the perpetual movement of the waves always makes you remember everything. water memory or, more likely, the familiarity of it all.

it helps remembering your mother’s last, frantic breaths, bubbles fading into the dark abysses you lived in. it helps remembering the way you left to live as a homeless teen in a coastal town, hiding your gills and avoiding the beach at all costs.

the sea itself remembers how you shamefully came back to serve your mother’s protector, because it was all you knew. you couldn’t have cared less about his motives, unless maybe had it been coral destruction. you just wanted to have a place to belong to. 

it -the sea- remembers your first murder, the arsons, the hurt you’ve caused on purpose, just to earn your place in the slightest.

everything brought you here, to this moment. the sea brought you to him. you didn’t feel a particular connection to the ocean but you liked to believe in destiny. helped you get through shit.

you broke the water surface without a sound. you’d always been stealthy. a monument to grace, restraint. so good at making yourself invisible. so, so good at being forgotten.

not quite like a ghost or some sea creature. more like a shadow, trying hard not to be a bother, and succeeding. 

as you emerged from the dark waters, two figures stood there, noticeable only thanks to the faint glow of the moonlight. you would wait, then would be acknowledged, you would take your place, easy peazy.

but then again, he was some kind of child soldier, with the instincts of a marine. he moved his father to the side, and he charged. you dropped, took a step back, and grabbed your halberd. you extended it, not to kill but to strike his calf, which you missed. you didn’t get the chance to prepare for another strike of his, because Black Manta then moved forward, one heavy step being enough to stop the both of you. you lowered your halberd. his son did not lower his water blades, but his expression tempered. very, very slightly. it was mistrust instead of threat assessment now.

oh, joy.

“Kaldur.” he turned his back to you, a hand on his son’s shoulder, “she is Idiya’s daughter.” 

Kaldur’ahm looked up at his father in confusion. for someone who had never lived in Black Manta’s circle, he probably didn’t know much about whom had lived before he came. but her, he definitely knew about. his father’s lieutenant. the fiercest, most loyal soldier that ever existed in Black Manta’s ranks. the most phenomenal ghost to ever overcome, for Manta’s respect for her was too great. you owed your survival to her ghost. that’s probably what Kaldur saw first, you thought.

because you saw yourself through his eyes, right away. a problem. 

only then did the red gaze of the helmet swing your way

“this is my son. you know.”

a few days earlier, you were in a dark echoing chamber. you had pledged allegiance, no, you had sworn to dedicate your life, to someone you were to meet later on. it was an abstract oath then. now, it seemed pretty clear that this was an oath Kaldur’ahm never accepted, one that he had never heard of.

you bowed your head, curtly, shortly, maintaining that bland face you’ve learned to keep over the last few years. “I have taken the liberty of hand-picking your lieutenant. right hand woman, if you will.” Black Manta’s voice didn’t leave much room for debate. he added, “she has to prove herself worthy, because, and you’ll understand I’m sure, blood proves very little loyalty.” 

the hypocrisy wasn’t lost on you. it was even so vast you almost let your eyes roll.

you didn’t have any reason to be here. standing in front of Manta and his son. you could have -should have- gone away, escaped, and honestly, at the time they wouldn’t have found the care to chase after you. 

maybe it was all you’d known -living by Manta’s rules.

maybe then, meeting Kaldur and having someone with whom making the journey to Manta’s trusted circle was the best thing you could get. and as you looked at him, for real this time, his conflicted gaze, the set of his jaw, yeah, maybe it wasn’t so bad. 

he didn’t like you, didn’t hate you. you felt how much of a bother you were to him, despite his false kindness about it. 

oh, well.

you told yourself he was a loner. the kind that didn’t like having someone next to them as they climbed the ladder. but you were here now, anyway. 

though your exchanges were tense at first, you two had something in common that helped the mutual acceptation, and it was efficiency. no irrelevant talk between the two of you or during a fight, no unnecessary risks taken during missions, and though stealth wasn’t your favorite thing, you were good at it -great, even. he even taught you some things. 

you were more vocal than he was, with a tendency to ask for clarifications, whether it was about his behaviour, odd at some times, the tone he had employed to give you orders, or said orders, when these seemed weird to you. he didn’t always like the questions, but they were, indeed, necessary at first. and you quickly caught on his strategic thoughts process. it was no telepathy, but once again, it was efficient. that’s all you were, really.

and today, like most of your shared days had been recently, is a boring day. you don’t lead a squad, you don’t have chores, so you two are just bored and pretending to have something useful to do by recounting the previous missions’ mistakes and thinking of ways to avoid making those again. 

a knock on your door, you open, and without an ounce of surprise, you see his face. he does seem tired, more than usual, it’s more weary than out of a lack of sleep. “hi,” you breathe, and step aside to let him in. he takes you in, his eyes flutter close, his nostrils and gills flare, and he steps in.

he’s kind of a weirdo.

“let’s begin,” he announces, sitting at the end of your bed. it’s a habit, you always sit against the metallic headboard, and he faces you. 

for half an hour, you exchange about a mission carried out two days ago. you voice your concerns, how he still looks out for his team members, when he really doesn’t need that anymore. he tells you how your covering of his left flank was perfect, yet unnecessary, and could’ve put you in danger. 

there’s something soft in his voice as he says it, his eyebrows knitted together in a way you aren’t sure he’s aware of. it’s cute. it makes you feel cared for, too. looked after, maybe.

but as always, you run out of topics before the sun had risen. you two aren’t allowed in most parts of the ship, and Kaldur had never even thought about risking himself to unnecessary silly escapades in those metal hallways.

“where is your father at, again?” you ask, not even bothering to fake innocence. you two are playing hearts -the deck of cards you bought on a mission five weeks ago is already worn out. “on a meeting with the Light, I believe.” 

you frown. “at 7 o’clock?” 

he shrugs. you don’t push further. 

an hour later, after two defeats on your side, he sits on the floor, staring at the wall, watching your hands work as you play solitary. “how is it going with the Light’s approval of you?” you ask to break the silence, and he squints, unable to tell if you really mean to make small talk, or if you’re fishing for informations. you can’t tell either. 

but watching him so doubtful, you add, “Kaldur’ahm, you really should stop trying to second-guess me constantly. at some point, you’ll have no choice but to trust me.” something in his throat blocks, saliva or air -you can’t tell. you turn your attention back to your cards. 

“sure. well, about the Light… i still need to prove myself to my father, I doubt I’m close to getting their approval.” you frown, putting the final card to the hearts deck. “but we’ve done so much.” 

his jaw tightens. “i know. it is… frustrating, to say the least.” 

you almost tell him his betrayal of the Team should be enough, but you know you can’t afford to wander into such territory for now. so you just nod and put the cards back in their packaging, to get up and look at him expectantly. “i was thinking we could go for a swim.” 

you never go anywhere without him. it’s part of the “loyal lieutenant” package. it also meant if you wanted to wander, you had to hope he wanted to have a walk as well.

he gets up and eyes you up and down. “mh. let’s go.” 

you wonder when he’ll let any kind of guard down around you. he already does, occasionally, but the slight relaxation of his shoulders when you stand behind him being the most trustful he’s ever been of you. 

that’s not enough, not for you, who had put much trust in him after three months spent together. you decide it’s maybe time to withdraw some of that trust. to put your own guard up. you look up at him as the thought crosses your mind. he looks back, cold at first, then a polite smile breaks on his face.

your trust is just fine were it is.

once in the airlock, you both dress up, helmets on, grabbing a much more efficient weapon than your helberd. it may be your armament of choice, it isn’t one that’s easy to handle, especially underwater -hence your specialization in missions taking place on the surface world.

brows furrowed, both of you, from overthinking, both of you, you swim towards the coral barrier, one that hosts many different kind of fishes, not that you care, but he does. you like the plants, so you don’t mind. 

though he could take you to a location you despise, you wouldn’t mind either, so your judgement might be a little biased. 

usually, you two talk, mimicking normalcy as best as you could, but he’s out of it today. and it’s not even 9 a.m. so inevitably, after an intense staring contest with a fish, Kaldur announces he has to go. of course he has. and once again -he asks you to cover for him. not to rat him out.

“Lieutenant, I know it puts you in a sensitive position…” he trails off, voice dropping lower, taking a step forward. his hands trail from your wrist to your elbows. you don’t look up. “...but I need to make sure I have your word before I go. It is important, and I wouldn’t do any of it if I thought you’d be endangered, so.. trust me, please,” he implores. you almost scoff, but you can’t.

loyalty is your key word. you are, indeed, more loyal to him than you are to his father, so you still don’t look up, but nod in the direction opposite to the ship, and whisper to him that he can go. that you’ll cover.

once his figure is no longer visible in the ocean, you swim back to the ship, alone, throwing the borrowed dagger on the ground in irritation once you’re back to the locker room. you’re not angry at him, you couldn’t possibly be, but his secrets are annoying. 

these furtive escapades have been happening ever since he got under Black Manta’s guard, and every time you’ve covered for him, long enough so he’d have time to come back in the ship and act as if nothing happened. you didn’t mind. figured it was either real and much-needed alone time, or a secret liaison. worse: he could be meeting with Manta and get information unbeknownst to you, making you the fall guy. but you don’t push it, don’t overstep, and wait for him to share said secret.

you’ve been nothing but faithful. for three months, you’ve got his back, saved his ass, and advocated for him. you’re not tired of this, you could never be. you’re far from ‘on the verge of telling his father’, but close to ‘irritated as fuck’. he’s already so secretive, not that you mind, but if secrets meetings are to be added, you’re not sure you could do it -handle the resentment, for that matter.

and when he comes back, around 11.30 (you’d been keeping watch), you ignore him as he asks how your morning went. his brows furrow but he doesn’t push further.

you do follow him around the whole day though.

that’s as far as the arguments have always gone. he never argued, and your role was to call him out, more or less kindly. but you were compliant. your patience barely ran thin. you did enjoy when those pretty eyes looked like those of a sappy kitten as he implored for you not to tell anyone. he knew you wouldn’t tell. at some point, you began to suspect he just kept begging for the thrill of it.

that’s not far from the truth. as deep in denial as he was, he loved seeing you succumb to whatever charm he was using.

the sacrifices for a greater good started the moment you agreed to keep his secrets, and only grew more important. it was more about helping him prove himself and social-climb as his lieutenant after that. you were already seen as an extension of him, in the eyes of Manta’s troops, so why not use it to your advantage?

therefore you missed on the first chance you’d ever gotten to truly prove yourself in a more active way (because apparently murder didn’t count), just to watch Kaldur as a blinking red dot on a radar while he was doing the hardest part. 

but he did come back, assessing his father’s reaction, until said father removed his helmet and proudly congratulated his son. everybody knows he’s not “off the hook”, he still has some loyalty to prove, some point to make, but it’s looking good for him -and you couldn’t help but be relieved. proud, even. 

as he reported the events, including his encounter with Nightwing, he put a hand on your shoulder, earning a tensed spine.

if it were just a hand on your shoulder, you wouldn’t have minded, wouldn’t have cared, actually. but it was at the base of your neck, right below your gills, brushing his thumb in the nape of your neck, a gesture his father couldn’t see, but that left you questioning.

eventually, Black Manta left to contact the League, leaving Kaldur and you alone in his office. it took you a hot fifteen seconds to look up at him. he lets go of your neck, not without a tap on your shoulder, “sparring session at 1900.” 

you wanted to tell him the military hour didn’t make him look smart or serious. it was laughable. 

you didn’t utter a word. you nodded.

the “sparring session” or training, whatsoever, wasn’t usually much enjoyable. he’d evaluate your close-quarters combat, teaching you Atlantean things he got to learn from queen Mera, such as spells or arts, the integration of your halberd in confined spaces, blah, blah, blah. 

his water bearers weren’t charged with the usual electricity. it was only water, and every time it hit you, it was just that. a wet spot on your training gear. you should’ve remembered that, when he ‘killed’ Artemis. you didn’t. and right now, you were too focused on his hand pressing against your ribcage with his right waterbender against your belly.

you’ve overseen a lot of things, when it came to him. blinded by love, or on purpose. it became so recurrent that it felt like second nature.

‘no more digressions,’ you scolded yourself mentally, and pushed him back, mid-explanation. you aimed with your halberd and he did too, striking for weak points. halfway through the fight, he stilled. “you should stop holding back.” 

you let your arm go limp, your weapon falling onto the ground on accident. your heads fall down to look at it in silence, before you look up and cross your arms over your chest. “my goal isn’t to hurt you but to learn from you safely.” 

“safely?” he repeats, dumbfounded. you wince. “okay, not really.”

he raises his brows. your gaze hardens.

you two stare. you blink, once, and he says, “i won.” you try to frown but the smug smile tugging at his lips is too adorable to ignore. “won what?” 

“the stare contest,” he says matter-of-factly. you huff, “what are you, twelve?” but your own lips are too busy fighting back a smile to actually sound condescending.

over the weeks, you grow weirdly complicit. you’d die rather than admitting it, because it was a silent agreement. once voiced, it’d be over and you would both have to take a step back in this relationship. you weren’t friends, it was less than that.

yet it was more than mutual respect or whatever relationship a lieutenant and her officer were supposed to have. 

he held you when you’d escaped a near death experience. you’d reach for his wrist to check his pulse during stakeouts. it was utterly ridiculous, but so reassuring. you had each other, and most things outside of your weird friendship mattered, but at some point, he was what mattered the most.

it sat on the fence, dangerously leaning on the ‘something more’ side everytime a little too much skin was shown. you never considered yourself lustful. he most certainly thought of himself as virtuous -until he inadvertently opened your bedroom as you were changing, your arm covering your chest, your wet suit half pulled up on your body. 

in his opinion, it is worse than if he had effectively seen your bare skin. the image is on replay in his head, his mind filling in the blanks, imagining a hundred ways of what your body would look like.

he finally understands why a lady showing her ankles in the 19th century was considered arousing when you sprain yours and he’s the one who applies pain relief cream, massaging your tendon, kneeling before you. 

he also has a weird pull to the nape of your neck. for any occasion, whether it is to reassure you, praise you, comfort you or make you stand down when you get too carried away, his fingers always found that spot between your gills, a sensitive spot not because of arousal but because it was usually hidden under a helmet, protected. 

he never makes you feel vulnerable. he’d always been so steady. 

maybe that’s why you lean against his touch so easily, albeit guarded. because he’s someone you could rely on. because when he touches you, it feels purposeful, it is deliberate, and those moments may be rare and impulsive, the both of you are constantly looking forward to them happening. 

it lasts a few weeks before it becomes undeniable. 

waiting for Kaldur’ahm near the corals the boat had destroyed when landing on the seabed, you are tending to the marine flora absentmindedly, mind quiet for once. 

you don’t notice him returning, his figure a blurry dark shadow far away, getting nearer and nearer until the red details of his metal suit clashed too much with the ocean for your peripheral vision to ignore him; only then do you look up. you hold back a sigh and/or a smile.

his lips part, the words dying somewhere between his throat and the tip of his tongue; you watch him walk towards you. 

from where you stand, the sun hits your face and hair the right way. you look divine –in a way that he just couldn’t ignore. you observe him, eyes plunged into his, until he stands two feet away. 

“...safe … way back?” is all he hears. he clears his throat and nods, while his gaze never wavers away from yours, as if dissociating. “what was that escapade about?” you inquire, as it seemed to be the right moment to extract informations from him. he takes another step forward, gaze flickering to the corals you’re trying to salvage.

“solo mission,” he lies, “for Father,” badly. you know he can do better than that. you point to  the ship, with your thumb, which is sitting quietly forty feet away from you. “heading back?” his lips part once mroe. you tilt your head, eyebrows raised in anticipation. “i’ll… wait for you.” 

“to be honest, I am ready to head back,” you try, so he looks at the ship. “i shall join you there then, i will stay here in the meantime,” he affirms, voice leaving very little room for your (unusual) retorts. he wasn’t making any sense, and on top of that, ever since he got here, he’d been looking at you like a starved man, eyes detailing every trait of your face, skin flushed. “as you wish,” you tell him, counting to five before you turn around, just in case he’d change his mind.

he doesn’t move; he can’t possibly entertain that idea. the water feels thick around him as he watches you go, every movement you make to swim away from him physically paining him. his hand comes up, fingers clutching at his chest, right over his heart. oh, he wants you so bad, and that thought alone overwhelmed him. 

that is messy. he was a mess. allowing a woman, no matter how pretty, to conflict in his mind with a lifetime of discipline and discretion. the forced proximity is a cruel joke and it deepens his guilt, for you, for his friends, for the League, but for you most importantly. he is ashamed. how can he just want you so bad, at the wrong moment, wrong place, and how can he allow your loyalty to lie with him while his is miles away? 

he has forbidden himself to touch you. he was  a madman now -looking like he has been hit with sex pollen when really, it is the thought of coming back to you that had unravelled him so bad. and yet he still has to push you away. he doesn’t ‘give in’, he can’t possibly entertain that idea.

he has never allowed himself much, in how whole life. he prohibited any unnecessary physical contact between the two of you; but selfishly, he allows for his cravings for you to remain, buried deep, entertaining the idea of trailing kisses up your back, to map your body with his hands, and most importantly to hold you close. he wants you. so, so bad.

for a wild, desperate moment, breathing heavy with the burden of his needs, he fantasises of Hawkman and Hawkgirl, a love so destined it defies death, circling through the ages to reunite. maybe it was like that. maybe it was an Atalantean version of that storyline. his affection is something independent of him, for sure. it must be.

but Kaldur’ahm isn’t a man of myths; he was a man of facts. he’s no immortal lover, he is just a soldier. 

so he tells himself it is loneliness, or hormones, pathetic excuses (can hormones still be blamed for a grown man’s urges?) that he holds onto as a choked sound escapes him underwater. his gills flare, the water feeling suddenly like it isn’t enough. maybe he needs fresh air. most likely -he needs for this mess to solve itself. more likely even -he needs air from your lungs. he needs to breathe you in to feel like his respiratory systems work properly. 

he doesn’t have any solutions in mind, just an overwhelming feeling of wronging people he cares about no matter the outcome of any choice he’ll make starting from now on. if he restraints himself, it’s only fair he gets to indulge in the absolution in your eyes when you look up at him, unknowing that he was a fraud.

and how unfair, that the enemy’s side turned out to be not full of spineless motherfuckers, but to have you amongst its troops, with your intellect and complex mind, how unfair that you walked these halls and not Poseidonis’s. yet the most painful part was that he knew, with certainty, that he is going to let himself bleed that way until it ends. he will ache voluntarily, and carry these wants until the end of this mission, and then he’ll let it go. he has to, he can’t figure out another way. 

only when he wraps his mind around that fact is he able to get up from the sand and head towards those damn hallways, single-drop tears invisible in the water as they formed in the corner of his eyes. with that mindset, the persuasion of becoming no better than a monster, he steps inside the ship.

you greet him when he steps inside Manta’s poorly decorated office, who had gotten ahold of you when you were leaning against a wall, trying hard to find composure after a few tears, so the rest of the crew wouldn’t see those. 

because it’s gotten hard, trying not to ask any questions. knowing he had a whole life going on on the side, no matter what kind, and you couldn’t be part of it. because as soon as you had stepped foot on the ship, you had wanted to swim back out there and order him to tell you everything, because no matter what the truth is, you know you’re able to handle it. you want him whole, in a pure and lustful way, and it burns, it aches, and fuck it if you don’t know he feels the same.

he puts a hand, once again, in the back of your neck, because Manta is asking about absences and unnecessary outings. you can’t focus on the explanations your officer in command is nicely putting together. you want the warmth of his palm not on your neck but cradling your cheek; to trace the line of his jaw, to feel the tension there melt under your touch. you wanted to kiss him until neither of you could remember the excuses you both had made to keep one away from the other.

but you could be, too, a monument to restraint. you bottle up like no one else can. you hide your feelings better than Kaldur’ahm did. and you two were talented, with hiding and bottling up and being unassuming and suffering in silence. 

before you knew it, you have exited the office, an uncomfortable warmth coiling low in your stomach. 

“i’m unwell,” you announced. “i’ll be resting, do not-” you cut yourself off with a sigh, weary. “please, do not wake me up, i will meet you at 7 in the morning. tomorrow.” he hesitates.

then tilts his head and puts a hand on your forehead. “we did go near preschoolers last time. maybe you’ve caught a cold-” your hand reaches to place itself on his wrist, lwoering it. “not, it’s not a cold. i’ll handle it myself, thanks for your concern -i’ll see you. tomorrow.” his fingers curl, like he didn’t want to stop holding on.

but he drops it, both his hand and the topic, and gives a curt nod, which you reciprocate before leaving, back straight and shoulders squared. he doesn’t watch you go, instead fixates on a fingernail on the ground.

he doesn’t know how much longer he’ll be able to keep this up. you don’t either.

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notes | i might post part 3 before part 2 ngl i suck at writing sm*t

You couldn't blame Sukuna, though. You'd taken one look at him when the two of you met and knew you wanted him to possess you, so you knew others felt the exact same way. Six foot something and covered in tattoos that you liked to lick when you had one too many shots, he was the finest man you'd ever seen, and part of you always wondered how long it would be until he got bored and found someone better.

He was the perfect fuck buddy in your eyes; handsome, knew how to make you cum, and didn't press the issue too much whenever you disagreed on something.

It wasn't his fault that your mind and body seemed to disconnect from each other at the most inopportune times.

Sukuna's finally able to pull an orgasm out of you after what feels like a long battle, but it doesn't satiate the need still deep inside you. Your body shudders, aftershocks rolling through you as he continues working you through it.

Sukuna pulls his head from between your thighs, a confused look on his face as he licks his lips. "You good? Usually, I'd have you screaming by now."

"All good. C'mere." You pull him on top of you, opening up so he can slot his body between your legs. "Need you so bad." You drag your tongue along his bottom lip, silently requesting access. He grants it, mouth engulfing yours as he moves his dick towards your entrance. You buck your hips up, needing to feel something.

How long has it been since you met? He'd come to your job one day, looking to buy an expensive watch that nearly cost a month's salary for you. You started flirting first; you always did to increase sales at the store. You never expected him to flirt back, or to come back the next day, and the next week, until he finally asked you to dinner.

Two years since that day, and now most of your nights end the same way, with him in your bed, making you cum on his tongue before he rushes off to god knows where. "Work," he'd say, but you were never quite convinced.

Most of the time, you don't care where he is. You're not technically together, anyway. But on occasion, you can't help but wonder if he's rushing off to be with his actual partner, treating you like an appetizer before the main course.

Tonight was one of those nights. As Sukuna slides inside you, taking his time to get you accustomed to every inch, you can barely look at him. Thoughts of him leaving your home to go and give someone the same pleasure he'd given you take you out of the moment and make it harder for you to enjoy yourself.

Sukuna can always tell when you get in your head. There's always too much thinking and not enough feeling.

"Look at me," he grabs your face and brings it closer to his, so close that you're sharing the same air. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just tired," you try to reach for a kiss, anything to distract him from asking too many questions and becoming privy to the growing void in your heart, but he's just out of your reach, and the look on his face lets you know he's not buying your excuse.

"Bullshit. What's up with you tonight?" he starts to get up, but you wrap your leg around his waist and pull him closer.

"Nothing. Just don't go."

He takes your hand in his, tangling your fingers together. "Not going anywhere."

You're about to ask what he means when he cuts you off with a kiss, one that steals your breath and confuses you long enough for you to finally get out of your own head. He grabs your other leg and hoists it up on his shoulder, sliding back into your wet heat with a groan before he sinks deep enough that you think that you can feel him in your stomach.

" Fuuuck, baby, just like that," you moan unabashedly.

"That's what I wanna hear. Keep making those pretty sounds for me."

If you were just a little stupider (or a little smarter), you might think that there was something deeper to the way Sukuna fucked you. The slow, calculated thrusts while peering deep into your eyes could be considered as making love, but you knew better.

You shift your focus. Even if your brain won't let you focus on your own pleasure, you're always able to take his into consideration.

You push Sukuna on his back, moving down his body until you reach his cock. You jerk him a few times before you kiss his shaft, fueled by the sound of his sharp inhale as you take him in your mouth. You can still taste yourself on him, licking him up and down as he gathers your hair in his fist.

He never takes his eyes off of you, watching as you take as much of him as you can. He moves your hair out of your face, giving him an even better view. You make a mental note of every little sound that he makes, tracing over those particular spots with your tongue until he's practically fucking your face.

Sukuna cums with a deep groan, spilling everything he'd had pent up down your throat while he holds your head in place.

As soon as his breathing evens out, he's back on top of you, moving to slide back into your welcoming entrance. He cages his arms around your head, capturing you in his own little prison. A little world where it's just the two of you, even if it's only for a night. You gasp at the feeling of his cock nudging back in. He bottoms out, giving you a second to get used to him before he moves again.

"You're so pretty, baby," he says as he plants an open-mouthed kiss on your neck. It takes you a second to register the pet name and to stop the fast beating in your chest. You feel him sucking on your neck while he slips a finger down to play with your clit.

It was maddening. Too many sensations, too many areas to focus on, and your orgasm was creeping up surprisingly fast. When thoughts of him doing this with previous partners (or other current ones you just didn't know about) come up, you're quick to push them away this time.

He pulls away from your neck to watch the space where your bodies connect.

"Can you hear how wet you are?" he asks as his fingers continue gliding over your clit, bringing you closer and closer to your breaking point, a point that's been so close, yet so far away lately.

He flips you over, guiding you to rest on your knees and forearms, pushing you into a deep arch before he pushes back into you. The new angle made it hard to breathe, hard to do anything other than feel him. He thrusts into you with newfound vigor, like the new position had given him a power-up or something.

"You're so deep," you babble out, drool sliding out of your mouth and soaking the pillow. He brushes against your g-spot and you're unable to stop the incoherent moans that follow. Sukuna leans back, mesmerized by the recoil on your ass as it bounces against his body.

He can hear your moans getting louder, feel your body tensing up as he forces you into an even deeper arch. As soon as he feels the telltale sign of your walls fluttering, he flips you back onto your back. He doesn't miss a beat, wanting to stay inside you, he continues pushing in deeper and deeper, guided by an insatiable hunger, willing to do anything to drag your orgasm out of you.

Bringing your legs over his shoulders, he presses you deeper into the mattress. Your hands are everywhere, grabbing anything that you thought would keep you tethered to this world while you were on the edge. Sukuna kisses you, taking control of your mouth and silencing the screams that escaped.

The sounds coming from the room were entirely pornographic. There was the moaning, the sound of skin on skin as his pace quickened, and the constant gushing of your cunt every time he sank into you.

"So, so close, 'Kuna. Please, please-" Your own orgasm cuts you off, moving through your body in waves before cresting as he nips at your neck. He continues fucking you, chasing his own release. The pleasure that he gives quickly turns into borderline overstimulation, but it doesn't last long. Sukuna doesn't last much longer either, spilling everything he had left into you.

He presses a soft kiss to your lips, admiring your blissful, sleepy face before he rolls off of you.

"Feeling better?" he asks.

"A little bit." He moves you onto his chest, pulling the blanket over you as you drift off to sleep.

“I think we got off of the wrong foot.” He says, casually strolling beside you. “We were hitting it off so well.”

“Until you didn’t like that I wasn’t going to sleep with you.”

Naoya chuckles, slicking his hair back, a move that had you the first time. Now, you’re holding back the urge to gag. “It’s not that I didn’t like it. I just didn’t like being rejected. You get what that’s like, yeah?”

You scoff, pushing him away. You’ve been hanging out with Sukuna too long since that push makes Naoya stagger.

“Fuck. You.”

“Whoa!” He laughs, quickly bouncing back. “I didn’t mean to hit a nerve-”

“Leave me alone. I’m not in the mood.”

“And you think I care?” Naoya steps right in front, blocking your direction back to the sorority. The grin on his face makes you quiver. You sigh to make him think it’s the cold, air fanning his face. “I gave you my jacket. I’m entitled to at least a conversation.”

You roll your eyes. If it wasn’t chilly, that jacket would be on the grass. But you don’t want to antagonize him even further. “Are you going to apologize?”

“For what?”

“…for drugging me?”

“How do you know that was me?”

“You gave me the cup. You watched me drink it. And you were right there when I didn’t know my hand from my feet.” You say during each poke to his chest, making him back up further and further. Not close to the sorority, but it’s a start. “I don’t remember much of what happened that day, but I know you did it.”

He’s inches away from your face. You look for signs of anything. Remorse. Guilt. Something to prove he felt bad about what he did to you. Make you have a change of heart. Lower your hostility towards him.

There’s nothing of that.

“Deep down, you wanted me. I just gave you a push.” He brushes along your shoulder, hands just as cold as his heart. “I did you a favor.”

Your bottom lip trembles. A chill rises from your arms, coming out with another exhale. “Did me a favor? Did me a favor?”

“Sukuna got to you, right? That’s why you’ve been attached to him. Wearing this slutty costume…” He eyes your corset and you hope he doesn’t notice how badly knotted it is, making your chest profound. “He got to you before I did. And I saw you first. Talked to you first. What the fuck did he do? Swoop in and took my kill.”

A tear streams down your face when he grabs your wrist. His face digs into your hair, inhaling deeply at your scent. You push back, but his grip gets stronger, making you flinch at the pain.

“Let go.”

“Why? I wanted you first.”

“I said, let go.”

Naoya flushes his body against yours, a hand on your lower back, right where the strings are. You twist while sea salt continues to attack your nostrils. It stings with the cold air and whatever strength you have left is getting sucked away.

“Just come back to me in my room. Then you can say who’s better…” He finds the string, finger teasingly tracing it. “I already know who the answer will be.”

“Get off!” You push and pull. Naoya would do whatever he wants to you. Touch you in places you didn’t want to be touched. Say things you don’t ever want to hear from him. He’s not the one you want. He’ll never be the one you want.

Naoya doesn’t budge. Somehow under that slim body of his, he’s strong enough to keep up with you. An arm gets tight around your waist and he grabs your face.

“Scream louder. You think he’s gonna come? The guy who was always looking for a quick fuck? You think you’re special?” You spit in his face, making his grip on you tighter. “You wanna fight, huh? That’s fine with me.”

Any ill intention doesn’t continue. With a blink, Naoya is flown back into the grass.

“You’re in for it now, Zen’in.” Yuki says, immediately making her way over to you. She’s blocking Naoya’s body from you, checking your outfit, your hair, anything that can be out of place. All you’re wondering is why she didn’t do more to him. “Are you okay? Please don’t tell me he-”

“I’m fine. I’m fine, just-”

“Sukuna, wait!”

Over Yuki’s shoulder, Sukuna comes into view, kicking Naoya upside his face. You can hear the crack of his nose from here.

“You didn’t learn from last time, huh? You thought you could get away with that shit?” He punches Naoya’s cheek, blood staining his knuckles. “You thought you could touch her and I wouldn’t know about it?” Another crack follows that strike. You can’t tell who it came from. “Touch anyone on this fucking campus and what I say I’d do to you?”

“This is the most I’ve seen you get riled up! Over a bitch too!”

Naoya manages to get a hit in, red forming around Sukuna’s brow piercing. That’ll be his last as your frat boy hits his jaw. You’re sure a tooth fell onto the grass after that punch.

“You’re fucking dead!”

Strike after strike, Sukuna doesn’t let up. Any attempts Naoya tries to gain the upper hand doesn’t succeed. Sukuna never gives him a moment to move. To make an attempt in getting payback for breaking his nose.

A part of you didn’t want him to stop. You want to watch the life fade from Naoya’s eyes. To have him draw that last breath and be free from you forever. But, Sukuna would get in trouble. You didn’t want him to. Not when he has some explaining to do.

“Stop, man!” Gojo quickly pulls Sukuna off Naoya, right when the campus security lights are in the distance. “We gotta go.”

Sukuna halts as his former fellow frat lies on the grass, breathing shallow, face puffy, nose streaked with red. He quickly gets up, but goes over to you, concerned.

“You okay? He didn’t…” You shake your head, but his shoulders doesn’t relax. He takes a step forward, making you flinch, leaning more into Yuki. “Baby, I know it’s scary. I'll wash this shit off, just let me take you home.”

“No.” You protest. Yuki and him give you surprised looks.

“What? I thought we-”

“Can we go?”

Yuki nods at you, knowing she wasn’t going to bombard you with questions until later. Sukuna isn’t a fan, but he didn’t have time to argue. The yellow and white security lights are getting closer and more people are running out the back to go home/their dorms. Even Shoko, who points at a beat up Naoya in question with Geto.

“We’ll explain later.” Yuki says.

“Text me when you get home.” Sukuna says and you give a low nod, pulling your friends along to the train station.

Shoko helps fix your corset during the run back, which turns into a trek when the station is in view. Tears threaten to burst through under the bright lights, but you can’t cry out in the open. No matter if no one is on the train. When your friends try to ask you what happened earlier.

Yuki asks about why Sukuna called you “baby”, but you don't say anything. Only that you want to wait until you get home.

Your response probably worried your friends more, but you don't break that rule.

Even when your mind flickers back to Sukuna's hot touch, his mouth igniting your skin, your core. Burning you up more than the alcohol. Guiding you to a peak you haven’t felt in ages. Who wanted to have sex with you. Out of pity.

Pain prickles your chest, making it hard to breathe. The crisp air once getting off of the train helps, but it still hurts.

You should've kept your word this semester. No distractions. No problems. Now, you wanted to die.

You're not even at the apartment door when your vision clouds. Your face wet, getting rid of the makeup completely. Shoko quickly opens the door and you sob before the door fully shuts.

Your friends take turns receiving your tears, rubbing your back, not asking you anything. Allowing you to let it all out with no judgment.

The last time you cried like this, your high school crush said you'll never be their type. Laughing in your face when you gave him a Valentine’s day card. Yuki gave you the confidence to do it, but after that you weren’t going to try anymore. Let them come to you. And you saw what happened with that.

Were you not meant to be loved?

Do you deserve to be?

Is love just something no one wants you to have? Not even yourself?

For what feels like hours, but only five minutes, you stop. The sad looks on your friend's faces annoys you a bit. You've had enough pity in your life.

“You can tell us if Naoya did anything.” Yuki starts, “I promise you I will make sure that asshole won’t step foot on this campus anymore.”

“He didn’t…that time.” The girls look at each other when you grimace, playing with your skirt. “Remember the Alpha Phi party near the end of the spring semester? He was there. And he…drugged me.”

You don’t miss the full blown shock your friends give you. Shoko’s face never changing while Yuki’s eyes flicker with sadness.

“I was fine. He didn’t do anything to me after. He didn’t get the chance…”

“What an ass.” Shoko stands, pulling you up alongside her. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not.” Yuki stands, arms folded, “You didn’t tell us. Why?”

“I just felt awful about it and didn’t want to tell anyone. You two had your own stuff going on.”

“If my best friend was drugged on campus, I’d want to hear about it. You know I wouldn’t make fun of you.”

“I got drugged. Me. Me. I should’ve known better…”

“You wouldn’t have known.” Shoko cuts in, cupping your face, shaking it as if she wanted to get rid any of your remaining tears. “It is not your fault and it won’t ever be your fault.”

You let Shoko’s words sit for a minute. Imprinting your point of view in this entire ordeal. Yes, it was embarrassing to be in that situation. Making you ponder why, out of all people, this happened to you. That it’s so bad you couldn’t tell your friends. Your family.

All of the burden sat between you and a frat boy. No wonder you ended up here.

“Thanks. I’m glad you two are here.”

Yuki layers her body on top of Shoko’s, wrapping her arms around you two in an attempt of a strong hug. You just let it happen, hoping she squeezes any remaining shock out of you.

It’s a little past midnight and you’re winding down for the night.

The girls decide to huddle in your room, everyone trying to squeeze into your full bed. Like sardines in a can. You don’t complain though. You’re right where you needed to be.

Your phone dings and you immediately see Sukuna’s text.

‘Hey, you get home okay?’

Right, you forgot to text him.

You didn’t open the message all the way. He’ll be able to see that you read it. And seeing his name aches. The pain is never gone, but lies dormant inside you. You don’t have any tears left so you just stare at his message.

“That doesn’t seem like him.” Shoko whispers beside you. She’s still up, not wanting to disturb Yuki’s rest while watching videos. You told them what you heard from Gojo and Geto, that Sukuna was lying to you. “From what I’ve seen, Sukuna doesn’t play around. Like yeah, he used to hang around girls, but he’s upfront with them.”

You sigh, eyes never leaving that notification. “Not with me though.”

Shoko agrees with you about that when another message pops up.

‘I need an answer. I know you’re up.’

You tsk, finally opening your messages. You didn’t want to worry him even more. ‘I’m home.’

‘Good.’

Should ask him about what you heard? So he can come up with another lie behind the screen? No, you’d rather see his face instead.

‘I wanna see you later.’

‘No, not right now.’

‘Why?’

You clutch your phone to your chest, staring at the eggshell white ceiling. Shoko turned over, her back facing you. You’re the one sardine who hasn’t accepted her fate in the can. Who wants to hold out on hope that she’s not stuck.

‘I don’t feel well. I need to get myself together.’

‘Was it the alcohol? If you feel sick, lie on your side. I can bring some medicine. And get you breakfast for tomorrow.’

‘I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.’

‘Your ass was with Naoya. Just like before.’

‘I know.’

‘Then don’t tell me not to worry about you.’

A tear trails from the corner of your eye. Damn, you thought you were out of them.

‘I have the girls here. I’ll be okay.’

A text bubble appears then goes away. You stare at the messages, waiting for him to say anything. You don’t expect him to read your mind. You’re actually not sure what to expect. Just something to make you rethink everything. That he wasn’t actually doing this out of pity.

Anything.

Just. Anything.

‘Okay. I’ll see you.’

A sniffle comes out and you rapidly blink to stop any more tears. Whatever. You’re not going worry about him right now.

In fact, you’re not planning to leave your room all day.

When the sun shines through your curtains, your friends moving around and talking, you don’t move. You just lie there, appreciating the space.

Immediately, your friends caught on to your goal, deciding to stay in with you. You protest at first, knowing they probably have other plans. Yuki shows you her phone, canceling anything she has this weekend. Even sorority stuff. Shoko didn’t have anything to do anyway either. She can push back her nursing school duties for a weekend.

So the entire time, you three stay in.

Yuki kept ordering food, wanting to have a buffet. Which is why there’s a smorgasbord of pancakes, omelets, waffles, bacon, sushi, pizza, wings, fries, anything that you can eat. So there’s options.

While munching on whatever, you decide to binge movies. Anything action, something where it involved the bad guy getting brutally killed as a comeuppance. Every knife stab, bullet to the head, strangely help the ache in your chest.

It also distracts you from your phone cause each ding was either two people. Your mother, who’s sending you pictures of the Halloween party she had. Her dressed as Ghostface while entertaining the guests. Your sister looking annoyed at the entire ordeal in her matching costume.

Then your mom saying she missed you didn’t help.

You want nothing more to go home for a bit, ditch the college scene and be with your family. Not deal with assignments and tests. College parties and frat boys who couldn’t be straight with you. You want to tell her what happened, but you didn’t want to go through another day crying. So you respond to her messages with a heart and say you’ll be home for the holidays.

The other messages came from Sukuna. A lot of them mainly asking if you were okay. How you’re feeling. If you change your mind about seeing him yet. You only answer a few before leaving him on read for the rest.

This is the time to get yourself together. To figure out a game plan when you see him Monday. You know he’s going to try and act like everything is normal, but you can’t. Not right now.

The weekend passes with a blink of an eye. Yuki says goodbye with a hard hug while Shoko moves her stuff back in her room.

“You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

“I can pick you up after class tomorrow, if you want?”

“No, it’s fine. We can hang another time.”

“Are you sure?”

You laugh at Yuki’s pout, “Yes. I got some projects to finish up anyway.”

“There she is.” Shoko says while dragging her comforter back to her room.

“Just know we’re here for you, okay?”

“I know.”

After another hug, with Shoko getting pulled in this time, Yuki leaves.

It’s eight at night and your roommate needed to go to bed early for class. You try to go over your schedule for this week, ignoring the fact that you haven’t figured out how to deal with Sukuna. You thought about talking to him before class, but that is a bad start to the week. Maybe during lunch, but your food might get spoiled if you say what you want to say.

You don’t want to cry in front of him. It’ll add to his pity for you. But you can’t keep this in forever. You can’t avoid him forever.

Trying to think about how to deal with Sukuna Itadori, passing out mid-thought didn’t help.

Your feet drag in the morning, in the shower, while getting dressed. Sukuna texts that he’ll be there to see you in five minutes. Uneasyness rests in your stomach. You can’t back out. Not now.

His face lights up when you come out of your apartment. His steps are quick, like he’s ready to pull you in a hug. He doesn’t when you angle yourself in a way where it’s hard to. There’s a tick of confusion, but he doesn’t push.

“You sure you feeling alright? We can skip class if you need to go to the doc.”

You shake your head, “I’m fine.”

His eyes don’t leave yours for a moment, but still nothing.

The drive to campus is quiet. You keep to yourself, staring out the window during the drive, listening to rock music. You want to lean into his cologne spread all over the car. Just forget about what you heard and embrace him once again. Skip class so he can take you back to his room and continue where you two had left off from the party.

You can’t do that.

Even when his hand is right there on the arm rest, open, as if he’s ready for you to take it at anytime. He hasn’t brought up the make-out session. Or that he was planning to fuck you until that Naoya stuff happened.

Momentarily, you think he forgot. But this is Sukuna. He doesn’t forget stuff like that.

He clenches his hand when you don’t take it, playing it off. “You wanna hang out tonight?”

“I can’t. I got homework to do.”

“You can’t do it at my place?”

“No. I don’t want any distractions.”

“I’ll be quiet.”

“I said no, Sukuna.”

You didn’t realize how hard you slammed the car door getting out. Immediately, you open it back up and close it, walking to class. Sukuna catches up with you, making an attempt to grab your bag. You move further away.

He frowns before reaching over again. You speed up. So does he. When you go faster, he does too. Soon, the two of you are sprinting across campus. Avoiding Sukuna’s attempts to take your bag. Doesn’t he understand that if he takes it, the idea that you’re mad at him is lost?

Both of you to catch your breath when you sit down in class.

“Why didn’t…you let me take your bag?”

You clutch your chest, still trying to get yourself together. “I didn’t…I didn’t want you to have so much stuff to carry…”

“I carry your shit all the time… I haven’t complained about it either.”

“I know.”

Sukuna tilts his head in question, but you don’t say more. The teacher comes in and you shift into work mode. You just want to get the day over with.

Class feels the slowest that it’s ever been. Sukuna pokes your side when the teacher doesn’t look, trying to get your attention. It didn’t work after the first five times. On the sixth, he’s rewarded with a glare and you’re hit with that handsome smirk of his.

Your stomach flutters, causing you to look away.

No, you can’t submit to that striking face. You’re mad at him. You’re supposed to be mad at him.

“Can I get some gummies?”

He whispers in your ear, lips brushing against your earlobe. You shiver at the contact. The pen in your hand stops moving as your eyes close for a moment, taking in the proximity.

“I don’t have any.”

“Then what’s this in your bag?”

He pulls out the cherry gummies, dangling them in front of your face. You wave your hand away so he can eat them.

Finally. He should settle down now.

A cherry shaped gummy interrupts your note taking. Sukuna’s pen nudges it towards yours, becoming the center of your attention. To stop it, you immediately eat it.

He gives you another one, which you eat. Then another one. On the third one, you put it back on his notebook. Sukuna takes your hand, intertwining fingers through yours. The heat from his hand warming up your own. That stare making your heart uptick.

He can’t look at you like that. Not with what you know. Despite your hand fitting perfectly along his. How you want to rub his index finger with your thumb, lean closer and eat that piece of candy right in front him.

God, you got to get over it.

You clear your throat and pretend you need to get something out of your backpack, retreating your hand.

Once class is over, Sukuna is faster than you. He takes your bag, hooking it on his shoulder before leading you to your next class. You don’t complain. You idly follow behind.

He looks back at you, waiting for you to say anything. Maybe he’s not pitying you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be doing all of this to catch your attention. Hold your hand like he did back in class. Stare at you so intently like he wants to kiss you right then and there.

Do guys who pity women do things like this?

“What do you want for lunch?” He asks, stopping you from going into class, holding your bag. “I’ll eat anything you want.”

“I don’t have a taste for anything.” You say, reaching over to grab your bag. Sukuna twists away. “I need my bag.”

“Answer my question first.”

“I just did.”

“That’s not a real answer. You always know what you want to eat.”

“Not this time-come on.” Your lips purse when he dodges your hand again, grinning. You still had a few minutes to spare before class starts as you play this odd game of Sukuna not letting you get your bag. How he twists and turns away from your reach.

It’s annoying. It wasn’t helping his case of you being mad at him.

“Sukuna, I gotta go in there.”

He clicks his tongue, giving you a defeated look. “Fine.”

You take your bag, but before you could go inside, his arms find your waist. He pulls you close along the wall. The tips of your noses brushing against each other. He’s enveloping all of your senses, making sure he’s the one you should be focusing on. The additional security he gives makes you want to submit. Especially when his eyes darts down to your lips.

“You’re missing something.”

“Like what?”

“Like those perfect lips of yours.”

Your face heats up at the indirect request. “They’re not perfect...”

“Fuck ever. They are to me.” He finds your eyes, giving you a low smile. You want to smile back. You want to kiss him back. You miss the feeling of his lips. The strength of his arms around you. The temptation of squeezing his bicep.

“Sukuna…I have a quiz that I need to do a last minute study for.”

“So do I. No good luck kiss?”

“Is it for good luck or do you just wanna kiss me?”

His finger trails down your spine, making you perk up. “Both.”

Why are you aware? Why do you have to notice everything about everyone? Why does no one notice you and how you feel?

Sukuna should know why you're like this. Unless he thinks a kiss would solve everything. If you didn’t overhear Gojo and Geto, it might. If you were different, stupid, and mindless, this kiss would be your cure all. Hell, right now, you wonder if it'll do anything. You want it to.

“I can't…Not right now.” You pull away, not missing the way his eyes downcast.

“Ah. Okay.”

You go take a seat in the classroom, resisting the urge to slap yourself silly. To wake up and get yourself together.

What is it with this man? Before meeting him, you weren’t that easily seduced by men, no matter how attractive they are. Now, Sukuna comes in and you act like you don’t know what to do. Like this is your first time experiencing a man who’s attracted to you.

But he’s not. Really. After everything, he just pities you. Why should you be with a man who does that?

Utahime waves at you, wanting to do a last minute study for the quiz before the teacher comes in. And you decide that is what you should be worried about right now. Not Sukuna.

You try to keep that attitude after computer class, when Sukuna is spraying Febreze on himself as you walk out. He wants to take you back to Alpha Phi since their chef is finishing up lunch. You decline. If he takes you back to his room, you might fail in your goal of staying mad at him.

He’s surprised at you not wanting to go. Even more so when you then offer to go your separate ways during lunch. That you want to quickly eat then finish up your project for your C++ class.

You’re hoping he just says okay and be done with it. No, he has to be stubborn.

“We can order food at the library then.”

“No, you have to walk over to the pick up spot for it. And that’s ten minutes away.”

“I got it.” He motions for you to follow. You sigh towards the sky, not knowing what to do about him.

He wasn’t going to go away. You need him to go away.

At the library, you try to be studious.

Eating the quesadilla Sukuna brought you while continuing your C++ project, making a weather app. It’s straight forward. The main problem you’re having is making sure the temperatures didn’t clip away on the sides. You still have plenty of time with the project not being due until next week, but you wanted to finish it by Thursday so you have more free time.

It would be easier to finish up if you didn’t have a frat boy staring at you.

Every time you glance up, Sukuna’s eyes are there. His laptop is only up just for show, one earbud in as he’s finishing a taco. He slowly chews, brows lowered, jaw tense. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but you don’t know why he’s doing that.

You don’t ask questions either, ignoring him to go back to your project.

“I was thinking…” Sukuna starts, but you don’t look up. “since you don’t want to go over my room. I’ll come to yours.”

That makes you look up. “What? Why?”

“You gotta finish that cool ass project. And I figured you’d want to be in the comfort of your apartment instead of a loud frat house.”

“Sukuna, you can’t come over.”

He scoffs, “I’ve been in your apartment before. You and Ieiri buy a bunch of damn groceries.”

“It’s not that-”

“What, you afraid of all the nerd shit I’m gonna see in your room?”

You raise your pen like you’re going to throw it at him. Of course he doesn’t flinch, giving you this big ass sadistic smile. “It’s not that. I’m not embarrassed if you see my room.”

“Clearly, since you offered to take me there last Thursday.”

You hide under your laptop, blood surging across your face. “I was drunk.”

“No the fuck you weren’t.”

“And how do you know?”

“Because I never would’ve touched you like that if you were shit faced.”

He’s staring right into your soul. Serious. Not one hint of a grin or a smirk. You squeeze your thighs together, before clearing your throat. You need to regain some control back.

“Look, you can’t come over. I don’t want any distractions and you are one. Period. End of story.”

You put your earbuds in, stopping him for continuing any more conversation about it. Sukuna shifts in his chair and lets it go. He’s fully focused on his laptop for the rest of the work period.

When he drops you off of your last class, he doesn’t say anything, only watching you sit at your seat before disappearing. The lack of goodbye pains your heart. You wish there’s an inkling in you that decides to forget everything that happened and live in a lie with Sukuna. He’d be with you despite knowing the harsh truth.

You can’t do that.

You can’t do that.

Your logistics class flies by and nausea lingers in your throat. When you walk out, it gets worse seeing Sukuna lean against the wall, flicking the cigarette away. Smoke seeps through his nostrils, face relaxed. He’s looking at the floor while his hands take shelter in his pockets.

As if he’s in his natural element. Waiting for you to come out of class.

The mood shifts when he sees you. Typically, Sukuna’s eyes light up when you’re in his direction. It’s not a shift in his usual demeanor, but he’s more alert. Aware when you’re around. This time his eyes doesn’t do that. They’re confused.

No words are spoken as he’s walking you back home. You don’t protest, walking ahead of him to make the air less awkward then it has to be.

“You’re acting weird.”

You pause mid-step, moving out of the way to let others pass by you. “No, I’m not.”

“Bullshit. You’ve hardly been answering my texts, in class you barely looked at me. During study hall, you blew me off-”

“I’m just trying to get my work done.”

“I know, but…” Sukuna takes a step closer. You don’t move, trying to look him in the eye for as long as you can. And not get seduced by those soft, pained eyes of his. “Did I fuck up? I keep thinking about that night, when I beat the shit out of that prick and the blood…Was it too much? I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, it wasn’t the blood. I watch gorey things, I can handle it.”

“Seeing it on tv is different than real life.”

“My point still stands.”

“Then…” His fingers nudge along yours. An attempt to ask for permission to hold your hand. To embrace you. A part of you wants to. Like a mosquito itch you want to scratch. “when we made out. When I sucked your-”

“I remember.” You cut him off, snatching your hand away to continue the walk to the station. A huff occurs from behind. It doesn’t take much effort for him to catch up to you.

“Then? Was that too much? Did I go too fast?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see the turmoil. The desperation to get an answer to prove that he didn’t fuck it up. He really doesn’t know, huh?

“You lied to me.” You stop right outside the train station. The train is minutes away, but you don’t care if you miss this one. You can wait. Sukuna frowns, not understanding what you mean. “On the train during the first day of classes, what did I ask you? What did you say afterwards?”

“That-” He sighs, “That wasn’t a lie-”

“I asked you if that party was the reason why you were with me. You said no. To my face. And I believed you.”

“Because it wasn’t the reason.”

“That’s not what your buddies said.”

He’s still confused, “What did you hear?”

“Why do you want to know? So you can tell me they’re wrong? Which will further prove that you lied to me?”

“I told you no, for a reason-”

“Yeah, to keep your image. You’re the king of planning parties, right? A girl getting drugged and almost raped at a party wouldn’t look good for the frat. For you, since you were going to be VP.”

“I didn’t know about the VP shit until the day of.”

“Even if you didn’t know about that, you planned the party. You knew it would damage your reputation. That’s why you were hanging out with me. To make sure I didn’t rat you out or something.”

“Fuck, no that’s not…” He goes quiet. The train bells go off, alerting you that it’s on its way. You don’t move. You stare at him, entire body shaking with anxiety.

This is the most confrontation you’ve ever done in years. Yuki usually did it for you, especially back in high school. But she can’t do it for you this time. You hate this. So much.

“I wouldn’t do that for a fucked up reason like that. I ain’t one of those guys.”

“Please.” You scoff, rolling your eyes.

He takes a step back, squinting at you. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re a ho. You like fucking girls, yet you don’t wanna fuck me. You’re just throwing me a bone.”

“Now, you’re just making shit up-”

“You told Gojo and Geto that you have no interest in fucking me.”

“Why are you listening to them? Fuck…” He runs a hand through his hair, kicking a rock on to the grass. His annoyed face doesn’t deter you, but you’ve had enough. “Look, can we talk about this back at the apartment?”

“No. I’m done.”

He shifts, “What do you mean ‘you’re done’?”

“You heard me.” You secure the bag on your shoulder, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I know how you see me now.”

“Hold on, wait-”

“Just leave me alone.” You turn on your heels, deciding to leave Sukuna in the dust.

“Let me take you home-”

“No. Don’t talk to me.”

You can’t cry. You’re better than this.

No matter how much you wanna turn around and run back over to him. Apologize for what you said. Tears flowing down your cheeks, enough to fill a river.

You need a minute. An hour. A day. A week to not think of Sukuna Itadori.

It’s why you go home and act like nothing happened. Only telling Shoko that you spoke to Sukuna. She tries to probe you to go into more detail. You don’t. You need to finish this project and you’ll see her in the morning.

If Sukuna shows up tomorrow, you’ll ignore him. You can’t indulge in him anymore.

The next day, after your first class, he isn’t there.

No large frat boy, dressed in a black hoodie with the scent of sweet peony. Trying to hide the cigarette he lit to make sure you don’t get a whiff of its smoke. The faint smile he shares with you, taking the load off your shoulders by grabbing your bag. All while telling you what he wants to do for the day.

You rapidly blink the incoming tears.

Finally. You got rid of him.

You can go back to eating lunch by yourself. Pick a corner in the library to study in by yourself. Walk back to your apartment by yourself.

No distractions. No problems. Just like you wanted.

Right?

You breeze through your second class, the sting of Sukuna not being there hurts less. You do a double take around the corner to make sure you didn’t miss him.

During lunch, you eat your sandwich in a tucked in cubicle in the library. Where you immediately start finishing your project, becoming the center of your attention. Not a frat boy who was interested in your simple weather app.

Time goes by and you’re at work, picking up some quick snacks before you start your shift. The cherry gummies and energy drink make their way into the pile, not realizing until you look in your bag.

Whatever. You’ll just have to eat them.

Work drags. Not even a sneak of your assigned readings make it go by faster. Or a rush of people between classes.

Every time you look at the clock, only a minute passes. You hate it. You want to go home. Your neck cricks from turning it during every ring from the door. You’ve restocked the same area by the register, trying to force the chocolate bars between the other candies. It doesn’t work, leaving you with an unnecessary box of opened candy.

When you get off, there’s a cigarette and a faint scent of peony outside. Nothing else. You didn’t get much sleep last night, but it’s not enough for you to be hallucinating. A sign to go to sleep early tonight. Right after you go home. By yourself.

The day after, Sukuna is in class. He’s not next to you though, not really. He’s a chair away from you, hood over his face, notebook out, pen and foot tapping in unison. No glance in your direction. Like you don’t exist.

As the way it should be.

You ignore that pang in your heart, swallowing it away to focus. Like he has the right to be mad at you. You’re the one in the right here, he isn’t. Even though you called him a whore. Not in those exact words.

Should you apologize?

You didn’t want to have anything bad on your conscience. You still had some empathy, even if he didn’t.

When class is over, you’re ready to tap him and apologize for your words the other day. Before you could, he’s gone. Right out the door. Not…what you expected. You’re not going to chase him down either.

It is what it is.

You can’t worry about a boy. You need to focus on finishing the semester. On your major. Sukuna put a strain in your plans and now that he’s out, you can go back to your normal self.

That’s why November goes by like a blur. A minute blip that doesn’t matter. You stick to your ‘go to class, go to work, go home’ routine. Yuki and Shoko sneak in a hang out here and there. Utahime manages to get you to do karaoke back in her dorm one night.

Being by yourself doesn’t hurt anymore. You don’t know if you have feelings anymore. If you’re making do with what your life is now. You still have your friends. You still have good grades. An excellent track to your cyber security career.

Shouldn’t that be enough?

During Thanksgiving, you think it’s a time to just get rid of the college scene for a while. Yuki drives you home, since she didn’t want to go to her parents house for the holiday. Her parents make a miniscule feast that she never likes. Saying that going over to your house is always better.

“You wanna bet how many plates I can eat?”

You shake your head while checking the gps, “Last time you got through two. And you almost threw up.”

“That was last year’s Yuki. This year, I trained for this.”

“For eating a bunch of food at my house?”

“Yes.”

Her smug face lets you know that you should have a bucket on stand by. On instinct, you pull out your phone to check your messages. Shoko sent a selfie that she was at the airport. Utahime sent you a have a nice holiday message. Nothing from…him.

You weren’t expecting one from him.

Should you text him? You’re just being polite.

“Don’t you do it.” Yuki snatches your phone and tosses it in the backseat.

“Hey!”

“This is family time. Not you know what time.”

“I wasn’t!” You look back, huffing at your phone being awkwardly propped up by the passenger door. “I was just-”

“Don’t think about that during this break.”

You roll your eyes. She’s right. You don’t like that she’s right.

“Fine.”

A frat boy can’t be on your mind when you’re spending time with family. Thank goodness, they don’t know about him. The one upside to your reserved lifestyle is that you hardly tell anyone anything. And look where that got you…

It is good to be home though.

Your moms didn’t hesitate in bombarding you at the doorway with their affection. One mom kissing your face while the other kept asking you about your classes, your homework, any clubs you’ve been doing, etc. The black cat, Moonshine, a new addition to the family since your sister found it after the Halloween, also makes an appearance rubbing along your legs.

Yuki gets the same treatment. She soaks up your parents questions, spouting answers as the cat rests in her arms. You take your role in being a good child, checking up on your parents, asking your sister how her grades are. How you can send in money to help with Moonshine if need be.

Your mom goes over the itinerary for dinner tomorrow and it’s a good distraction. You don’t worry about the assignments and projects and finals. You just worry about making sure the mac and cheese tastes the same as it did last year.

What would Sukuna be doing right now?

You’re sure he went over his brother’s for the holiday and finding out if Jin is having a boy or a girl. Sukuna bet with you that it’s a girl. Only twenty bucks. A stupid thing to do. He’d probably win it if you two were still hanging out.

You shouldn’t text him.

Maybe, maybe you can talk to him? No. He did this to himself. You shouldn’t have to take the leap to reconcile. Even if it’s been almost a month.

Sukuna started hanging out with you. You didn’t ask him to. You didn’t beg him to. So, why should reaching out to be friends again be on you? It doesn’t matter if you miss his company. Miss him. None of that matters.

Yet, that idea lingers in the back of your head throughout the holiday.

While you’re finishing up dinner, gathering around the table with your family to eat. When you rub Yuki’s back in the bathroom after she ate three plates of food. As you get tipsy with your sister from drinking Moscato. When you’re idly eating leftovers.

Regardless of what happened at the Halloween party, Sukuna was a good friend. It’s not fair to get rid of that over a misunderstanding. Will he speak to you though? He hasn’t much since the argument, besides going over mandatory assignments in class. You’d probably look pathetic just going up to him and wanting to talk.

You didn’t want to go back to your apartment.

During each hug goodbye from your family, kisses from Moonshine, your stomach churns. The two hour drive back fills that bucket of dread. Yuki yapping away about finals doesn’t help distract you. You’re wondering if you should even say anything to him. Or just let whatever you two had fade away.

You shouldn’t be concerned with this.

Why did Sukuna Itadori have to crash into your life?

“It’ll be fine.” Yuki reassures you, pulling up to your apartment. She must’ve noticed the worried look on your face. “Finals will be a breeze for you. You aced the ones last semester.”

Because you didn’t have a hot boy on your mind.

“Not what I’m worried about…”

She makes you face her before you can dash out the car with your bags. A strong grip on your shoulders. “You know, I should be proud of you in a way. I finally see what you look like when you’re boy crazy.”

“I’m not boy crazy…”

“Uh-huh. You kept looking at your phone the entire ride.” You click your tongue, not surprised she noticed that. “What do you want to happen if you talk to him?”

“That we’ll be friends again.”

Yuki raises her eyebrow, making you shift. “Just friends?”

You don’t answer that. The flash of his lips on yours takes up space. It’s enough for your friend to sit back, shaking her head. Not out of judgement, but at a loss.

“I want you to be smart about this. What Sukuna gave you, any other guy can give that to you.”

You know. You know deep down in the pit of your soul. But they’re not him. There probably won’t be another guy like him.

God, you’re pathetic.

“You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

The brown in Yuki’s eyes flashes with sympathy, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. See you later.”

The walk back to your apartment seals that idea for you.

What you want from Sukuna is over. What he can give you is gone. If he wants to restart that with you, he’d have to do it. End of story.

Besides, you have finals and projects to finish up. You didn’t have time to worry about Sukuna.

At least you try not to.

Ever since the split, he hasn’t been prominent on campus. You count a handful of times you’ve seen him besides your class.

He’s everywhere now.

On the quad bundled up with a coat, passing out flyers of the incoming end of the year activities his fraternity is organizing. Fundraiser parties, donations for angel trees, raffles for surprise gifts. Everywhere you look, that pink-haired frat boy is there.

And each time you see him, he sees you.

Sukuna looks directly at you. Just as he did previously. Soft, with want.

You don’t know what he wants. He doesn’t take that extra step. Go past those flimsy tables to speak to you. In his defense, the set ups are usually busy. Everyone flocks to sign up for whatever Alpha Phi offers. You thought about it yourself, but that means speaking to him.

You’d make a fool of yourself if you tried.

“Yoohoo!” Gojo waves at you, “Ms. Study Wuddy!”

You shake your head at his attempt to make you come over. Sukuna’s right beside him, those once monotone eyes, shifting into a look of panic. No way, you’re not going over there now.

“So, you don’t want to help a little boy or girl have gifts for Christmas?” He pouts, batting his eyelashes. “That’s not in the Christmas spirit.”

“Shut the fuck up, Satoru.” Sukuna sneers, eyes darting to you before going to the sign up sheet.

“I’m trying to make sure everyone has a great holiday. And everyone should participate.”

You immediately make your way over, not wanting Gojo to make more of a scene. He lights up, quickly showing you the clipboards of all the children for the Angel Trees. Each one wanting a stacked list of gifts.

“How much can I donate?”

“My partner can answer that question for you.” Gojo slides his chair away, motioning Sukuna come over. “And ask plenty of questions. He doesn’t bite.”

You lock eyes, taking him in like you’ve never seen him before. His thick, black coat, matching hat and gloves makes you want to applaud that he’s keeping warm this season. His tattoos seamlessly blends in with them. And he smells differently now. Like fresh linen.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” You greet back, but try to focus on the task at hand. “Uh, which child has the least amount of donations?”

Sukuna doesn’t speak for a bit, eyes still on your frame. How you’re bundled up for the weather yourself in your gigantic coat. Your white, fuzzy hat and matching gloves. Trying to keep your heavy bag stable.

“Doesn’t matter. They all have almost the same amount of money.”

“Oh. Good to know.” You peruse the options, deciding on a little girl, Lisa, who wanted a bunch of Bratz related things for Christmas. Which you immediately relate to. You decide to give him fifty dollars for the girl, your gloved hands brushing against each other.

“Ain’t this your rent money?”

You huff, “No. I already paid for December and January in advance. I can splurge a bit.”

“Right.” He grips the money, not putting it in the box yet. His mouth opens then closes and you’re leaning against the table, wondering what he wants to say. “Thanks for your donation.”

Ah.

“Oh, uh, no problem.”

You fix your bag, speeding off to go to the library.

Sukuna has no interest in speaking to you. Of course. What were you thinking?

You focus on the last week of the semester. Finals. Projects that make up 25 - 30% of your grade. A welcome distraction to a weird situation.

That frat boy keeps looking at you whenever he’s promoting frat activities. He doesn’t say anything to you when it’s time to take the final of your civics class. He just looks at you, frowning, unsure what to say. It’s not like him. He always has something to say. But when it comes to you, apparently not.

It’s hard not to think of it as you finish up your last final of the semester. When you share gifts with your friends to celebrate the holidays. Before you all go your separate ways.

Shoko is leaving first thing to go back home, planning to do nothing but rot during the holidays. Yuki has some last minute sorority things to finish up before she goes home too. You’re planning to stay another week, wanting to make some extra money at the shop before going home. A week to keep to yourself. Maybe do nothing, but binge watch tv.

Something to not make you think about him.

Plus, the shop is usually dead during the winter semester. Hardly any students come in to get their snacks for the day. Occasionally, you’ll see a professor or two. Who needs a pick me up before they finish grading their students tests. Your boss gave you the key to the shop since you’ll be the main one working there. Telling you to lock up once you’re done with your shift.

It’s just you, yourself, and the next episode of Black Sails.

“Hiya.” You glance over at that familiar voice behind the register. Gojo places his goodies on the counter; some waters, granola bars, and a…peach tea? “That one is for you. A part of my apology.”

“Apology for what?”

“Oh well, you know…” Gojo rubs the back of his neck, “For saying some things that shouldn’t have been said.”

“Like?” You raise a brow as he taps his card. He pushes the tea towards you, but you don’t take it. Not yet.

“Look.” He takes off his shades, revealing the bags under his eyes. “Nothing tastes right. I went to one of my favorite restaurants a while back and had a filet mignon. One of my favorite pieces of meat, by the way, and it was horrible. I thought the chef just gave me a bad one so I asked for another and that was horrible too. It was weird. Never have I ever had a bad piece of meat.

“Then a few days after I tried going to the diner down the campus to eat those chocolate chip pancakes. One bite was all it took for me to shudder in disgust. It was nasty. How can you fuck up pancakes?”

He did have a point about the pancakes. But you pretend to be disinterested when he continues.

“I realized that the problem was me. Sukuna got on me for what I said at the party. That, combined with seeing his scary face in the middle of the night for weeks, waking up covered in sweat, I knew what I needed to do.”

Gojo gives you a sincere gaze. For the first time in forever, you see the appeal in those blue eyes of his. “I’m sorry. What I said wasn’t right to say. I was just surprised that our vice president took such an interest to you.”

“Because I’m not his type.”

“Nah, not that. I’ve never seen him follow around a girl like that. Without pretending to ignore the sex sounds from his bedroom. Then I realized you were the girl from the spring party and got confused. I never know what’s going on with Sukuna.”

“So…you don’t know what’s going on either?”

Gojo shakes his head, “No one in the frat knows. Just him. I thought he was going to tell us what’s really going on, but I have a feeling it’s between you and him.”

Those words shift gears in your brain. No one in Alpha Phi knows what Sukuna was doing. That’s good to know at least.

If only he talked to you.

“Thank you.” You grab the tea, placing it under the register. “I appreciate the apology.”

“I didn’t want you to think the President doesn’t have any manners.”

“Ah, so Sukuna didn’t push you to apologize?”

“No! This is all me.” Gojo gestures to himself for emphasis. “Your boyfriend has been pissy the whole time. Grumbling and glaring at anyone who walks by. He better not get pissy when I tell him I apologized.”

Your heart can’t help but leap at ‘boyfriend’. It adds to the idea that he does want to be with you. But yet he has Gojo in here doing his dirty work.

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Ha! You are funny.”

You shake your head, watching Gojo stroll out of the store. Your eyes don’t leave the door. Like you’re waiting for your frat boy to come through. There’s no one here. It’d be a perfect time to talk.

He doesn’t, so you huddle back down besides the register, quickly making a grocery list. Just a few items to stave you for the week. You have to take your little grocery cart your mom got you when you moved in to the apartment. And make sure you get back home before the temperatures drop. You heard it’s supposed to be flurries tonight.

It’s fine. Not like you haven’t done this before.

You mentally prepare yourself for that train ride while locking up the shop. Walking through the aisles at the store. Trying to resist the urge to forget about it and order in for the day.

No, no. The sooner you get it done, the more you don’t have to worry about it.

“Hey.”

You hold your breath at that teakwood scent and all black outfit. Sukuna digs his hands in his pockets, cold air escaping his lips. That one simple word makes you want to cry. Run in his arms. But you don’t know his side of the story yet. So you shakily exhale.

“Hey. Were you trying to get something? I just closed up.”

“No. I wanted to talk.”

“Oh.” You put the store keys in your pocket. Knowing Sukuna, he’d probably want to talk right here. In the freezing cold. You had stuff to do. “I need to get groceries. Is the talk going to take a while or?”

“I’ll take you to the store. The nicer one, not the one that’s rundown.”

“But the rundown one is closer.”

“I have a car.”

You pretend to be miffed, not wanting to show any other emotion that implies you’re happy he’s talking to you. During the walk, neither of you anything. He opens the door for you, makes sure your seatbelt is on before pulling off.

The hip hop is at a decent volume. Not making it hard to talk, but there’s not a lot of room to say anything. You keep to yourself and hold your tongue. He wanted to talk. He’s going to have to talk.

The drive to the nicer grocery store is fifteen minutes away. A quick fifteen minutes. Like Sukuna was driving faster than normal. Was he going to wait until you’ve done your groceries? It made sense. You’re typically a ‘get in, get out’ type of person. A talk like this might distract you from getting your necessities.

As he pulls in to the parking lot, you’re ready to get out when he stops you.

“Before we go in,” Sukuna starts, rubbing his hands on his jeans, “I gotta say something.”

Okay, never mind. He’s going to talk to you now. In the car. You look around the lot, like anyone has the capability to interrupt you two before nodding for him to continue.

Sukuna doesn't make eye contact with you. Red starts creeping up from his neck to his cheeks as his mouth opens then closes constantly. No words coming out just yet.

“I can't take this shit. Not speaking to you. Not being there for you. You’re in my damn mind all the fucking time. And I mean all the time. I can't focus on my classes. I’m pretty sure I failed my fucking finals. Not saying it’s your fault, I just can’t focus.”

“I highly doubt you failed.” You reassure him, tugging on the ends of your coat, “You’re very smart. I’ve seen the high marks in your grades.”

“Every test felt so easy. I probably failed those bitches.”

You understand that feeling, knowing you’ve done well only to get a score that wasn’t what you thought. It’s why you study so hard. Why he studied hard with you. You push for him to continue.

“Look, I thought doing more shit for the frat would help take my mind off of you. It didn’t. I can't sleep. I’ve been eating nothing but ramen and trail mix, just fucking junk food. If I remember to eat at all that day. My brother said if it was getting that bad, I needed to clear the air with you.”

He talked about you to his brother? You don’t want to interrupt him again, but that knowledge makes you warm inside.

“I like you.” Sukuna locks eyes with yours, “I really like you.”

That confession makes everything inside you flutter. Your heart burns, but it doesn’t hurt. Is it out of relief? Satisfaction? You don’t know, but you can’t confess just yet.

“Since…what happened at the party right?”

“No. Before that.”

You freeze, then blink one, two, no three times. “W-What? Since…since when?”

“Had a feeling you didn't remember…” He isn’t sad or disappointed by it, but an ache forms in your chest.

When has Sukuna started crushing on you? How did you not notice? You barely saw him and he barely saw you. Right? Right? Did you miss something? Were you too caught up in your studies to notice that a boy liked you? Likes you. He likes you.

The cold starts seeping into the car, your breath forming amongst it. You need to continue this conversation later.

“We should go inside. It’s getting cold…”

“Oh. Right.”

Usually in the grocery store, you don’t waste time. Don’t stall in getting what you need to get. There’s other things you’d rather be doing than spend hours in the store. Once you walk in, you forget to grab a cart. Sukuna is immediately on it, ready to follow you.

Wait, what are you planning to get?

You pull out your phone, only to drop it. The screen doesn’t crack, but your hands shake. It’s difficult to pull up your Notes app when your mind diverts to the fact that Sukuna liked you before the party. Before! You want to ask when, but it sounds like it’s been so long ago that you forgot.

Damn. How can you forget that a guy like him likes you?

“You good?” He asks, noticing that you’ve been staring at the produce for a bit.

“Yeah. I was trying to pick the right tomatoes.” You just grab some random ones before putting them in the cart. That list is right in your line of sight, but you’re not paying attention to it. You should ask. It wouldn’t hurt. “Uh, when…when did you start liking me?”

Sukuna looks around, “We gonna do this by the salad dressings?”

“Yes. You wanted to talk to me, so…”

He rubs the back of his neck, angling the cart so it’s not blocking anyone’s way.

“A few weeks before the party. In one of the general buildings. This girl was glued to me and I didn’t feel like going back to class. She was kissing on me and shit and I was semi bored. We were next to a water fountain and you walked by us with your water bottle.”

You put your creamy Italian dressing in the cart as he continues. “I swear I thought I saw your ass like three or four times. You walked by us like a lost puppy. I thought you didn’t know where your class was. Maybe you were trying to get a look at me and this chick without us noticing.”

“Please.” You scoff, starting to remember what he was talking about. “The water fountains on that floor were broken…I think. I was trying not to be next to y’all at all.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

An elderly woman wanted to get this balsamic dressing on a high shelf. Sukuna hands it to her as you move again, paying attention to your list this time. A few boxes of macaroni, spaghetti, and angel hair are thrown in the cart.

While pondering on needing chili powder, forgetting to check at your apartment, Sukuna keeps going.

“You finally came over to where we were and filled up your bottle. You probably thought that shit was awkward.”

“Uh, yeah. You were lip locking right next to me. And I was thirsty…”

He snorts, giving you a grin that shoots through your heart. “Cute.”

“Whatever.” You roll your eyes and toss the chili powder in, “So what, you thought me filling up my water bottle was cute or something?”

“No. When I was fooling around with that chick, my keys fell out of my pocket. I would’ve missed that shit and locked my dumbass out. But you noticed and gave them back to me.”

Sukuna’s face softens as he’s retelling the story. The exact moment you see his interest in you increase. You still don’t get it. You were being nice, making sure he didn’t run around campus looking for his keys.

“I changed your whole life by being nice, huh?”

“Yeah.” Your face gets warm at the sudden eye contact, “You’re attentive. I don’t know, it made me want to talk to you more. Wonder why you didn’t just let my keys sit there. Especially when I had my tongue down another girl’s throat.”

“Okay.” You depart from the spice aisle, going to the frozen food section. “Don’t bring up kissing on girls again, I get it.”

“My bad.”

You sigh, grabbing a large pack of hamburger and two packs of chicken. Sukuna likes you because you weren’t like those other girls. Fine, you guess you can take that. It still doesn’t explain what he was doing. Not that well, anyway.

“If you wanted to talk to me more, what happened at the party? You were nowhere near me.”

Sukuna almost hit a lady when you ask that question, both of you quickly apologizing. “What do you think? Naoya’s ass got to you.”

“No excuse. When you want to do something, you do it. Why didn’t that happen with me?”

He grimaces at that. You let him sit with that question going into the coffee and tea aisle. You grab Shoko’s favorite brand of coffee while you grab your green tea bags. Then another flavor, ginger and orange, caught your eye.

“I thought I wasn’t good enough for you.”

Those words make you pause, right when you drop the tea bags in the cart. Sukuna isn’t messing around. His brows lower, like he’s distressed. Like he believes the words he’s saying to you right now.

“Why would you think that?”

“Why do you think? I’m known as a ‘Womanizer’. I fuck anyone with a nice rack and ass. You’d think the same if I came up to you that night. Hell, you thought that a month ago.”

“I didn’t mean it.” You quickly apologize, “I was upset. And that’s no reason to say that to you. Not when you’ve been so nice to me.”

“It’s okay. I made that bed. I gotta lie in it.”

“No, you don’t.” You take a step. Holding your hands even though you want to reach out and comfort him. “You’re more than that. I promise I don’t see you as a whore.” He chuckles when you whisper that. “In fact, you’re just like those typical guys on tv. The womanizer who dates a lot of women, but has yet to find the one…”

“What if I found her?”

You stumble backwards, almost knocking into one of the displays. The heat is very known across your face and a cue to go to another aisle.

Rows of snacks are in your line of sight, giving you another distraction from what Sukuna said to you. While you decide, he picks up a bag of pretzels, tossing them into the cart before taking up your view. He leans against the rack, staring at you.

“I mean it.”

“Uh-huh. We haven’t started dating yet.”

He shrugs, “Yeah we did. August.”

“What?!” You quickly cover your mouth, making him wheeze. “Don’t tell me you count whatever the hell we were doing as dating?”

“Why not? I was practically your boyfriend the whole time.”

You fan your face, making him laugh harder. “This is not funny. I thought you were doing all of this as a bet at first. Because of what happened.”

His face sours. Any hint of amusement is gone as he gets serious with you. To tell you straight up.

“I felt bad about what happened, yeah. It was my party. That fucker shouldn’t have roofied anyone up in there. The fact that it was you, pissed me off even more. I could’ve stopped that shit. If I wasn’t a pussy.”

“And you thought following me around would make up for what happened? Because you pitied me?”

Sukuna shakes his head, all up in your face. He’s so close and you’re wondering if he’s going to do something like kiss you in the middle of the aisle. Well…that wouldn’t be so bad.

“Remember what I said first. I like you. The other shit just gave me a push. I wanted to try with you. Not just fuck you and hardly call you like I usually do with other girls. I wanted to get to know you and shit.”

You take a step further, gripping his coat to keep stable. “But you told people that you didn’t want to…”

“I was just drawing a line. Didn’t want to scare you off. Wanted to take things slow, not rush you into doing things you didn’t want to do.”

“I get it.”

He’s searching your face. Probably looking for anything to show that you don’t want this. Don’t want him. You pull away since you two are basically canoodling in the snack aisle.

You quickly pick up your Doritos and lead Sukuna to the next aisle. He remains silent. It’s your turn to tell him how you feel. If you want to forgive him. Try to be more than just friends with him. You want to ask what would happen if you two decide to just stay friends, but you can’t picture him with another woman and not get jealous.

He says he likes you. He’s willing to be more with you.

Are you?

You’re nervous and not just because you’re in the feminine products aisle, picking up a box of pads. If you tell him what you want, there’s no going back. It might lead to a road of heartbreak, despair, and you wishing you never met him. Or lead to happiness and an idea that you do deserve love. From a frat boy of all people.

“I like you too.” You admit. Sukuna’s face lights up when you keep going, “I thought you wouldn’t like me for me. I’m not like the other girls you talk to. And I’m not saying that like you know…those memes you see.”

“I know.”

“I’ve just been hurt a lot and I didn’t want to be hurt again. Especially after what happened after the spring party. I didn’t want you to be another one who hurts me.”

“And I won’t be.” He steps toward you, “I’ll try not to. Shit, I will do everything to not make you cry. I can’t picture you crying. I bet you look hot though.”

“I don’t.” You laugh. “I get snot all over me and it’s not pretty.”

“Still hot.”

You giggle, breaking down those walls. “I want to try with you. Start dating. Since December, not August.”

Sukuna sucks his teeth, “Okay.”

He takes a step closer, once again invading your space. You don’t care that he is. You want him to, after so long of being apart. He cups your face, angling upwards so you can see him more. Sukuna pushes up your glasses while his eyes trail down to your lips.

“You’re my girl now.”

“And…you’re my boyfriend. Wow, I can’t believe I’m saying that.”

“Psh, believe it.”

He leans forward, but you quickly stop him, pointing out that you’re in the store. As much as you’d like to kiss him, there are still people around. The slightly invasive conversation you two had is enough.

You double check your list, realizing you forgot a few items like tomato sauce and sugar and go back to get it. In line, Sukuna takes the front and pays for your groceries, which you’re used to him doing when he took you out before. Now, he’s doing it because he’s your boyfriend.

Yeah, he’s your boyfriend now. Whoa.

The light hits Sukuna in a different way. Before, he was Sukuna, your friend who’s in a fraternity. Now, he’s Sukuna, your boyfriend. Boyfriend. You pinch yourself and quickly count backwards from ten when he isn’t looking. It’s not a dream though. Otherwise, you’d be in a warmer setting.

The cold chills you through your coat during the trek to the car. As always, Sukuna handles the bags, placing them effortlessly in the trunk while you warm up inside. Maybe he had a point when he said you two been dating since August.

“What’s for dinner?” He asks after getting in the car.

“No clue. Was gonna put something together with the groceries I got.”

Sukuna snorts, pulling out his phone. “Yeah, okay. You want Chinese?”

“…yeah.”

The atmosphere is much better the drive back.

You two start catching up. How both of you thought the final for your civic studies class was hard for no reason. Sukuna did an example curriculum of the school year for his pretend math class, hating every minute of it yet getting an A. You tell him about your final project being a phishing simulator. It’s not perfect, but a good start for you to build on it if you want.

Before you go up to the apartment, Sukuna tries to figure out how to download the weather app you made, saying that he’s going to use yours for now on. No other app. You try to tame that fast heartbeat by quickly showing him how.

Sukuna was adamant of carrying all of your bags in one sitting up to the apartment, not wanting you to lift a finger. You think it’s silly, telling him you can carry some bags too. But he doesn’t let you, determined to show off his strength. It did work a little.

Apartment sweet apartment.

You sigh at the quiet space. Is Sukuna going to stay the night? You can show him that pirate show you’ve been watching. He might like it.

After locking the door, you turn and Sukuna is right there. The embrace takes your breath away. You squeak under his lips, gripping his shoulders to keep steady. He places a secure hand on your back, trapping you against the door to get his fill of you before you disappear. You’re not going anywhere. Not if you can help it.

With a grip on the nape of his neck, Sukuna groans under your lips, tongue sliding past to taste more of you. A sigh follows. One that expresses how much you wanted this for so long. Wanted him. You don’t forget the tips you picked up from the Halloween party as you suck on his tongue, making him shudder.

“Fuck…” He heaves with a heavy look. “You trying to kill me?”

“No…Was that too much?”

“Hell no.”

You giggle when he kisses your nose, still slightly cold. He keeps you close, digging his hands in the back pocket of your jeans, squeezing your ass.

“We need to put the groceries away.”

“Right now?”

“Yes. I don’t want these to sit out.”

Sukuna grimaces, doing one last grope and a kiss to your forehead before letting you go.

With perfect efficiency, you two put away the groceries. You have enough time to shower before the food gets here. Sukuna tells you that he’s staying over, not wanting to be apart from his girlfriend for a while.

“I ain’t ruining your holiday, right?”

You shake your head, “I won't be leaving until the end of the week. I'm surprised you're still here.”

“I wanted to mope for a bit if our talk didn't end well.” He unashamedly admits. “Jin didn't need to see me like that. Once was enough.”

You want to ask about his brother's opinion of you. It’s still too early in the relationship, but you hope it's good. Besides, your stomach flutters when he says girlfriend. Then you realize he’s going to see your room.

He’s never seen your room before.

You’ve been successful in hiding it every time he’s been in your apartment. But boyfriend’s see where their girlfriend’s live. That includes their room. Unfortunately.

“Before you go in,” You stop him by your door, not making eye contact. “don’t judge me…”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because…” When you don’t elaborate, Sukuna shakes his head, motioning you to open the door.

You’ve been in your room thousands of times, but now you’re noticing everything when he walks in. The retro, techy vibe you’re trying to go for with a mix of silver, blues, and purples. A few posters, mainly motivational, is taped on the walls. Your desk is neat with your laptop, books that you need to return to the library, with your calendar propped up on the other side.

Your bed is already made up, having that metallic sheen from your comforter as you turn on the low light in your room. The dresser contains a few of your personal hygiene items on top; lotion, perfume, deodorant. And your tv sits in front of your bed propped up on a small stand with your PlayStation connected to it.

“Much cleaner than my room.”

“What? Your room was clean.”

“Not as much as this. I’m afraid to touch anything in here.”

You roll your eyes, inviting him on your bed and giving him the tv remote. “You’re not going to mess anything up.”

“Sure.” He takes your hand, giving a gentle kiss to your wrist. You accept the butterflies while trying not to grin from his touch. “Want me to join you?”

You blink, “What are you talking about?”

“Aren’t you about to shower?”

“Oh.” You’re focusing on the hold of your wrist, hoping he doesn’t feel your pulse speed up. “Oh, uh…I don’t think my shower is big enough. And what would you use? I just have my soap and shower gel and I don’t know if it’ll be okay with your skin-”

“Babe,” Sukuna cuts you off, leaning back on the bed with that hint of amusement in his eyes. “I’m fucking with you.”

“…I knew that…”

You quickly grab your pjs and your towel, bolting to the bathroom like he’d get there before you.

Geez, you need to get used to Sukuna’s jokes again. Since he’s your boyfriend now. You smack your face before grinning to ear to ear. The smile remains throughout your shower, doing your nightly routine as normal.

The pjs you grab weren’t…ideal. You should’ve paid more attention when getting the tank top and shorts. But you weren’t going to do anything, it’s fine.

“Hey, food’s here.”

He says as you’re just opening the door. Sukuna caught the last wind of you leaving the bathroom, pausing mid step to look at you. And your Adventure Time pjs. Jake the Dog’s face plasters all over your boobs.

“Thanks.” You comment, grabbing your container of orange chicken. You don’t want to call attention to the fact you’re widely underdressed. Sukuna’s stare doesn’t help, watching every move you make. You should probably change. “Uh, this is too much, right?”

“…what?”

“My pajamas. I just grabbed anything…I can change if it’s making you uncomfortable.”

“No.” Sukuna doesn’t look at you this time, head practically in the gigantic brown paper bag. He takes a minute grabbing his food, red on his cheeks when he comes up for air. “I’m fine, this is your apartment. Wear what you want.”

“Okay. Just let me know though.”

“Uh-huh.”

The rest of your night is spent winding down. You watch tv with Sukuna and the Chinese food is delicious. He does enjoy your pirate show as his muscled arm goes around your shoulders, holding you close. There are times when he intently gazes at you, eyes tracing from your face to your body. You’ve been a master at hiding your nipples from him so he doesn’t get weirded out. But he doesn’t complain so you’re probably in the clear.

As it gets later and later, both of you migrate to the bed.

You nuzzle your face into Sukuna’s neck, taking in his warmth. He’s stroking your back while his eyes glue to the screen. A nice ending to the night.

Does this mean you two can have sex now?

The thought pops in your mind when you wake up the next morning. Sukuna’s arm is tight around your waist, keeping you close. There’s a hardness you recognize back at the Halloween party. You don’t move.

It’s not like you aren’t ready for sex. You were eager back in October and you are now. But since you’re not influenced by alcohol and have clarity of the situation, you wonder about your performance.

The most experience you’ve had was in the back of your prom date’s car. Everything was dim and you’re unsure what you did to entice your date. You do remember a few strokes to his shaft, being good enough to the point where he was going to climax if you continued. He liked your kisses. Sukuna likes your kisses.

Pleasing a man orally is something you have a gray area with. You tried it on your prom date, but didn’t like how he shoved his dick in your mouth. Almost making you vomit. You did try practicing a while back with a banana. No particular reason. Your personal hygiene wasn’t an issue either. All you need to do is research.

“I know you’re up…” Sukuna mutters, nudging into your neck.

You bite your lip when he grinds his dick against your lower back. You turn over, hit with Sukuna’s tired face. How his eyes lower, not fully awake yet for the day.

“Why are you up so early?”

“It’s not that early, it’s only 8-oh!”

Sukuna flips over, putting you on top of him. His pupils blown at your disheveled look. A boob almost coming out of your tank top and your shorts riding up way too high, showing off your pink underwear. “Shit, do you wake up like this all the time?”

“When it’s hot out, yeah.”

He lets out a rough chuckle. “Bend down.”

You do so, expecting a kiss. Morning breath isn’t a problem since you made sure he brushed his teeth before bedtime.

Sukuna doesn’t aim for your lips, but starts at your chin. A light kiss, a light inhale. His exhale tickles your skin. His nose follows along the trail of kisses. Each one subtle. Tender. Your fingers spread across his chest, trying to get stability from the fabric. His lips hit the smallest points on your body. Every touch a reminder of what he feels like.

When he slides down, the shiver in your spine goes up.

That large, rough hand makes a journey down your back. Adding heat to your cheeks, your head lolling to the side.

Your thighs squeeze against his hips. Sukuna’s hand goes under your shorts, kneading your ass cheek. The heat causes you to shake, bending down closer, giving him enough room to grope your breast. Roll his palm over it, nipple stiffing under his touch. You whimper, his breath fanning your cleavage.

“You want my mouth, baby?” You nod before pausing. The clock on your night stand is twenty minutes past eight. You do have to get dressed for work. Then you were planning to take your books back to the library since it’s on the way to the campus. You need to get breakfast too.

Damn, you weren’t going to have enough time.

“Hold on, I actually need to-ohhh.”

Sukuna manages to lift up your shirt, latching his lips on your breast. He sucks that perky bud, causing you to throw your head back, your hips back on his erection. He tenses at the feeling. The pads of his fingers dig into your bottom when you do it again.

“Fuck…”

Both hands are now under your shorts, using the momentum to grind your hips back some more. Sukuna really is huge under his sweatpants. It causes you to start a guessing game of how big he is. The first roll, you’re thinking five and a half inches. The next, where he meets your hips, you’re wondering six. On the third, your ass is in a death grip and his cock jumps from the contact. Now, you’re thinking seven inches and that you should’ve bought condoms.

You wanna keep going, but you don’t like being late for work. And each glance over at the clock, time is less and less on your side.

Crap.

“Sukuna…” You grip his head, tugging on his hair. Which is a mistake as he gives a hard suck to your other breast, rolling your eyes back. “Oh god, Sukuna…mmh-we should stop…”

“I'll be gentle if you're worried about that…”

“I'm…I'm not.” You moan when your hips grind back on his covered tip, hitting your clothed clit. He licks between your breasts, gripping your shirt to take it off. God, you want to give in so bad. You don’t want your manager to get mad at you though.

“We can't…” You stop him, hands on top of his. The pleasure across your boyfriend’s face flutters your stomach. “I have to go to work soon.”

He blinks, brows scrunched, “Really?”

“Yeah. And I need to take my books back to the library today. Or else I get a fee…” Sukuna sighs, head back on the pillow. Maybe you should’ve just stayed quiet. “I'm sorry-”

“No, babe, don't.” He fixes your shirt, “You’re good. I'm just being a fucking horn dog.”

“And that’s okay! You can be a horn dog. I don’t wanna be late for work and I should eat and take my books back and…” Study on tips to please your boyfriend. Especially if he’s gonna be like this for a while. “I should get ready.”

“Yeah.”

You quickly get up, not drawing any attention to the tent in his pants. In fact, you'll ignore it entirely.

Neither of you talk about your bedroom excursion, getting breakfast then going on campus. You don’t have enough time to drop off your books before going to work so you'll do it after. Sukuna quickly says he'll do it, knowing your student id number.

Which you don't know how he knows that.

“You surprised that I pay attention to you?” He says, balancing all of your heavy books in his arms.

“No.” You swallow the rest of your burrito, tossing the wrapper in a nearby trash can. “But out of all things, my id number?”

“Like you don’t know mine.”

You don't. Wait, should you? It'd make sense since you two are dating. What would you use it for? Sukuna has the same access as you, right?

“Some girlfriend you are.” He jokes after seeing your confused face. You suck your teeth before putting his id number on your phone.

“Thanks, but what would I use this for?”

“You have full access to fraternity privileges, baby. It's what happens when you roll with me.”

“Privileges like what?”

“Access to certain areas. I know one of the buildings the frat uses just finished putting in that computer lab. You’d like that.”

You would. You heard the processing and ram power in those computers are really good. Compared to the computer lab ones.

You hide your smile, hand on your hip. “Since you thought we've been dating since August, why didn’t you give this to me earlier?”

Sukuna’s eyes flicker, very clear that he hasn't thought of it until now. You laugh while he clicks his tongue, “Go to work.”

“Fine.” Before going inside the shop, you kiss his cheek. “Are you staying over tonight too?”

The red on Sukuna’s face comes back as he almost drops all of your books. “Yeah. I'll stay ‘til you kick my ass out.”

“I'm not gonna kick you out.”

“I don't want you to.”

If you stay like this, you'll never want him to leave. He’d distract you and then you won't get any work done. Your manager will be highly upset at you then.

Is this what having a boyfriend is like?

When you work, Sukuna continues to intercept your mind. His kisses on your neck lingers as you stock sodas. Remnants of his touch on your back tingle when you remove the expired candy from the shelves. Your tongue glides across your lips, reminding you of his tongue on yours.

It doesn’t help that he keeps texting you, telling you that he was able to drop off your books, but there’s a fee. Your heart jumps for a moment before he says your fee is your underwear. Now, it jumps for a different reason. You tell him no though, because you like the panties you’re wearing.

Your manager leaves two hours before your shift with a wave, so it’s time.

Obviously, you check on Reddit for good tips on how to please a guy. You get the usual responses, pay attention to what he likes and doesn’t like. A guy won’t hide, he’ll tell you straight up. Not a problem with Sukuna.

You want more, especially in the oral department. You didn’t want Sukuna to shove his dick in your mouth. Actually, you should start locally.

‘Hey, what are good tips for sucking a dick?’

That’s what you text in the group chat. Immediately, tons of messages start coming through. All the girls freaking out at your question.

‘HUH?’

‘WHAT?’

‘WHY?’

‘WHY DO YOU WANNA KNOW?’

‘SPEAK!!!!’

Then you tell them about you and Sukuna making up, now dating. You don’t go into major details of what happened this morning, but it leads to you going back to the first question.

‘I’m surprised you didn’t say penis.’

You grimace at Shoko’s message, ‘Trust me, I was torn between saying that and dick.’

‘Did you see it yet?’ Yuki asks, ‘Is it big? I heard through some of the other girls that it’s huge. And he’s thick like a beer can too.’

‘I haven’t, otherwise I wouldn’t be asking. I felt it a little…’

‘What’s a little?’

‘Like…the tip, I guess? I don’t know it’s been through his pants.’

‘Pull it down next time.’

You snort at the message, looking around to make sure no one came in. As usual, it’s a ghost town.

‘Okay, gimmie tips. Please.’

‘Shoko is the blow job queen.’ Yuki states.

‘Just because I suck on lollypops doesn’t mean I’m good at blow jobs.’

‘Yeah, okay.’

That’s when Shoko runs a play by play of blow job tips. How to not take it in all at once. Using your hands help. Breathe through your nose. They’re all helpful, it’ll be hard to practice them though. Maybe you can grab a banana from the dining hall.

‘Are y’all gonna fuck tonight?’

‘I don’t know. I just want to make sure I do well when we do.’

‘Oh you’ll be fine. If not and he makes fun of you for it, we’ll kill him.’

Shoko adds a gif of a knife and it makes you chuckle.

‘I’ll keep you posted.’

Less than a hour until your shift is over, you try to keep yourself busy. Not think about potentially having sex with Sukuna tonight. Or sucking his dick. Although, you’re not a 100% sure about that. Would it be odd to ask Sukuna what he likes? Reddit did say to listen to him.

Yet, if you ask him, you wouldn’t know how to act. You’ve never asked a guy like that before. Just trying to say it to a bag of chips feels weird.

Sukuna drops by ten minutes before, carrying a duffel bag across his body. You have to get used to seeing him like this. Handsome, dressed in all black like those boys mom’s worry their daughter’s about on tv. Looking like trouble, but never giving you any trouble. You hope.

He comes up with a plan for dinner. Wanting to order from the Italian restaurant around 20 minutes away from your apartment. He also got some wine to enhance the Italian experience.

“It’ll be like a date. In your apartment.”

“While we’re in our pjs.”

“Yeah.” He shrugs, “You’re hot as shit in anything you wear anyway.”

“Aww, you’re sweet.”

Sukuna winks at you before getting a phone call. He frowns at the caller id, before telling you he’ll be outside. You leave him be, not liking the face he made as you go lock up.

Was there something going on at home? Sukuna said he pushed back leaving right after the semester. Was his brother upset about that? You don’t want to worry yourself to death. Instead, you keep calm, locking the doors before making your way over to him.

It’s just in time as he hangs up, shoving his phone in his pocket.

“Everything okay?”

Sukuna nods, “Just heard from my advisor. I’m still on probation, but I won’t be expelled.”

Your head tilts in confusion, “You were at risk to be expelled? Why? What happened?”

“The Zen’in family was pissed that their prodigal son got hurt. The dean and a few other assholes called me and Satoru in question, wanting our side of the story and shit. Any witnesses. We didn’t give them any, it’s why it took so fucking long.”

Your heartbeat is in your ears, hugging yourself to keep cool. You don’t recall seeing Naoya on campus since that incident. You should’ve known that his family would try to hide him while this was going on.

“But…you could’ve told me. Even if we weren’t talking at the time...”

“No.” His response is firm, but not harsh. “I wasn’t gonna put you through that. You’ve dealt with enough bullshit already. And that asshole’s face.”

“Still…I could’ve done something. I didn’t want you to get expelled. All because of me.”

When Sukuna steps closer, he tilts your chin up, gazing at you. “It’s not your fault, babe.”

“Okay. I know…”

“Then I don’t wanna hear you blaming yourself. Ever again.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“Don’t say ‘sorry’ either.”

“Okay, so-uh, okay.” He kisses your forehead, having you lean into his embrace. “I’m glad you’re not getting expelled.”

Sukuna hugs you tighter, face against your head, “Me too.”

The rest of your day is spent being wined and dined by your boyfriend.

While you were working, he bought a few things for your little table at the apartment. A fancy, red tablecloth. Some battery operated candles. Wine glasses. He dimmed the kitchen area to make it more romantic. Even if the Italian food came in plastic containers, he spruced up the presentation by putting it on actual plates.

It was working.

The wine he got is sweet. You didn’t want to indulge, not trying to spend the rest of the night drunk. But the atmosphere is nice. Like a date.

“When we come back from break, I’m taking you out for real.”

“Oh? Where would we go?”

“Everywhere. There’s this cool bowling spot thirty minutes away. An arcade right next to it. There’s a restaurant that has unlimited wings after a certain time. Good for when we’re up late as fuck sometimes. And whatever you wanna do, I’m down.”

Maybe it’s the wine or Sukuna just going off about things he wants to do with you, you feel cozy. Unable to believe that this was the guy everyone gossiped about. Calling him a whore. Warning people not to mess with him if he walks by.

This is the Sukuna you want everyone to see.

It would be unfair to keep this version of him to yourself. But Sukuna allows people to see what he wants them to see. With you, it feels like you’re getting all of him. And you don’t mind it either.

After that romantic dinner, you decide it’s a good time to watch Kitchen Nightmares reruns. Lying in bed, Sukuna on his phone as you laugh at the episodes, cuddling in your pjs.

Your phone vibrates and it’s your friends texting if you and Sukuna had sex yet. Oh right. That. Sukuna doesn’t seem to be in a ‘let’s have sex’ mood. He’s been scrolling on Twitter, showing you tweets occasionally that were funny. Nothing to tell you that he wants to have sex.

“By the way…” You start, capturing his attention, “I’m ready to have sex. Whenever you’re ready.”

You want to let him know, so he’s aware that you’re down. Not right now, just anytime. Since you’re dating and all.

Sukuna tenses, eyes wide. He doesn’t say anything for a couple of seconds, making you wonder if you broke him. You’re just letting him know. He always tell you things, so you want to tell him things too.

“Uh, okay. Cool.”

You smile, giving him a thumbs up before watching tv again. You feel lighter, happy to clear the air. The oral thing still lingers in the back of your mind. Hopefully, you perform well enough for him.

Sukuna doesn’t do anything after you say that. You weren’t expecting him to. Everything feels like it’s normal, watching tv, him on his phone. Although, you noticed he’s been looking at the same tweet longer than five minutes. But he’s probably watching tv.

You yawn, noticing that it’s almost midnight. You have to work in the morning too.

“Fuck it.”

Sukuna leans over to kiss you. You keep up with his rough kisses, each embrace making you dizzy. He overshadows the tv, tongue letting its way through your lips. You gasp at the bite of your bottom lip, his hand squeezing your mound. The hand on his bicep is the only thing you have grounding you.

During the kiss, his hand lazily unbuttons your pajama top. Like he doesn’t want to pull any of them off. Every time a button is loose, your breath catches. Sukuna consumes it, determined to take all your oxygen until you have nothing left.

“You’re good with this, right?” He stops, finally letting you breathe. Your chest heaves as your pj top is open, not exposing your breasts just yet. “Just…say the word and I’ll stop.”

“I’m okay with this.” You grip the nape of his neck and pull him back down.

Sukuna parts your shirt, rolling your nipple under his palm. Your thighs squeeze together as you tug on his hair. The reward is his groan combined with a pinch to your nub. He releases your lips to draw attention to your neck. He nibbles on your skin, sucking at the flesh and pulling it to draw noise from your lips.

You whine, hands trailing down his broad back, finding the hem of his shirt to lift it up. Once it’s gone, your core flutters. You don’t know what Sukuna’s body does to you, but every time you see it you can’t think. Those wide pecs, hard abs reveals the truth of how strong he is. The tattoos paint his body like a work of art, mesmerizing you with each line, each flex of his muscles.

You never thought you get to have this in real life. But you do.

You deserve it.

“You miss this?”

You bite your lip to hide a smile, “A little…”

“Imma make sure it’s a lot.” Sukuna seals that promise with a kiss, both of his hands on your sides, thumbs rubbing along your stomach. He slides up to grope your breasts, making you push up against him. Those lips of his attack your neck again, like he hasn’t had enough of tasting you yet. Pretending he’s marking you all over.

Your eyes roll back from every squeeze, every nip. You didn’t want to scream your lungs out across the room, alerting your next door neighbors. But he’s making it really hard for you not to. All the attention he gives is borderline overwhelming. But you want more.

Sukuna latches his mouth on your nipple, giving you the idea that he loves your chest. He always wants to give your breasts the attention they deserve. Each one getting a kiss, a lick, a nibble, a suck. Causing your toes to dig into the comforter, holding him close.

His finger pulls at the band of your pajama pants, making them snap against your waist. You jolt which makes him do it again. Your nails scraping against his neck. He shudders against you, pulling at your pj pants again before sliding them down your legs.

You hold your breath, watching him lift up your hips, pants going past your thighs, then your legs, disappearing on your bedroom floor. Sukuna rubs under that space under your knees, zoned in on the simple, blue panties you’re wearing.

“You okay?” You nod, but he shakes his head. “Need you to say it.”

“I’m okay.” Sukuna grins, tugging on your panty line. Before he takes them off, you remember something. “Condoms?”

“I got some in my pocket.” He pulls out a few golden packs to reassure you. “I don’t want kids anytime soon.”

You giggle, “Me neither.”

Sukuna takes off your panties slowly. The clothing drags across your thighs, your heart speeds up in anticipation. You close your eyes, not wanting to see his reaction of you being bare before him.

You did your best keeping up the maintenance of your sex. It’s not a full grown bush, but you wanted it to be presentable. A brief moment you thought about doing a heart, but you thought it was a little corny and decided against it. Plus, you didn’t want to upkeep that the entire time.

Air hits your cunt, making you realize how wet you are. All of that from kissing and him rubbing on you. Man, you are easy.

“Look at me.” One eye opens, seeing your boyfriend hit with the lust bug. He’s panting, spreading your legs to get a good look at your pussy in the dim light. Pupils blown and a very noticeable tent under his pj pants. “Holy shit, look at you…”

“Thanks.” You say, but grimace. Who says ‘thanks’?

“I wanna taste.”

You blink when he gets on his elbows, hanging off the edge of your bed. Palms latching on to your thighs to keep you there. You’re holding your hands, unsure what to do with them. “Okay. I shouldn’t taste bad, I’ve been pretty good in keeping up with my-oh.”

A long lick on your cunt silences you. You decide that your hands belong in your pillows as Sukuna gives you another lick, parting your lips and knocking the wind out of you.

The tip of Sukuna’s tongue grazes your clit, causing you to grip the pillow. He does it again, making sure your legs stay open. That idea of not wanting to moan so loud fades. Your pleasure is the main focus and you want your boyfriend to know how much of a good job he’s doing.

His groans resonate against your sex when he speeds up, giving a suck to your clit, earning a whimper from you. A finger carefully pushes in to your hole, your head pressing deeper into your pillow.

“Oh my god…” You sigh, making an attempt to move, but he doesn’t let you.

“You like that?”

“Yes…” He rewards you with another finger, thick digits pumping along your soaked walls. Spreading them apart to make you cry. You gasp, unable to focus on his endless attention to your clit and his fingers. Your abdomen surges with that familiar feeling again, moving your hips to get away.

“Breathe, baby. I got you.”

He spreads your legs wider, hitting a spot that makes your mind go blank. He keeps lapping at your cunt, not stopping or slowing down. A part of you wants him to, thinking it’s going to be too much. You don’t say a word. Instead, you grip those pink locks of his, keeping him there.

“Sukuna, you should stop I’m gonna…”

He doesn’t, curling his fingers up. Something snaps after his long suck to your clit, your entire body shakes. A burst of pleasure rushes through you. It’s much stronger compared to the Halloween party, your head falling back, eyes rolling and lashes fluttering as Sukuna helps you through that rush. His constant licking and sucking and fingering keep you in that state for much longer. While you moan to the stars.

You twitch when it gets to be too much. His cue to stop, kissing the inside of your thighs as you come up for air. You don’t speak for a moment, ecstasy heavy on your body. Yet, you feel so light at the same time.

“You good?” Sukuna asks, hovering above you. He’s searching your form, expecting you to back out and say it's too much. You weren’t going to.

“Yeah. I feel good…”

“Damn right you should.” He kisses your forehead, then your cheek, then your lips. The gentle encounter allows you to taste yourself. It’s not that much of a taste. “You wanna stop? It’s okay if you want to.”

“No, keep going. I’m okay…” You seal the deal with another kiss and a tug on his sweatpants. He lets you continue, pulling them down and off, leaving him in his boxers. Which you don’t waste time in removing either.

You wanna see what the fuss is about.

“Whoa.” You gawk at the size that is Sukuna. He sits back when you sit up, making sure you get a good look at him. How he’s thick like a beer can, his length slightly curved down, a bulbous tip. A few veins line up on the side, making you lick your lips.

“You wanna touch?” He whispers, taking your hand, not guiding until you say the word.

“Yeah…”

His cock is warm and slightly sticky. You immediately get why when pre cum pools from his slit, trailing down to meet your hand. His own is on top, showing you to show you how he likes it. Your boyfriend is so thick that you need two hands.

You get comfortable before concentrating on what he’s saying. Keep a stable grip while you stroke him. He likes when your thumb circles around his tip a few times, catching some of his cum before smearing it down on his cock.

“Squeeze at the base right there-fuck yeah, that’s good…”

You mentally pat yourself on the back, following his instructions. It’s to the point where Sukuna doesn’t need to show you. His chest rumbles, head lolling from side to side as you keep going. His nostrils flare while you focus on making sure he feels good.

“You look so fucking hot right now.”

You bite your lip, glancing up to see his eyes lower, lips parting. He looks cute like this. Face tattoos, piercings, and all. “Do I?”

Sukuna’s breath hitches when you thumb his tip, “Yeah. That same sexy ass face you make when you're studying.”

You didn’t know your focus in your studies is attractive to him. No wonder he keeps staring at you.

“You like that, huh?”

“Yeah…shit…”

Would you still have that same face performing oral? You did say you want to work on it. And you want to see what his cum tastes like.

You bend down, swirling your tongue around his tip.

Sukuna grabs your head, but doesn’t make an effort to pull you away. It stays there while you’re taking in all his cum. Not a single drop missing.

Then you slide him past your lips, just a little, your hands following suit. He chokes and the grip on your head gets tighter. You suck on his tip, still stroking him at the appropriate speed. You appreciate him for not shoving his dick in your mouth so you take him in a little more. Saliva coating his shaft.

“Fuck, baby…”

He groans when you moan against his length, slowly bobbing your head. Sukuna grips your comforter, the sounds of his pleasure getting louder and louder. You look up and your cunt flips at the sight. His head back, mouth agape, chest heaving.

Yeah, you definitely see the point in giving blowjobs.

“You’re killing me here, fuck me…” Sukuna grunts, not making any moves to get you to stop. His hips accidentally move forward, catching you by surprise. “Oh shit, I didn’t mean-”

You hollow your cheeks, getting a deep groan from him. Almost like he’s about to reach the peak of his own pleasure as well. Shoko told you that you didn’t have to swallow. But Sukuna’s cum doesn’t taste bad, you don’t mind.

“Baby, I’m gonna cum if you keep this up.”

You want him to, but his self control is impressive. He stops you, pulling you off his dick with a wet pop. You’re wiping your lips when he suddenly gets up, head on the door, taking deep breaths.

Did you do too much? That’s on you for wanting to get him to cum in your mouth. Hopefully it happens another time.

“Are you…?”

“I’m fine. Just…give me a minute.” He sighs, not moving away from the door for a few minutes. You twiddle your thumbs, letting him get himself together.

This must be what it’s like to not have sex for a few months. You didn’t realize he’s that sensitive. You try not to smile at the thought.

Sukuna comes back, crashing his lips against yours. You’re maneuvered to your back, already breathless from his quick kisses. He’s between your legs, tearing the condom wrapper with his teeth. Gently, his fingers dip inside you again, using your slick on his shaft. Just enough of it to allow him to slide that condom on easily.

“Go slow.” You say, “Penetration is a lot and I don’t wanna…”

“I got you.”

He lines himself up, tip prodding at your entrance. Your eyes meet Sukuna’s as he pushes himself in, carefully. Gently. You latch on to his forearm, taking in a breath during the push. No wonder everyone says he’s so big. You can feel him take up your entire cunt, practically full.

Sukuna doesn’t move, allowing you to get used to him. He gives your face gentle kisses. You take every single one, relaxing.

When you’re ready, you tell him, allowing him to put his hips back, cock completely gone from your hole, before pushing back in. You moan at feel of him, holding him close when he does it again, setting a nice rhythm.

“Oh…” You exhale from each push and pull, any thoughts that you can conjure fades away. Entranced at the fact that Sukuna’s cock is disappearing inside you so easily due to your wetness.

His abs contour during each thrust. His brows lower every time he pushes in. How he groans in your ear, letting you know how much he’s enjoying this.

“Fuck, you feel so damn good…” He rasps, smoothing his hands along your thighs before gripping and wrapping them around his waist. He picks up speed, skin slapping along his skin. Breath tickling you and making you hold on tighter.

God, you don’t want him to stop. You don’t ever want him to.

He knows it too with the way you latch on to him. Burying your face in his neck, taking in the mix of sweat and his cologne. It makes you feel safe, wanted like this. You don’t know if you can feel like this with anyone else. If you even want to.

Not when he dips in between your legs, rubbing your clit to match his thrusts. Sukuna hisses at your nails in his skin, but he doesn’t stop. It fuels him to go faster. All you can do is take it, show your boyfriend how much you needed this.

“Feels good, yeah?” He huffs when you nod, “Better than that fucking prom date?”

Way better. No doubt about it.

As that familiar feeling rises, Sukuna doesn’t stop. Ramming into your wet pussy, messily rubbing your clit. You push into his hand, making sure he hits a point that causes you to croon. You scratch his forearm during your sudden climax, squeezing around his cock.

Sukuna grits his teeth, desperate to chase his high now. He’s lost all sense of rhythm. Just thrusting inside you, eyes never leaving your face. Like he wants you to see him come undone. Watch how vulnerable he is above you. Dark eyes rolling back, his hips suddenly coming into a halt. Delicate gasps that trickle into low groans, muscles taut.

One of the best things you've seen in your entire life.

You’re not sure if he’s breathing until he inhales, crashing beside you. Catching his breath with an arm draped over you.

The wind breezes against the apartment windows, adding to the silence that follows. You can’t feel your legs. That’s a first. You don’t know if you’re alive right now. Everything is light, peaceful. Almost like heaven.

Sukuna pulls you out by cupping your face, giving you a brief kiss.

“You still with me?”

You nod, “Are you?”

“Thought I passed out for a second.” He chuckles, “This is what I get for not cumming in a long time.”

“It’s only been four months.”

“Too fucking long.”

You shake your head when he stands, going to your bathroom. You wonder what he’s doing when he comes back with a warm rag, the condom gone as he wipes between your legs. He carries you to the bathroom when you have a hard time standing. You didn’t care when he watches you pee at this point.

You feel good. Everything about you feels good.

He helps you put back on your pjs, doing the same with his. He takes you in his arms, kissing your forehead. Your eyes grow heavy and his warmth doesn’t help.

A part of you wants to pinch yourself, feeling like this could all be a dream. That Sukuna will disappear when you wake up in the morning. But it can’t be one. It’s what you want, what you haven’t had before.

You never expected your fall semester to end like this. The distractions, problems you didn’t want all accounted to a frat boy who likes you. Wants you.

Sukuna may just be a brief encounter in your life and that's okay.

You hope he's not. You can’t see yourself with anyone else right now.

Tags: @nina-from-317 @sevloraa @timelylovergirl

@sincerely-kaiii @devilslittlehelper @sukunash0e

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@dicklessdior @searifina @saintblk

@peachmartini @chososcupoftea @cuppcakee

the perpetual movement of the waves always makes you remember everything. water memory or, more likely, the familiarity of it all.

it helps remembering your mother’s last, frantic breaths, bubbles fading into the dark abysses you lived in. it helps remembering the way you left to live as a homeless teen in a coastal town, hiding your gills and avoiding the beach at all costs.

the sea itself remembers how you shamefully came back to serve your mother’s protector, because it was all you knew. you couldn’t have cared less about his motives, unless maybe had it been coral destruction. you just wanted to have a place to belong to. 

it -the sea- remembers your first murder, the arsons, the hurt you’ve caused on purpose, just to earn your place in the slightest.

everything brought you here, to this moment. the sea brought you to him. you didn’t feel a particular connection to it, to him -the ocean- but you liked to believe in destiny. helped you get through shit.

you broke the water surface without a sound. you’d always been stealthy. a monument to grace, restraint. so good at making yourself invisible. so, so good at being forgotten.

not quite like a ghost or some sea creature. more like a shadow, trying hard not to be a bother, and succeeding. 

as you emerged from the dark waters, two figures stood there, noticeable only thanks to the faint glow of the moonlight. you would wait, then would be acknowledged, you would take your place, easy peazy.

but then again, he was some kind of child soldier, with the instincts of a marine. he moved his father to the side, and he charged. you dropped, took a step back, and grabbed your halberd. you extended it, not to kill but to strike his calf, which you missed. you didn’t get the chance to prepare for another strike of his though, though you were wary, because Black Manta then moved forward, one heavy step being enough to stop the both of you. you lowered your halberd. his son did not lower his water blades, but his expression tempered. very, very slightly. it was mistrust instead of threat assessment now.

oh, joy.

“Kaldur.” he turned his back to you, a hand on his son’s shoulder, “she is Idiya’s daughter.” 

Kaldur’ahm looked up at his father in confusion. for someone who had never lived in Black Manta’s circle, he probably didn’t know much about whom had lived before he came. but her, he definitely knew about. his father’s lieutenant. the fiercest, most loyal soldier that ever existed in Black Manta’s ranks. the most phenomenal ghost to ever overcome, for Manta’s respect for her was too great. you owed your survival to her ghost. that’s probably what Kaldur saw first, you thought.

because you saw yourself through his eyes, right away. a problem. 

only then did the red gaze of the helmet swing your way

“this is my son. you know.”

a few days earlier, you were in a dark echoing chamber. you had pledged allegiance, no, you had sworn to dedicate your life, to someone you were to meet later on. it was an abstract oath then. now, it seemed pretty clear that this was an oath Kaldur’ahm never accepted, one that he had never heard of.

you bowed your head, curtly, shortly, maintaining that bland face you’ve learned to keep over the last few years. “I have taken the liberty of hand-picking your lieutenant. right hand woman, if you will.” Black Manta’s voice didn’t leave much room for debate. he added, “she has to prove herself worthy, because, and you’ll understand I’m sure, blood proves very little loyalty.” 

the hypocrisy wasn’t lost on you. it was even so vast you almost let your eyes roll.

you didn’t have any reason to be here. standing in front of Manta and his son. you could have -should have- gone away, escaped, and honestly, at the time they wouldn’t have found the care to chase after you. 

maybe it was all you’d known -living by Manta’s rules. maybe then, meeting Kaldur and having someone with whom making the journey to Manta’s trusted circle was the best thing you could get. and as you looked at him, for real this time, his conflicted gaze, the set of his jaw, yeah, maybe it wasn’t so bad.