A-Nougat-Life

Life will test you till your last breath.

I get dark thoughts. Like killing myself or running away for every or idk. But everything makes me so upset and everyone makes me so mad and idk.

I feel like nothing good can ever happen to me. Even i see my future self in distress and in pain. Idk why but i always see myself dead or divorced or somewhere bad.

I had been feeling anxious again. I could feel those minor anxiety attacks but i was trying to ignore them and suppress them. I am just heartbroken and hopeless. Nothing can fix me. I am broken and I really want it to end. I can’t hear all the abuses and swearings that are thrown at me insensitively.

I lost so many people on my way and I thought that this would be my road to recovery and self-discovery but it’s the same old garbage and nothing has changed it’s just more quiet but with a constant fear of someone coming back to cause me distress or something new happening to destroy my peace of heart.

I wish i could fly away, like the normal people do.

People say that time heals every thing. Like after some time your healing period starts. I think that all of this is bullshit. Because i don't seem to heal any time soon. My wounds are still fresh and they hurt like yesterday. I remember everything and i just can't seem to move on. Everyone talks to me and says that move on like it's something that's so simple and easy. If it was that easy i would have done that ages ago. I feel like I'm stuck and there's no way out. I can't move forward and i can't live today. I'm alive but in the past. If i try to live in the present that everything gets so hard and suffocating that i shuts myself in. Every day is a battle and the battle which i lose everyday. Idk how long i can keep going like this but I'm tired and want my suffering to end. I want this part of me to be erased like it never happened. I just want to be a normal, happy person who don't worry about common things. Who doesn't get anxious on every simple thing. It's too much for everyday. It's just too much...

I like my new tumblr look😎

Why is it so hard for me to be happy these days? Or to find happiness in the smallest things? Why I'm always so negative? Why does everything feels like a task that needs to be done. I'm always tired and sad and tbh I don't want to fight anymore. I just want this to end.

I will snap out of this depressive episode as soon as i wake and it will be a bright new day for me 🙂

Is anyone willing to sponser me to some foreign country? Pretty please