Rynted Space

Slipping off of my tongue,

Seeping into warm summer air.

Before I had even learned it’s syllables,

I had dreamt of the way

Your arms would wrap around me

Strong and secure

Gripping my soul, my entirety

Without questioning your intentions.

Before I had even had a chance

To hold your hand,

I had held onto this notion

Of this rollercoaster emotion

Because I always believed

You’d be there waiting for me

Patiently.

Somber moonlight

Creeps under my covers,

Drapes over porcelain

Whispers me sweet nothings

Of almost lovers

Reminding me

Nights I wept salty seas

In vain attempts

To feed it’s need

To create waves

With my heartbreak

Control the tides

With the unworthiness

I’d try to hide.

It asks so kindly

For me to once again

Relive these tragedies

To be empty,

But I’m different than

I was then..

Now,

My person

Sleeps silently,

Closely

Head over heels

With the reality

That is

Who I’m meant to be.

He sees my baggage

And finds ways

To distribute the load;

We can carry it equally.

He saw my angst

And gave me a reason

To live happily.

I am

Happy.

Dear Moon,

I have nothing left

For you.

On the decades old grand piano

Keys slightly off but it’s that soprano

That keeps parishioners swaying

To that sweet old song

With ancient melodies going strong

You’ve ran the streets forever straying

Where from know one knows

Sealed, tight lipped, always closed

Off never saying

You’ve come seeking redemption

From past sins you have a new perception

Drop to your knees and get to praying

Your body is this

It’s the only one to offer forgiveness

Welcome to your temple

No, none of it is accidental

There’s no deity it’s that simple

It’s up to you to dissemble

Pour your sins, it’s okay if you tremble

It’s okay to be vulnerable

It’s okay, you are monumental

And you know the darkness in your nights

You know the brightness of your sunlight

Not some god

With an unseen fatherly facade

Your body is your only sanctuary

Find home in yourself, it’s not your adversary.

I carry you around with me

And

I’ll still smell

The mix of weed and Jack Daniel’s Whiskey

Hennessy

Fermented to your skin for weeks

I’ll still feel you

From the PTSD

So graciously gifted to me

The way you struck me

With anything in your proximity

The force of the lamp above my knee

But we know your aim was poor,

Don’t we?

Six years later,

My lips are red and I line my eyes heavily

I try to hide that anything was ever

Wrong with me

Unsuccessfully

And

You’ll forever be my beast of burden

The monster under the bed

But

How dare you ever make me uncertain

That this life is anything but worth it?

I don’t always know the woman in the mirror

But we’re getting nearer

To where we want to be together

And we thank you for making us gelid

Now when the world is cold, we don’t shiver

Anymore.

I was just a girl, only 16

You had stolen from me

Pieces of my heart and soul

Mentally, physically, literally

Now a woman, almost 23

What you did to me

Made me who I was meant to be

She was who I was to love and overcome

You may have your little victory

From your guilty plea

But truly

The war has been won

By me.

Day 2,193

About a world full of

Broken promises, calloused lovers,

Unspoken prayers

To some unbeknownst ruler

Begging to see beyond this misty sea

Of ghost gray; all I’ve yearned for was color

I would dream of a place much warmer

Than what this universe had chose

For me

My heart froze

I wasn’t who I wanted to be

I felt I was deaf symphony

When, in acutuality,

I was just a lonely melody

Just searching for harmony

When suddenly, almost serendipitously

I opened an unmarked door

There you were

The end of the beginning; the beginning of the end

That and so much more

A hurricane so full of power

That it folds the Earth in half

Yet, still makes time to water flowers?”

Before I even knew

Your eyes would be the sapphire blue

Of a thousand sunny days..”

Was I worth making sure

The knife was clean before

You stabbed me knowing there’s no cure

For this infectious disease you’ve left me

You’ve mixed betrayal with a still beating heart

Yet the hardest part

Is that you don’t even understand

Cannot comprehend

The type of poison you’ve fed me

My body aches

My chest pulls in every which way

My lungs suffocate

On the bullshit you say

My legs crumble beneath me

Tired of running already

My eyes swell red in defeat

If I knew what I know now, we’d never meet

I mean

My soul knows that I will survive you

But my body feels a pain Déjà vu

Kinda like when he walked away too

Maybe that’s why I’ve developed a habit badly

Of calling you daddy..

I bathed

In your nicotine-soaked kisses.

I fell submissive

To your wishes

Anything,

To soothe your afflictions.

I caved.

So freely

At the thought of you wanting me.

To have

Your calloused hands wandering

Wonderfully,

To feel your fingers dance NYC Ballets

In the dead of winter

Against my snowy complexion

It’s easier to let you fuck me.

Ravage my body

Play with me like your little toy,

Little

Boy

Than

To expect you to ever

Be capable

Of loving

Me.

If I could go anywhere,

I'd visit your mind.

I'd have small talk with your demons and kiss your dreams.

I'd have dinner with your memories, indulge in the sweet desserts of your happy thoughts.

If I could go anywhere,

I'd tour the monuments of your heart and take pictures with your seven wonders

just to send you a "wish you were here" card

so that you could see everything I love about you too.

Anywhere,

anywhere at all,

as long as I'm with you.

Dark, burnt clouds roll in, over me.

Lightning strikes and thunderous roars reverberate through my chest;

The rain storms to the Earth hitting my weathered skin like liquified wasps

Their welts build like tiny anthills on my pale skin.

Was that hail?

Is this hell?

Like answering my question, lightning illuminates the sky blinding me

If it weren't for the smell of ash and the heat dancing around my finger tips I wouldn't--

Thunder crackles sinisterly

And it happens

My body goes numb and all control is given to the puppeteer; the master of society

Where I feel no pain

Where I do not speak for myself

Where my actions are not my own .

And I'm dying.. dying like this valley

This perpetual hell I'm now in

And just like me

You'd never know how beautiful this once was.

You'd never know the colors that thrived here

You'd never know the light that created it all

You'd never know the warmth, my warmth

It's like the moment you take all that you are for granted

The universe swipes it from under you.

This valley, this pain becomes you.

You.

You Are this wasteland wedged between mountains of grandeur.

I.

I am this wasteland wedged between mountains of grandeur.