Ryan the Heathen

Once, a very religious cousin—in an attempt to find a reason why I don't believe in her god—said, "Maybe that's why you are the way you are." The comment was contained in a statement about my upbringing. While she was wrong about the specific incident she was trying to pin my disbelief on, I suppose she was partially correct. I actually can trace my disbelief in gods—all gods—to my childhood. However, not in the way she was inferring.

In the sixth grade, I had an amazing teacher. She taught us many fun and amazing things. One thing we studied was Greek mythology. I was assigned a report on Persephone, the queen of the underworld. I don't remember how I ended up with this assignment, but given her dark moniker, there's a decent chance I chose her. Anyway, Persephone was the daughter of Zeus (the god of the sky and thunder) and Demeter (the goddess of harvest).

In short, the lore of Persephone says that Hades, the god of the underworld, was in love with her. So, as you'll find in all good love stories, Hades kidnapped her, then proceeded to rape her.

Now, being that her father was essentially the god of gods, he presumably could have prevented either of these incidents, so it is said that he permitted Hades to do this to his daughter. (Though I cannot imagine why...but that's another topic for another time.) Persephone's mother, on the other hand, did not approve of any of this, and when Demeter learned that her daughter had disappeared, she searched for her all over Earth. Because of her despair while searching, she neglected her duties as the harvest-goddess and no crops grew. As the cries of the hungry people grew louder, Helios (the sun who sees everything) eventually told Demeter what had happened to her daughter. This forced Zeus to ask Hades to return Persephone. Hades complied with Zeus' request, but not before tricking Persephone into eating some pomegranate seeds. Now, apparently, by eating the food of the underworld, Persephone was obliged to spend part of each year (the winter months) in the underworld with Hades. She was permitted to spend the remaining months of the year with the gods above. The result was that, during the months Persephone was with Hades, her mother was too depressed to do her duties as the goddess of harvest, and therefore, no crops could be grown. This was offered as an explanation of why humans cannot grow food for a few months out of the year. Of course, this overlooks that when it is winter in the Northern Hemisphere, it is summer in the Southern Hemisphere. And as the years went by, and we humans learned more about our planet and the solar system, we discovered scientific reasons to explain why crops don't grow at certain times, rendering the elaborate story of gods kidnapping gods obsolete.

According to a statement released by the Pentagon, soldiers can be prosecuted for promoting their religious faith, the Family Research Council said Wednesday.

"Religious proselytization is not permitted within the Department of Defense," the statement said. "Court martials and non-judicial punishments are decided on a case-by-case basis," the statement added.