😈

PSA: Please teach your partner how to choke properly if you’re into that kind of thing.

The point of choking is not to crush the oesophagus, but rather to put light pressure on the carotid arteries to stop oxygen circulation to the brain. So tops, please create a V shape with your hands, which allows the fleshy part of the palm to rest against the oesophagus without causing any obstruction to the windpipe, and press down on the arteries. It’s not about stopping your bottom from breathing completely, but making them lightheaded.

This is very, very important!

Also, please don’t attempt any choking whilst under the influence because your better judgement may be impaired and you can cause some serious damage.

Who alway got in trouble? Me.

They would call my mother and she always came in and lectures my teachers and threatened to sue for making her miss work and treating me poorly.

She always taught my brothers to respect women. The only fights my brothers ever got in was defending women from someone else.

So naturally, I end up in the principal’s office, refusing to apologize. 

“He shouldn’t have put his hands on me and I wouldn’t have hit him!” That’s the only thing I was saying.

These people had the unfortunate luck of catching my dad at home, instead of my mom. So he comes fucking sauntering in there, like he’s Clint fucking Eastwood in some western movie and looks at me. 

“Melissa, did you punch him?” 

“Yes.” I said. 

“Why?” 

“Because he snapped my bra strap.” 

And he turns his squinty eyed glare to the principal and says, “You’re telling me my daughter is in trouble because that squirrely looking kid put his hands on her and she chose to defend herself? That’s what you are saying to me.” 

“Well, sir-” The man kind of stuttered because my dad is kind of intimidating in the quiet sort of way that kind of whispers in the back of your mind that this person could be dangerous. “Melissa did make it physical.” 

“No. That kid put his hands on my daughter. Are you saying my daughter cannot defend herself when some boy decides to put hands on her? Is that what you are teaching my girl?”