My Wonderland

☂️  the umbrella academy:

For the aces who are playing the dating game and are dealing with your fair share of frustrations, here are some simple affirmations:

Asexuality is not a flaw. It is a valid sexual orientation, not a condition that needs to be fixed.

Asexuality does not make you any less desirable as a romantic partner. You are as worthy of love as everyone else. You have just as much to offer as anyone else.

The right time to bring up your asexuality to a date is whenever it feels comfortable for you. You aren’t “deceiving” anyone if you choose to wait before disclosing this part of yourself to a romantic interest, and you don’t owe anyone this knowledge. It makes total sense if you choose to wait until you trust the person more to come out to them.

When you do come out, keep in mind that you are divulging something personal about yourself. Your date’s reaction will provide excellent insight about their personality and values. Any decent person will appreciate and honor what you’re sharing with them.

Nobody gets brownie points for dating you “despite” your sexuality. Someone who is willing to date an asexual should not be placed on a pedestal by you or anyone else.

There are plenty of allosexuals who would be fine with dating an asexual and plenty who would not. Either way, that is not a value judgment about you as a person.

You don’t have to push yourself past your comfort zone to please a partner. You don’t have to behave in a way that is foreign or difficult for you in order to please a partner. You don’t have to pretend to not be asexual in order to please a partner.

You can say no. You are allowed to have boundaries. Your boundaries are just as valid as anyone else’s.

Compromise isn’t compromise if you’re the only one extending yourself.

Internalized acephobia is real. It might be something you grapple with while you’re dating or in a relationship. It might tell you that you’re an inferior partner because of your sexual orientation. Don’t listen to it; if you do listen to it, don’t believe it.

You don’t need to “make up” for being asexual. That’s the internalized acephobia talking.

You don’t owe anyone sex.

Having sex doesn’t make you any less asexual.

There are so many more ways to express love for someone other than having sex with them.

trans TWERFS sucking up to cis TWERFS. 

i’ve found those posts’ spiritual successor. 

i could almost swear “it’s almost as if the only people hurt and excluded by ‘transphobia’ are males that shouldnt be in women-only spaces to begin with” is a sentence i actually recall reading at some point.

whereas excluding cishets from lgbt spaces is lgbt people not wanting their literal oppressors in their safe spaces that they need because of these same oppressors. cishets are straight and cis, if their only form of sexual and/or romantic attraction is straight, sorry but youre straight. not feeling sexual or romantic attraction does not change that, and refusing to call themselves straight doesnt actually change the fact that they are or that they benefit from their social privilege of being cis and straight.

apparently a trans woman pointing it out when aphobes reuse argumentative and defamatory tactics used by TWERFs, it’s “insidious” and “disgusting”.

i can’t believe i just had to read a TME person rant to me about how i don’t understand transmisogyny.

i can’t believe this person just ranted to me about how violent TWERFs are, as if i as a trans woman was unaware. 

i, as a trans woman who has faced violence from TWERF rhetoric, am outright declaring your movement to be similarly violent at its core.

remember when asexual minors were added to the list of identities cared for by a LGBT suicide hotline, because so many ace kids called in wanting to kill themselves because of their asexuality?

Now, considering aphobes are nothing like TWERFs, and would never encourage the suicide of minors-

they called the suicide hotline and insisted they stop serving asexuals, even suggesting the hotline ask for the caller’s sexual identity beforehand and refuse counsel to suicidal aces. (x)

your hate movement has compared asexuals to:

 pedophiles (x) (x) (x)

 nazis  (x) (x)

and mass murderers (x)

and lets not pretend your movement doesn’t actively encourage physical violence against those on the ace spectrum. (x)

not to mention your movement actively rewrites the history of the LGBT community- aces have always been here, accepted in our community spaces since the start. they simply didn’t call themselves “asexual”. the terminology by which they referred themselves changed several times over the decades, but they have always been active members and contributors to the LGBT community. 

decades ago, the most widely accepted definition of “bisexual” included those who did not experience any attraction whatsoever, and said individuals were simply said to be “bisexual” with no other label necessary. 

here’s some first hand testimony from people who were active in the community during that time, and witnessed this.  and might i remind you that personal testimony is accepted as solid evidence by virtually every court of law on this planet. (x)

aces do not carry straight privilege because they are not seen as being straight by cis heteronormative patriarchy. 

your little social club on tumblr dot com are literally the only people in society who view aces as being straight- out there in the actual real world, aces are brutally raped by their straight oppressors in an attempt to make them no longer asexual. (x)

and your rhetoric supports dehumanizing them at every turn.

of course, acephobes, being the rape apologists you all are, silence any rape victim that points out the cause of their own assault to be their asexuality- and you insist you know the cause of the assault better than they do, or you insist the assault simply didn’t occur. 

acephobes insist these rapes are the result of misogyny, because more women are being assaulted than men- which is also true of every other oppressed group who faces ‘curative’ rape. more trans women are assaulted than trans men, more disabled women assaulted than disabled men- not to mention that a number of aces who have been ‘curatively’ assaulted are men.

you lot also have a habit of calling these disturbing tales of rape “sob stories”. how on earth could you ever conflate yourselves to be a less violent group than TWERFs? suicide baiting? threats of physical violence? mocking victims of sexual assault? these are your calling cards. 

and as for heteroromantic aces,  just as a trans man or trans woman is capable of being straight in attraction, but still without fully accessing the privileges therein- so to are aces incapable of holding straight privilege.

this study found that out of all sexualities, study participants found asexuals to be the least human. asexuals were seen as both being most similar to animals, and most similar to machines. and i assure you that they did not hold any similar prejudice to actual straight people.  (x)

the study also found that in settings of hiring and housing, discrimination against asexuals was equal to that of discrimination against gays and bisexuals. 

“trying to deny these women from women’s spaces by falsely grouping them with men and putting their lives at risk.”

you mean the way that you deny a group oppressed for their sexuality from a community partially designed for those who are oppressed for their sexuality, by falsely grouping them with straights and putting their lives at risk?

you’re literally using the lives of my murdered sisters as a bludgeoning instrument to beat down a different oppressed group. acephobes have no shame, and no limit to the shit they’ll smear over people’s graves.

 now can i see your sources to sociological studies proving your claim that aces hold straight privilege? i’ve been arguing with you violent bigots for months now, and nobody has ever provided me with one. they just tout the definition of straightness they made up as “proof”. 

aces are incapable of holding straight privilege, and you are no different than TWERFs in your bigoted and disturbingly violent journey to paint an oppressed group to resemble your (as well as their own) oppressors.

SO I FOUND THE BEST EVER BOOK TODAY!!

“Let’s Talk About Love” by Claire Kann

• anthropophagy: consuming of victim’s flesh/slicing off portions

• colobosis: desire to mutilate male genitalia

• coprolagnia: desire to eat feces

• coprophilia: fetish for feces

• exhibitionism: exposure of one’s genitalia to reach a sense of control

• flagellationism: desire to whip or beat a sexual victim

• gerontophilia: desire for elderly victims

• hematophilia/hematomania: desire to see or drink blood

• kleptomania: theft in a form of sexual expression

• klismaphilia: substitution of enemas for sexual intercourse

• mazoperosis: desire to mutilate female breasts

• necrophilia: preference of sexual intercourse with corpses

• necrophagia: consuming corpses in advanced stages of decomposition

• necrosadism: desire to mutilate corpses

• parthenophagy: cannibalism of young girls

• pedophilia: sexual preference for children

• pederasty: desire to sodomize male children

• perogynia: desire to mutilate female genitalia

• picquerism: mutilation/stabbing as a substitution for sexual intercourse

• pygmalianism: desire to have sex with dolls/mannequins

• pyromania: creating fires for sexual gratification

• pyrophilia: desire to watch fires for sexual gratification

• sadism: inflicting pain for sexual gratification

Because my mother told me that all I needed to do was get drunk and lie back and let my husband have his fun. Because if I was drunk, I’d be more relaxed and it’d be over sooner

Because my sister told me that I was trapping my husband in an abusive marriage, and that one day he was going to leave me

Because both of them looked at me in disgust

Because my asexuality is considered to be as great a crime against my husband as a woman who has affairs and cheats on her husband

Because my cousin didn’t even try to understand, and just kept asking ‘but what about in five years? how will you feel then?’

Because I was so afraid of my body and so afraid of sex that I didn’t seek medical help for a legitimate question for over a year for fear of being labelled a deviant or something broken

Because I still ask myself at least once every day if my husband wouldn’t be better off without me

Because I still ask myself at least once every day if I’m broken

Because I still tell myself at least once every day that I’m pathetic and useless and an abnormality

Because I love my husband with every fiber of my being, but everywhere I turn I’m told I really don’t, because love = sex

I need A to stand for Asexual because nobody ever talked to me about asexuality even when I was an outpatient at the women’s hospital for 18 months, and everyone told me desire would come in time

I need A to stand for Asexual because we are literally invisible, and so unimportant that people assume we don’t even need representation, because everyone assumes our lives must be bland and unimportant and lacking in challenges or bigotry

For every asexual that wants a relationship, for every asexual that does not want a relationship, for every asexual who has not yet come to terms with their identity, for every asexual who was told we were abnormalities, for every asexual who was told we just weren’t doing sex right, that we needed a good fucking, that we needed to be drunk, that we needed to relax, that we needed to be raped

We need representation, and we need visibility

North Sentinel Island, one of the Andaman Islands in the Indian Ocean, is forbidden to visit because it is inhabited by a hostile Sentinelese tribe. This tribe resists all contact with outsiders and aggressively attacks anyone who dares to come near their island. However, visiting this place may not only be dangerous for the curious travelers. Islanders are not immune to modern diseases, so contact with outsiders could tragically wipe out the whole Sentinelese tribe.

The Indian government was eager to make a contact with the tribe. The first and probably the only friendly contact was established in 1991 by scholar T.N. Pandit who arrived at the island bearing coconuts and other gifts in hopes to win the tribe’s trust. For the first time, islanders greeted visitors without bows.

Eris is one of my all time favourite animated characters. It’s been 13 years since I first saw this film and I am still utterly transfixed by the way they animated her. She is absolute heaven.