was there a reason?

you always seemed to adore me. 

you touched my skin so gently. 

you held me tat night while eyeliner ran down my cheeks. 

you kissed my scars and imperfections. 

you made me laugh genuinely for the first time in years. 

you held my face and called me beautiful. 

you said you loved me in the sweetest tone i have ever heard. 

and i believed you. 

i believed you loved me. 

i believed that someone as perfect as you could hold a place for me in their heart. 

i believed you liked my jokes. 

that you wanted to hold me. 

that your kisses were true. 

that ever little touch meant something. 

i wanted to light your world up the way you did mine. 

i wanted you to look at me and see fair lights at night. 

to feel the fireworks i felt. 

to see the stars i held only for you. 

every minute i held dear. 

i believed we were in love. 

but then, i saw the way you lit up with her. 

the way you spoke to her so softly. 

how you wanted a future with her, even though she was so far away. 

suddenly, i was only second place. 

i was a thought pushed to the back of your mind as you adored her. 

i am right here, and yet my presence is just ghosting winds to you. 

i cry at night, wishing i could take her place. 

wishing i could be the one you dream of. 

i am not enough. 

i am not what you want. 

i am not what you want