gamer city ... it's real..?

i feel like my brain is cracked in half and there’s one part of me (the one that drives the body) saying “everything is fine, i’m experiencing no distress, let’s just try to calm down and rest” and then a blaring alarm bell buried deep inside my head is screaming “danger, danger, danger,” and it’s obviously triggered and has been for at least 8 hours but try as i might i simply Do Not know what’s happened here or what the terror is about. diazepam does nothing. i can’t tune out the scratching, the jingling of metal, and the repeated identically-toned yelling every 4 seconds on a loop. what does it fucking want from me. i don’t want to experience anything ever again I’ve had enough, I’ve had enough