range. I sat around and waited for class once it started he gave us the information for our new projects. Weāre making some out of wire using contour lines. A later project we have to plan ahead for us making a larger object out of many smaller objects. I have a decent concept for the latter. I plan to make a pill bottle out of those chalky heart candies. Itās supposed to symbolize how a relationship that on the outside looked like innocent young love was traumatic and made my mental health so much worse. The pill bottle is supposed to be the heavy medication Iāve been put on due to my mental illness and the candy hearts are supposed to be āyoung loveā. I made some sketches for my concept on my iPad.
I went back to work it was alright. I spent most my shift at the front desk. Things were pretty smooth expect the 3D printers were acting up. I did some studying for my upcoming American government test at work.
The longer I stand waiting for the train the more I think I jumping in. I donāt want to do it. I feel a pull to do it.survived a whole 8 minutes waiting without jumping⦠New Record! Itās too bad I wonāt get a prize. I got off the train and some man started telling me how beautiful I was. I didnāt really know what to do I just stood there and said thank you. He went on telling me I looked like 15,000 dollars and asked me questions. Do I have a boyfriend? What kinda car I drive? How old am I? Saying that he loved white girls and that I could be making 500 dollars a day being someoneās girlfriend. It was uncomfortable and I didnāt know what to do I just stood there meekly till I decided I had enough and my dad said heād be there in a minute. I walked to our meeting spot and he was there seconds later. Iāve never had a guy come up and pursue me like that. Maybe thatās why he did it. Sad meek white girl thatās never had attention in her life down on her luck having to take a train. Thatās not exactly me, but itās not too far off. Iāve had attention from guys just not like that. The guys I date I donāt know what possesses them, but they become obsessed with me.
I went to my boyfriendās house and we hung out⦠nothing else⦠but anyway. I ate with his family and was reminded that his momās birthday. His mom is kinda mean sometimes so I try to stay on her good side. She gets me things sometimes so I feel like I have to make her something.
He started driving me home and it was apparent that the power for my neighborhood had gone out. I was planning on studying, but I couldnāt do it in the dark. I studied what I could on my phone and decided to do a spell. Just one for luck and success. I got it ready for the next day and went to sleep.
Sorry for posting so late I didnāt finish yesterday because of the power outage.
A drawing of a friend of mine I finished yesterday

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September 20 2022
TW! SUICIDE, EATING DISORDERS, SELF HARM, MEDICATION, MURDER, ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS, DISSOCIATION TW!
Fucking thinking about jumping on the tracks again this morning and Iām running late for class.
I tried to open the wrong door over and over to get into class. It was embarrassing. We have a test coming up which Iām a bit nervous about but other than that class was good. He lectured on Classical Greek art which is a topic Iām personally interested in.
Next class was Astronomy we also talked about a topic I was interested in. Iām not much into Astronomy, but I am interested in the moon. Today we covered moon phases and tides. We had to get into groups and the guy next to me scooted over and shook my hand and introduced himself. Kinda strange, but I think he may be foreign. Iām not attracted to men on first sight often, but he was good looking with long hair and a sculpted face. It made me uncomfortable that I found him attractive since I am very committed to my boyfriend. Anyway he was nice and seemed to know what was going on in the class. He asked for my contact information for studying reasons and I obliged. I hope any attractive to him fades so I donāt have to feel uncomfortable about it.
My friend for the class I am about to start isnāt coming. I donāt know if friend is the right word more like friendly acquaintance. He helps me stay on track in this class. Without him Iād probably fail. I just canāt pay attention this class is so boring. Iāve learned about American Government so many times and retained none of it. We also have a test coming up in this class and Iām not ready.
Class reinforced my beliefs that I am not ready. I need to study a lot. After class I went straight to work. It wasnāt too busy. Since itās not too busy I studied a little. Iāve been drawing and 3D modeling today. My earbuds are alive so Iāve been listening to music, mostly hole. Itās raining and Iām not looking forward to walking to the train station in the rain. I wish I knew Iām aura or something I wanna know if people that are psychic (or claim to be) can tell what kinda person I am immediately.
The rain stopped, but I had my umbrella out in case. I thought I heard a guy yell out of his car āgirl itās not even rainingā but I had an earbud in so Iām not sure. I passed the same poke berries again. I should pick them to turn them into ink. My old pokeberry ink turned brown.
I got to the station and there was an ambulance; I wonder whatās going on.
I ended up impulsively tex my ting my ex. My worst ex the one who abused me without a shadow of a doubt. I try to act friendly towards him. Pretend so that I can get information. If he continues to abuse people I will get my revenge. If not he can carry on. Anyway I asked him to look into BPD since he showed most the symptoms when I knew him. Apparently it was suggested to him by the doctor as a minor but they canāt diagnose under 18 since most of them grow out of it. I on the other hand obviously still have it and show symptoms.
We ended up talking and I asked him about a memory I had. He had told me he was thinking of killing me so no one else could have me. I inquired on this and was able to jog his memory. He had felt me slipping away from him so he thought of doing exactly as described. It was not an intrusive thought like I had more thought out as I feared.
The memory put me in a funk I remember the fear I felt in that moment. I want to cry to run I feel like Iām trapped like Iām being watched. I want to cut. I feel as though I have left my body nothing feels real. I thought I heard something it sounded like a radio, but nothing was there. I need to wash off my makeup but someone is in the bathroom.
I weighed myself this morning and my weight was slightly lower itās probably water weight but it gave me a rush. Maybe the spiral is coming.
I washed my face and I feel better; still not good but better. I got a mortar and pestle. Itās cute shaped like a cauldron but much smaller than expected. I still feel somewhat detached, but I took my meds Iām going to go to sleep and see how I feel in the morning.
September 19 2022
TW! MEDICATION, PTSD, WEIGHT LOSS, SMOKING TW!
Today has been alright so far. I slept well on the air mattress. I donāt remember any dreams. I woke up my friend cause I didnāt want to leave with the door unlocked but since she was awake she offered to give me a ride. She dropped me off at school. I stopped by the library to print out my lab for the day. Then went to work on campus. It was pretty dead.
Then I went to class. We had made wearable sculptures out of cardboard. I participated and commented on almost everyoneās piece. I was the last to go which was a bit nerve wracking. Mine felt somewhat inferior as other people had more complex and detailed creations mine paled in comparison, but wasnāt the worst. Mine was a rose cone you wear around your neck. It was meant to show how love could be suffocating, but people thought the flower looked inviting. The final product wasnāt bad, but it wasnāt what I had hoped for. Then I went to my lab it was easy so the class ended early.
My boyfriend wanted me to come over so I did. We didnāt see each other much over the weekend. He asked me to wait for him and I am just chilling with the cat.
We hung out he was feeling down so we just cuddled. He got triggered (like ptsd triggered) by me smelling like cigarettes which is odd cause mg friends smoke cigarettes but they only smoked around me outside. I had to wash my hair to get the cigarette smell out. His parents came home late since his mom had just come back from a trip. We had pizza together and it was pretty good. I donāt know if itās the meds change but I donāt feel so ravenously hungry anymore. Maybe Iāll loose the weight. Iām starting proactive too so letās see how that goes.
Anyway today was a good day might not spiral but who knows.