* Letters to my love *

Lately I’ve just been feeling like there’s a lot that’ll need to be handled before me in this journey called life. I’m not sure why; maybe it’s intuition. I just feel like there’s mountains to move, and sometimes I get a bit anxious or overwhelmed. When I exercise, it calms me down and helps me to accept reality for what it is--that to move forward means to work harder than ever.

I bought my nephew a book on being a big brother—

Hopefully he doesn’t hate it lol. Also because I’ve got two more “big brother” books coming. The book should arrive today. going to ask my mom how he likes it.

This morning I thought about how I needed to find a coffee shop to chill at after work. I need to get out of my head. I wondered if all the inflammation from my arm due to putting together my dresser recently might be causing low mood. Inflammation spurs all sorts of chemical reaction in your body and is a natural part of wound healing. Anyway, people in chronic pain are always a bit cantankerous. But anyway, it’s highly likely I’ll hit up the gym after work instead, and I want to try and be home by 6pm because I’m expecting packages of water bottles.

I’ve opted not to call my boyfriend during lunch. He always sounds super busy especially nowadays, and I don’t mind the silence. He’s told me that he might be able to move in by June, maybe. Not sure why but I just feel like that‘d be really nice. Although I’ve been pretty moody lately. I’m really tired too. I was sore all over after putting my new dresser together after six hours and am still feeling it in my muscles.

Being home all I want to do is sleep.

——

I’m low-key pretty worried about my studies. I tried to study this morning and just fell asleep on my futon. I decided to move to my bed because I was really cold and uncomfortable on my futon and only fell asleep there too.

But I send out messages now and he never receives them, because he never wears his anymore. The messages automatically get wiped out after a few days. I used to send a lot but then I realized he’d never read them. It got to the point where I didn’t think he even checked anymore. Time and again there’d just be a long line of unread messages from me, and then after a few days, nothing. He never brought it up in conversations so I assume he never read them.