I feel like my mom hates me, I know I’m not the daughter she wanted, she doesn’t think I’m pretty, or smart, or really good at anything.
Every time I try to be an adult she mocks me, she makes fun of me with my sister, I know she looks at me with disgust especially when I don’t understand things right away, I think I’m just a cross she has to carry, I don’t know what to do with myself
I’m thinking about cutting again, to punish myself, for being so stupid, ugly, childish, meek, weak.
I’ll try to talk to her about it tomorrow but she’s probably gonna say that I’m a bad daughter that makes her snap. That I’m the reason she can’t control her temper, let alone the words that leave her mouth
I wish my mom loved me, all the older women at work praise me, my beauty, how smart I am, how they want to present me to their sons, but she doesn’t see me like that
Why can’t she see the good in me?
I know she doesn’t like talking to me, brushes me off or looks at me like I’m an idiot, what can I do to make her love me?
I’ve always done everything she says, I try to be good but it’s never enough
I pray God tells me what’s wrong with me so I can get better
I wish I could disappear, she jokes how my dog likes her better than me, how I’m as dumb as my father, how I’m disgusting, how I’m weird, that my nose is big, that I’m too skinny
I don’t wanna end it but I can’t think of a way to escape
And on top of that I’m pretty sure the guy I like doesn’t like me back, I mean why would he?
He probably thinks I’m ugly too, stupid.
He talks to the other girls at work fine, excited almost, smiling and laughing. Yet with me he’s cold, silent, and cautious. I wish somebody loved me, wanted to be around me, sought me out, missed me, wanted me, adored me
baratheonpilled
gummygunk
