AnotherStaringContest

ill bite you.

god i hate to be like this, to feel like this, god i hate being borderline. i hate the feeling of not having any worth. petting the cat helped. why do I feel so bad? its a mix of things I think. id ont like the late night cries. i shouldnt have gone tto bedfor that nnap but i could barely keep awake. even now ims till tired but know if i lay fown ill just start crying more. not that i stopped, but the bed is shared. i ddont want t cry on him. im scared- theres no danger, but i know hes tired.i know the feelings of despair are not permemantbut going through them is awful. God, i hate theat artist and how badly they trigger me. i hate that she triggers me from her comments, not the artist but someone different. am I attaractive? am I worth the time of anyone? am I pverly sexual? ad I obnoxious? am I really going oanywhere? i dont know. i dont like therse breakdowns. i dont like the lonely nights. i feel wered. i feel awafu;. i dont know what to say to explain it. i feel like i should sleep out here or something, but i know that might just make the problems worse. theres not even a real ‘problem’ like that, just with bod and trauama fflares and eneding more attention and affection that is offered at the moment. seeing other people not do well makes me nervous. makes me worry when ill fail. i dont know. im scared. i tired. i want to cry but i dont want to wake people. i dont even know how to cry when no one is around. i cant even really see the keys, the glasses arent on and my weyes are too full. I worry for the collapse of what ive tried to make msyelf to be- i am so unstable that ‘collapse’ seems inevitable. i ttry to remember that the awful isnt permenant. i want attention. i want to talk,. i feel like i hhave to deleted everything. i feel like i have tto start new. i dont know what to do. I have loose ends. i have unfinished business. I dont know where Im going. i can only clena thing sout before i write again, eyet it doesnt feel right ti stop writing,. i dont know. i dont want to mindlessly scroll. i dont want to be alone. i feel awafu;