Keep Holding On

I take great care of myself by carefully shutting myself away.

Don’t allow your wounds to transform you into someone you’re not.

Sometimes you’re supposed to feel awkward. Sometimes you’re supposed to be vulnerable in front of people. Sometimes it’s necessary because it’s all part of you getting to the next part of yourself, the next day.

In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.

Just under my photo, there’s green text that says “Organ Donor.” When I was 16 and getting my driver’s license, they asked me if I’d like it printed there. I’d heard the rumors. People said if you were an organ donor, paramedics wouldn’t work as hard to save your life. I called bullshit. Print it. Take my heart for someone who needs it. You can’t take it with you. Third period of my first day of high school, my teacher walked in and told us he wanted an essay from everyone about dying empty. I found it morbid. I was young, full of life and I was sure as shit planning to die fulfilled. I wanted to soak up every ounce of this life. I wanted to see every corner of the world and so empty was not an option for me. Of course, that’s not what he meant. I think I was 18 when I truly realized that I don’t believe in god. The last hurdle for me was the same as it is for a lot of people. We’re afraid to die and rightfully so. Religion quells some of that fear. The idea of an afterlife is comforting. You do some nice things, you give 10% of your income to the church, you follow the rules and you get an everlasting paradise. I’ve relegated myself to the idea that this is the only shot I’ve got. I’ve started to understand what my 10th grade English teacher was talking about. For me, there’s no eternity, no reincarnation, no pearly gates. For me, the only shot at being infinite I have is to leave a legacy worth remembering. I wasn’t born empty. We’re not shells waiting to be filled in by the world. We aren’t a collection of the things we’ve seen. We’re born with something to offer. We’re born full of potential. Potential to change the world. Potential to break down walls. We’re born full of life and I’m pouring mine out everyday. I’m giving it to everyone I meet because someday, I’m gonna die; we all are, and when that day comes, you can’t take it with you.

If all insects on Earth disappeared, within 50 years all life on Earth would end. If all human beings disappeared from the Earth, within 50 years all forms of life would flourish.

1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise. 2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable. 3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it. 4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else. 5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything. 6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice. 7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small. 8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full. 9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle. 10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck. 11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog. 12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through. 14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything. 15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends. 16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.