羨望

𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒. 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐒. 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒. 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒. 𝐇𝐂𝐒.

this is a tale of the haunted, a journey into a godless void, erasure, & rebirth, where his empty husk will bloom like the poppies at the darkest bottom of the sea, turning thoughts into delusions, limbs into stems, & the slightest of yearnings into a raw, categoric hunger. oh, he knows it is wrong, but even with a mouth full of broken wings, the hunger still grows.

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𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: this role-play blog is not suitable for those under the age of 18 or easily disturbed by ' horror / morbid / yandere-esque ' themes. please read the rules & follow at your own discretion, thank you.

hello everyone. i will try to keep this as light & straightforward as i can since this is an extremely sensitive topic, & i'm sure that not many want to feel heavier after reading this so let's start off with the ' tdlr ' version:

i've been away due to an illness & on 25th will be going through a big surgery for it, so my absence will continue on & somewhere around 6 more weeks minimum. if you're interested in us writing together, please leave a comment down below or send a private message & i'll be sure to add you. i don't mind new followers reaching out either, as everyone is most welcome ♥ if anything, all i ask is for a simple understanding in regards to the fact that i will be extremely slow or often away during the recovery process, & furthermore won't be able to always reach out first anymore. these things are bound to get better eventually, though all in due time. otherwise, thank you so much for reading & especially for being so patient despite such very long breaks on my part ~ ! i can't wait to be back to my old self again & have fun with everyone like i've used to. oh... ! one more thing about discord! while i do indeed role-play as envy on there, i also happen to write canon characters from various series ( such as genshin impact, hsr, onmyoji, silent hill, owari no seraph, dark souls & etc, etc... ) so the choices are many for whoever wishes to try something new. while i can't say when i'll exactly be ready to write again post-surgery, do know that i am more than willing once i am finally able to ♥ the tumblr will have to wait a bit longer sadly, but i'll eventually make a return here too. please keep your fingers crossed for me meanwhile, & if all goes well, expect to see me absolutely beaming on dash lol have a wonderful december everyone & happy holidays ( if you celebrate them! ) see you on the bright side ✨

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧:

𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐄, envy still recognizes those fingers, the way they press into contours of him like the sunlight through an open window ── all natural, warm & tender ── being near impossible to forget. he welcomes their serene touch, the once cold & indifferent expression now melting into that of true love, stretching an equally loving smile across his lips. ❝ takumi. . . ❞ it's the most perfect form of imitation, coming from someone without a beating heart. ❝ you've returned... ❞

making no attempts at turning around just yet, the little killer reaches for takumi's fingers & slowly embraces them with his own, much colder ones. they feel almost freezing as they squeeze in gently. ❝ i still remember... how you smiled at that day.... ❞ he speaks with both eyes closed, as though reliving the very same memory from within a cusp of takumi's palms, ❝ i've... never cared much for cafes until you took me to the one by the seaside... ❞ then, quieter, ❝ i've... missed it. ❞

i've missed you.

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄, envy stares at the polished headstone with half-lidded eyes, the first rays of dawn beginning to filter through the dense forest of graveyard trees & mausoleums. normally ── when he was a child ── he would do anything to avoid such locations, dreading the sound of nails scratching against wood beneath the earth, of the godawful reek of something rotten all around. he once thought it was due to fear caused by the unknown or maybe just misapprehension, & technically speaking yes, it was, but what envy feared in the end wasn't them...

it was himself.

the one who always loved the aspect of death more than that of living. the one who could peer into darkness & smile, listening to the near-endless wails of agony like a hellish symphony, never to understand what they could be possibly feeling inside. after all, a human without a heart is no different than a ghost, though a human who can smile as you suffer is just monstrous. he tried to deny it oh so many times back then, but the mirrors on the wall never lied: envy found solace only in ruin.

now slowly brushing withered ivy off the white marble, he traces his black nailed fingers across engraved letters which state in bold italics, ' ℳ𝒜ℛ𝒴 ℳ𝒪𝒪ℛℰ - 𝟸𝟻.𝟷𝟷. 𝟸𝟶𝟶𝟽 ' feeling impeccably smooth to the touch, like the cold & pale skin of the woman who once slept here. she is strangely gone now. missing. envy cannot sense her spirit anymore, but what he can sense is thousands of others & among them that of a boy who thinks he cannot be seen, partially hidden behind the very same headstone he is currently looking at. the young serial killer almost cracks a smile at that, almost, only to squat down instead & slowly peer just around the corner...

the dead eyes now locking with mapplethorpe's own.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐒 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐇 introspective & heavily sagacious, like an emperor or an executioner. he glances down at marcie with his chin slightly raised & arms folded neatly behind own back, his dark eyes half-lidded as if appraising a new toy ── a brand new chess piece for the fatui to play with. from the volatile perspective of mortal men, she undeniably possesses that rare quality of an angelic beauty, the sort of modest yet captivating look painters from all over teyvat would adorn not just in paintings, but entire cathedrals. min-jun isn't a mortal man, however, & neither is he easily bewitched by appearances alone.

what truly catches his attention is the defiant spark in her eye, the way she carries herself despite standing before one of the most dangerous individuals in the entire country, her steely gaze unlike those of others trembling at her side. the mentor cracks a smile that, bemused. he then sharply glances at one of the men flanking marcie & in a low, velvety voice, murmurs without a need to raise it, ❝ you are dismissed. ❞ nothing less, nothing more. both men immediately bow to the harbinger before quickly existing the dimly lit hall, allowing the majestic doors of cold steel slide shut behind them with an echoing thud.

once they are alone, he continues, shifting the haunting weight of his dark gaze back onto marcie. ❝ determination is admirable, ms. baptiste... but don’t mistake persistence for competence. i expect results, not optimism. ❞ slowly turning away, the mentor begins to walk down the long hall with the same elegant nonchalance he first greeted her with, & adds, ❝ come along now. i will be showing you to your new quarters. ❞

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐏𝐏𝐈 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐀 𝐌𝐈𝐗𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐁𝐈𝐃 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐘 & 𝐅𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍, standing oh so very still, smiling, taking all of her in, all the while wondering whether he should murder minako right here & now, or wait. he wonders whether the young woman bleeding over the subway seat is even capable of fighting back or the butterfly-knife would meet only a tender resistance while sinking into that supple flesh, softened by indolence.

just then however a little ' lecture ' comes though, & oh how the wicked thoughts suddenly switch their trajectory ── going from malevolent to bemused in a matter of seconds ── making envy tilt his head ever so slightly as if the curious reimagination of the devil. minako's provocative words & cocky attitude do appear rather intriguing. the vivisection perhaps doesn't need to happen just yet. as such, the little killer steps closer & takes a seat right beside her, shoulder-to-shoulder & thigh-to-thigh, being much too close for comfort. much too close to be considered normal. what few people remain in the cart glance over in worry, seeing a tall man with a ghostly pale face & dead black eyes practically dwarf the young woman like some dark monument, his oversized black jacket obscuring all but the shoulders.

in the white limelight, they initially seemed gentle & meek but now, peeking just so over the loose material, they are most defiantly broad & defined, suggesting a muscular profile hidden underneath. it'd be a grave understatement to consider him slender now, especially when one of those arms shifts & slowly, casually, rests just behind minako's very own shoulders. if the other passangers didn't know any better, they could have easily mistaken them for a young couple. after all, the train ride continues on uninterrupted without any alarming movements or dubious comments, aside from the young woman throwing that little snarky remark earlier...

but then she sees it...

those black, black eyes ── blacker than the deepest recess of a bottomless well ── staring right back at her face from inside the cabin window, the smile nigh unholy.

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐅𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐃, 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐋𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐑𝐎𝐓 & 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐘 as the pitch black basement swallows them alive. it's suffocating. unholy. each choked out sob sounding much too loud within the impenetrable darkness, almost as if sitting right in the middle of some great bottomless well ── feeling watched by something you cannot see, cannot hear ── your whole body constantly left wide open from just about every angle. there is nothing left to hide in, nothing to lean up against or reach out to grab onto, nothing, nothing but a mushy mountain of mutilated corpses. they are all over the unseen floor, broken & twisted at impossible angles with their slimy limbs most disturbingly pressing into the trembling frames of two trapped boys.

no matter how much or how little mark moves, a soft hand or maybe a head will brush up against him, only increasing the paranoia of not being completely alone ── as though these decomposing bodies are still very much alive. regardless, no matter how loud mark screams, curses, or cries, nothing changes. nobody comes when he pleads for help, leaving him & greg stuck in this hellish pit for god knows how many hours.... until a single ' click ' echoes through the wall of black. a slow, rusty turn of a key.

the door at the very top of the bloodied staircase opens with a loud groan & a sharp flood of light, only to reveal not a saviour, but the tall profile of their tormentor, his silhouette as black as the interior of the basement itself. for a moment it seems to just loom there, staring, the shadowy head ever so slightly tilted as if a demon regarding its sacrifice, soon to start a slow nonchalant descend down the stairs with boots slamming against each & every bloody step which leads straight to them. then, it happens again. another ' click ' & a sudden flash of light, but this time, it's red.

❝ hello boys.... ❞

the centre of the basement is flooded with red light coming from a single lightbulb hanging high over their heads, & all around is the visible mound of gore bathed in blood. envy steps right up with a smile & a new shiny latex apron, clearly meant for butchers or sadists alike. his once fallen tresses of raven fringe now completely swept back & upheld by a pin, revealing a most handsome face. oh, so very handsome indeed, if it weren't for the pitch black eyes that appear almost missing in the red light. cold. empty of any human emotion unlike the wide sinister smile.