Sirius: Why is James sitting on the floor?
Peter: Better question: why is Regulus sitting on the table?
Remus: And why are they staring at each other?
Sirius: James?
James: Shh.
Sirius: No.
James: We're in a debate.
Regulus: He's losing.
James: I am not.
Regulus: You are.
James: Reggie, my beloved, my sunshine, my heartā
Sirius: HE CALLED YOU SUNSHINE?
Regulus: Yes.
Sirius: YOU'RE REGULUS BLACK.
Regulus: I know.
Sirius: You're the human equivalent of a thunderstorm.
Regulus: That's not relevant.
James: It is to me.
Sirius: Stop looking at him like that.
James: Like what?
Sirius: Like he's hung the moon.
James: He didn't hang it.
James: But if he asked me to, I'd try.
Remus: That's concerning.
Peter: Deeply concerning.
Regulus: See? This is why he's losing.
James: Explain.
Regulus: I asked him what he'd do if I suddenly became a criminal mastermind.
Peter: Suddenly?
Sirius: Good catch.
Regulus: And his answer was "supportive husband."
Sirius: WHAT?!
James: In my defense, I said supportive husband who occasionally suggests less illegal alternatives.
Remus: That's not better.
James: It's a little better.
Regulus: Then I asked if he'd report me to the authorities.
Peter: Please tell me you said yes.
James: I said I'd need more information.
Sirius: JAMES.
James: What if he had a good reason?
Sirius: THERE IS NO GOOD REASON TO BECOME A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND.
Regulus: That's a very closed-minded attitude.
Sirius: REGULUS.
James: That's what I said!
Sirius: WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING HIM?!
James: I'm not encouraging him. I'm listening to his perspective.
Remus: Which is?
Regulus: World domination.
Peter: Ah.
Remus: Right.
Sirius: Fantastic.
James: See, when you phrase it like that, it sounds bad.
Regulus: It does sound bad.
James: Exactly.
Sirius: THERE IS NO BETTER WAY TO PHRASE WORLD DOMINATION.
Regulus: Global management.
James: That's much nicer.
Sirius: I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS.
Peter: Four idiots.
Remus: Three idiots and me.
Peter: Fair.
James: Reggie wouldn't actually take over the world.
Regulus: Thank you.
James: He hates managing people.
Regulus: Exactly.
James: Too much paperwork.
Regulus: Finally, someone understands me.
Sirius: So your defense is that he's too lazy to be evil?
James: Efficient. Not lazy.
Regulus: Thank you, darling.
Sirius: Stop rewarding him!
James: Sorry, what were you saying? I got distracted by Regulus calling me darling.
Regulus: Pathetic.
James: Do it again.
Regulus: Darling.
James: Thank you.
Sirius: I'M GOING TO WALK INTO THE LAKE.
Remus: You said that yesterday.
Sirius: And they got worse overnight.
Peter: Honestly, that's impressive.
Regulus: Thank you.
James: He's been working very hard.
Sirius: THAT'S NOT THE PART I WAS COMPLIMENTING.
