hungry bitch

In honor of breaking 60kg, I binged!!!!!!!!! Hahahah don’t you just love when you do that lmfaoaoaoao when I’ve been suffering with cold hands and feet and shrinking my stomach for weeks, this demon overtook my body and just ravaged my kitchen.....all that work.....damn guess I’ll go silently walk laps around my house now

I helped my friend housesit this mansion over the weekend and the owners said we were welcome to all their food and drinks and I got drunk 3 nights in a row and said to hell with calories and now that I'm home I've crashed and burned so I'm going to fast tomorrow and try my best to fast the next day as well but if it's too hard I'll break it for dinner then go back to normal restrictions the day after that. I'm trying to not be consumed by guilt and I don't want to cry so creating a gameplan for the days after is helping me get a little more control over my feelings Idk I keep reminding myself of what a good time I had but I hadn't binged since March 31st I just feel like a failure and that I've let myself go

Hung out with my friends tonight for the first time since quarantine began (our distancing restrictions allow small groups now) and we had a bonfire with s'mores and chips and hotdogs but all I had was a bottle of water and now I'm back home and I feel on top of the world I'm so proud of myself for not being tempted to eat and I know it will only get easier with practice

Update!!! I got a hold of sum organic reduced sugar apricot preserves from trader joe's and the apricot milk SMACKS -> 1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk + 1/2 tbsp apricot jam ~*blend that hoe*~ there you go sweet creamy and 45 calories🤤there's 2.5 more calories in this one than the strawberry milk but I'll let it slide for the one time

I made plans with friends to go to their houseboat this weekend but ended up pulling out last minute bc I kept thinking of scenarios where food would come up and all I could imagine was being surrounded by potato chips and hotdogs at the lake and I don't want to lose the control I have and I'm just not ready to eat outside of my set hours or my safe foods and I have every right to do things at my own pace and get out of my comfort zone when I'm ready to but right now I'm laying in my bed filled with immense disappointment in myself bc I blew off my friends and another opportunity to make memories with them out of fear of eating and this is just the worst feeling

I'm on my period and wanted something sweet and I know I think all my ideas are revolutionary but they hit almost every time anyway instead of making chocolate milk I wanted strawberry so I blended 1 cup of unsweetened vanilla almond milk with a half tablespoon of trader joe's organic reduced sugar strawberry jam and this go so hard it's 3 grams of sugar and 42.5 cal I want to buy more preserves and try peach milk or apricot milk🥺