charlie :)

The movie had been Alexia's idea mostly because neither of you had the energy to do anything else.

You'd ordered food, neither of you had really tasted it, then somehow ended up stretched across opposite ends of the sofa while a film played in the background neither of you were paying much attention.

The events of the day had left you both drained, at one point Alexia disappeared and returned with a blanket, without a word she shook it out and pulled it over herself.

You barely reacted, still staring vaguely at the television, a few minutes passed, then you shifted, Alexia didn't think anything of it. Until suddenly you were moving closer, seeking out the warmth beneath the blanket.

You lifted the edge, slid underneath, then settled beside her close, very close. Alexia froze, because apparently your definition of sharing a blanket and her definition of sharing a blanket were very different things.

You tucked yourself into her side naturally, like it wasn't a big deal, like it wasn't doing catastrophic things to her ability to think. Your head found her shoulder, one arm loosely across her stomach eyes still on the television, completely oblivious.

Alexia, meanwhile, was trying very hard to remember how breathing worked, because you'd never done this before, not without Olivia wedged between you.

Her arm hovered awkwardly, half raised, half frozen, she was painfully aware of every point of contact. The weight of your head, the warmth of your body, the smell of your shampoo, the way you seemed completely comfortable.

Eventually, very carefully, she let her arm settle across your back, it was tentative, giving you every opportunity to move away if you wanted to.

You didn't, if anything, you shifted slightly closer a tiny unconscious movement seeking comfort, nothing more.

The simple trust in it hit Alexia harder than she'd expected, you let out a slow breath, the kind people made when they were finally relaxing after a terrible day and without even looking up, you murmured, "Thanks for staying."

Alexia's chest tightened, because she knew you weren't talking about tonight, not entirely.

You were talking about everything, she looked down at the top of your head, at the exhaustion written into every line of your body.

Then tightened her arm slightly, just enough for you to notice, "Always."

The answer came quietly, before she could stop herself.

You didn't seem to think anything of it, just hummed softly in acknowledgement.

Your eyes already beginning to droop, the movie continued playing, Alexia found herself staring at the television whilst being completely unable to remember a single thing that had happened on screen for the last twenty minutes. Because all she could think about was the fact you were curled against her side.

You must have drifted off not asleep, not fully awake either, just existing somewhere in between. The movie was still playing quietly when a cry crackled through the baby monitor, both of you stirred immediately.

Alexia looked down the hallway but you were already moving, "I've got her."

Alexia nodded, reluctantly letting the warmth disappear as you slipped out from under the blanket. A few minutes later you returned, Olivia was tucked against your chest, one fist tangled in your shirt, her face scrunched with the lingering unhappiness of a toddler who had briefly woken up and decided she hated it.

The second she spotted Alexia she lifted her head, "Aaaale."

Alexia immediately smiled, "Hola, guapa."

Olivia reached, demanding and insistent. You laughed quietly, "Apparently she has a favourite."

Alexia looked entirely too pleased about that, you crossed the room and carefully transferred Olivia onto her chest.

The toddler immediately settled, curling into Alexia like she'd found exactly where she wanted to be.

"There we go."

Alexia adjusted the blanket around her, one hand rubbing slowly up and down Olivia's back.

You dropped back onto the sofa beside them, pulling the blanket over yourself again, Olivia was lying on Alexia facing you now once again fighting sleep.

Still determined to stay awake despite the fact she could barely keep her eyes open.

You reached across automatically, your hand settling gently on top of her head, the familiar motion began immediately, your thumb stroking softly across her forehead back and forth.

The movement was almost automatic by now, one of the first things you'd discovered after the accident, it was one of the very few things that worked every single time.

Olivia's eyes immediately started getting heavier, another stroke, a slow blink, another, her tiny hand loosened where it was gripping Alexia's shirt.

You continued shushing softly, the same quiet rhythm you'd used hundreds of times before. Alexia watched you, the way your entire expression softened around the toddler and how your thumb never stopped moving.

The patience and gentleness, the complete instinct with which you cared for her. It still amazed Alexia sometimes, because this wasn't supposed to be your life.

None of this was and yet you'd stepped into it without hesitation, even when it had nearly broken you.

Olivia's eyes finally slipped closed, you kept going, a few more strokes, making sure.

Alexia smiled softly, "She's asleep."

You looked at Olivia, then at Alexia, then back at Olivia, "Maybe."

Alexia laughed quietly, "You don't trust her."

"I absolutely do not."

As if hearing her cue, Olivia's eyes opened briefly, both of you froze, the toddler blinked once, then immediately fell asleep again. Alexia pressed her lips together to stop herself laughing, "I stand corrected."

You smiled, still running your thumb gently back and forth but eventually that slowed. The three of you bundled together beneath one blanket, the movie had long since become background noise, neither of you were watching it anymore.

Olivia was sprawled across Alexia's chest, deeply asleep now, one tiny hand wrapped around your finger where it stretched across the gap between you.

Every now and then she'd twitch in her sleep tightening her grip, then relaxing again. Alexia smiled down at her, then glanced at you, "I've not had chance to ask about your date with Kika."

You hummed, there wasn't really much to tell, "It was nice."

Alexia waited, "And?"

You shrugged, "And nothing."

That got her attention, "What do you mean nothing?"

You smiled slightly, "Kika's lovely."

"She is."

"She's funny."

Alexia nodded, "Very."

You looked down at Olivia, "I think that's kind of the problem."

Alexia frowned, "What do you mean?"

"She reminds me of Sofia."

Understanding immediately crossed Alexia's face, "Oh."

You nodded, "Not exactly. But she's got that same energy. The same way of filling every bit of silence and making people laugh." You smiled softly, "Half the date I kept thinking about Sofia making the exact same stupid jokes." Alexia was quiet. "And that's not fair on Kika." Because it wasn't.

Kika deserved someone who was seeing her, not constantly being reminded of somebody they'd lost.

"She was incredibly sweet about it though."

"That sounds like Kika."

"Way nicer than she needed to be."

Alexia wasn't remotely surprised by that, Kika was many things cruel wasn't one of them.

Eventually you sighed, "To be honest." Alexia glanced over, "At this point I'll just be happy being on my own raising this little one with you."

Alexia's chest tightened, you sounded so matter of fact about it, like you'd already accepted it.

"It's been so long since I've had sex it probably isn't even done the same anymore."

Alexia immediately laughed, a hand flying to her mouth to stop herself waking Olivia, "Don't be daft."

You grinned, "I'm serious."

"It hasn't."

"You don't know that."

"I do." You rolled your eyes, Alexia was still smiling, "And you can't put your entire life on hold because of Olivia." Her voice softened, "Sofia and Marta wouldn't want that."

You hummed quietly, "It's finding the time."

"You should've just had one night with Kika." You stared at her, the audacity, Alexia merely shrugged, "I'm always free." She gestured vaguely toward Olivia. "You do me enough favours switching nights for me and stuff"

Alexia fully expected you to react badly, or tell her to shut up or throw a cushion at her, instead your eyebrows rose a slow smile appearing. Alexia immediately looked suspicious, you pretended to think about it. "So I switch nights so you can run around town with your little models."

Alexia breathed out a laugh.

"And I get the sloppy seconds?" Her eyes widened, "It's really tempting." You nodded thoughtfully, "Very generous offer." Alexia was trying and failing not to laugh, "But. I think I'll pass, thanks."

The sarcasm was impossible to miss, Alexia laughed so hard she nearly woke Olivia. The toddler stirred, both of you immediately froze, silence.

A few seconds passed, Olivia sighed dramatically in her sleep, then settled again. You both exhaled, then started laughing all over again, quieter this time.

Neither of you noticing how naturally the evening had become something neither of you would have imagined a few months ago, just the three of you, under one blanket, talking nonsense while Olivia slept between you.

🍼

The aquarium hadn't been a planned outing, most of them weren't anymore. Somewhere along the way, spending time together had become normal, not handovers or discussions about schedules and childcare.

Actual time together.

You'd take Olivia to the park, Alexia would text asking if you wanted company, sometimes you'd end up at a café, or the zoo, or nowhere at all. Just sitting in the apartment while Olivia turned the living room into a health and safety violation.

The three of you had slowly slipped into a routine one that neither of you seemed particularly interested in questioning.

Today's outing had been caused entirely by Finding Nemo, specifically Olivia's reaction to Finding Nemo. She had sat through the entire film without moving, making a sound, or attempting to climb either of you.

Just staring at the television completely captivated, by the end Alexia had laughed, "I think we need to take her to see actual fish."

So after training, you'd picked Alexia up, Olivia happily baby babbling in the back and ended up at the aquarium.

The pushchair remained completely empty, because Olivia had no chance in being in it. Instead she was perched comfortably in Alexia's arms, one arm wrapped around her neck, tiny trainers kicking gently against Alexia's hip.

Alexia carried her the entire way around, past sharks, jellyfish, stingrays, reading every information board to her she came across completely seriously, "...the giant Pacific octopus has three hearts."

Olivia stared through the glass absolutely fascinated.

Alexia nodded, "I know." Like they were having a genuine conversation.

You walked a few steps behind them, pushing the completely unnecessary pushchair, phone in hand occasionally snapping pictures.

Mostly because the sight was ridiculous, at one tank Alexia spent five full minutes crouched down so Olivia could watch a clownfish.

"Look." She pointed, "That's Nemo."

Olivia immediately smacked the glass.

Alexia looked horrified, "We don't hit Nemo." The toddler did it again, you laughed and Alexia shot you a look, "Don't encourage her."

You shook your head, still smiling as you lifted your phone capturing another picture. Alexia didn't notice she was too busy explaining fish to a thirteen month old.

And that was becoming the problem, a serious one, because you'd always thought Alexia was attractive. That had never been the issue, the issue had been everything else. The confidence, the flirting, the reputation.

The way she seemed able to charm absolutely anyone, the smooth talking. The version of Alexia you'd met years ago who always seemed to have something to say. You'd never trusted it, never particularly liked it either.

Somewhere along the way you'd started seeing other things, the woman who sat up all night with a sick toddler, who read bedtime stories using different voices. The woman currently explaining fish migration patterns to a child who couldn't understand a single word she was saying.

Alexia looked over suddenly, catching you staring, "What?"

You immediately looked away, "Nothing."

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, "You took another picture didn't you?"

"No."

"You absolutely did." You smiled so Alexia groaned, "I look ridiculous."

"You do."

"Delete it."

"No."

Alexia pointed at you, "You have hundreds."

You checked your phone, "Two hundred and fourteen."

Alexia looked genuinely offended, "That's insane."

"She won't remember any of this, it'll be nice for her to look back on"

You glanced down at the newest one, Alexia standing in front of a huge aquarium window, Olivia tucked securely against her side both of them watching a school of fish swim past, neither aware they were being photographed.

Your chest tightened unexpectedly, because the picture looked like a family and that thought should have been alarming, instead it just lingered. The worst part was you weren't entirely sure you wanted it to go away.

Ahead of you, Alexia pointed excitedly at something in the next tank, Olivia immediately copied the gesture. Both of them looking equally thrilled, you laughed quietly to yourself, then followed after them.

Trying very hard not to think about why seeing this side of Alexia was becoming harder and harder to ignore. The problem was that it kept getting worse or better depending on how you looked at it.

Every time you thought you'd finally figured Alexia out, she'd do something that completely ruined your carefully constructed opinion of her.

Like spending forty five minutes helping Olivia feed ducks because the toddler had become emotionally invested in one specific duck.

Or reading the same bedtime story six times because Olivia kept pointing at the cover and demanding it again.

Or sitting cross legged on the living room floor building block towers only to act genuinely devastated when Olivia knocked them over.

You'd always assumed Alexia's confidence came from arrogance, now you realised most of it came from certainty. She knew who she was, what mattered to her, who mattered to her, there was a difference a huge one, annoyingly, the more you saw it, the harder it became to ignore how much you liked being around her.

The aquarium wasn't a one off. Neither was the zoo or the picnic that ended with all three of you getting caught in the rain.

Or the Saturday afternoon spent wandering around a bookshop because Olivia had discovered books with flaps and Alexia insisted on buying her half the shop despite having no where for them.

Along the way, your favourite part of the week had become the days Alexia was around. You caught yourself looking for her, texting her, thinking about things you'd tell her later and that was dangerous.

Attraction was one thing, you'd always found Alexia attractive that wasn't exactly breaking news. The woman looked like she'd been designed by an artist with unrealistic standards.

The problem was everything else the way she made Olivia laugh, she remembered things, she'd started quietly picking up your favourite coffee whenever she grabbed one for herself. The way she always noticed when you were struggling before anyone else did, how she'd stayed after the hospital.

You were falling for her, slowly and reluctantly, completely against your better judgement and absolutely nobody could know.

Especially Alexia, because the second half of the equation made the whole thing ridiculous.

You knew Alexia the woman who could walk into a room and have three people flirting with her before she'd sat down. Who'd spent years being linked to models, influencers, actresses and women who looked like they belonged on magazine covers.

You remembered conversations from dinners years prior, Alexia grinning shamelessly, never remotely embarrassed about how open she was. The kind of confidence you'd never possessed.

Meanwhile you were you, a doctor who spent half her life covered in bodily fluids, perpetually tired and frequently stressed. Most of your wardrobe consisted of scrubs, hoodies and clothes covered in mysterious Olivia related stains.

You couldn't even remember the last time you'd gone on a proper date, the comparison wasn't exactly flattering. So every time your brain wandered somewhere dangerous, you shut it down immediately.

Because there was no point, Alexia wasn't interested in you. Why would she be? The thought didn't stop you noticing things though.

Like the way her eyes always found you in a room, how she smiled differently around you than other people, or how often she chose the apartment over her home lately.

Those observations got firmly shoved into the same mental box as every other hopeful thought, they were ignored, dismissed and forgotten, or at least attempted.

The irony being that Alexia was currently having almost exactly the same problem, because from where she sat across the living room, watching you help Olivia colour on a giant piece of paper spread across the floor, she couldn't understand how you didn't see what everyone else saw.

The kindness, patience, the intelligence. The fact you'd changed your entire life for a little girl who wasn't yours without ever asking for anything in return.

Alexia thought you were extraordinary and thought you could have anyone you wanted.

Somewhere in the middle sat Olivia completely unaware that the two adults raising her were slowly making themselves miserable by assuming the other one could never possibly feel the same way.

🍼

The weekly shop had somehow become another thing you and Alexia did together, it started because buying groceries with a toddler was a form of psychological warfare neither of you wished to undertake alone.

Then even when Olivia wasn't with you, you'd both kept doing it, today Olivia was at day care, just for the morning. Something you'd both agreed was important as much as she loved spending time with you and Alexia, she needed other children, other adults. A world bigger than just the two people raising her.

So while she finger painted and terrorised nursery staff elsewhere, you and Alexia were attempting to buy enough food to survive the week.

Attempting being the key word, because Alexia had disappeared three aisles ago, again.

You weren't even surprised anymore, one minute she'd been beside you the next she'd remembered something essential that wasn't on the list and vanished leaving you standing in front of a baking display.

You picked up a cake decorating kit turning it over, reading the back. It looked messy it was almost guaranteed to end with icing in Olivia's hair.

You smiled to yourself already picturing it then voices drifted down the aisle. "Alexia?"

A woman's voice warm, surprised, you didn't look up instead studying the cake box with suspicious concentration. Absolutely not eavesdropping. Not at all.

"Oh, hi." You heard Alexia laugh softly, the kind of laugh she used when talking to strangers.

"How's your aunt?"

Your attention sharpened immediately, this wasn’t a fan, "She's good." Alexia sounded genuinely relieved, "She's home now thankfully."

"That's wonderful."

"Yeah. She's still got a way to go but she's on the mend."

You smiled at the news, then continued pretending to read ingredients, there was another pause, then the woman laughed. "You owe me a dinner."

You kept staring at the cake mix very intensely reading the ingredients for the fourth time. "Oh." Alexia sounded sheepish, which was unusual. "You're right."

"You promised you'd rearrange when you called from the hospital.”

"I know."

"A text would've been nice."

"You're absolutely right." Alexia's tone was smooth, comfortable, confident, the version of her that had always irritated you, the woman who could charm her way out of trouble, "That's entirely my fault."

"Mhmm."

"It is." You could practically hear the smile in Alexia's voice.

"You disappeared on me." The woman sounded amused rather than annoyed.

Alexia groaned, "I know."

"You do know it's been nearly two weeks?"

"I've been a little distracted." You could hear the smile in Alexia's voice now, the one that always seemed to work on absolutely everyone.

"A little?"

"A lot."

The woman laughed. "That's still not an excuse."

You rolled your eyes, if you're aunt nearly dying wasn't an excuse that what would be? "No." Alexia sounded completely unbothered by being told off, which somehow was even more annoying. "It isn't."

You rolled your eyes at the cake mix, there she was the version of Alexia that had always gotten on your nerves, the smooth talker, the flirt. The woman who somehow managed to charm people even when she was clearly in the wrong.

"So are you actually going to text me this time?"

"I will."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

The woman laughed again and somehow, despite being completely in the wrong, Alexia had already managed to have the woman laughing too.

The conversation drifted onto other things before eventually ending, goodbyes exchanged, footsteps approaching. You immediately became fascinated by nutritional information again. Alexia appeared at your side carrying three things that definitely weren't on the list.

"You found anything good?" You held up the cake kit, Alexia smiled immediately, "Oh."

"I thought it might be fun."

"It'll be chaos."

"Absolutely."

Alexia nodded approvingly, "We should get it."

You placed it in the trolley trying very hard not to think about what you'd just overheard, because the thing that stuck with you wasn't the flirting, or the effortless charm. Or even the fact Alexia quite obviously still had a date waiting for her if she wanted it.

It was the realisation that she'd cancelled that evening because of you, not because she had to or because Olivia needed her, but because you'd admitted you didn't want to be alone and she'd chosen you.

Chosen sitting on your sofa, helping with bath time and chosen staying until you felt okay again, over, from your purely uninformed guess, guaranteed sex.

Your chest tightened unexpectedly, because that warm feeling was immediately followed by reality. The woman she'd been talking to was beautiful, confident, funny.

The sort of woman Alexia always dated, not you, it would never you. You shoved the thought away picking up a packet of sprinkles and followed Alexia to the next aisle.

Trying very hard not to think about why the knowledge she'd cancelled a date for you had affected you quite so much.

🍼

The apartment felt oddly quiet like something was missing.

You sat curled into one corner of the sofa, half watching some television programme that had been on for nearly an hour without you retaining a single detail.

On the floor, Olivia was happily entertaining herself, or trying to, every few minutes she'd look up, "Ale?"

You smiled, "She's not here, baby."

Olivia looked around, confused, then returned to stacking blocks. Thirty seconds later, "Ale?"

You glanced down, "Nope."

Another block, another minute, "Ale?"

You laughed, "Still not here."

The third day of Alexia being away had apparently become unacceptable at least according to Olivia.

The toddler stood, looked around the apartment again as though Alexia might suddenly materialise from behind the television, and frowned.

"Ale."

You put your head back against the sofa, "She's playing football in Italy baby."

Olivia considered that, then immediately asked again, "Ale?"

You sighed, "Honestly, same. I miss her too."

The words slipped out before you could stop them, the admission made your chest feel oddly warm. Olivia immediately nodded as though you'd finally understood the problem.

The second you'd said it, you realised it was true. You missed her.

Not just because she helped with Olivia or because things were easier when she was around.

You genuinely missed her, the stupid comments, the way she'd somehow become the first person you texted when something funny happened.

Your stomach did something strange, you ignored it.

On the floor, Olivia's bottom lip started wobbling. "Oh no." You immediately sat forward, "No, no."

The wobble intensified, you scooped her up before the tears arrived.

"I know." You settled her onto your hip "Shall we FaceTime her?"

Olivia's entire face lit up you grabbed your phone completely for Olivia's benefit obviously entirely for Olivia.

The fact you'd checked twice earlier to see if Alexia had messaged was irrelevant and spent most of the evening wishing she was sat beside you on the sofa was also irrelevant.

You pressed call, expecting a delayed answer, or no answer at all, instead the screen immediately connected.

Alexia appeared almost instantly, still in her training kit sitting cross legged on the bed in her hotel room.

The second she saw the screen her face brightened, "Hola."

Olivia gasped, "ALE!"

Alexia laughed a proper laugh, the kind that made her eyes crinkle. "Hola, princesca"

Olivia immediately started bouncing pointing aggressively at the phone as though worried Alexia might not have noticed she was there.

"I can see you."

More bouncing from Olivia whilst you found yourself smiling just watching them.

Alexia's attention shifted to you, "Hi."

The simple greeting shouldn't have affected you as much as it did, it really shouldn't, yet somehow it did, "Hi."

Something softened in her expression, the kind of look that lingered half a second longer than it probably should, "You okay?"

You nodded, "Yeah."

Alexia narrowed her eyes, not buying it.

You rolled yours, "I'm fine."

"Mm."

Olivia immediately shoved her face directly against the screen, Alexia laughed again, the sound filling the living room and the apartment didn't feel quite so quiet anymore.

For the next twenty minutes Olivia gave Alexia a detailed update on absolutely everything she'd done that day, mostly in a language only toddlers understood.

Alexia listened seriously as though every single word made perfect sense and while Olivia talked, you found yourself doing something you hadn't intended.

Just watching Alexia, watching her smile and laugh, watching her sit in a hotel room thousands of miles away and somehow still feel like home.

Which was a dangerous thought, a very dangerous thought indeed.

🍼

"No."

Alexia sighed dramatically, "You haven't even thought about it."

"I have."

"You haven't."

"I have."

She folded her arms, "Your answer was too quick."

You looked up from Olivia's dinner, "My answer is still no."

"Oh, come on." Alexia leaned against the kitchen counter, "It's a home game."

"I know."

"It'll be fun."

You shook your head, "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why?"

You opened your mouth, then closed it again, because you didn't actually have a reason, not one you could explain, "I just don't."

Alexia watched you for a moment, then changed tactics, "Olivia." The toddler looked up from enthusiastically smearing mashed potato across her tray, "Do you want to come and watch Ale play football?"

Your head snapped up, "Alexia."

Olivia clapped, Alexia grinned smugly, "There we go."

"She'd clap if you asked if she wanted to pay taxes."

"Still counts."

It took another week, three more conversations, two accidental guilt trips from Alexia and one very cute picture of Olivia in a Barcelona shirt until eventually you gave in.

🍼

The atmosphere was unlike anything Olivia had ever experienced, she spent most of the warm up staring around the stadium with wide eyes.

Occasionally clapping because everyone else was, she wore tiny ear defenders, a Barcelona shirt that drowned her and sat happily on your lap throughout the match.

The final whistle blew, Barcelona won comfortably, before you'd even thought about leaving, Alexia was jogging across the pitch still breathing hard, hair damp with sweat.

The biggest smile on her face, "There she is."

Olivia squealed, "ALE!"

You barely had time to stand before Alexia scooped her up, the toddler immediately wrapped herself around Alexia's neck.

You smiled despite yourself, Alexia relaxed immediately, then disappeared.

You assumed she'd be gone for a minute, maybe two, instead she paraded Olivia around the entire pitch.

Introducing her to staff, to opponents, to players you'd never met, one teammate even kissed Olivia's head which she did not like.

Another balanced her on a hip and all you could do was sit and watch as Olivia threatened to cry reaching for Alexia until she took her back.

Alexia looked proud, ridiculously proud, like she couldn't wait for everyone to meet her.

The fans had noticed too, you could hear them even over the music, wondering who the baby was, taking pictures, videos, you heard one say how they were putting on TikTok to see if anyone knew who the baby was.

Every comment landed like another stone in your stomach, because she wasn't for sharing, she wasn't Alexia's to share, she wasn't yours to share.

She already had parents, they existed, they mattered, just because they weren't here anymore didn't mean they disappeared and you knew this wouldn't be what they'd want.

Something twisted painfully inside your chest, you wanted to walk out there, take Olivia back home, back to the apartment where nobody looked at her and nobody made assumptions.

Somewhere she could just be Olivia.

The drive home was quiet, too quiet that Alexia noticed, "You've barely spoken."

"I'm tired."

"You don't sound tired." You didn't answer.

🍼

The apartment felt tense the second you walked inside, Alexia finally turned, "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Y/N."

You busied yourself taking Olivia's shoes off avoiding her eyes whilst Alexia waited.

"You've been quiet since the match." Still nothing, eventually she sighed, "Talk to me."

You stood up more abruptly than you'd intended, "You can't do that again."

Alexia blinked, "What?"

"You can't just walk around the pitch with her."

Confusion crossed her face, "I was just"

"You didn't ask me."

"I didn't think I needed to."

"Exactly." Your voice rose, "You didn't think of me yet again."

Alexia frowned, "I was celebrating, I wanted my teammates to"

"She's not a mascot, Alexia."

The words came out much harsher than you intended, Alexia stared, "I know that."

"Do you?" You were pacing now as Olivia crawled off into the living room practically climbing into her toy box, "I don't want thousands of people knowing who she is."

"They saw me holding a kid they don't know her"

"That's not the point."

"What is the point?"

"I don't know!"

The frustration cracked, because you didn't know, you just knew something about today had hurt.

Alexia's voice stayed calm, "I genuinely don't understand."

You laughed bitterly, "Of course you don't."

"Then help me." You looked at her, really looked at her standing in the middle of the kitchen still in her Barcelona tracksuitl completely confused and you appreciated how calm she was staying as you're anxiety was making you shake.

Suddenly everything you'd been trying not to think about all evening came spilling out.

"You're acting like she's yours." The room went still, you felt tears burning before you even realised they were there, "She's not." Your voice broke, "She's theirs." Another tear escaped, "They're her parents." You were crying properly now, "They should be here, they should be the one comforting her when you know how shy she is and you were shoving her at people like she was a prized puppy terrifying her!" Alexia just stared at you not saying a word letting you vent, "They should be here... its not fair" Your words dissolved completely towards the end of the sentence before you stormed away.

The guest room door slammed so hard behind you the picture frame hanging in the hallway rattled.

Silence followed, except it wasn't really silence, it was broken by the sound of you crying, not quiet tears or the sort you tried to hide.

The kind that tore through your chest until breathing itself hurt, Alexia stayed exactly where she was in the kitchen.

She looked towards the living room where Olivia had frozen halfway into her toy box. The little girl looked between the hallway and Alexia with wide, uncertain eyes.

"It's okay, guapa." Alexia's own voice was quieter than usual, she crouched beside her, "Y/N's just sad."

Olivia frowned and she picked Olivia up, holding her against her shoulder while the crying continued from down the hall.

It cut straight through her, she'd seen you cry before when you thought you were good at hiding it, but it was never like this, never this broken.

She gave you five minutes, because sometimes grief demanded solitude.

She distracted Olivia with a book, read every page twice, but the sobbing never stopped.

If anything it got worse, Alexia looked down at the toddler, "I'll be right back."

She settled Olivia in the middle of the rug surrounded by toys to which the little girl immediately became distracted by stacking cups.

Alexia quietly walked down the hallway, she knocked once very softly and got no answer, another sob escaped from the other side of the door.

Alexia rested her forehead against the wood for a second, then gently turned the handle.

The room was dim, the curtains still half drawn, you were curled on your side on top of the duvet, face buried into a pillow, shoulders shaking so violently your whole body moved with each sob.

Alexia's heart broke, she closed the door carefully behind her, said nothing and just crossed the room and sat gently on the edge of the bed.

The mattress dipped beneath her weight, you didn't acknowledge her, but didn't tell her to leave either.

Carefully... tentatively... she placed her hand against your back, slowly rubbing small circles between your shoulder blades.

The way she'd seen you soothe Olivia after nightmares, she stayed like that for a long time, just letting your cries gradually slow.

Eventually she spoke, quiet enough that it almost disappeared beneath your breathing, "Olivia deserves to grow up feeling loved like a daughter..." Her hand never stopped moving, "...not an obligation."

The words landed somewhere deep inside you, you broke completely., another sob ripped out of you. You pressed your face harder into the pillow, "I know." The words barely sounded like words anymore, "I know she does." Your voice cracked, "I just..."

You shook your head helplessly, Alexia stayed silent giving you room.

You swallowed hard, "I don't know how to miss them this much..." Another breath that refused to steady, "...and still be happy."

The confession sat heavily between you.

"I love her." Your voice was tiny now, "So much like she's my own and that makes me feel awful."

Alexia frowned gently, "It shouldn't."

"But it does." You finally rolled onto your back, your eyes swollen and red, "I only have her because they're dead." The words tasted poisonous, "I only..." Your voice wavered again, "I only have this life because they lost theirs."

You gestured weakly around the room.

"The routines. The bedtime stories. The milestones. The happiness she brings me" A tear slid into your hair. "You."

The word came out almost accidentally.

You stared at the ceiling, "I look forward to seeing you every day." You laughed bitterly at yourself, "And every time I realise that..." You closed your eyes, "...I feel guilty before for years they told me I'd like you if i gave you a chance."

Alexia listened without interrupting.

"I shouldn't get to be happy with their baby." You whispered it like it was a fact, "They don't."

The room was quiet, Alexia's hand rested on your forearm now, "You know..." She looked down at you, "I don't think Sofia or Marta would've wanted you to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself."

You shook your head immediately, "It feels like I'm replacing them."

"No." Alexia answered without hesitation, "They're irreplaceable." You looked at her, "but so are you."

The words caught you off guard.

Alexia smiled sadly, "Those things can both be true."

You blinked at her as she looked towards the hallway where Olivia was babbling faintly to herself.

"They trusted us. They chose us." Another tear escaped you, "They chose us when they couldn't be here."

"I know but every time I laugh..." You swallowed, "Every time I enjoy watching Olivia discover something new..." Your lip trembled. "I think about what it cost."

Alexia nodded slowly, "I think that's something we're probably both going to carry forever."

You stared at her, "You do?"

She smiled sadly, "I look at her sometimes..." Her eyes drifted towards the bedroom door, "...and I think about how much they would've loved watching her grow." She paused, "Then I remember..." Her voice caught just slightly, "...they chose us because they knew we would."

You started crying again quieter this time, not because the pain had gone, because someone else finally understood it.

Enough to know that joy didn't erase grief, that loving Olivia wasn't betraying Sofia and Marta. That carrying both love and loss in the same heart wasn't something to be ashamed of.

Alexia opened her arms without saying anything, an invitation nothing more. After only a moment's hesitation, you shuffled across the mattress and folded into her.

Your forehead against her shoulder, her arms wrapping around you carefully, holding you together while everything inside you still felt shattered.

Neither of you spoke again, there wasn't anything left to say.

Out in the living room, Olivia laughed to herself as another tower of cups fell over.

The sound drifted softly down the hallway, you listened to it through your tears, but as Alexia held you, you realised you weren't carrying it alone anymore.

The two of you stayed like that for a long while your breathing eventually steadied, the tears slowed, you'd cried yourself empty for now.

A tiny whine drifted in from the hallway, then another, you both looked up, Olivia crawled into the room determinedly making her way across the carpet.

She spotted the two of you on the bed and smiled, then immediately pulled herself upright against the mattress with a grunt.

Both hands reached up, "Up."

You laughed through your still puffy eyes, "Come here."

You lifted her onto the bed, she crawled straight between you, then stopped looking at you her little lips puckered dramatically.

You smiled immediately, "Oh." You leaned forward, "Kiss?"

She nodded solemnly you kissed her forehead and she giggled, then immediately turned towards Alexia pouting again.

Alexia laughed, "I get one too?" Another determined nod, Alexia pressed a kiss to her cheek, "There."

Olivia looked thoroughly satisfied for approximately three seconds then she looked between the two of you back and forth as though concocting something in her head.

Finally she planted one little hand against your cheek giving your face an impatient shove towards Alexia.

You blinked, "What are you doing?"

Another push, then she pushed at Alexia's cheek too trying to move your faces closer together.

Alexia started laughing first, "I think she wants us to..." She was laughing too hard to finish.

You looked at Olivia, "You are just like your mama, baby girl." Olivia clapped proudly.

"What?" Alexia turned towards you, "What was that?"

You smiled to yourself, "Oh, nothing."

"No." Alexia folded her arms, "I heard that."

You sighed dramatically, "Sofia spent years trying to convince me to make a move on you."

Alexia's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline, "What?"

You nodded, "I know."

"I did not know this." Alexia looked delighted, "So..." She smiled mischievously, "You have moves?" You groaned in response, "That would be interesting to see."

You laughed, "I'm not the prude you seem to think I am."

Alexia gave you a look a long, unconvinced look.

You stared back at her, "Alexia."

She didn't say anything, just kept looking.

Your mouth fell open in mock offence, "Alexia!"

She finally grinned, "Prove me wrong."

You barked out a laugh, "You've actually lost your mind."

Olivia, oblivious, had flopped onto her tummy between you, happily chewing on the sleeve of her own jumper.

You carefully stood up from the bed, "You've genuinely lost your mind."

Alexia watched you still smiling, "I have a work dinner with the club."

You looked over your shoulder, "So?"

"Be my date."

You blinked, then reached over dramatically to press the back of your hand against her forehead, "Are you sick?"

Alexia laughed, "No."

"Should I call the team doctor?"

"I think a doctor is already here."

You rolled your eyes, "I am serious."

"So am I." Alexia tucked one leg beneath herself, "I am just curious."

"Curious?"

"To see what Y/N is like on a date." She tilted her head, "And to witness these mysterious moves you apparently possess."

You couldn't help smiling she was impossible, you looked away, pretending to think, "As tempting as it is to find out what the great Alexia Putellas is like on a date you're forgetting there's a child behind you who needs at least one of us here."

Alexia glanced over her shoulder at Olivia currently trying to fit her entire stuffed rabbit into a pillowcase, "Does she?"

You laughed in disbelief, "Alexia. If you think—"

"We put her to bed and my mami or Alba could come over to sit here for the evening in case she wakes up." She looked back at you, "What do you say?"

You hesitated far longer than you should have, Alexia noticed immediately she knew that look. The one that meant your practical brain was already trying to find reasons to say no, while another part of you had already started saying yes.

A smug smile spread slowly across her face.

You pointed accusingly, "Don't."

"What?"

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you've already won."

"I haven't."

"You have that face."

"I don't have a face."

"You absolutely have a face."

Alexia laughed then reached for her phone, "Great."

You stared at her, "I haven't even said yes."

She was already unlocking her screen, "I'll just message the family group chat." She stood up walking towards the bedroom door, she looked back over her shoulder, "...while I do that..." Her eyes sparkled with amusement, "...you can practice those moves."

She disappeared before you could find something to throw at her.

You looked down at Olivia the toddler looked up at you, completely serious, then clapped once as if fully supporting Alexia's plan.

You sighed dramatically, Olivia giggled.

From somewhere down the hallway came Alexia's unmistakable laugh, "Alba said she will happily sit here for us, looks like you're coming"