Riv

​"We are sleeping together," Sirius mumbled, his chin hooked lazily over Remus's shoulder. They were on the common room sofa, and despite the fact that they were the only ones sitting on it, Sirius was pressed practically into Remus's lap.

​"We share a dormitory," Remus corrected, trying to ignore the solid warmth of Sirius against his side. "That is not the same thing."

​"She asked me how long we've been in love."

​Remus stopped breathing. The crackle of the fireplace suddenly sounded very far away. "And what did you say?"

​Sirius shifted, finally dropping his feet from the coffee table to turn and face Remus completely. He didn't hesitate. "I told her since second year."

​Remus's heart slammed against his ribs. "You lied."

​"Did I?" Sirius asked softly. His hand moved up, his thumb brushing over a faint scar on Remus's cheek. "Tell me I lied, Moony, and I'll go tell Mary she was wrong."

Remus stared at him, the silence roaring in his ears. The weight of it was too much. Sirius was too close, too warm, and looking at him like that.

The fight completely drained out of him. With a shaky exhale, Remus just let his head drop forward, burying his face in the crook of Sirius's neck.

He felt Sirius’s breath catch before both arms wrapped around him, holding him tight against the cushions.

he lost everything that made barty barty

evan noticed, of course, but never really cared. obviously, he was sad about how things turned out, but in his eyes, barty was barty. his barty, and nothing could change that.

when barty thought of his past, he could only remember the extremes of it. his hypersexual tendencies, his chaotic and destructive persona, his all consuming love for evan.

so, he created hornkus binglefuck (reggie chose that nickname), an "alter ego" of sorts, from what he could remember of his past self, and tried his best to embody that persona, simply because he couldnt take the pain in evan's eyes whenever he looked at barty

evan hated hornkus binglefuck so much, because that wasnt barty. sure he was chaotic and outgoing and lowkey evil, but that was the barty everyone else saw, that was the persona barty forced himself to be. his barty was soft, gentle, passionate.

his barty would softly stroke his back after rough sex, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. his barty would sneak the two out of hogwarts just because he noticed evan was feeling overwhelmed. his barty took his time and listened to whatever bullshit evan was ranting about that day. his barty was his, and his only. not some persona, but himself, raw and unhidden. he wouldn't have to hide behind false words and emotions with evan, never.

so, one day, evan sat barty down, and explained to him oh so softly, because he knew barty was still fragile, no matter how much he tried to hide it, and he told him. he told him everything about his barty, and how he didn't have to pretend around him, and how much he loved him, his lack of a soul and true happiness included.

He came out of the womb as his sisters protector and his fathers successor. He became the kid that got his knuckles bloody for ten quid from the older lads down the street who’s mums might pay attention to the bruises.

That is to say,

Evan’s identity was given to him and never something he figured out for himself.

And that’s probably why he doesn’t recognise himself when he looks in a mirror. (He won’t hold a mirror to himself either. He’s scared of what he might see. So he won’t think about it.)

you build up courage to approach them

they're being very nice, if a little stiff and polite

the tallest guy ever with hella scars walks up and places his hand on the hot guy's back while glaring at you

this just happened to some poor extra in a wolfstar au

remus: crouch clearly was fine with letting an innocent man rot in azkaban just becuz of his family name

sirius: he wasnt particularly nice to u either

remus: well yeah but im a werewolf

regulus: for sirius, its probably more so that its sirius

sirius: what? ive barely talked to the guy

regulus: no i meant, its not that ur a black, but that im a black, and ur my brother. and u too lupin, through me and sirius.

remus: wait, crouch doesnt like us because of you?

regulus, way too calmly: yeah

sirius: what? why? is it because he thinks ur a death eater

regulus: kinda. he thinks, back in hogwarts, that i fucked his son

sirius:

remus:

siriuis: well did you?

regulus: yeah

and when I’m doing better

I think of your tore up letters

and I cry for youuu

irisss irisss I see my inner child in you

evan, shaking his head: i can’t believe i’m going to sleep with him

regulus: you know you don’t have to

Barty: …

Evan: What??You can’t even think of a response?