done with life

I literally have no idea what to do with myself. I just want to sleep but at the same time I can't, I hate it. Plus have a new annoying ass puppy isn't helping.

There's 4 days until Christmas and I didn't even realize that it was that close until yesterday. It doesn't feel anything like Christmas, it just feels like a numb blur.

Nothing feels real. I can't wrap my head around anything. I feel like a useless lazy piece of shit that is just a waste of everyone's time including my own. I feel stuck, trapped. I just want to sleep but at the same time I want to stay awake for ever.

I always have so much on my mind. Sometimes I want to talk, to be around people. But I know that talking about everything is like throwing gas on a fire. That being around people will just make me want to be alone again. I'm damned if I do damned if I don't and that really does make me want to just throw myself off a bridge. I just don't know.

My package came!

Don't know if Tumblr is still a thing you can make friends on and kinda get a following but I kinda want to try.