Sammys (a) Girl

dean unknowingly broke the first lock and started the entire thing but nobody in-show or amongst fans carry the same energy for dean as they do with sam even though neither knew what was happening or even that a seal was broken until it was too late. 'dean let lucifer out' never heard of her.

and then! dean's torture of people in hell is never brought up but sam gets this thrown in his face years and years and years later (by dean multiple times no less) and there's still the convenient ignorance of everything else surrounding this; angels let 64 seals break in the name of the heavenly plan, castiel sat on the truth about lilith of a year and opened the door to the panic room to push sam towards ruby and lilith, dean's voicemail was altered to send sam over the edge, dean was held captive by angels to prevent him getting to sam in time, the plan of heaven and hell was to isolate and crush sam mentally so he'd see lucifer as a grace and say yes, lilith dying by sam's psychic abilities was NEVER the requirement so dean stating he and bobby would kill lilith while sam was locked up in the panic room means she could've died a different way with the same result.

Sam suffers from being queer-coded whether it was intentional or not there is something fundamentally wrong with him that almost no other character (especially Dea) can understand. Because Erik himself too is cishet (as far as I'm aware) he too doesnt understand his own character.

Sam is punished over and over again from casual SA, to constant shaming and guilting by his loved ones, angels and so on. Sam doesn't catch a break and with the addiction to demon blood in s4 and him breaking the last seal causing everyone to fucking hate him is soooo. Dean is allowed an addiction, dean's addiction is cool, its masculine, it shows how much he suffered in hell and by the hands of Sam and his father but Sam because sam wanted to feel powerful to gain some kind of control the show goes on to demonise (ironic i know) that addiction

Dean stans take Sams best qualities shoving them into thier destiel fics and forget Sam is canonically more emotionally matured than Dean. The show tells Dean to "let Sam grow up" but i think its the opposite. Dean doesn't know a lofe beyond hunting, Sam does. If anyone has to grow up and learn to let go i fear is dean. Cas helped Dean a lot but it's not fair to sam, which is like the whole point but oh well.

The whole thing w Gordon hating Sam for being devil spawn was so agonising because he genuinely starts to doubt himself he starts to doubt his own morals because everyone hes close to keeps whispering about how evil he can be in his ear. AND DEAN BEING AFRAID OF HIM MAKES THIS EVEN WORSE.

Sam definitely cried or cries himself to sleep at nighy wishing he was normal. The fact that he PRAYS AND THAT THE GOD HE PRAYS TO HATES HIM IS SO UPSETTING. Sam your catholic guilt is too big theyre going to kill you Sam Winchester.

His guilt is so immense i know he feels guilty for being alive. I know he stays up at night womdering what his life couldve been if he stayed with jessica. I cant imagine how lonely sam feels when he sees cas, dean and bobby interact. Cas and Dean have a special connection, Bobby sees Dean as his son theyre normal they dont have to deal with demon blood they dont have to be reminded everyday that theyre part monster.

I fear he envies Dean for that. That the angels trust him even though hes never prayed to them. That people worry and care for his wellbeing. Sam not really hes strong and can handle himself unless jes without dean. (Theyre each other saneness). Its so heartbreaking.

Fun fact by the way for all my non polish followers Sam in polish means hes alone and Samy means theyre alone. Polish Sam angst potential 😋🥰😍. His mother inadvertently calling Sam lonely, she knew his life would be a difficult one even if she hoped it wouldnt.