partycat

Silver took your words to heart. 

Really, you had only meant to tease him. Afterall, seeing him in a pastel colored uniform covered in silk bows and topped with large white rabbit ears was a sight to behold. However, all your playful taunts and the mockeries went directly over his head. Especially when you said, “You look dashing, Silver. Especially with that outfit, you almost look like a soldier.” 

A long time ago, there was a young prince of a kingdom now long gone. From the day he was born, the prince was betrothed to a princess born around the same time in another kingdom. Yet, the prince, Silver can't remember much. All that he can recall from his youth as a child, comes in the form of confusing memories in dreams he can't distinguish from fiction or reality. No longer could he remember the face of his mother or father, or even the voice of the one that bestowed this cursed on him. For so long all he knew was the water and the moonlight.

When he was still a child, for some reason he never knew or no longer can remember, he was cursed to become a swan. For centuries he remained on his own, unable to communicate with those he once knew and never able to tell anyone about the curse. For several years, at least a century, he remained an awkward little duckling that slowly grew to become a graceful white swan.

What appeared like would become an eternity of being trapped in this small feathered body, was soon interrupted and shattered by a demonic being who approached the lake on a moonlit night. An energetic and strangely friendly ancient demonic entity, who the swan prince treated kindly and approached curiously as he floated gracefully on the water's surface, because he held no prejudice against unholy creatures of the night unlike how most feared them. The demonic being was charmed by the small swan, and instantly recognized that there was a curse at play. Silver soon learned that his name was Lilia, and Lilia promised to help break the swan's curse with the assistance of an entity even stronger than himself.

Lilia would keep his promise, and Silver would be able to turn back into a human again, but not without the curse leaving its mark in the form of white wings and the permanent ability to transform back to his feathered form whenever he pleased.

He had no idea how long it had been or where else to go once he became human once more, so the demonic being named Lilia happily took him under his wing, so to speak, and claimed him as his own son.

There was something Silver never revealed to anyone, and that was just how lonely it had been as a swan. Then when his memories began to fade, he was without even memories to comfort him. The days and nights went by one by one, he wasn't able to keep track. He had no idea exactly how long he was stuck like that. Perhaps it's one of the reasons why Silver isn't exactly too fond of being alone, because it brings back memories of the one thing he can remember for certain: the loneliness.

So when he decided to visit the lake he once resided in for so long only to see you, a human peacefully lounging just on the grassy banks under the shade of a tree, he was intrigued. You were shocked to see a man with silver hair, otherworldly eyes softly gazing at down at you, wearing pristine white robes, and with white wings on his back. For a moment you swore it must've been an angel, this must've been a dream–– 

“Don’t you get it? I don’t like you like that Silver. I like you strictly as a friend, and that’s it. I’m sorry. I’m flattered, but I’m not interested. So you can stop, you’ve been trying different things for weeks. It’s not going to work.” 

Silver lowered his head in shame, looking down at the flowers he had collected from a field. A bouquet he formed with the help of the forest creatures in the woods behind campus. It sounded outlandish, but considering you’ve seen him asleep surrounded by tweeting birds and curious rabbits before, it wasn’t too unbelievable. For some reason this knight with the abilities of a fairytale princess had fallen for you. Yet no matter how many times you reject him, his mind always conjures some sort of delusion for him to believe in so he can continue attempting to gain your affections despite your continuous rejections. How many times has he tried again? You were beginning to lose count. This time was no different as he lowered his arms holding the bouquet and murmured softly. 

Rook was eccentric, that was probably the best way to describe him. Eccentric, still kind but sometimes unnerving either by his words or actions. Nonetheless, he adored you wholeheartedly.

It seemed wherever you went to escape his company, he would find you within minutes. Happily appearing at your side. It felt like a game of hide-and-seek, of cat and mouse, and you were pretty sure he knew, judging by the knowing glint in his eyes as he walked beside you in contentment. No matter where you run for a moment of peace, Rook will find you.

If you want a moment of solitude alone, all you need to do is ask, don’t you know that~? Rook is dedicated to carrying out your commands, and he’ll give you space… but he’s actually watching from afar. Don’t be so upset. As much as your various expressions are captivating to watch, he much prefers your happiness and lovely smile that sends his heart into a frenzy. Can you blame him? How could he, le chasseur d’amour, look away from you?

When you appeared to have calmed down and were satisfied with the time alone (but not really alone), he appears by your side and inquired if you would like more time in privacy. When you shook your head no and allowed him to stay by your side once again, Rook was delighted! Taking your hand in his as he sang your praises, “I thank nature for guiding me to you, for your divine grace illuminated my path back to you like the full moon lighting one’s way home!”

Silver was one of the calmest and most reasonable out of the entire cast. He had his moments too, always checking in on you and tailing behind you, but it was almost endearing. He wasn’t overbearing at all! In fact, he was rather considerate, always inquiring if you wanted him there or not, he knew how bothersome it could be to be followed by multiple characters throughout the day. Which is perhaps why you actually didn’t mind his company.

It wasn’t odd to see the young man with you, silently remaining by your side or engaging in quiet small talk. When Silver wasn’t concerned with Malleus’ safety, he was concerned with yours. He, along with Sebek, were the two knights-in-training that would serve not only the fae prince but you. Although it was the reliable Silver that got the ever loyal Sebek off your back whenever you wanted to be alone.

Silver understood wanting a moment of peace, it’s why he never wished to bother you when you wanted to be alone or why he always obliged when you asked for a few minutes of quiet in privacy. Which is also why whenever you did request his company, he couldn’t help but feel happy. You were asking for him, not the other way around!

Silver had a problem.

In your eyes, Silver was... strange. Kind, but strange. Perhaps that could be explained by his rather unique background, as a human raised by fae in a magical kingdom where humans were somewhat of an uncommon sight.

The poor guy was probably still trying to get used to being other humans for once in his life. Sure, Sebek was half human, but he hardly counted when he called most other mortals human in a way that sounded almost demeaning. If that was Silver's closest friend, it made more sense as to why Silver was downright peculiar.

You caught Silver staring at you, not just a measly once or twice that could be counted as a coincidence, but constantly. It was unnerving, and this feeling only increased as time went on. You first noticed it during a class on potions and their ingredients.

Instead of the board with the list of required supplies being written in chalk by Professor Crewel, Silver was staring at you. Immediately you followed your instincts once your gaze met his briefly, you looked away. You waited a few moments before you finally had the courage to glance out of the corner of your eye to check if he had looked away. He hadn't.

A normal person would have also awkwardly looked away just as you had, or they would have forced a small smile, but Silver did none of that. Your fellow human just kept staring, his expression stoic. Apparently, Silver was not normal.

In Silver's eyes, he didn't understand what he was doing wrong. Back home, certain fae would politely hold each other's gaze in acknowledgment before engaging in conversation. Why wouldn't you look at him? Was he doing something wrong? Did you not want to talk to him...?

This was more difficult than he thought. With fae, he could communicate just fine, but he wasn't so used to interacting with other mortals. He didn't want to scare you off... These worries caused him to toss and turn at night. Usually, he didn't struggle to sleep, but that night, he certainly had difficulty. It's why he ended up falling asleep during one of Professor Trein's long history lectures. Normally, he felt nothing but disappointment in himself when he accidentally fell asleep during class, but for just this once, he felt grateful for the incident.

In his dreams was you. Not some figment of the imagination, but the real you. You looked surprised and uneasy to see him during your class time nap, and he was just at taken aback. Without realizing it, he must've used his signature spell to enter your dream.

Even in a dream, especially one that wasn't his, he was a bit apprehensive to approach. After all, this was you dream, your safe space. He hadn't meant to impose. However, it seemed like dream you had no reservations about approaching him here.

"What is your deal? Do you have a staring problem or something?"

Silver was taken aback, because this might've been the first time you actually properly talked to him beside asking him to pass you a water bottle during Coach Vargas' classes. His eyes widened a fraction, and his voice went quiet, "P-Problem...?"

"Yes, a problem!"

At your exclamation, he winced slightly. You normally weren't so... vocal. Maybe being in a dream, whether you realized it or not, made it easier for you to speak your mind. Slowly he shook his head, "I don't think so... I apologize. Did I do something wrong?" As his throat felt dry, maybe, he realized, he really did have a problem. He normally wasn't so nervous in conversation, so why now did he feel tense? Why did it suddenly become so difficult to explain himself? "Oh. I think I did it again... Father mentioned how humans might have different mannerisms than fae."

The dream did not last long, not when Headmaster Crowley's sudden appearance jostled awake any dozing students.

As Silver blinked groggily, sitting upright as his eyes readjusted to the light, he caught sight of you on the opposite end of the lecture hall. He took notice as you jostled upright out of your nap, using the end of your sleeve to wipe at the drool at the corner of your mouth while pretending to act completely normal and totally awake under Lucius' judgmental gaze.

When your gaze met his, he forced himself to turn his head down. From now on, no more staring, he told himself. If he wanted your attention, he had to go about it other ways.

You had so many friends, human, beastfolk, mermen, and fae. It was admirable. He just wish he could've been part of that close-knit circle. He didn't know how to approach you. Cross staring off the list of options, and he was fairly sure you wouldn't understand other fae ways. It forced him to reevaluate his options. The only method that had worked was through dreams.

Silver couldn't stop thinking about how he ended up in your dream. How close he had gotten, how you had spoken directly to him, and how you met his gaze unabashedly. It seemed like his best option to get close to you.

So whenever he spotted you napping during classes or in a corner of the library when you were supposed to be studying, he allowed himself to falter. In the past he always strived to stay awake, but this time, he allowed himself to fall into slumber if you were near and unconscious. Each time was a gamble, seeing you in dreams wasn't always a guarantee, but it did work out most times. Lately, he's even taken up napping by the trees around Ramshackle, just to see you again and hope you might acknowledge him.

These past weeks, you've started to dread closing your eyes. It's like almost every dream you had, he was in them. Silver was there, watching from afar longingly, too uncertain in how to approach until you did, lingering close by your side until you awoke and it started all over again.

It was starting to get to the point where you were becoming paranoid, not wanting to sleep. And whenever you looked at Silver while awake? He was normal. As impassive and ethereal as per usual. At least, for some reason, he had stopped his staring but that was replaced by these dreams. Like most dreams, you couldn't remember the details, all you knew was that he was there. You'd recognize him anywhere with those silver silky locks, calm soothing tone of voice, and auroral eyes looking down at you adoringly.

How did one claim victory at a game? Well, it entirely depended on the game, the mechanics and the options. It should've been impossible to lose a mobile game that was primarily composed of the gacha mechanism and visual novels.

When you suddenly found yourself in the series of twisted villains in a prestigious school of magic, you found that it was much more complex than it appeared on screen. Especially when only you could see these small bars occasionally floating above people's heads. Bars which you recognized as affection meters, nearly all of them stagnant at a dull gray 0% when you first arrived. This was the hurdle blocking your way to an easy victory. Because how else were you to escape the game, other than complete it?

Situations became messier, when you didn't have a dialogue options between two mere choices. Add making good impressions and keeping a character's favor, to the list of quests alongside avoiding death by inky overblotted characters. By some miracle, you had increased the affection of the characters you met and interacted with to a healthy 5% or 10%, sometimes more. At any cost you wished to avoid getting in the negatives, because you did not want to find out what would happen then.

Sometimes, the numbers would drop dangerously close to zero, mainly when an overblot was occuring. Never had you realized how the visual novel failed spectacularly at portraying the utter horror of the overblotted in all their wicked glory. The black inky darkness leaking from them like tears or blood with those crazed unhinged looks in their eyes–– was the stuff of pure nightmares.

And yet the one whose overblot you had been dreading the most, the dorm leader of Diasomnia, was surprisingly docile as you dealt with others. However, you knew even when conversing with him, that you would one day witness him overblot and look like some ethereal but deadly fallen angel. So mentally you prepared yourself, while taking on the task of keeping up appearances.

Malleus' affection meter, was a good 20% and a friendly pink shade, quite the accomplishment you were proud of, considering the majority of the cast wasn't even at 15%. The Draconia heir was certainly someone you never wanted to see reach below zero, so you did your absolute best to appeal to him, even if he was quite intimidating at first with the way he stoically watched you complain about the least of your worries, homework and classes.

By the time you spoke to him about your troubles with the Ramshackle dorm and Azul, during what you knew was the Octavinelle arc, the prince's affection had sprouted to a 22%. When you went into more detail of the potential loss you could face, it went to 23%.

The next time you saw him, you were weary and antsy since witnessing Azul's break-down. If the blot of his tears had the magic to gather, it would've been enough to drown, you were sure of it. Even by that maniac look in his eyes, you're sure he would've purposely drowned you if he got close enough.

Throughout that charlatan's chapter, his affection meter had slowly been rising, dropping during the overblot like the tides only to rise once again by the end to a good 45%. This was good!

The last letters you received really unsettled you. 

The two were vastly different from each other. One made you question each and every move you ever made in the past and the decisions you would make in the future. The second was an invitation you would have to turn down. While you're certain that particular sender would never trick you purposefully, the others could and would use it as a trap if they knew you were there. 

Now you were contemplating asking the staff for more assistance if you had to venture outside. While you hate to bother them when they were busy enough as it was, you feared going alone anywhere now.  For tonight, you would remain within the safety of Ramshackle and avoid any nightly excursions for the time being. That meant ignoring the invitation you were extended. At least you weren't entirely alone. Grim was always with you. 

Speak of the little devil. It seems like first thing this morning, he had decided to dig through the fresh wave of letters that had arrived. “Hey, you know how you said we can’t go to the cafeteria because those weirdos got nothin’ better to do but follow you?” Using his sharpened claws, Grim tore into an envelope that held a coupon for a particular on-campus lounge. There was only one person in the entire student body who would use coupons for free meals at his own lounge as a way to tempt you into opening the letter. In a way, it worked, as the feline snatched up the carefully printed coupons and at the same time a letter fluttered to your feet. 

“Absolutely not.” You answered, earning a quick grumble from Grim until you reminded him, “We have plenty of food and gifts that everyone sent. You know I won’t touch it, so it’s pretty much all yours.” You didn’t need to tell him twice, because he immediately went to dig around the pile for something edible again which left you with the message that came with the coupon. 

The letter was folded neatly in thirds but the sheet was tinged tan, reminding you of rolled parchment that formed contracts. Thankfully, there was no dotted line where you were expected to sign away your soul. The contents were composed of smooth cursive penmanship, the loops and lines like waves on the water that became choppy the longer it went on. 

A quick glance confirmed that it did not begin with requirements or collaterals or legally binding statements. Just formalities spiraling into begging and reverting abruptly back to formalities. Droplets stained the surface of the parchment, just barely visible as they had long since dried. Were those tears…??

To my dear player, 

I must offer the most sincerest of apologies for all my transgressions! 

When I should have welcomed you with open arms as I once had, the malfunction of your vessel had rendered me into a rather… shall we say, unsightly, state. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I must confess this much if I am to gain your favor once more. And in that state I now realize that the anguish of the mere possibility of your absence being permanent had blinded me to your very real presence. 

Well, this is my heartfelt attempt to amend my egregious mistake! You are welcome to visit the Mostro Lounge at any time you like. These doors shall always be open for you! Through rain or shine, should you want for something then I will be here to offer it to you. You needn’t concern yourself over closing hours, for I will still serve you even if you arrive in the dead of night. 

Yes, I too realize that a coupon for a free meal could not begin to make up for the mistakes that were made. I know you believe so too, given how you have yet to respond to my previous letters or anyone else’s. It’s only a small part of the whole that I could offer you. Given the debts that are owed to me, I have the power to fulfill whatever you desire, my pearl. Perhaps you would want these letters from the others to stop altogether, or maybe you desire something simpler like walking out in the day without having to worry about unwanted company. Have I piqued your interest? 

I’m not just offering a free meal. What I am offering is a chance to have peace returned to you once more. The coupon is an invitation, if you will. I’ve heard you receive an abundance of those from those pathetic and desperate for your return. This is not like that. I know you would not accept those sorts of invitations, and you know me well enough to estimate that this is more of a business-sort of venture. Consider it, won’t you? Come by the Mostro Lounge at whatever time best suits you, I will be here ready to welcome you with open arms as I should have, and we can talk business. 

I’m certain something can be devised and agreed upon, a deal highly beneficial to both parties involved. Normally, I would not offer such a valuable proposition to most but you are not just anybody. My generosity is boundless, but my fondness for you is far greater than that. You are much more than merely my most valued client, which is why I dearly hope you accept my proposal. Even if it’s just to make use of the coupon, or you wish to berate me for my stupidity, I would still welcome you. 

I will always welcome you. 

Everything has been prepared for your arrival at a moment’s notice. Please, allow me to make up for everything. I’m begging you. 

I’ll do anything. I can give you more than free meals and a peace of mind. I can make everything go away, everyone bothering you will be gone! If you want a sense of normalcy, I’ll see to it that no one else approaches you! If you want protection, you needn’t even ask, I will protect you! Anything, just name it and consider it yours! Just don’t leave me. I need you. Don’t leave me alone. Please––

I hate this! I hate your absence. I can’t take it anymore. I need you here. Every time I try to see you, someone else gets in the way! Someone who doesn’t deserve you! Without you I feel broken, pathetic, desperate, everything I can’t stand being reminded of. You made me feel like I was worth something. Each smile from you used to make me feel like a million madol. Do you know how hard I worked just for a few spare seconds of your attention on me? When I thought you were gone for good, it felt like I was drowning. It feels like I’m drowning. You’re the only one who could help me so–– 

It brings me great relief just to know you are safe and well in Ramshackle Dorm. Know that a deal I offer between us doesn’t necessarily require a complex written agreement. For you, I can pen something in plain-language. 

For now, I will eagerly await your response. Octavinelle is always an option to consider should you need to escape the confines of the old dormitory. Should you take up my offer, I will keep a spare room prepared for you and Grim free of charge. There is much to talk about, so many things to explain and tell, so I implore you to keep an open mind. You won’t regret it, I guarantee it. 

Just one word, and I will be there to extend my benevolence to you, my dear. 

Readily at your service, 

Azul Ashengrotto 

A rip like the tearing of paper echoed in the quiet. As you look over your shoulder, you spot Grim with an envelope in hand. The envelope had been ripped open, and its contents were scattered all over the floor in little pieces. 

"Grim!" It just seemed like an unnecessary mess had been made. 

Immediately Grim frowned, dropping the envelope like he was caught with a jar of cookies. "It wasn't me! I just opened it! Whatever letter was inside came like that!" 

The envelope was rumpled and creased with the opening torn. While you're certain Grim had at least opened it, the other details may not have been caused by his paws. Especially the mess of contents inside, more pieces fluttered out as you took it and turned it upside down. 

The letter was more like a jigsaw puzzle, with the torn pieces scattered across the floor. Some parts were far too ruined, like extra pieces from an earlier draft that wasn't even meant to be there in the first place. Those pieces were practically shredded like confetti. What was left and legible revealed the careless scrawl of a message. 

Heeyyy, Player, 

You still scared of me? 

Is that why you've been shutting out everyone like they don't exist? Probably. It's probably why you'll ignore this letter. It's annoying, and I hate it, but as much as I would want to force you to listen, I don't know if I'd actually do that to you. Maybe. I dunno. Probably not, especially if you start crying or screaming. I want to have fun with you like I used to, not traumatize you for a second time. 

What am I supposed to do now with you cooped up in Ramshackle all day? Everyone is so irritating. Some are stupid enough to actually think you would accept us back if we grovel and apologize and it makes me want to beat some sense into them. As if some lame 'SORRY' can make everything okay again.

I'll say sorry if you tell me that's what you want to hear, but that won't change the fact that I'm not really sorry about everything that happened. I'm sorry it was you, that's about all I'll apologize for. Because really if it was an imposter and I got my hands on them, I totally would've done all those things I said I would. ALL of them. Not even Azul or Jade would have been able to stop me. Nah, I think Jade would have joined me. It was like our way of getting back at them for taking you away from us and from me. Oh, but I'll say I'm sorry for scaring you if that makes you feel better. That's something I do mean!

Everyone's been insufferable. Azul kept going on and on about trying to put on a positive front, but it sounded like he was five seconds away from either yelling at us or crying about you again. So, most of the stuff you've gotten from me has gone under his radar. It pisses me off when someone tries to tell me how I should interact with you. I still wish I could tell you all this in person. It'd be faster that way and so I make sure you hear everything I say. Azul probably keeps telling me that stuff because he knows I would chase you just so you listen. He's probably as pissed off as Jade and I are about everything but he's still a crybaby deep down...

I'm not mad at you, just so you know. I'm mad at everyone else. I'm mad at the whole world for putting us in this situation. Yeah, I met you, but it was all wrong. It wasn't supposed to go like that. The day I actually met you face to face was supposed to be fun, you were supposed to laugh and have a blast with me. We'd hang out with Jade and poke fun at Azul. But that didn't happen. I'm mad that I can't even see you anymore. You're literally here, and I can't be with you. 

Everyone else is trying to get your attention–

So why is it bad when I try to do it too? That's not fair.

The guys at Diasomnia get to guard your place and chase everyone away, the two in Ignihyde are acting all secretive, and those fancy Pomefiore people are trying to make themselves more shiny and pretty in case they see you. That's not even mentioning Otter's sad attempt at another party which is obviously gonna be a bust.

Everyone gets all mad when I try to see you. How is that bad? You should see them, you know. They wanna protect you so bad, as if they weren't also the reason why you're hiding all the time now. At least I'm not delusional enough to believe that you're not hiding from me too.

You know the only reason I haven't tried to beat up everyone is cause I know that'd probably make you more mad at me, right? I know Jade has thought about it too, especially when he stares a little too long at people we know for sure hurt you. The other reason we don't do it? Because we know the others probably feel the same. They probably want to beat us up too for how we chased you and everything. I don't blame them. The only thing stopping anyone from going after someone else is the thought of what you might think of it. It's crazy tense. I probably would've thought it was fun before, but not so much now. 

Although if someone does try to make a move like that, I won't mind. Nah, actually, I hope they do it. That'll get you upset at them and then you can see I'm not that bad. My bet's on Urchin or Crocodile acting out first.

Hey, hey, I hope you actually look at my letter next time. I was thinking about ripping this one up and throwing it away too, but next time, I'll definitely write and keep the letter in one piece to be the first one to tell you if someone starts fighting. And! I can even stop it if you want. Stop the fighting, I mean. It's not like it would be hard. Or even if you want someone punished for what happened, I can grab them for you. Even if it's me. I don't mind. I just want to see you again...

I'll keep an eye out. Okay, that's it. 

Byeeee 

Floyd Leech 

They came in a pair, the Leeches. The paper you had used to organize the shredded letter on, happened to be from the other Leech. 

The envelope was blue like the deep dark oceans at night. Its secrets under the surface were concealed by thin gray string tied with stems of what looked like an herb and a flower. At least it smelled nice, but you didn’t know exactly what it was. 

The letter was very unlike the previous one, as this one was wholly intact. The penmanship is tidy, not too over the top nor too muddled. It’s simple, and that’s what makes you uneasy. All the written letters before had any urgency clear as day by the lines or it was composed so flawless that you knew the writer was hiding something. With this one, you couldn’t quite tell at a single glance. 

Greetings Player, 

I hope this message finds you well. 

I offer my most sincere apologies for everything that transpired. You must think me a foolish vicious sadist. Well, that is an accusation I’m in no place to deny after the events you bore witness to. It pains me to consider what you must think of me, but said pain is not as strong as the ache I feel in my chest when my thoughts dwell too long on how miserable you must feel all alone. At the very least, I know you have Grim as good company. I’m a tad jealous. 

Do not be alarmed by this attempt at contact. I only wish to soothe your woes and serve you to the best of my abilities. That has always been my wish, although I have proven to be rather lacking. Apologies. Perhaps, I can be of assistance in other ways. I know of many intriguing happenings, if you would care to hear them?

It would be an honor to see you and tell you all that I know. This sort of information is invaluable, truly. As a gesture of goodwill, I will brief you on the happenings in my own dorm. I need not explain what Floyd is doing, as my brother wears his heart on his sleeve and is not one to beat about the bush. The dorm leader, however… Well, you are likely now privy to his true feelings as Floyd discreetly switched one of Azul’s first drafted letters from the trash for the perfected one he meant to send. As you can imagine, Azul felt particularly mortified when he discovered the letter was not able to be retrieved once sent. He’s in quite the state. 

The same could be said by most of those you are familiar with. They are in a state. This is not a fact you need reminder of. The repetitive attempts by many of them, peers from every single other dorm, I find to be not only in poor taste but particularly grating. It is not just impossible to ignore, but it would be irresponsible to not warn you. There is much more to be said about them but as much as I wish to share, I simply don’t have enough ink to write about the details in length. What a shame. The secrets I have learned are far better shared in-person, I assure you. If you require more intel, that can easily be arranged. 

As I imagine Azul has invited you already to Octavinelle, I personally feel that it would be far more convenient for yourself should I drop by Ramshackle Dorm for a visit. However, I am not so presumptuous to invite myself to your abode and safehaven for a cup of tea. It is still an option should you desire company that is not just Grim and the resident ghosts haunting the halls of the estate you call home. It must get dreadfully boring. That is something I can amend, should you permit it. 

Admittedly, I have been quite lonely without your company. 

These days without your warmth have been rather dreary. I find myself longing for your presence, but the mere mention of you does nothing but fuel these thoughts. 

It’s very troubling. The only sort of reprieve that would ease my suffering must be from you. And yet, I can’t imagine that you would entertain the mere notion. Once I told you how I would regard someone who had betrayed me. You likely view this entire situation as something like a betrayal. In that moment I failed to recognize you, I betrayed you. 

You would not wish the same suffering upon me that I would upon a backstabber. No, you are far too kind for that. Such a forgiving trait is one I normally think to be extremely unpleasant––forgiving may be the wrong word. You aren’t going to forgive me right away, if ever. I know I wouldn’t. I would inflict far more suffering onto anyone who crossed me. Nevertheless, despite knowing this, I still want to serve you. I wish to invite you on a hiking escapade so you might experience a change of pace, share with you the wonders of land that I have come to learn of, and teach you of this world you have found yourself in. These are valid offers that will stand and should be considered by you.

In a way, it feels like you are inflicting more suffering upon me with your continued silence. While I find some attempts by the others to be loathsome, I do understand their desire to be seen by you in some shape or form. 

I would rather stand before you and accept a torrent of unmitigated verbal abuse from your own lips than not be by you at all. Even the concept of being binded and drowned beneath the waves or electrically shocked sounds far more bearable than having to endure this continuously. Every moment like this is far worse than any sort of torture my imagination could conjure. Which is why I bid you to reconsider. My offer still stands, I still wish to assist you in any way possible. 

I look forward to your response. 

Awaiting your command, 

Jasmine. The scent of freshly ground jasmine tea leaves permeated the air, an attempt to cast a relaxing affect. However, it only had the opposite affect, as you knew enough to determine where the letter might've originated from. A vertical envelope sealed, with no wax seal or string to hold it shut. A perfectly normal envelope but labeled urgent.

Each word seemed so carefully planned, the ink creating coils and lines like woven fabric as if printed. It nearly felt too unnatural, from the formalness that spiraled into quick and rushed writing. After this many letters, you've picked up by now that the neatest ones likely have something to hide, but they likely got tired of hiding it. Pretty penned words and apologies in ink were used to conceal what the writer truly felt.

To the player,

Do not leave Ramshackle dorm tonight.

Mondays you visit Mr. S's Mystery Shop for the essentials. Tuesdays you sneak into the botanical garden. Wednesdays you spend time with Professor Crewel as he stays late to grade exams in the Alchemy Workshop. Thursdays you hide in the Coliseum as Coach Vargas rearranges equipment. Fridays you slip into the back of the library where Professor Trein is reading. Weekends you're either with Headmaster Crowley in the Hall of Mirrors or guarded in Ramshackle.

They know you leave Ramshackle at midnight. I just want to warn you. No one is supposed to be around at midnight. It should have remained a short moment away from the confines of Ramshackle, but, the same people you've been avoiding have heard about your nightly escapades.

I know I'm one of those people you're avoiding. Know that I'm not upset at you. I don't fault you for it. You've known my true nature for a while now, but you could realize that even I'm not twisted enough to stalk you and get your schedule all on my own. All that above? Information I heard. I don't approve of tracking you, not when you deserve to have peace and quiet if you want it. But I don't mind influencing a classmate or two with magic to hear what's going on inside each dorm when they're threatening your brief moments of peace. There's the obvious happenings, and the not so obvious ones.

That being said, you do know that I am willing to do what it takes to protect your space and to advance my standing above the rest. That's something I don't bother to hide around you. So, I'll tell you the happenings. The obvious that others have probably yapped about already... Malleus and his cohorts have taken up the task of guarding Ramshackle, so they know about your trips. Ignihyde is mostly quiet, but Ortho has been talking to Kalim a lot about "fun" plans to involve you in. Pomefiore maintaining their refined image to impress you when I doubt that it's all real.

The Leech twins have been particularly prone to violence recently, and Azul lacks his usual confidence although he tries to hide it. In Savanaclaw there's been multiple brawls because of the tension but Leona seems to be sleeping in more than before. Heartslabyul is as chaotic as ever, but it seems like they feel the most responsible for what happened. I've seen those two first years, Ace and Deuce, try to visit Ramshackle all the time but never get past the gate.

That's not all, but that's all I'll say about that for now.

I'm not trying to bother you, I can promise you that. I managed to put a stop to about ten plans Kalim was ready to set in motion just this week to grab your attention.

You realize what this is by now. I know you do. A warning from me, an attempt to redeem myself. Although "redeem" doesn't seem like a suitable word, because I don't really believe true redemption is possible. Not with what I allowed to happen to you. But I only care about myself, and you. No one else. So I don't care if their plans fail. In fact, I'm glad to tell you this, just so they won't see you.

Don't let them see you. They don't deserve it. None of us do. My advice to you: avoid your usual destinations for about a week or two. After a while, they'll start looking elsewhere. Give me a few more days, I'll start planting false rumors soon to throw them off. Like how you were spotted in the woods behind campus or the sports field. That will get them off your back for a while. If you plan to go to the cafeteria eventually for a meal, take the long way through the back. Hardly anyone goes that way. If you want a home cooked meal, let me know. I'll send something your way if you just ask.

One last warning. You're going to get a letter around the same time you'll get this one you're currently reading. It's an invitation from Kalim. Don't go. He's planning a surprise party with the exact people you're avoiding.

Anything you tell Kalim will eventually be told to others, you should know that. Anything you say to me will be kept a secret I will closely guard. If you want more information or greater details, something to be delivered since I imagine you'll be in Ramshackle for a while, or just desire new company for once... I'm here. Even if you don't want me, I'm here. With just one response from you, I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Tell me whatever you wish, and I'll see to it just to be back in your grace.

Awaiting your response.

Best wishes,

Jamil Viper

A chill traveled up your spine as you processed the message you just read. The window was right beside you, so you reached up to pull the string of the blinds, blocking out the sights in fear of someone watching through those very windows.

"Grim, we're going to have to take a rain check on our trip to the cafeteria tonight." Once you dropped the letter, you went window to window, closing and locking each one, pulling down the blinds and readjusting the curtains.

"Aww..." The feline watched in confusion as you moved around to check the locked front and back doors. Normally he would've immediately whined and complained about the canceled trip to the place with food, but he sensed your reemerging paranoia. Following you, his tail swished behind him as he walked on all fours. "What's with you? Was it something in that letter?"

Pulling on the door handle, you were only satisfied when it didn't budge. "Yes."

When you handed him the letter to read, his little paws grasped onto it and he handed you a second open letter that was unfamiliar. Sniffing the jasmine scented letter, Grim pulled away and plopped down with it. "I was reading that other one while you were distracted. It sounds fun and it would be worth going if they weren't crazy obsessed, you know."

Fun?

When you took a closer look at the letter Grim handed you, it was evidence that Jamil had told the truth in this instance.

Even from where you stood, you could make out the shimmer of the torn envelope forgotten in the living room floor feet away from where you stood. Grim has throughly torn through it, the exterior was white with a corner accidentally stained by black ink. The interior of the envelope shined like gold. Was it real gold? Probably not, but at this rate, anything was possible.

The letter was clearly perfumed, and each word was written far more casually than in other letters you had already read. Each word was written in clear black ink, and there seemed to be a doodle marking the end of every paragraph. There was a heart, a smiley face, and a star, just to name a few. Just by a glance, it didn't carry the same heavy content like the others did. There was only one person you could think of who would have written this.

Hi, Player!

You are invited to a celebration in your honor!

That's right. Tomorrow, at the Scarabia dorm, I'll be hosting a party just for you! There's gonna be every type of food you can think of, the best songs to dance to, and invitations have already been sent out. It's gonna be the biggest party this place has ever seen! I even imported some gifts from off campus to give you later. I'm sure you're probably wondering why throw a party after everything that happened, huh?

Well, I had two reasons. One, I wanted to use it as an apology. I'm sorry. I really really mean it. I know I keep saying it with every gift and letter I've sent you. I don't even have a clue if you've read the ones I sent before. I hope you've seen them. Did you at least like the bracelet I sent last time? It's real gold from my homeland!

The second reason was because I just really want to see you. Even if you just come by for a minute, just one dance or have one plate of food, that would be enough. It would make me happy. And maybe it might make you happy too? Jamil said it isn't a good idea, but its worth a shot! And really, we're all miserable without you. I figured that it would be a way to cheer everyone up, not just you and me. Right now, I think everyone could use a bit of festivity to lift their spirits. Especially you, and honestly, me too. Ever since you shut yourself in Ramshackle, everyone's been worried sick.

I hope you're doing better now! Admittedly, I still feel guilty about what happened. Whenever I think too much about it, I get scared when I imagine what you went through and what could've happened. I wish I could turn back time to when you walked into Scarabia and pretended to be someone else. My heart recognized you before my brain did, and I was too happy with you to even realize that the joy I felt in that moment was so familiar. It was familiar because I was with you, and I'm only that happy when I'm hanging out with you! I think about that day a lot, you know. But you didn't tell me it was you for a reason.

You were scared, weren't you? That's why you kept looking around so much back then. At first, I thought it was because you were curious of the dorm, but I was wrong. You weren't scared of me, were you? I hope not. You know I would never ever hurt you, right? Even when you were known as the "imposter," I didn't want to cause you any pain at all. I just wanted to ask: why? Why was this happening? Why had they caused Yuu to break down? Why were they doing it and causing us so much pain?

Because without you, we were hurting. Badly.

I was hurting, and I don't ever remembering feeling a pain like this. It feels worse than any sort of bitter poison or heartbreaking betrayal. I'm so, so, sorry.

I don't want to dwell on the past too much. It hurts to think about. I hope you'll be willing to at least consider forgiving me? It seems like a lot to ask, and I have no idea what you're thinking. I really want to see you, and hanging out again, and forget all this ever happened. But I can't do that, because I have to consider you, your thoughts, your opinion on everything.

Sorry, sorry, I don't want this letter to sound depressing. It's supposed to be an invitation! Everything's gonna be okay, it has to be. Soon, maybe, I'll get to see you again and everything will be right. I won't feel this pain in my chest anymore, once I'm with you. Right now, let me take this chance to just try and explain how much you mean to me... Uh, I never thought I would actually get this opportunity. It doesn't feel real. I don't even know if the right words exist that capture my emotions. Let's see... When I wake up in the mornings, you're the first thing on my mind as the sun comes up. When I fall asleep at night, you're all that's in my dreams as the sun goes down.

People think I'm too hopeful, too naive, when it comes to you. But I'm not! One day, I know we'll be together again, and we'll be happy! I'll get to just live beside you, the real you! That's been my wish ever since I've met you through your vessel, Yuu.

We're already halfway there! You're here, in our world, I've met you, I've spoken to you, I've been so close I literally touched your hand! Yeah, we messed up along the way, but we'll make up for it! All that's left is to earn your forgiveness, and my wish will have come true once you allow me to be next to you again! I'm so so close, and yet you seem so far away. Just out of reach, but I'll get there, don't worry. I'll make up for everything. All you gotta do is guide me. Tell me what you want. Please.

I'll check up on you soon, okay?

See you tomorrow,

Perfume. The carefully sealed envelope reeked of it, like the sweet smell of lavender with spice. The envelope containing the message looked like something you would find when getting an invitation to a ball or a wedding. The envelope was pristine, and the wax sealing it was done so perfectly without a single awkward edge.

It almost looked unnatural with how perfect it appeared. The thick beige parchment was cut evenly, and not a blot of ink strayed from the elegantly curved cursive words that looked like ribbons upon the page. Looks could be deceiving. It was beautiful, but as you might've already guessed, the interior didn't entirely match what was hidden beneath the surface.

To my darling player,

I am at fault and take full responsibility for my actions.

All I've ever wished for, was to admire you. You are the epitome of magnificence, divinity that I can only dream to one day achieve but knowing I will never truly reach. There's an otherworldly sort of allure to you, which drew me in far too close. Much like the man who enhanced himself with wings of wax, but flew too close to the sun so his wings melted and he met a terrible fate. You are the sun, and I was that reckless fool with fake wings.

I allowed myself to get too close, tainting your light with my imperfect presence. Your grace was the warm sunlight on my skin, when everything around me was a horrible darkness. To think, I attempted to put out that light. It was nearly diminished. For that, I should be burned. I'm sorry, so so sorry.

I've thought long and hard on what I could possibly say to you, what sort of response could be adequate enough considering what you mean to me and the delicate situation. It didn't take long for me to arrive to the answer: no response is fitting. It doesn't matter if I pen a letter long enough to rival the river of tears I shed, coat the envelope in gold and ink of silver, with a message that would have moved the seven themselves to weep. It does not change the betrayal that occurred. I betrayed the trust you gave me, and shattered it into millions of pieces. However, know that I'll be on my hands and knees piecing it back together again, even if the shards cause me to bleed, you are worth it.

The stabbing sensation on my skin would be nothing compared to the one in my heart that I feel when I consider the fact that you might despise me. There's nothing more I would want than to see your face, hold your hands and feel the warmth of your skin that's so unlike the coldness of your vessel. Requesting a meeting would be imperious, as I have no right to ask you of this. But if I could, I would love to see you and discuss what comes next, perhaps over lunch. This is just a thought, a wish of mine, but one you are not required to fulfill.

I'd love to believe that I know you and your vessel better than anyone else could even dream of understanding, but I know that is far from the truth. Even as I pampered and polished your precious doll, your secrets continue to escape me. Did you ever hear me, when I brushed and washed Yuu's hair? When I took their freezing cold hands and painted their nails? When kneeled down in front of them to polish their shoes? When I adorned the best luxuries of brand accessories on their body?

I would kneel down to no one else.

There was always this wish, a dream of mine, that one day I might perhaps one day get to pamper you. Not Yuu. But you. Is that a scandalous desire?

Your hands would be warm, and I would hold them as I file your nails. Your arm wouldn't be so rigid and mechanical, you could actually extend it as I slather a creamy scented lotion along your skin. And if you do desired, I could lift your head and apply lipstick to your lips... This is just the process I commonly used while your vessel was under my care.

Although, I would gladly take up the responsibility of nursing you back to health, or any other role you would give me. There are countless things I can accomplish for you. I commonly deal in potent poisons, but I can just as well deal in healing and comforting. I'm skilled in self-defense and various forms of magic, so I can be your companion to protect you from everything that would wish you harm. You know of my business in acting and singing, so even if you wanted nothing else I could be there to entertain or serenade you. I only wish to be with you again, even though I know I'm underserving. I'm selfish.

If you want nothing more, then I have to be satisfied knowing I was in your thoughts for a brief moment. A twisted part of me wants your mind to be plagued by thoughts of me, just as my mind and heart is full of you.

I have to remind myself, that by getting too close I risk being burnt. But, at this point, I do not care for my own safety. I only care for yours, and I do this to keep my sanity. I truly admire you so much, that I cannot adore you from afar behind a rope like sculpture in a museum. I have to stand nearby, inspect your beauty, polish you to a shine, and value you like the priceless treasure that you are. Should someone threaten to chip off even the slightest speck on you, forcing you through more suffering...

I will shatter them into a million pieces, to preserve your peace.

Yours,

Vil Schoenheit

The wonderful aromatic smell that filled your nose brought back some not so pleasant memories. The smell of the earth beneath your feet, the scent of dew collected on every still surface, but above all were fragrant tangs that immediately alerted you to any nearby presence of a student belonging to Pomefiore.

They had chased you through those deep dark woods, like a pack of rabid hounds tracking and hunting a poor wounded rabbit. Besides their shouts and footfall, their perfume gave them away. There was one in particular which you only caught a whiff of only when you had too closely encountered the dormleader. The scent of lavender and spice hit your nose, the same fragrance on the letter.

"That reeks! Burn it!" A certain feline hissed, covering his little black nose with his paws. You swore the fragrance was beginning to form a migraine at the front of your skull. If the smell was strong for you, it must've been much worse for Grim since he had a superior sense of smell.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, if the smell wasn't that strong and it wasn't the particular scent. Like vanilla or freshly baked bread. If that were the case, Grim might've insisted on keeping it or even be tempted to take a bite out of the sheet.

But it was lavender and spice. So the letter was tossed into a corner several feet away, left to an unknown fate that you would ultimately decide later. When you glanced back to Grim, you saw him holding and sniffing another letter.

For a long moment his sniffed the rolled up paper, his black nose twitching as he was likely just searching for another gift to claim as a snack. After a few seconds, he discarded it, sliding it over to you before he opted to dig through the pile like a raccoon digging into a heap of trash. "Meh, this one smells boring."

"Boring, huh?"

Boring wouldn't exactly be your choice of adjectives to describe this letter. It wasn't an envelope, it was a scroll tied by ribbon, attached to an arrow. An arrow, of all things, was likely the messenger for this message. Thankfully, this one didn't smell of anything. Even without a fragrance to match to a profile, the arrow was a dead giveaway.

Opening it up and using your hands to smooth out the curled edges, you blatantly ignored the wax seal over the ribbon. Once it was fully unsealed, a few single flower petals drifted down from the paper. Just another mess you would sweep up later and decide whether to dispose of it or not, like the first letter from the dormleader. For this one you were a pinch anxious. The sender was not like the others who came before.

Trickster,

It relieves me to see that you are finally safe.

To see you rest and heal in tranquility, nothing steadies my anxiously beating heart more than knowing you are sheltered. Well guarded by a trio of ghosts and the courageous feline Grim, I have no need to stress over your wellbeing with them acting as your valiant knights in shining armor! Although, I would also wish to join their ranks, blessed by your grace and fit to serve as your shield. However...

I am conscious enough to know that I am nowhere near fitting, no matter how much I may wish to reach out and shield you from every evil. In that most vital moment, I had failed to recognize you. I may have spared you from the sharpness of my blade, but I couldn't have guarded you from the suffering that was to come afterwards.

I'm so deeply and truly sorry. Many sleepless nights have followed, since and even before our first fateful encounter in those woods of the Pomefiore estate. Before our encounter, I was conflicted. I wanted to detest you, but I could not, I thought there must be a reason this was all occurring. I couldn't slumber peacefully, so long as I knew there was turbulence surrounding your beloved vessel. After our encounter, I couldn't get the vision of you fragile, frightened, and wounded, out of my mind. Raising a blade against you, who were a stranger shrouded in infamy, made my very heart stop.

Now I know why I was so unexplainably drawn to you. It was not due to the wild frenzy that overtook the entire campus, or a burning hatred to destroy, or even my own desire to discover answers I desperately wanted, although that last one may have played a role. The reason as to I was so enticed by you, a cunning 'imposter,' was because my heart recognized you. It must have been my very soul that pulled me towards you, and perhaps my own nature as well. My body recognized you, my heart and my soul led me to you, but I was blinded by my sorrows.

Throughout the few years I've had on this wonderful earth, I've seen countless peoples, and you are unlike any of which I've seen. In the places I've been, I have witnessed poetry be written by masters of literacy, melodies sung by the most angelic voices ever heard on a stage, and devoted worshippers in holy places kneel in solemn prayer. Somehow you as a single being, or entity, encompass all those elements into one. My aim is to admire beauty, and I see beauty in its finest form when I look at you.

I truly understand what you mean to me, and to others.

But at the same time, you remain a mystery. And I believe I'm speaking for all those who admire you when I say this. We could only dream of truly understanding you, when we only had Yuu.

So, I try to make sense of it all in what I do understand, in the beautiful things I adore that I associate with you who I cherish. In literature, music, photography, I see you in everything all at once. When I read poetic lines, I think I could share it with you. When I hear beautiful music, I imagine you might enjoy listening to the tune too. When I discover stunning sceneries, I plan to bring you there someday to share a moment with you.

Now, I can make sense of it. I understand how the poets of old felt as they penned the love and awe they felt towards the Fairest Queen. It's a rare sentiment that cannot easily be put into words, a feeling as if it held my delicate heart and squeezed when I so much as thought of you. When a song and its composer can bring an audience to tears, I understand that now too. Hearing your voice for the first time, formed a knot in my throat that prevented me from saying much. Catching that first glimpse of you, was like gazing at a perfect painted portrait hanging in a museum.

My dearest player, I am a Hunt. I am naturally inquisitive by nature, and my fondness for you comes just as naturally. You may consider it wrong, but I will continue to offer my loyalty even if you may not accept it.

My aim is to one day unlock your secrets, solve your mysteries, and understand you fully, learn what makes you tick and what drives you forward. Perhaps when the day comes when you've forgiven me for my crimes, I can proudly stand in your presence and recite the poems I have written in your name. I could admire you everyday from then on, and remind you everyday of your worth. Then, I will protect you, from all harm, and I will not allow myself to fail you once again. This is a promise.

Should you need me, I will be there.

Yours,

Rook Hunt

There was something that felt... off. Compared to some of the previous letters, these were rather tame. Of course, there was the desperation and fascination evident in their words captured by the ink, but it was nowhere near as extreme as other cases.

Although, it was still chilling, to read the thoughts they penned.

In your hand you held the arrow the letter had been connected to, feeling its thin shape and the sharpened head at its tip that nearly pricked your finger. The vice dormleader had excellent aim, and had he not been so kind, arrows like this one in your hand could've easily been driven through your flesh and caught you against a tree where you would've been helpless in their grasps.

And yet, despite the opportunities he had, he didn't let a single weapon touch you. All it would take was one arrow, one moment and he could've ended you where you stood. But he spared you. However, there's the lingering doubt that maybe the primary reason he did it was he hoped you had answers to the malfunctioning vessel. You couldn't be sure exactly why he spared you, when everyone had wanted to torment and imprison you or worse.

Beside you, there's a large crunch and a content purr. When you look over, there's Grim, happily munching away on an apple he held with his little paws. He sank his fangs into the fruit, content that he finally found an offering that appeased him. In front of him was a small basket, filled with more juicy red apples.

"These are great! And, even though I was the one who found them, I'll let you have some!" Grim picked up another apple from the basket, sticking his claws into the red peel and offering it with his little grin. Nevermind the fact that these were probably meant as a gift for you and not for him, but you didn't mind. They would have likely ended up in the trash anyways, at least someone could enjoy them.

"You should really have one. You haven't eaten all day."

"I'm not hungry, but thanks. You can have them." Ever since everything happened, you weren't too keen on accepting gifts, especially if they were consumable. For now, the only places you'd accept food from, was the cafeteria you'd venture too at the dead of night when no one was there, or Sam's shop.

In the spot of the basket where Grim had removed the apple, there was a white layer at the bottom of the basket. Perplexed, you reached in and found an envelope hidden by the piled apples.

Unsurprisingly, the envelope smelled of sweet things, apples, cinnamon, and freshly baked pies. The envelope itself was nothing special, it had no intricate wax seal or marking. It was loosely sealed shut by a brown piece of string, and covered in some white and pink apples blossoms.

The inside was less impressive, more authentic, which was refreshing in a way. Smooth cursive flowed into slightly choppy print scrawled out in uneven lines, before eventually returning back to cursive at the end of some sentences. It appears parts were rushed judging by the blotted ink stains at multiple periods. The apples were a clue as to who the sender may be, but why would the letter be hidden in a gift?

Dear Player,

If you're reading this, that means my letter got through.

Where do I even start? It seems right that I first say sorry. I'm sorry. It sounds like a load of bull, but I am sorry. Apologizing in all these other ways, won't make this any better, so, I thought this might help. I'm gonna be completely honest with you, no lies, no tricks, just the blunt truth. I'm not going to be showing you these pretty sides I polished to impress and to mask all the ugly. I'll tell you everything that's been going on. That's something only I have the guts to do.

The reason I hid this letter was because Vil and Rook have been checking anything I want to write to you. They want to keep up this positive front, they wanna at least pretend to be perfect enough to be near you. At least, that's what I think. Although I know we won't ever come close to that.

Instead of trying to write a real and honest letter for you, it feels like I was writing some essay for Professor Trein to grade. I'd have to write and write, and even if the grammar was right, the message wasn't. They want to make you think everything's okay, when it's not. I can only imagine what elegant crap they were spewing in their own fancy letters, while we're actually all a mess. We've been like this since Yuu broke down. I try to understand them, and in a way I do, but sometimes they freak me out. Yeah, I got my own problems trying to comprehend all this chaos, but they're different.

Is everyone else in the other dorms this extreme? This miserable and on the verge of breaking? Maybe you won't believe me, or maybe you'll realize that there's some truth to what I'm saying. Here, in Pomefiore, I can only tell you what I've seen. These days, Rook's smile seems strained, like he's about to snap, his eyes are sharp and watchful. The only time his smile is normal is when he's looking at some photo, but he won't ever let me see what it is. Vil, well, the only sign he's still alive and kicking are the packages that come in for him, new makeup and all that stuff, things he's using to craft that perfect mask. I did see him one night out in the hall, I swear there was mascara down his face but I was too put off to approach when he was like that.

Don't ever tell them I told you all this. Vil would probably skin me alive and wear me as a robe, and Rook... I don't want to think about what he would do... I'm kidding by the way, but seriously, don't ever tell them. I told you I would be honest to you, so here's my reason. I thought that maybe telling you all this would score me points with you, get you to trust me again. Even if this is a rotten way to go about it, I don't care.

I am rotten, and I won't hide it like them.

If I can't even be honest with you, then do I really deserve a second chance at all?

Scratch that. I don't deserve a second chance at all after everything that happened. What I did was downright terrible, but I'm trying my damnedest to be deserving again. And I won't stop trying, even if part of me thinks it's useless. I never cared for Yuu, the only reason I acted for them was because it was you behind them. My goal is to eventually be beside you, the real you.

Although, a basket of apples is a crummy way to go about things, but think of it like a peace offering. Just cause I can't get word to you, don't mean I give up. I'm not giving up. Ever. Everyone's going about their own roundabout ways of mending things. If you want to hear more, I'll gladly tell you. I don't think anyone else would tell you the truth of what's happening, because in a sense everyone wants to appeal to you with the best image of themselves they can possible portray. Don't believe all the hogwash they send you. If whoever sends something and seems to be stable, they're not. Not completely.

I'm awfully ashamed to admit it, but I'm not okay. Not since everything started, and not since everything went to hell when shit hit the fan. I'm not okay without you, and I got myself to blame for that.

This letter is helping. The thought of communicating with you again, even if I can't see your face or hear your voice and its reduced to words on paper, it's more than I could ask for. So, if you want me to spill the beans, just ask. If not, if there's no response, well, I'll get a bit of comfort thinking you might've read this. Besides, I have hope with each attempt I'll make. I'm not just rottenly selfish, I'm stubborn to a fault. And if I have to knock down someone else's chances to get closer, then that's fine by me.

All you gotta do is talk to me.

Until then, hoping to speak to you soon,