jaya ෆ

he sees a small tiny figure in the reflection of the peek hole, but he’s not so sure. everything is slowly becoming a blur for him, and he’s scared that he’s going to pass out in front of your doorstep and this will be your surprise when you wake up in the morning to go to work.

which wouldn’t be pleasant he thinks and holds in there, waiting for you to magically come out, but he counts to sixty, and you’re nowhere to be seen.

he’s about to turn around when he hears the sound of the heavy wooden door creaking. it’s old, and you were stubborn about replacing it when draken lived in this house with you. it almost seemed like that was centuries ago, but no, it was merely four months ago.

“draken? what are you doing here?” you rub your eyes to make sure you’re not seeing things.

“hi.” is all that manages to come out of his mouth before another “fuck,” follows, trying his best not to collapse onto the ground from the pain he’s enduring right now.

he sees you hesitate in your position, silently deciding between helping him up or leaving him on your doorstep. the wind blows your hair and draken thinks that you never look more beautiful than you do right now, and he’s upset. upset at himself for letting the doubts get to him. but then again, he’s on your doorstep and you’re right before him so what does he have to regret?

“here.” you launch yourself forward to him, silently cursing yourself to being so reluctant towards him after how shattered you were by him.

you frown at the sight of him so heavily wounded. you put his arm around your head and hold onto his arm, trying to drag him inside the house that once safely housed the both of you.

“here.” you hand him a glass of water, and honestly that’s all you’ve managed to say in the span of seeing draken after no contact for almost four months and two weeks. and it hurts, so “here” is all you can say before you start to break.

draken sees the way that you open your mouth to say something before closing it. he takes a sip of water trying to distract himself from the silence enveloping the room.

you swallow before accidentally saying something that you’ll regret.

one minute he was on your doorstep grunting in pain, the next he is on your couch still wounded drinking water. you should really tend those wounds. “are you sure we don’t have to take you to the hospital?” you get up from your seat on the couch and head to get the first aid kit that you got when you were dating draken and still haven’t brought yourself to throw it out. he shakes his head, his eyes wandering around your house taking its own tour.

draken is still a remainder of your life. and he notices this. he notices how you haven’t taken down the pictures of you guys together, and he notices that you still have the bracelet he gave you on the coffee table, he notices the potted plant you guys bought together to try and decorate the house that you guys had called “too empty” despite having each others company to reach out for. he notices that you haven’t really thrown anything out. he notices that you’ve been in a slump.

from the over-filling garbage in your trash can to the dirty dishes in the sink to the clothes placed randomly on the floor and random seats, to the random misplaced items in misplaced areas. you notice draken looking around, in panic as you turn away trying not to look at him, walking over to him with the first aid kit. “i haven’t had time to throw it out. i’ve been busy with work and stuff. i’m working on it.” you laugh nervously, feeling annoyed that you have to explain yourself and that draken has barely said a word except for the cuss that he muttered at your door step.

“where’s the wound?” you ask him, clear that he isn’t willing to make conversation.

and to your surprise he actually responds. and not with a fake response, but with a real one. one that comes from his mouth. one where he actually uses his voice to show it.

“here.” and to your shock, he lifts up his shirt and uses his mouth to hold onto the shirt to show you the deep diagonal cut on the side of his hip that leads almost into his stomach.

you couldn’t believe you were doing work at home. the one place you were away from everything hospital related. it was 2 AM for fucks sake and you had just got off of work an hour and a half ago. you want to tell him that you haven’t thrown out the pictures of you and draken because you’ve been occupied with other stuff, but you don’t. you don’t bother to give him explanations because it’s very simple: he doesn’t deserve any. not after what he put you through. it just wouldn’t sit well with you.

he left you there and it made you feel useless and helpless. like you couldn’t do anything. it was like this for two weeks before you pulled yourself together. and you wish that he saw it happen because it was one of the hardest things to bring yourself to do.

draken doesn’t know this. he doesn’t want to know. because if he understands the circumstances he’s put you in he’ll feel bad. he’ll feel bad for intruding the one home you have left after he had abandoned you.

he wants to say sorry to you, beg for your forgiveness but the amount of pain he’s in right now is taking over his brain and he can’t seem to form the words out of his mouth.

you dab onto the wound with cotton balls, but the blood just keeps coming out like a water fountain. you start to grow anxious, and out of habit you bite your lip, “the bleeding isn’t stopping.” you take your hands off of him and he turns to look at you and you’re met with his gorgeous dark brown orbs, and you can see the spark that was no longer in him coming back just from eyeshades eye contact between you guys.

he doesn’t say anything, and you guys stay like that for a little longer. is what you guessed you both decide silently in your guys’ heads.

you suddenly blurt out of awkwardness and the weird tension filling up the room, nearly suffocating you. “i think you should wash up.” you get up as you throw away the dirtied cotton balls.

“okay.” he attempts to get up, but he suddenly feels a sharp pain in the side of his hip and falls back onto the couch in defeat.

you watch as he holds the side of his hip, feeling a little sorry for him even though he ended things off horribly. “here. i’ll help you.” you give him a shoulder to lean on and he gives you the gentle genuine smile that you miss so much and would do anything just to see it again.

you walk him to the bathroom, his limping slows the both of you down and you take a longer trip to the bathroom than you normally have to.

you use the toilet cover as a chair so he can rest his injury. you stand there putting away the first aid kit that you had previously left on the counter rushing to draken’s savior not even bothering to clean it up despite the current state of your house. you watch as he struggles to take off his shirt with the bruises that are left on his arm. “…do you need help?” your voice cracks asking because it sounded like a weird question.

you guys are acting so domestically and it makes you think that there could be a possibility of you guys getting back together again. but that would not happen, you wouldn’t let it. or at least that’s what you think right now.

he nods. you come closer to him and you slip the white shirt that was now painted in the color of roses. you hear him whimper at how aggressively you had managed to get it off.

“sorry.” you find yourself apologizing and it’s absolutely pathetic.

“it’s ‘kay.” he mumbles, and he has become a man of few words, exactly like the time when you guys had first met and you can feel your heart aching.

he sits on the toilet cover, looking at you practically asking you with his eyes what he’s supposed to do next now that he’s shirtless covered in bruises and cuts in front of you.

draken debates asking the question he’s about to ask and he decides on asking it because what’s the worse that could possibly happen? you abandon him on your front porch? (it was a highly likely event but it’s 2:27 a.m. and he’s hoping you’re a little softer than usual).

“..do you think you could help me, like wash up?” his head is down, staring at the ground looking for any ants that could distract him from the hot sensation he was feeling on his face.

you think for a second, and you really think of the domesticity of this scenario. draken, your ex boyfriend in your bath naked and you tending his wounds. this was ridiculous and an awful situation to be put in. but he’s in pain, and you know he can’t do it himself. and the faster that you guys are done, the faster he can leave and the faster you can go back to your deep slumber.

“okay. but once we’re done you’re leaving. i’m tired, okay?” you notice the way that his shoulders rise and the way his face lights up from hearing that four letter word coming out of your mouth. you’re pretty sure he didn’t even hear the rest of what you said.

“okay.” he says, slowing getting up from the toilet and trying to situate himself into the bathtub that you once shared. and you cringe from the memory being brought up again.

“you need to take off your pants.” you tell him, and your face suddenly feels hot when you realize how perverted you sounded right now. “..i meant like so they don’t get wet.” you say calmly not letting him see your facade break down. even if it’s a small panic at something embarrassing you just said.

“right.” he hastily pulls off his pants and you notice this. you notice how he’s rushing. “do i have to..?” he gestures as his boxers. and you want to say yes for selfish reasons but this was serious and you had to treat this as if draken was your patient because he’s not your boyfriend anymore (his loss), he’s just a stranger that you use to know.

“keep them on.” you say, but it comes out more as a demand, “unless you don’t want to. either way i have an extra pair.” and you notice the way that draken blinks a couple of times, confused by what you were trying to imply. you don’t try to clear it up because you decide that you enjoy watching draken sit there and wander at the million possibilities you could be aiming at when you say that you have an “extra pair of boxers.”

“i’m just going to keep them on. i don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” you re-count in your head, draken’s 14 worded sentence. that’s the longest he’s spoke in the twenty minutes he’s been in your home. and it was about him taking off his boxers.

“it’s okay.” you find that’s the only thing you can respond with. you want to say, “it’s not like i haven’t seen it before,” but you don’t.

it doesn’t matter either way because when it gets wet you’ll see it anyway, so you don’t understand why he’s being so persistent. they’ll stick to his thighs and he’ll have a hard time taking them off when he’s done.

“you can’t change your mind.” you tell him because you don’t want to deal with getting up during your clean up and messing it up. but that explanation is just a cover up for your embarrassment, silently hoping he doesn’t actually take off his boxers.

“okay, i’ll take them off then. are you sure i can?” he asks scared he’s going to make you uncomfortable considering the title of your guys’ relationship. (there was no title.)

“yes, i’ve seen it before. what’s there to hide? are you shy or something?” you scoff and you can the tint of pink creeping onto the tips of his ears.

“hurry up. you’re losing a lot of blood.” you respond fast, trying to distract yourself from how cute he looked right now. you try to put your nurse mode on because you couldn’t let him win.

you stand there, waiting for him to take off his boxers. you can see the shade of crimson darkening on his face.

he tosses his boxers onto the ground next to you, trying to aim his body away from you because of his dick, trying to make you comfortable because you guys haven’t mentioned the break up yet and he doesn’t really want you to mention it now. and now, he has a feeling that you will because of the annoying and weird situation he put you in.

“okay.” you mentally face palm yourself for being so curious to want to see his dick again. it’s only been four months of no sexual activity and you’re already drooling over a guy taking off his boxers so you can bathe him and then tend his wound.

you turn the faucet on the bathtub so you can wash off the blood on the wound because an infection on that deep of a wound cause even more problems for you in the future.

draken was troublesome, is what you’ve decided. ever getting involved with him was one of your biggest regrets. yet you have to admit, he’s one of the sweetest—no, he is the sweetest man you’ve ever met. despite ending the breakup abruptly and making you leading up to the conclusion that he cheated on you, he’s the only man that has ever made you feel important through and through.

(ugh, why are we talking good about him now? he broke your heart. cmon y/n, you’re better than this!)

you walk towards the sink to wash your hands with soap before walking back to draken to rub the blood off of his body and into the drain.

you repeat this process for what feels like hours, both you and draken not saying a word to each other the whole time.

you walk up to the cabinets to grab a new towel for draken to use to wipe his body off.

“here. wipe your body. i’m going to get the extra clothes for you.” you hurry back to your bedroom that was once shared with draken. and the memories come flooding back once again, and you hate yourself for remembering them so well.

you find yourself reminiscing and you force yourself to snap out of the trance that only draken can put you in. you sigh as you grab yourself the extra pair of boxers and a t-shirt and gray sweatpants. all of which had belonged to draken and you still haven’t brought yourself to throw away.

“hey.” you feel a soft voice whisper down your ear, shivers sent down your spine from how fucking sexy he was being right now. you couldn’t even enjoy it.

“didn’t i tell you to stay put?” your tone slightly changed and he notices the way your voice moderately rises.

“you didn’t. and it was getting cold so i came to find you.” you turn around to meet his figure, he looked so comfy wrapped up in that towel.

“next time, just stay put. i don’t want you getting even more hurt.” you notice draken smiling at you. he’s smiling for two things. the fact that you said “next time” and the concern that was in your voice when you were talking about him getting hurt.

“here.” you shove the clothes in his face, not being able to bear the awkward silence. you see him just standing there with his clothes now on the ground.

“it hurts to bend down. can you help me?” for a second, you swear you can hear the desperation in his voice. but maybe you were wrong, because just like that his expression was back to normal. stoic and stubborn.

you gulp nervously before bending down to the ground to pick up “his” clothes. you watch as he slowly takes off his towel and you try not to look at his dick to avoid the image of you seeming perverted towards draken.

you hurry up and slip them on to get rid of the uncomfortable sight. you point at the bed, “lay down.” you demand so it’s easier to slip on his pants. “thank you.”

“sit up.” you tell him again, “sit here. do not go anywhere this time.” you run off to fetch the first aid kit so you could put antibiotics onto the now dry cut.

draken nods his head like an obedient puppy. he’s lucky he’s still here, is what he tells himself. it’s not a lot, but he’s getting something and he’s happy about it. getting taken care of is what draken calls his favorite form of someone showing him love.

his eyes scan the room to look for something he’s seen before to hold that sense of familiarity he once had when he lived in this house with you. he sees the picture frame that use to have a picture of you and draken facing down onto the table. he takes a whiff of the scent of the room, and it smells like you. it smells like the home he once knew.

he realizes that the boxers he’s wearing are his. his from when he use to live here. you kept one. and the sweatpants too. they’re all his. his that you selfishly kept. and he hadn’t even realized that these were missing when you had left the box of his things outside on the front porch because you didn’t want to face him.

he’s snapped out of his thoughts when he sees you coming back with the first aid kit. “hey.” you say taking a seat next to him on your bed.

“stay still, okay?” he nods again, and you put a little bit of the medication on a cotton pad and lightly dab at the wound. you can hear him wince in pain, “hold still. it’ll only take a while. just hold in there.” you tell him, repeating the procedure a couple of more times until you get the whole cut covered.

“i’m going to bandage it now, okay?” you take the roll of bandage out to wrap around his waist trying to cover up the cut.

“thank you.” draken finally says because in a couple of minutes he’s going to have to leave. and he’s feeling defeated. because he can’t leave. he doesn’t want to leave. he wants to stay here forever but he can’t. and it’s hurting him almost as much as the wound that he just got.

“yeah.” you say as you take one more look at his body, instantly regretting it. god his abs still look so good even when there’s cuts and bruises all over his body. “go to the doctor tomorrow. tell them to tend the wound.” you tell him, but he says nothing. “put this shirt on. it’s cold outside.” you hand the black t-shirt to him and to which he obliges, slipping it over his head.

“okay.” he decides that his final word will be okay, and he curses himself for it because it’s long out of his mouth and into the air and he can’t take it back anymore.

“okay.” you say back, dumbfounded of what’s going to happen next. “…do you want me to walk you out?” you say confused at what he wants.

“i’d like that.” he says, and you can hear the way his tone changes.

you both walk towards the door in silence and you both know this will be the last time you guys see each other in a long time. he wants to do something rational but he knows that he’ll regret it. he knows he’ll regret it even if he doesn’t do anything.

but he decides on the latter. you open the door, and draken is outside of the place he called home for the hour he was in there. he stands outside and you stand inside your house. you guys stand like that for a while before you decide to say, “bye.” you say softly, trying your best to give him a smile. and you try so hard not to break.

“bye.” he puts his hands in the pockets of the sweatpants as you watch his figure slowly walk away from you and the door shuts.

what the fuck just happened?

“y/n?” you hear a husky voice call your name from your bed.

“draken? is that you? why are you here? what happened to your wound?” you panic to which he lifts up his shirt and he quickly slips it off.

“it’s all better thanks to you.” he comes from behind and hugs your waist snuggling into your shoulder.

“cmon let’s go to bed.” he says as he slides his hands from your waist to your hand to drag you towards your bed.

you see him standing in front of you, his shirt is now off and everything feels like a dream. “kiss it.” he holds your hand, kissing each one of your fingers before kissing your palm.

he lets go of your hand and puts it on his abdomen. “feel it.” you hear him say as you let your hand roam and really feel his abs.

“kiss it.” you’re hesitant and draken noticed this. “please.” the desperation in his voice makes you groan and draken smirks upon hearing how turned on you are from him.

so you give in, and lightly tap your lips against his firm and sculpted abs. you move it towards the healed spot and brush your lips carefully on the area. you hear him moan and you can feel your face getting hot. he just looks at you with a smug expression on his face. “y/n.” he says as he moves your head so that you guys are making eye contact with each other.

“i need you. i want to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.” his tone is aggressive and you can hear the desperation in his voice and you suddenly have the urge to moan again.

he lifts you up from your position and sits you up so that your head is against the headboard and your eyes meet.

he grinds his hard cock against your pussy, “you like that?” he says as he grunts into your ear. “take off your pants.” he demands and you obey.

“don’t keep me waiting baby.” he says as he takes his bulging cock out of his pants. “look at how wet you make me.” he smirks as you as he brings your hand to feel—

“what the fuck.” you jolt awake and check the time: 6:12 am. you overslept by twelve minutes because you were so indulged in a wet dream you just had of a man you had spent the night with. your ex boyfriend ken draken ryuguji.

you could feel the way your cheeks were getting hotter and the embarrassment you were feeling was incomparable to any other time you’ve felt embarrassed.

“oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.” you hurry up and grab your pants from the floor and slip them on, along with the rest of your clothes in a hurry to get to work to distract yourself in the mess you just yourself through.

for the rest of the day, your head is filled with thoughts of the man you had spent your night with. your ex boyfriend ken draken ryuguji.

he was like a bird that had placed a nest on your balcony because they thought it was a tree but it in fact is your porch so it stays there and nests it’s eggs.

it was a weird analogy, but it worked.

you couldn’t seem to concentrate. and the only time you were concentrating is when you were thinking of none other than ken draken ryuguji.

even your co-workers were starting to get nervous when you finished your lunch in ten minutes and went back to work when you would usually laze around until the lunch break was over.

you groaned as you collapsed onto your couch, taking a glimpse of the time: 8:45 p.m. you had to enjoy the rest of the evening by going to sleep, right now. or else you were going to regret it.

you ended up cleaning the whole house and washing draken’s clothes so that you could return them sometime, and this place was finally spotless and you were so relieved. you let out a heavy sigh as you feel yourself drifting off into your daydream.

all of a sudden you hear someone knocking on the door and you force yourself awake. you trudge yourself towards the door.

you look through the hole and you almost have a panic attack upon seeing who’s standing nervously, hands in his pocket on your doorstep.

why was he here? again? what did he need? he wasn’t injured, so why was he here? what gain does he have by being here?

he opens his mouth to speak first, and you’re somewhat grateful because you’ve run out of words to use.

“i need to get my clothes. and i need you to replace my bandage.” draken mumbles the last part because he knows you told him to go to a doctor to replace the bandage. but he only knows you—that’s a lie, the truth is, he only wants to know you. you’re the only thing that matters to him.

you really didn’t understand. you waver but give in nonetheless. you inspect him to see if any new cuts or bruises have formed on his body. and to your surprise, he looks perfectly healthy. (despite the huge bandaged cut on his hip.)

you sigh, hands on your hips trying to decide your fate after this morning’s catastrophe. “this is the last time you’re coming here. my home is not a second home for you.” draken frowns when he hears the words come out of your mouth, but he knows they can’t be helped. and you notice the way his shoulders slump down, but you don’t say anything. because nothing needs to be said.

“your clothes aren’t finished so you’re going to have to stay here for a little bit after i re-bandage you.” you invite him in to sit down on the couch, but instead he’s dumbfounded at entrance and barely makes it past the entryway. you bump into him, realizing that he hasn’t moved from his spot.

he looks at your house again, blinking hard a couple of times to make sure he’s not seeing things. you tidied up. everything in this house was spotless and he’s surprised on how quickly the stump lasted. (he doesn’t know how long your house was like that and how long you decided it was okay. but he decides on the day he was here and today because he doesn’t want to know how bad of an effect everything had on you.)

“um?” you wait for draken to sit down so you can get started and you don’t have to interact with him any longer. “please go sit.” you tell him one more time, this time your tone is more demanding and he listens. you snort, the total opposite of my dream, you think.

you realize that he took off the bandage by himself and he came here without it, you eye it and look back at him, “sorry. i just took a shower so i didn’t think i should just re-bandage myself. and i can’t get my torso right when i do it by myself.” he says, waiting for you to respond.

you nod your head, as you take out the bandages and memories of last nights events coming rushing in your head. (both him showing up at your doorstep and asking to be cared for and two the wet dream you had about him.)

"you've got to be more careful." you finally say, breaking out of character. you don't know how many more visits of draken's you could take before you break and beg for him to take you back.

"i know," he looks at you and you give him a look that says i-don't-believe-you (he remembers it vividly from when you guys were together and whenever he had told you he wasn't going to buy you anything expensive anymore because of your constant nagging, "seriously." he deadpans this time, "i will." he tells you and that pretty much wraps up your guys' conversation.

okay, keeping it sweet and simple. you could deal with that.

"all done." you whisper softly as you press onto the bandage to keep it secure. "i hope you don't mind waiting for a little bit. the washing machine is kind of slow." you laugh softly and draken knows this.

he lived with you for fucks sake, he knows the washing machine is slow. and now he knows that you still haven't replaced it. "i know" he wants to say, but he doesn't.

"what?"

fuck, did he say that out loud? he swallows nervously before repeating the sentence again, "i said i know."

"oh." that earns silence. because what more is there to say to the man that left you all alone wondering what you did wrong? the man you let back in so easily. its ridiculous and pathetic. you know it’s ridiculous and pathetic, seriously where’s your self respect?

"do you want tea? anything?" you get up, attempting to break the silence. you glance over at the time left on the drying machine. 12 minutes. you just had to endure this for 12 more minutes. i know it seems short, but being in forced proximity with the person you're supposed to hate the most wasn't necessarily ideal. and everything felt way longer than it actually is.

"sure. tea is fine." you watch as he closes his eyes and rests his head onto the cushion.

you prepare him some tea, silently cursing yourself for letting him into your home again. you're letting him win and you hate it so much.

"here you go." you say as you hand over the cup of tea to draken, the steam rising into the air. and he takes a sip. and you mentally face palm yourself for his stupidity.

"fuck." he says as his tongue burns from how hot it is.

"here," you take it back from him blowing off the steam on top and taking a sip to test it out and hand him the cup back. it slowly comes into realization that you guys just took a sip from the same cup. and you showed a gesture that you used to give him when you guys were still dating. you wanted to ask the question so badly, what the fuck was happening? you don't question it any further because you see one minute remaining on the dryer. you hear a loud ding that brings you back to reality.

"looks like its done. i can walk you out." you say wanting draken to get out of your house so you can sleep. you take a sneak peek at the time and it's now 9:02. and you groan, aloud. and draken hears you.

"what's the matter?" draken says walking in your direction, his tall figure towering over you.

you shake your head, not wanting to give him any explanations. because again, he doesn't deserve any explanations. but you give in. again. because draken is irresistible. and he's everything you ever had. he's everything you ever wanted. and he's everything you still want. it's hard to deny something like that when the opportunity is right in front of you. "it's just, it's really late and i wanted to get some sleep tonight."

"sit." he asks you, but it comes off as more of a demand.

draken notices the puzzled confusion that arises on your face. you obey anyway because both of you guys are aware of the position you are in and as much as you want to say no, you can't bring yourself to. you're tired, and you don't know if you can keep your facade up any longer.

"lay your head onto the back of the couch." you look back at him, and he gestures for you to listen to him. and you do.

"draken, i can't deal with your bullshit right now. can you just get on with it and leave? please?" he winces, and he hates the way "draken" comes out of your mouth. it comes out bitter, and foreign. and he hates that. he hates that you don't even call him "ken" anymore. but again, it wouldn't make any sense since you guys aren't even together anymore.

"just relax. just for five minutes. then i'll go." he silently makes a promise to himself that he'll leave once the five minutes are over. he knows he's over intruded his stay. you've done so much for him and he knows that its time to go.

draken starts by gently rubbing your temples, "close your eyes. relax." he says and you relax your shoulders which earns a grin from draken. he moves from your head to your shoulders and he messages your shoulders, easing all of the tension you were holding up. "good, you're so relaxed now." he praises you, proud that you're finally loosening up. you grunt in response to him because now you're angry again. you let him win and see the nice side of you. and you almost have the urge to moan at the way he's praising you so nicely. you feel weak under his touch and it's making you grow more and more angry.

you can hear the way the clock ticks every second of the night and when the sound starts to irritate you, "..i think its time to leave." you say, breaking out of the trance he has you under. he nods, removing his hands off of you and picks up the once forgotten white t-shirt that you had nicely washed for him.

"y/n." he gets serious and you hear the way his tone changes indicating solemnity. "i'll leave for real after this, can i just do one more thing?" he asks you, and now you guys are both standing outside of your house on the front porch. "back up if you don't want this, okay?" you have a hunch of what he's doing, but you don't question it because you want this. you want a sense of liberation. and to get lost in his eyes for a moment. even if it means you'll never see him ever again.

you can see his body leaning closer to yours, his eyes roaming around your face before they find your lips and are concentrated on them for what feels like hours but its only been a mere second before he uses his hand to gently hold onto your chin and lift your head up. "it's not too late to back out." he whispers, it's hot, every second of this moment you're not supposed to have him feels scandalous. you don't say anything for the next couple of seconds so draken leans in, and your lips meet and the sweet sensation runs through your mouth all the way down to your stomach and you can feel his other hand moving down to hold your waist, and the addicting taste of his lips that you can't seem to get enough of. it's been so long since you've let yourself let loose, you think. you lean into the kiss and let out a moan which surprises draken, but he goes with it and he grips onto your hips as you continue to press harder and harder into the kiss, practically begging for more. but you snap back to reality because this isn't who you are, and you're letting your guard down too soon.

"fuck." you both let go and the sound of your guys' heavy breathing is the only thing that is heard in the quiet night. "sorry. you can still hit me if you want." he offers his cheek to you, but you shake your head. "it's okay," you pause before deciding whether or not you should be honest with him on your guys' last meet up.

"...i enjoyed it." you turn away shyly, "now go home, and forget this happened okay?" you say as he gives you a forced soft smile and you shut the door on him.

you collapse on the ground with tears streaming down your face, using your shirt to wipe the wet mess on your face.

"fuck."

weeks go by, almost months it feels like. but in reality, it's only been two weeks since draken has even tried showing up at your door after showing up two days in a row. as you're washing the dirty dishes in the sink, you think about him showing up at your door wounded.

and it makes you think that maybe he only showed up because he didn't want to go to another doctor because he didn't feel comfortable being around them. after all, you were toman’s doctor until you guys broke up because it got awkward to see the rest of the gang when he was there. it seemed somewhat reasonable to why he hasn't visited.

you don't even know why you care. he said he wasn't going to show up anymore, and you should believe him, right? he's probably right. it's better if you guys don't talk. he broke your heart. and you didn't ask any questions. and you didn't get any answers. and you still haven't. so why do you want his touch so badly?

the night of the kiss slowly replay in your head, and you can’t stop yourself from feeling this hot sensation, that makes you want more.

you shake your head to snap yourself out of it. having fantasies of your ex at night wasn’t a good look for you.

you trudge yourself over to go lay on the couch and play something on the tv to entertain yourself.

your eyes start closing on you and by the time you knew it, you were already drifting off in a relaxing slumber.

and you swear, this time you hear a hard knock on your door, and you force yourself to get up and wipe the drool that’s formed on your face.

you frown, taking a second before looking at the peek hole. for the past two weeks, you keep getting eager whenever you hear someone knock or ring on your doorbell because it gives you hope that it might be draken.

but almost five out of five times it’s not him. and you hate the way your shoulders droop down, and the forced gentle smile you try to give the carrier.

you take a deep breath in and decide it’s better that you don’t look at the peek hole, for suspense and because this time your hopes can’t be crushed before you even open the door. (that’s your logic at least. and honestly you can’t believe the way that you didn’t even take safety precautions.)

you open the door and you see a six foot one figure on your front porch.

“draken?” you finally say, and you realize you’ve been holding your breath this whole time.

“yeah. hi.” he says as he unhides his hand and reveals a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

“wow.” is all that you are able to manage to get out. “why are you here?” your instantly snapped back to reality.

“look y/n, i know i might be too late,“ draken stops trying to find the right words, and you find them for him.

“you are. i didn’t even know why you broke up with me and it hurt,” you can feel the tears forming in your eyes. “i thought i wasn’t good enough for you. or i thought you found someone better for you.” you can feel his hand on your face, gently wiping the tears off your face.

“there is no one better for me. i’m sorry y/n. i had to protect you.” he engulfs you into a hug and now you can’t stop the tears from coming down like waterfall on his shoulder. and you hate yourself for hugging him back.

“i know it’s not excuse but there was a gang that was against toman and decided that the best way to have us join them was to blackmail us. they started tracking down our loved ones and i didn’t want the gang to get in touch with you. they were blackmailing toman and i didn’t want you getting involved. in any of my schemes, so i decided to end it. i thought that if i ended it harshly then maybe you wouldn’t want me back so bad. i just wanted to protect you. i didn’t want you getting hurt because of my poor decisions. ”

“i’m really sorry y/n. i can’t forget about you. i, i try everyday. but i really can’t. you haunt every part of me, and everyday you’re not here i feel like i can’t breathe, i feel cold and empty.” this confession surprises you, and you finally look up at draken.

and your lips crash, and the hot sensation that you once felt comes rushing back. “an explanation was all that i wanted.” you start, “i just wanted to understand why you broke up with me.” and you stop trying to find the words. “i want to say no, because i don’t want to get hurt again. but i can’t. after our kiss the other night my thoughts are filled with you and i can’t even do my job properly.” you laugh as the tears continue to stream down your face, and he wipes them for you with his finger.

“it’s your choice.” he takes a deep breath, “if you don’t want to take me back its okay. but just know if you ever need me or decide you want me again, i’ll be here waiting for you.” he tells you, and your tears stop and you guys both look at each for what feels like decades.

“okay.” you tell him, wiping off your final tears. “let’s try again.” you finally say, and you notice the way draken’s lips lift and how he can’t stop smiling at hearing that and he can feel the way his cheeks are starting to numb up. “but please tell me about the stuff that happens. and if you break my heart again there will be no third chance.” you laugh.

“i know, i will. and i know that too. i promise to never hide anything, because you’re the only girl i’ll ever love. i love you y/n.” you grab him by his collar and you pull him in for an intense, slow and passionate kiss. your stomach is turned into butterflies and your head turned off, the feeling of euphoria and bliss fills up your brain.

“i love you too.” you say, and you smile at him and he smiles at you, and this feeling is so euphoric.

“i’m sorry.” he says again, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. “i shouldn’t have been such an asshole. ’m sorry.”

“you don’t have to keep apologizing.”

“yes i do. what if you weren’t so forgiving? i don’t deserve you.”

“but i am. and there’s nothing you can do about it, accept my love already god damn it.” you notice the way he lifts his head from the crook of your neck and looks at you. you bring a hand to his face to caress his cheek.

“i love you so much. there’s nothing in this world that can be used to describe how much you mean to me.” he tells you and this confession makes you feel hot.

“i love you too silly, now can we go back inside? it’s getting cold.” draken nods, and it feels like two worlds that were apart are together again, and you feel like you can do anything.

“i love you.” he says again because he can’t stop himself from saying it. he’s so fortunate and he knows this.

“ken.” you guys sit on the couch together and you bring his face to look at yours. he feels his heart warming up hearing the familiar nickname come out of your mouth again. “i love you too, okay?” you give him a peck on the lips and the rest of that night is a blur because it’s filled with laughter and joy.

you start to realize you’ll never ever love someone the way you love ken draken ryuguji.

©saeskiss 2023

his mom had given you two shots that you had hesitantly taken because you didn’t want to be rude to the woman that had basically raised you whenever your mom was too busy with her duties and your dad was overseas doing business. 

what happened after that?

you’re trying so hard to remember but everything is coming back to you in a blur and it’s hard to recall the events of yesterday night.

“you’re so pretty you know that?” you cup his face waiting for his response but all you’re met with is a flushed face and a frustrated sigh from kazuha. 

“you’re kidding.” you face-palm yourself. you knew that you wouldn’t be able to keep it in much longer when kazuha had dropped that confession to you a month ago but this was not the right time. 

not when it was supposed to be his mother’s day and you were supposed to help kazuha try and bond and adjust to this new family of his. 

but suddenly you remember that there was more than that to the story. 

“can i kiss you?” you ask him. he nods reluctantly. 

your lips crash, the sweet taste of peppermint from your chapstick mixed with the raging taste of alcohol from earlier had made him yearning for more and you could tell. butterflies emerged from your stomach at the sight of him wanting you so much and when you slowly move on his lap, his hands travel down to your thighs. you let out a whimper—

“no, no, no, no, no.” you rummage around the bedsheets trying to find your phone which clearly was not in sight and your frustration was slowly rising. 

you needed to send kazuha a text immediately. how was he so calm about this? why did he not mention it in the note? was he planning to just let you forget it? did you mean that little to him? god, where was a guy when you needed him to answer your questions?

you finally find your phone that was inside your pillow. 

<you: where are you? <kazuha: running errands. i’ll be back in a couple of minutes. <you: need to see you. now.  <kazuha: in my moms hotel room. on the 4th floor. 403

you nervously bite your lip at the sudden confession that you would have to make. and the fear that you would suddenly face. 

what if he doesn’t accept your confession? or what if he’s already moved on? 

you shake your head. there was no way he would’ve already moved on that quickly. a wave of despair hits you when you realize that it’s kazuha and he’s the most unpredictable man you’ve ever met. 

you guys had been friends since you’ve been in diapers. sure, you guys have had rough patches but it wasn’t anything that was out of your power that you couldn’t fix. he’s seen you when you were at your absolute worse, he’s seen you for who you truly are. he’s seen you and let you be who you are. he lets you talk while he listens. he lets you do whatever you want while he follows even if he doesn’t like it. because kazuha kaedehara is an absolutely hopeless romantic. and he will do almost anything for you. and the day that you come to realize it, he wins at life. 

the years of work that you guys had put in this “friendship” will no longer be for your guy’s friendship and be for your relationship. 

the cold taste of metal touches your tongue. 

god this was nerve-wracking.

you quickly change out of your nightgown, fix your hair, grab nothing but your phone and the room keys, and head to room 403 where kazuha kaedehara aka the love of your life will be. 

you can’t believe that he would’ve just let this go if you hadn’t remembered. 

you take a deep breath as you knock on the door, meeting kazuha ho looked like he hasn’t slept in days with dark circles under his eyes for the first time ever like he did when he had to study for the a.p lit exam. (which was in high school so that was a long time ago). 

“hi.” 

“hi.” he says back. and god this awkward tension was going to be the death of you. it was like all those years of being friends were nothing and you guys are strangers. 

“come inside. did you take the painkillers yet?” he asks you, opening the door further as an invitation for you to come inside.

you shake your head causing kazuha to cross his arms and sigh in defeat at the frown on your face. “i’ll get the painkillers. and the water. okay?” you nod again, and it somewhat feels like you’re giving him the silent treatment. 

and this makes him a little more nervous than he was before you were awake. he’s so afraid you’re going to randomly tell him that you didn’t mean to do all that stuff that you guys had done last night or that you had been envisioning someone else doing it with kazuha and he still wouldn’t have minded because again, you gave him the opportunity to have a make-out session and a kiss with you even if you weren’t the slightest bit sober. 

“here.” he hands it to you, taking a seat on the cushion next to yours. 

a moment of silence passes between the both of you guys, afraid of how to go on. both of you guys were showing hesitation, so you start instead of him this time because it seemed too many times he has had the upper hand.

“were you ever going to tell me about the things that happened when i was drunk yesterday?” you turn to him, putting the cup of water down onto the table.

kazuha’s eyes widen at the sudden question that he had been somewhat dreading all morning. 

“well, i was going to ask you if you remembered anything from last night, but i guess i have my answer now.” he gives you a slight smile. 

“but if i hadn’t said the things i said right now, would you have told me?” you ask him a little more harshly this time. you wanted answers from kazuha. real answers. 

“probably not.” your heart drops when kazuha says this. 

why wasn’t he going to tell you if you guys had kissed? 

“why?” your voice cracks and it sounds desperate. kazuha gasps at this, surprised that you guys were even capable of having this kind of conversation with each other.

“because.” he stops to turn and look at you. “i know that i’m going to ruin this friendship. and i don’t want that. what if you were to tell me that you weren’t actually intending for that to happen and that you only used me to think about someone else while we were doing it? what happens then? my heart is crushed and i never believe in love ever again. and it’s the most soul crushing-thing i don’t want to happen. you know my attempts in high school and how they ended up. they never ended up well.” he stops, before he goes on again.

“and this has happened before. when we had made out and you had forgotten it when i tried to bring it up. i don’t want to hear the truth if you aren’t envisioning a future that i’m not in. i’m too in love with you to do that.” he finally finds it in him to say the sentence that you had wanted to hear ever since the first time you had heard it a month ago.

this was the first time kazuha had ever opened up to you about his brain. his mind. what he was thinking in this exact moment, he said everything you had wanted to hear from him. he was opening up about his feelings for you. and you loved it. you loved this so much about him.

“this happened before?” you ask him, genuinely dumbstruck by how much you’ve done to kazuha when you were drunk.

“yes. that time when we were going to study at the coffee shop together but you canceled and got drunk and beidou called me over and we made out. and that was the first time i ever kissed anyone.”

“—look, i get it if you don’t love me or anything but just tell me so i can move on with my life instead of pining over you and dealing with my unrequited love.” 

you smile. “i’m in love with you too idiot. but i’m going to need some more details on that make-out session.” 

©saeskiss 2023

sure, you’ve been drunk before and especially in kazuha’s presence but this time it was different. 

much more different from the other three big instances that you were drunk in front of him. 

the first instance was when you guys had first started university together and you were so happy that you guys had both gotten accepted into the same university, (you had silently prayed to the moon every night hoping that the universe would be on your side) and it did end up being on your side. you had gotten a little too excited and rushed to kazuha’s house carrying some of your mom’s wine to celebrate another couple of years with him hoping that you guys could tell each other about the feelings you guys had shared with each other for the longest time. 

and soon you and kazuha discovered that your alcohol tolerance wasn’t high. at all. 

this was a big problem for him. especially when you turned the legal age to properly and actually drink. 

you weren’t such a big fan of parties and kazuha knew this. you didn’t like loud noises and crowded rooms because they were absolutely suffocating. and trying to scare off strangers that were trying to grope you wasn’t exactly your most favorite thing. but this wouldn’t completely stop you from going out and having a little fun with your other friends. (yes, you have other friends besides kazuha, surprise surprise.) 

and this especially wasn’t going to stop beidou from dragging you to go attend ningguang’s parties that she would throw every now and then. (the second biggest and most common occurrence) this doesn’t happen commonly but when it does it brings misfortune for the white-haired male. these situations always ended up with you extremely drunk (you frequently participated in beidou’s drinking competitions even though you guys were both lightweights) (how chaotic and idiotic for the both of you) and keqing giving kazuha a call for him to come and bring you back to his house so that you could sober up. although what did happen was that kazuha would bring you back dead asleep and you would wake up in the morning with a huge headache and both you and kazuha would call in sick for your classes and you would stay snuggled up on his couch catching up on your favorite tv shows while he goes the store to buy you some painkillers. 

the third and his favorite drunk instance with you was when you had seen kazuha with a girl you had never seen him with before and usually, you would’ve taken this as kazuha being a friendly person because he was, much more friendly than you were that’s for sure but this time it was different. or maybe it wasn’t. 

you don’t know what it was in you but something in your heart burned more than the chugging of tequila. you went home and dropped beidou a call and opened your alcohol cabinet (many of the bottles were gifts from ningguang or your parents or kazuha’s parents) and you had downed a whole bottle in the span of two minutes, the sound of your cries could probably be heard by the whole floor, hell maybe the whole apartment. when beidou had arrived she was in shock to see the bad state you were in. after a rough twenty minutes beidou realized that she really couldn’t deal with someone who was drunk when she had an important exam so her last and only resort was to call the only person that you’ve ever really had feelings for. and she knew that kazuha would be able to take of you better than anyone else, but she wasn’t going to mention it because she was afraid the tears would turn into a full-on sob session. 

kazuha shows up at your door with the same reaction as beidou because a couple of hours ago you guys were planning to meet up at a coffee shop to study together even though you guys were majoring in two different subjects, you guys thought the presence of each other would be comforting but then you had canceled on him to study with beidou? he really didn’t understand.

if the white-haired male was going to be really honest, he was kind of frustrated. not at you, but more of himself. it wasn’t a date or anything so he had no right to be upset but here he was. upset that you had canceled plans with him to hang out with someone else. and to be honest, he could’ve drank with you. he doesn’t know why you chose beidou.

but let’s just say that this story ends with a heated make-out session on your island stools in your kitchen and you having a huge hangover the next day not remembering anything that had happened yesterday which had kazuha defeated, desperate for another try. because c’mon, you stole his first kiss and his first make-out session all in one night.  

but that’s enough stories about the past times you had been under the influence. 

back to the current situation that kazuha was worrying about: you getting tipsy over two measly shots that his mother had offered during the dinner that only gave effect after a good 10 minutes and here you were in your hotel room that his mom had booked for the two of you. it was pretty obvious she knew what was going on. and maybe this was all apart of her plan. 

“y/n.” he deadpans, staring at you who has been sitting on the ground next to the bed for the last ten minutes with your head rested onto the bed. “get up from the ground.” he lowers himself to be on the same level as you.

“nooooo. i don’t want to go.” you cross your arms, with a scowl on your face, hearing a sigh from the white-haired male.

a moment of silence passes by before he sighs again, “i’m tired.” your grin starts to turn into a frown.

“come on. get onto the bed. or i’ll carry you bridal style onto the bed.” he says, grabbing one of your arms attempting to get you laying on the bed so he could get a glass of water for you so you could start to sober up.

you squeal as he picks you up from your spot on the ground and carries you onto the bed tickling you making you giggle. 

you get up from your laying position on the bed which makes kazuha groan with his failed attempt to try and get water to sober you up while you lie in bed patiently waiting for him to come back. which was quite literally impossible with you being under the influence. 

“kazuha.” you get serious this time and he stops his whining and complaining to face you and have an intoxicated conversation with you with just you as the one intoxicated and him not so much. 

“what is it y/n?” and the sweet sound of your name makes your heart beat faster and it makes you riskier. it makes you want to do things to kazuha that you wouldn’t normally do if it wasn’t for your inebriation. 

you come closer to his face and your guys’ eyes meet. kazuha tries to stay focus and tries to calm his heart down as much as he can so you can’t hear it because its embarrassing having this big of a schoolgirl crush on someone he’s known since he was in diapers. 

and it’s especially embarrassing on how much anticipation he has in this very moment; you’re unpredictable. and god he wishes he knew what was going on in your head right now because he can’t stop himself from thinking about things that would never happen in a million years. 

“you’re so pretty you know that?” you cup his face waiting for his response but all you’re met with is a flushed face and a frustrated sigh from kazuha.

he doesn’t know much longer he can hold it all in. 

hold in the urge from wanting to kiss you all over again, because god seeing you in that pretty tight white dress is making him go insane. he says a simple, “thank you.” in response. 

“can i kiss you?” you ask him and he doesn’t know what to say because he shouldn’t say no, and he knows he should say no, but he would do absolutely anything to kiss you one more time. but this wasn’t right. 

this was the second time that he would be doing this. taking advantage of you while you were drunk. 

but your scent was so addicting and he couldn’t get enough of it and he was yearning for the touch of your soft lips against his so he nods reluctantly.  

and he knows it’s wrong, and he knows he’ll apologize in the morning this time and confront the fact that he made a mistake doing this with you. 

but as soon as your lips crash, he never wants the sweet taste of peppermint from your chapstick mixed with the raging taste of alcohol to leave his mouth and he starts to not regret the decision he made so much. your lips were so insanely soft against his, your movements are slow yet so intense making kazuha yearn for more. he wanted more. he took a breath of your enthralling scent, your perfume was mixed with strawberries and mint. it was addicting and it sent his head spinning, butterflies emerging in his stomach as you smile into his kiss. you start to move slowly on his lap, his hands traveling down to your thighs. you to let out a whimper at the sudden gesture and that was more than enough for him to get a wake up call and realize what he was doing wrong. 

he pulls away, lips swollen and rough breaths are the only sound being heard in the room for a couple of seconds.

“i can’t. i’m sorry. i’m taking advantage of you and it’s wrong.” he stops with you still sitting on his lap your hands drop to your side.

you frown. “i’m sorry. we can do this when you’re sober. i promise.” he gently caresses your cheek, coming close to your face, his lips lightly touching your forehead.

“okay.” you finally give in and respond, “but can you do me one more thing?” he groans once more, at this point he’s afraid of your requests because if you plead him to do anything he will oblige and you have so much power over him and he is frightened by how much power you have over him. 

“one more kiss? please?” 

oh, kill kazuha right now. you just pleaded and there was no way he was going to decline. 

“mkay.” he uses both of his hands to grip your waist as your lips meet, the exciting sensation rushing through his body and making kazuha’s head spin, wanting more, but he pulls away because he’s well aware of how many boundaries he’s overstepped today. 

“is that it?” you nod, your eyes meet again and the white-haired male is about to explode with how much tension was in the room now and he knew he had to do something to stop himself from doing anything more stupid.

“come on. let’s get you in bed and let me grab you a glass of water.” 

©saeskiss 2023

he’s almost always thinking hard about many things and you find this admirable about him. its the way he’s able to have so much room in his brain to store the thoughts he holds. but this also grows bad habits of his where he tends to bottle his emotions up too much, leaving no room for people like you to enter.

you wish hard (theres the word again), that he would just open up about the thoughts that go on in his brain because you want to be able to think with him, and tell him that he’s not alone in whatever he’s thinking. 

“tons of things.” kazuha finally replies back after moments of silence, tapping his pencil onto his journal on the table with a stanza format written on it. 

kazuha knows that even if he tries to explain what was going in his head, it wouldn’t make any sense. so he wasn’t going to bother you with his useless endless rants that could go on forever if he really wanted to.

“i bet you’re thinking about me.” you rest your elbows onto the table, your head lying in both of your hands, giving kazuha a smug smile.

you could see the tip of his ears going red at the sudden words coming out of your mouth, surprising him but nonetheless keeping his composure.

“i bet i’m not.” he gives you a boop on the nose, and this time it’s your turn to get flustered by the tiniest of his touch that had made you yearn for more. 

kazuha chuckles, leaning back into his chair, thinking—once again. 

he’s aware that you want to know about the thoughts that go in his head, but he doesn’t allow you to see through him. it would be him indirectly admitting that he had a soft spot for you. and he couldn’t allow that.

he had built this wall in front of everyone—this facade that he allowed everyone else to see. and he had already let you see the vulnerable him and he couldn’t allow you to get to see more of him but this time with the thing he does best, speak his mind. 

kazuha then realizes that he could admit to a lot of things—like the time in primary school when he had asked your mom what type of chocolates you had liked and once he had decided on your many favorites, he went to your house to give you flowers and your favorite chocolates (including an additional stuffed animal) for valentines day and was all dressed up at your door but as soon as he was about to call you, he had received a notification on his phone that you had posted something and yet again another picture of you and your new boyfriend that he had been unaware about. and to thus, he failed miserably for one of the first several attempts he had tried to hint at you that he had this big fat schoolgirl crush. and he had declared it as a mission that he had to succeed. 

not like you were a mission or anything, he just wanted you to be aware of his feelings for you so you could think about them and reconsider your life choices. (and the last couple of years you’ve spent dating around; and when i mean dating around i mean dating someone new every month. hm, i wonder why there’s no spark between you and these people...)

he also remembers the time in primary school when he tried leaving notes and little love poems in your locker signed by a “secret admirer” that you tried to uncover for weeks but eventually gave up because the person (kazuha) had stopped writing to you. (he gave up because there was no point anymore) you were guessing everyone but him, could you believe that? he was astonished to say the least. he’s written and dedicated many, and i mean many poems to you, and he even showed some of them off at the art show at the attempt that someone would ask you if you guys were a thing, to even put the thought to linger in your brain for a bit, but you stopped them and reassured them it was just the amazing friendship bond you guys had. 

and not only that, but when he asked you to be his date to his dad’s wedding because he had told you that he had “no one” knowing he could’ve asked beidou, or someone else—anyone in fact, he was quite popular when it came to the looks aspect. you gladly obliged because he was asking a simple and short favor which you had thought nothing of at the time. 

again, kazuha will admit to many of his embarrassing attempts at asking you out when you guys were in primary school because, let’s face it; it was in the past and you wouldn’t and shouldn’t think anything of it because who would remember those as a thing that would taint you except for kazuha himself?

he can admit to many attempts at trying to woo you because, but he will never open his mouth and blatantly tell you that all he still has an embarrassing schoolgirl crush on you. it wasn’t even like he had any pride to begin with. he was a humble man, but he couldn’t risk everything—the years of work he’s—you guys had put into this friendship. 

he values your guys’ friendship above everything else in this entire world—maybe even more than he values his own ability to write. to just throw away your guys’ friendship like it was nothing would make his whole world come crashing down into pieces. 

your frown deepens, inches away from kazuha, expecting nothing else from him. he was going to give you the same vague answer every time, so why did you even bother?

this time, you sigh. this makes kazuha’s body shiver, at the feeling of your breath coming so close to his neck, his brain going hazy at all the endless outcomes this conversation could give him.

“now, why are you sighing?” he turns his body to face you making eye contact with you.

because i want to know what goes on in that pretty little brain of yours. the words that you couldn’t bring yourself to say so you bite your lip, nervous that the words would just come spewing out of your mouth. 

“nothing.” you give kazuha a smug smile, leaving him speechless at the fact that you had used one of things he had said earlier against him. 

you see the way that his lips do a slight upturn, impressed with the answer you had given him. “i’m impressed.” you flash a grin and by now, you’re sure he’s is smiling at you so hard that his cheeks are starting to grow numb. 

“i learn from the best.” you lightly tap his nose and just from that you see a light shade of pink tinting his cheeks.

“i know.” he smiles as he places his pen down on the table and faces you properly. he resists—he swears he resists, but the words come out of his mouth like a sudden word vomit, nothing that he could put back into his mouth now that they were out.

a moment of silence passes before kazuha opens his mouth, choosing his choice of words carefully. 

“i’m in love with you.” your eyes widened at the sudden confession coming out of kazuha’s mouth. you knew that he had lingering feelings for you in the past, but you never knew that what he felt for you was love. and the fact that he still had it. you knew his sudden attempts at wooing you in primary school was him showing his love for you, automatically assuming that love was platonic, but you seriously never thought his love was the same as your love for him.

oh god. 

“what?” the first word you say back to kazuha is what. wow. great job. don’t screw this up. you silently tell yourself, crossing your fingers under the table.

kazuha takes a moment to think to himself of what he should say next, and he decides that the best thing he could possibly do is move on because your reaction does not seem satisfactory in his eyes. (he’s calling you the oblivious one). 

“never mind. want to read this poem i wrote?” he gets up from his position where he was facing you. you nod in response dumbstruck by the change of kazuha’s words.

oh fuck me. 

“also do you want to go to my mom’s second wedding as my plus one? she said for me to bring someone.” he looks up from his journal where your eyes meet and suddenly you find yourself immersed into kazuha’s trance. 

“of course i can, should i get her a gift?” and for the rest of the night, the topic was long forgotten and the words that you had want to reciprocate back to kazuha had been shoved down to the bottom of your throat and saved in a small bag for next time. 

©saeskiss 2023