You donât steal someoneâs car unless they love you
-- Sally, 1999
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Cosmic Funnies
Xuebing Du
noise dept.

shark vs the universe

romaâ
Aqua Utopiaď˝ćľˇăŽĺşă§č¨ćśăç´Ąă
đŞź
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Peter Solarz
DEAR READER
occasionally subtle
h
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Mike Driver
wallacepolsom

$LAYYYTER

cherry valley forever

seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States

seen from TĂźrkiye
seen from TĂźrkiye

seen from Malaysia
seen from Brazil

seen from TĂźrkiye

seen from Uruguay
seen from South Africa
seen from Brazil
seen from Malta
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from Argentina
@sallying
You donât steal someoneâs car unless they love you
-- Sally, 1999

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Me: If Andy Kaufman came back today, itâs been so long no one would even get the joke
Huey: But wouldnât he think that made it the best joke ever?
Me:
Me:
Me: WhoaâŚ
Louie: Right?
Flashback
Pete: Maybe you can answer this question: Why does everyone dance holding one hand in the air? Sally: Because we have a beer in the other one
ALEXA, DAY 2
Pat: Alexa, play Russian music
Alexa: Sorry, you don't have that in your cloud music
Pat: Alexa, play Hungarian music
Alexa: Sorry, I don't have that
Pat: Damn, Sally what do you have?
Sally: I got this... Alexa, play 80's synth pop...
Pat: Alexa STOP
Sally: Alexa, play hair metal power ballad
*Tesla's "Love Song" comes on*
Pat: This song offends me
Sally: You're offended as the voice of a generation?
Pat: I'm offended as a DRUMMER!!
MY AMAZON ALEXA ARRIVED TODAY, AND SINCE WE UNPACKED IT, MY AFTERNOON HAS GONE LIKE THIS:
Pat: Alexa, what is the meaning of life?
Pat: Alexa, play some Irish music
Sally: ALEXA STOP
Pat: Alexa, how long do cats live?
Pat: Alexa, who invented liquid soap and why?
Pat: Alexa, put "gum" on my shopping list
Pat: Alexa, where is my shopping list?
Pat: Alexa, what is the weather going to be like in Alexandria, Virginia a week from Tuesday?
(Those of you with toddlers get it, I'm sure.)
Pat: Alexa, do I look fat in this?
Pat: Alexa, play some Irish music
Sally: ALEXA STOP!!!!!!!
Pat: Alexa, what do you think of Donald Trump?
Pat: Alexa, do you know who I am?

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Iâd love to be Bryce Harperâs dick, for just one day. Half a day. Hell, Iâd take an hour"
I promised if I posted this, I would not say who it was.
Iâm âMaybe I should call a cab to take me from the Starboard to the Rudderâ years old, apparently
-- Sally, June 2018
Lately Iâm more optimistic about the future of my marriage. I caught my husband on Tinder, so hopefully heâll meet somebody soon
Overheard in Dewey Beach, probably
Bernie Guy: Your way doesn't help *everybody*
Hillary Girl: Your way doesn't help ANYBODY
Guy: But it could!
Girl: But it won't!
Guy: ...
Girl: ...
Guy: ...
Girl: So should we just go make out?
#Unity
Pro-tip: There is always a hotter girl.
Words to Live By

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Get over yourself, Pete. My high school girlfriends arenât calling up all offended that I made fun of cow-tippingâŚ
Steve K, December 19, 2014
Out of town guest: What was that hole in the wall place we went to that time?
Sally: *Donât say Danâs Cafe*
OOT2: In Adams Morgan
Sally: *Donât say Danâs Cafe*
OOT3: Ya with the ketchup bottles
Sally: *Donât*
OOT4: And airplane liquor
Sally: *Noooooo*
OOT1: Sally?
Sally: Um, I donât know any places like that. Letâs go back to the Hill.
Because Adult.
Ralph: ... No, that was ANOTHER time Sally tried to use the men's room and got us kicked out of a bar
Rich: That happens to her a lot
Me: Ya, that's really all I get kicked out of bars for anymore
I hate playing "Never Have I Ever" -Â I always lose.
Overheard in Dewey
There's no excuse for being bad in bed. Unless you're drunk.

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If Monica Lewinsky banged the President these days she'd be bigger than Taylor Swift.
Huey: What are you doing here?
Louie: Oh, you know, I had this move... so I came here to bust it.
"How I Met Your Mother"