SammichBread @sammichbreadalmighty - Tumblr Blog

PINNED POST

idk what this is for I just felt like pinning a post

#pinned post #this post is pinned #oh how pinned this post is #I have never seen a more pinned post in my life #pinned posts are so hot #i ate a pin once #did y’all hear about that guy who ate 87 nails and 7 pushpins?#ehhh just kidding #i know that no one’s gonna see this post #i fucked a pin once #was quite fun #anyways unrelated but does anyone know how to get a small sharp metal object out of my rectum?#but actually tho that guy did actually swallow 87 nails and 7 pushpins #funniest shit i've ever seen

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ceruleanheaven

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

dragongirlsweetie

pro tip you can just grab a bunch of random parts from dumpsters and hardware stores and computer stores and just attach them together haphazardly and then put it in your suitcase and take it to the airport and get arrested pretty much 100% of the time

Scientists will classify Pluto as a dwarf planet because it’s more accurate, and then tell us to intentionally mispronounce Uranus like wtf do you want

#science #pluto #uranus

existennialmemes

Not to sound like a decrepit, rambling corpse about it, but back in my day Word used to be a pre installed program that came with your computer, if you were running Windows.

No subscription. Just program.

On your computer. You got to use it forever and ever and never had to worry about it going away.

Because it was physically on your computer. As a program. That you actually owned. Not because you got it separately, but because it was a standard inclusion with your computer.

I'm sorry but I'll just never get over it. I remember when companies cared about their products being usable out of the box. I remember when our things belonged to us.

Old man shaking fist at cloud, wherein the cloud is the background of the Windows 98 logo.

i-suggest-piracy

i have a suggestion

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thinking about how when I was like 7 my best friend said that all you needed to make a hoverboard in real life was

1. a skateboard

2. air

and at the time I thought he was stupid for this but looking back he was a comedic genius

#hoverboard #ops weirdly specific life event

talesfromthecrypts

I’m so good at video games

#inshallah they find him

shetheyslain

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

oupyfactory

maybe the single funniest twitter comment I've ever seen

#twitter moment

i desperately need more people to use this as a figure of speech PLEASE

#microwaving metal bowls

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do you think fish have politics?

#fish

charlataninred

Character duo where one *remembers I don’t like fitting characters into trope boxes* is a completely fleshed out and realised person *remembers treating characters as real people and not story devices written with intent is bad* who is written by the author and *remembers death of the author* uh. And *fumbles and drops my pile of queue cards* ah fuck wait no *the menacing horse* what was that.

#REAL

I hate it how sometimes I’ll see a post on here that makes me mad and then I’ll be mad for a little bit and then keep scrolling only for Mr Tumblr to come along and say “oh hey I saw you kept that post on your screen for more than usual, do you want More Of That™?” And then that keeps happening so now my dash is just shit that makes me angry.

#Atp I rarely even use my dash I just post when I think of something to post and then close the app #tumblr

the-grassy-hill

im NOT feeling shrimptastic im going to KRILL myself

#it’s like i don’t have free krill

Been thinking about yoshi reproduction lately (don’t ask) and I think I have a theory:

So we all know that yoshis come from eggs, right? And we also know that yoshis will produce eggs immediately after ingesting anything substantial, with the egg containing whatever they ate.

Well I think that maybe when a yoshi grows old and dies, another yoshi will come along and swallow their corpse, and the egg that results will be one with a new baby yoshi inside.

I assume this process could lead to twins, triplets, etc. because otherwise the population would remain stagnant and slowly decrease over time as yoshis die without a recoverable body, eventually leading to extinction.

#super mario #mario bros #mario #yoshi

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In order to translate the series “open air” formula to the big screen, the live action Legend of Zelda movie will be divided into 30 three minute parts, the order of which will be blindly voted on by the audience before each showing.

#the legend of zelda #tloz #legend of zelda #legend of Zelda movie

We need to be able to bold or italicise emojis

🥹

Like imagine this but harder and cooler

#emoji

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