Beauty of the grotesque & macabre TW DARK GRUNGE

when i was a girl.. secnd grade,.there was a boy who used 2 hav all kinds of outbursts, stealin, beatn' kids nd cussin out th teacher... nd i was assignd seat next 2 him,..quiet, docile girl 2 'calm him down' teach' says.. he used 2 talk bout punchin boys' faces bloody ,nd i mumbld 2 mself under my breath,.. one day , he made me speakup.,... i was terrified.. i lookd at him in th eye nd meekly imitated one o his punchn motions,. 'buenas noches' i said,nd i smiled sweet n lowerd my eyes...he paused., ..then, he laughed. ..nd., i felt sumthin.. . fear n pleasure flurry inside like some sticky iv flush ,suffocatin..warm n nauseatin... oh, ive always been this way havnt i?