USA Through to Final Eight After FIFA Agrees To Overturn Loss To Belgium
The United States has been declared the winner of todayβs World Cup match, after Donald Trump called FIFA to claim that the match had been βstolenβ by Belgium.
In a statement following the call, FIFA said that despite the 4-1 scoreline, Belgium had not in fact won and that the game had been βretrospectively recalibratedβ.
βAccording to Article 288 of the FIFA Code, Belgiumβs four goals appear to have been scored in a match that was not this match, but another very similar match that does not coxunt,β the statement read.
βFurthermore, the match did not meet the evidentiary threshold required to constitute βhaving happenedβ within the meaning of Article 12, Section 4, Subsection (iii) of the Competition Regulations.
βAs a result, Belgiumβs four goals will remain on the record, but have been reclassified as βexhibition goalsβ, for reasons that are obvious to anyone who understands how international football worksβ.
The White House said that Donald Trump had raised some very interesting points in the phone call. βNamely, that the World Cup is being played in America, that America is a winning country, and that it would be a shame if certain broadcasting arrangements were to be reconsidered.β
The White House said that the US will now proceed directly to the finals just to save everyone time, adding that America looked forward to βgraciously overturningβ any further inconvenient results as the tournament progressed.
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