drisella kokane

@danielhowell

dan is officially getting tagged in gay stuff

This was when, through the magic of the internet, I met Phil.

Obviously, we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic. This is someone that genuinely liked me. I trusted them, and for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe.

The relationship that we formed, at that point, was something that I needed in my life. We are real best friends. Companions through life. Like, actual soulmates. (Not that souls are a real thing that exists.)

It’s so lucky to just find someone that you can be that compatible with. Especially to anyone that has experienced the kind of self hatred that I have dealt with. One person accepting you can make all the difference.

I bet so many people want to know so much more about that, which honestly, I take as a compliment. But here’s the thing; I’m somebody that wants to keep the details of my personal life private. So is Phil.

I know lots of people these days, thanks to social media, want to share and monetise every aspect of their life and then as soon as something changes suddenly has this huge drama because everybody got invested in the story of your life like it’s a soap opera—

I don’t want that.

I want to do certain things without an audience. I want to be spontaneous. I don’t want to feel afraid to take risks. I want to be able to enjoy totally fucking something up and not have to post a public statement about it. If anyone thinks that anyone really has to share these things about their life, you need to rethink your position.

And look, I understand that sex is a fun and interesting thing to talk about. I get it - I’m also a disgusting pervert. The specific minutiae of “who are they fucking? When, where, how long..” It is… I mean…

Sexuality is a general fact that can be very useful to know about a person for several reasons, but we can’t force people to disclose that either. We don’t know this person’s life story; What they’ve been through, if they haven’t told people, if they’ll lose their job, if they’re in danger. There are so many reasons someone might not be open about it.

We can preach the message that being out is good, but aggressively speculating or trying to out someone is really bad. They might not be gay, in which case we’re just harrassing someone and probably stereotyping, and if they are, there’s gonna be a reason why they haven’t talked about it.

So I don’t want to see any responses to me finally talking about this like,

“No one is surprised.” “Dan, we been knew.”

Wow, you huge galaxy brain genius, what’s it like walking around with all those brain cells in there working over-time? What, you’ve got like three in there? Wow, don’t lose your balance, mastermind.

I haven’t really been subtle, have I?

(clip from collab with Louise and the disstrack)

That’s not the point. I’m already dead inside so it doesn’t matter here, but to me if someone’s reaction to someone coming out is just “yeah, I knew” they’re showing no empathy towards the issue or that person. They’re just making it about themselves like it was a fun piece of gossip they already knew.

me, an intellectual:

just realized i forgot to post this,,,, well anyway here’s a failed attempt at @danielhowell @amazingphil