salty af

I kind of want to just ignore & not read the rest of the message

But the nice part of me wants to like vague post something like "I think I'm going to take a step back and work on myself" to soften the blow of me just ghosting & not interacting

But also...I dont owe anything esp after I got attacked

I want to believe that people like me for me but sometimes it's hard when I don't hear people tell me but I feel so awkward asking if I don't have a deep level of trust bc I feel like if I haven't done enough to make up for what I did then I can't ask bc I haven't earned the right;;

I feel bad that I need constant reassurance to make sure I'm in good standing with other people (especially when we haven't like developed that base level trust where I feel secure)

It doesn't help when the other party doesn't respond back to things I send them, like I understand that if they do have autism it will kind of affect how much social energy they have about stuff like they might not have the energy to like respond back to me but can rb posts to their blog

But the anxiety/ADHD part of my brain can't help but take the silence as like "ah they haven't responded back to me bc they hate me" & I'm trying to not panic post about anything bc I already posted about feeling lonely;;

Like I really don't want to be a bother & like sad post;; but I don't know how to quiet my brain when it's like this;; it makes me feel even worse when I see them rb posts of their friend's content too & I just feel so outside of the group;;;

If she's going to get aggressive with me for not even directly saying his name then I don't want anything to do with him I don't want any updates or thoughts about him he is persona non grata to me forever now

I hate that my sister can't comprehend that her actions have consequences, you can't just shut me down in an aggressive tone then act like you didn't do anything wrong & expect me to be like ok with you after that