do you remember the first time you were called annoying? how your breath stopped short in your chest the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue. your eyes never left the floor that day. you were 13. you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,” apologies littering every other sentence, words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years. i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious. all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard for 3 minutes for 10 minutes for 2 hours forever. there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, your heart; mostly because they can’t handle their own. but you will never be and have never been “too much.”

I have to believe that you’re a monster. There’s no other way. It’s like in the movies how they show us why the bad guy became bad? It’s to keep us from hating him. It’s to make us understand. I don’t want to understand anymore because when I understand I love you and I don’t want to love you anymore. I wish I could see you on the street without wanting to throw up but I can’t look at you without falling half in love with your eyelashes. I can’t look at you without wishing you were stretching your hand back for mine. I have to believe that you’re a monster because if I go back to thinking that you’re just lovely and damaged then I’m done for. People will whisper about our love for years to come. How terrifying it was to be in the same room with two people so destined to ruin each other. How completely we ruined each other. People will whisper about our love for years to come and this is what they will remember. How brave I was. How I understood and understood until I couldn’t anymore. How, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t anymore.

Rock won’t eliminate your problems. But it will let you sort of dance all over them.