Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā living Ā isnāt Ā much Ā of Ā an Ā issue Ā for Ā her, Ā as Ā it Ā so Ā happens,Ā andĀ evelynāsĀ moralĀ codeĀ isnātĀ whatĀ keepsĀ herĀ here,Ā ratherĀ itāsĀ theĀ certaintyĀ ofĀ malignityĀ /Ā itĀ existsĀ andĀ soĀ mustĀ she.Ā everythingĀ elseĀ isĀ irrelevant.Ā thatāsĀ aĀ privilege,Ā perhaps,Ā forĀ sheĀ neverĀ turnedĀ toĀ killingĀ outĀ ofĀ desperationĀ Ā āĀ sheĀ wasĀ neverĀ made,Ā neverĀ brokenĀ (Ā justĀ unleashedĀ ) ā¦Ā thereĀ wereĀ options.Ā sheĀ choseĀ thisĀ life,Ā toĀ feedĀ thatĀ beastĀ insideĀ her,Ā andĀ sheādĀ chooseĀ itĀ again.Ā othersĀ didnātĀ haveĀ thatĀ opportunity,Ā theĀ choice.Ā butĀ thatāsĀ anĀ excuseĀ thatĀ canĀ onlyĀ beĀ stretchedĀ soĀ thin.Ā amongĀ others.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā comparing Ā yourself Ā to Ā a Ā high - rankingĀ Ā politician⦠ strong Ā start Ā on Ā getting Ā me Ā to Ā change Ā my Ā position. Ā ā Ā how Ā many Ā of Ā those Ā had Ā made Ā it Ā on Ā her Ā list Ā over Ā the Ā years? Ā truth Ā be Ā told, Ā it Ā never Ā crossed Ā her Ā mind Ā to Ā keep Ā count⦠ to Ā write Ā down Ā names Ā and Ā neatly Ā cross Ā them Ā out. Ā it Ā still Ā doesnāt.Ā Ā does Ā that Ā make Ā it Ā better Ā or Ā worse? Ā what Ā matters Ā more Ā ā Ā whose Ā blood Ā youāre Ā coated Ā in Ā or Ā the Ā fact Ā that Ā youāre Ā coated Ā in Ā it Ā at Ā all? Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā in Ā any Ā case, Ā she Ā accepted Ā herself Ā a Ā long Ā time Ā ago.Ā perhapsĀ heĀ hasĀ too.Ā doesnātĀ meanĀ theyĀ haveĀ toĀ acceptĀ eachĀ other.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā her Ā tongue Ā clicks. Ā ā Ā it Ā really Ā isnāt, Ā at Ā least Ā not Ā for Ā the Ā job Ā youāre Ā being Ā paid Ā to Ā fail Ā at. Ā iām Ā fairly Ā certain Ā the Ā lower Ā end Ā for Ā a Ā hit Ā these Ā days Ā is⦠ fifteen? Ā probably Ā not Ā enough Ā to Ā pay Ā off Ā whateverās Ā making Ā you Ā walk Ā around Ā with Ā a Ā stick Ā lodged Ā up Ā your Ā ass. Ā maybe Ā you Ā should Ā take Ā the Ā rest Ā of Ā those Ā rocks. Ā buy Ā yourself Ā something Ā nice. Ā ā
āĀ Ā if a single conversation had a chance of changing your position,Ā Ā it isnāt much of a position.Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā it is laughable to talk about morals with a man who has cloaked himself in the brutality of deathĀ Ā [Ā Ā other children had learned their numbers in the classroom,Ā Ā a friendly teacher swathed in smiles,Ā Ā while he had been counting bullets,Ā Ā killsĀ Ā --Ā Ā did the number matter anymore?Ā Ā he curled their truth around his hands,Ā Ā number blending into time blending into a life defined against murder,Ā Ā and squished the unripe peach of his historyĀ Ā ].
arms cross across his chest,Ā Ā eyeing her as if in search of some lieĀ Ā --Ā Ā if there ever was one,Ā Ā he wouldnāt be able to pick up on itĀ Ā ...Ā Ā the study of her face,Ā Ā a portrait captured in endless disarray.Ā Ā this has never been his language.Ā Ā if she had been a gun,Ā Ā he would hold the barrel to his ear and hear the twitch of secrets.Ā Ā if she had been a knife,Ā Ā he could read the blood smeared across its pointed edge.Ā Ā but she stands before him as a humanĀ Ā ...Ā Ā and he stands to the side as a monster,Ā Ā uncertain as a young child would be.Ā Ā youth is a sin that one can never shed.
āĀ Ā the man is dead,Ā Ā is he not?Ā Ā that doesnāt constitute a failure.Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā but there is a twitch in his jaw,Ā Ā a mouth held tight,Ā Ā a jaw clenchedĀ Ā --Ā Ā the kill shouldāve been his.Ā Ā there is a vague itching under his skinĀ Ā [Ā Ā what does he control if not death?Ā Ā what ownership can he claim with these beasty hands?Ā Ā --Ā Ā this apartment clambers into a coffin,Ā Ā clumsy,Ā Ā rushedĀ Ā ].Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā iāve taken as much as i needĀ Ā ...Ā Ā arenāt most issues caused by those who take too much?Ā Ā you should be impressedĀ Ā ...Ā Ā iām sure his death had something to do with taking too much.Ā Ā a moral issue,Ā Ā is that what you had?Ā Ā ā