It’s been like…way too windy

Rejected Harry Potter Valentines — YEAR 2

(Last year’s are HERE and just as uncomfortable)

Here. Here. Here are some rejected Harry Potter Valentines I made today.

These have been tested and do not work.

It has come to my attention that most people don’t know this about Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and that’s a goddamn crime against humanity.

Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for nine months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to head. It wasn’t long after that that they gave up on being macho “no touchy” dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the morning they “couldn’t tell where one began and the other ended”.

That’s why they’re so cuddly today. They’re so physically close that it worried Frost’s fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn’t allowed to see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg’s wife has no objections to any of this. If it’s important to her hubby, who is she to judge.

Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to fuck each other, great, you’re going to have a lot of fun. If you don’t want to fuck each other, well, then nothing happens anyway.

Me: Yeah can’t wait to check out the Slytherin common ro-

Hogwarts Mystery: Of course whatever your house is you’ll behave like a Gryffindor in the storyline, but green robes hey!!

Me: Yeah why exactly are Merula and Snape after me if we all want our house to win the c-

Hogwarts Mystery: And did you see these character attributes you get to evolve and specialize in to your liking? Isn’t that neat? Bravery for Gryffindor, empathy for Hufflepuff, knowledge for Ravenclaw…

Me: Yeah what about a Slytherin attribute

Hogwarts Mystery: Don’t worry, we haven’t forgotten how cunning your house is! There’s a nifty side quest where you get to spend energy to vaguely discuss a plan to win the house cup in the most *cunning* way!

Me:

‘What about Ron magic?’ offered Ron. To Harry, Ron was a loud, slow, and soft bird. Harry did not like to think about birds.  

The pig of Hufflepuff pulsed like a large bullfrog. Dumbledore smiled at it, and placed his hand on its head: “You are Hagrid now.”

expectations: lord of the rings, elder scrolls, game of thrones, etc