Sage

  Are you okay?

I am, I am. Thank you for asking, who are you again? 

  I-I didn’t do anything.. 

You did everything. If it wasn't for you telling me to go to this tree none of this would have happened. 

  If we were all mermaids we would even have to deal with feet! plus we wouldn’t have to worry about washing our hair either. I had a foot spa once, its like a little spa but for feet, you know? and the bottom of the thing would vibrate and wow, I really should have brought it. It would have been perfect for this situation

Mermaids have it easy, don't they? Unless you're Aquamarine, she didn't have it that easy. Besides that, your foot spa sounds phenomenal, you should have brought it. Then again, you didn't expect to come across a dumb ass messing around on a tree barefoot. 

  Need assistance of any sort or are you good?

I think I'm going to be alright, thank you Wayne. Lesson learned, never mess around on a tree barefoot. Worst choice of my existence. 

  I would offer a foot massage but I have a thing about feet 

I can't blame you, feet aren't really my thing either. If we were all mermaids, maybe life would be easier. Unless they make foot massaging machines, that would be pretty amazing. 

  O-oh, I’m sorry..

You are not forgiven. You did a terrible thing, I can't believe you.

  Oh shit, was that my fault?

Yes it was. How dare you? 

  uh- are you okay ?

Yes, yeah. I'm doing fantastic, minus the fact that I now feel like my feet have been penetrated with knives. 

  You shouldn’t be offended. I just can’t see you as arrogant— I see you more as “Oh-I’m-Selfless-Lets-Go-Hug-Trees”.

Okay, okay. I am pretty selfless, but trees need hugs alright? They need to feel loved too. I'm proud to be a tree hugger.

  Don’t get ahead of yourself, Sage. You can’t pull off arrogant. Only I can.

I am offended. I can pull off being arrogant, you ass.

  Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.

It is, we both know that.

  I know it’s that way.

I'm positive it's the other way around.

  Any day I’m in your presence is one of the best days of your existence, be honest.

Oh how you wish it was that way. 

The pizza guy forgot the marinara sauce. This is a disaster!

The world must be ending, how can you forget the marinara sauce? That's more than terrible. 

  Alright, alright, I’ll bite. You win. 

Really? Like, seriously? No way! This is the greatest day of my existence.