rui

I didn’t have any particular feelings about graduating high school.

If you were to force me to pick something out, I would say that I was slightly saddened by the idea that my connection with the boy who gave me bandages and milk tea might disappear.

But to me, even that feeling was fleeting as I rushed through my life.

After the ceremony, I was surprised to see so many students–whom I didn’t know the names or faces of–handing me bouquets of flowers and asking for my uniform’s buttons.

At that moment, I saw a number of familiar faces lining up to greet me.

“Raito-san! Congrats on graduatin’! You did a bang-up job!” “‘Grats!” “You guys… You really came to see me?”

What I’d dedicated almost the entirety of my high school life to wasn’t my studies nor any club activities. 

It was a fight team called EDG3.

I had already told the members I’d be leaving the team once graduation came, so I didn’t expect them to show up.

The man who had succeeded me as the leader looked at me, eyes red from crying, and said “Of course we’d come.”

“Are ya really leavin’ us now…!? Uuu, Raito-san…!” “Without you, we’d… we’d…”

The other students passing through the school’s gate were startled when a group of burly, strong-looking men started bawling right then and there.

I comforted each member individually, hugging them and patting their backs.

These men, all older than me, cried their eyes out on my chest. 

“It’ll be okay. You guys can make it.”

I said that to encourage them as I thought about what would happen next.

There was something I wanted to try at the university I would attend… The next step in my life.

(If I can get my hands on it, it will become the supreme thing…)

That’s what my parents always said about it as I grew up.

About a month or so after I started university, just as I was getting used to life on campus, I started hearing more whispers and rumors around me.

“That’s mahorova’s founder, right…? The Kitakata heir…”

“I read in an economics magazine a while ago that he’s starting out as an investor too.”

“What do I have to do to get close to him…?”

This wasn’t the first time I’d heard such whispers around me; people often spoke like that in high society and even in high school too, so I’d learned not to pay any attention to it.

As I walked towards the large gingko tree where students gathered, the person waiting for me—the person who’d recently become my “lover”—smiled upon seeing me.

When I waved to announce my presence, I got a wave back in return.

“Were you waiting long?” “Not really,” was the reply I got to my question.

My lover links our arms together as if it was second nature.

At that moment, the look in my lover’s eyes was frightfully sweet. Honestly speaking, it made me feel just slightly nervous.

But that only lasted for a moment before I forced myself to forget about it.

It is not as though I hate physical contact.

I can also initiate it towards my lover just fine.

So long as I accept it as the status quo, I can do it.

However, the sweetness in my lover’s eyes and words always made me hesitate for a moment.

But I was sure that feeling would fade once I got used to it.

I could hear sighs from all around us as we walked down the road together.

“What a picture-perfect couple…”

“You just can’t come between such a beautiful pair.”

…And so on.

I didn’t pick my lover because we’d look good together…

This person simply happened to confess to me just as I was hoping to try being in a romantic relationship with someone.

Objectively speaking, my lover is beautiful, but I’m not exactly fixated on outward appearances… Or rather, I don’t care about it at all.

At the end of the day, is it not compatability that makes a relationship?

So far, I’ve had no complaints in that regard.

My lover was a quiet and nice person, who listened to all my strange stories without showing even a bit of displeasure.

Even Nayuki couldn’t stand those.

I was sure we’d be going out for a long time.

It’d been a month since we started going out.

In that time, I’d compiled all the tasks lovers would partake in together into a list, and started checking them off one by one.

Now, it was almost complete.

As for whether I had fun during that time, well, most of them weren’t exactly enjoyable…

Regardless, as far as appearances go, there was nothing so different between us and your run-of-the-mill couple.

The final task on my list was something I’d get to once we’d been dating for a year…

To be precise, I would need to develop “romantic feelings” towards my lover.

After my relationship had been going smoothly for three months, I went to visit my parents for the first time in a while.

The most important thing I wanted to do once I started university was experience romance, and the second was to live alone. 

On account of that, with the first chance I had, I left my hometown and rented an apartment in the heart of Tokyo.

When I returned to my hometown, my parents welcomed me with the same warmth and care they always held for me, and the time we spent as a family in the living room was peaceful and comfortable.

My parents were close; they often exchanged glances, spoke comforting words to one another, and touched each other gently.

I understood clearly: those were the signs of their love.

As I watched them, I wondered… How many months would my lover and I need before we acted like that?

… Would we even be able to act like that in the first place?

The words I had written as the final task in my list, “develop romantic feelings”, flashed in my mind.

I couldn’t imagine a future where I had actually checked that off my list.

Regardless, it was too soon to declare it impossible.

We should date for six months at the very least before I make that decision.

While our parents were out, Nayuki came back from high school.

Upon seeing him, a type of joy that I never felt when meeting with my lover sprung up within me.

“Nayuki! Welcome back!” “… You’re here?”

The moment he saw me come to greet him, Nayuki frowned and tutted.

“You’re late. Did you have club activities? Or did you go to an investment meeting?”

I trailed behind Nayuki, speaking to him as he headed to his room.

It was my first time seeing him in his high school uniform, and he looked cuter than usual.

“Sigh… What’s it matter to you?”

He placed his bag on his desk, and sat down on the bed while undoing his jacket’s buttons.

“… Speaking of, haven’t you been investing too lately?” “Yeah. You probably think I’m a little late to it, but I have some money left over. I thought I’d invest it, so I’ve been dabbling here and there.”

Nayuki hummed in response, seemingly uninterested. He’d been investing for a lot longer than I have, and it seems like he’d made good money out of it.

I’d also heard he made friends with some of the big shots in the area.

Nayuki himself hadn’t told me much, but I’d caught wind of all kinds of stories from the people in the investing community when I joined.

“… I sure hope you haven’t been spending your money on anything weird.” “I was just about asking you for advice. Is there any wisdom you could pass as the one with more experience?” “Sigh… Why me…”

Nayuki glared at me, clearly displeased, but extended his hand to me after three seconds.

“Show me your investment summary.”

Delighted, I pulled up my account’s summary on my phone and showed it to him.

Sitting next to Nayuki with only two palms’ distance between us made me feel just a bit lonely.

“Oh. You should put this company on sale ASAP; they won’t be able to settle their bills by the month after the next. …And why did you even invest in this? I don’t think you’ll find any profit.”

Pointing at several of the companies I invested in, Nayuki scolded me.

Even though he was angry, I was so happy that he was giving me serious advice that I smiled, causing him to get even more irritated and say, “Why are you laughing? Is something funny about this?”

“I’ll have no choice but to sell if they won’t settle their bills, but… Is there nothing I can do to help?” “... They’re going under because of a lapse in the management’s judgement. If we showed leniency each and every time, capitalism would crumble.” “But this is no fault of the employees, is it?  They’re probably still working, unaware of the fact that the company is about to go bankrupt…”

When I said that I hold an executive position at numerous companies and suggested that I try to hire these employees, Nayuki simply told me to do whatever I wanted.

“That one aside, why did you buy stocks in this company?” “Hm? I liked their foundational philosophy.”

Nayuki was pointing at the name of a company I’d recently bought, and when I told him the reason, he let out a sigh.

“For a flimsy reason like that…? You’re so bold that it gets on my nerves.” “What do you mean?” “The price of a single stock here will increase by tenfold before long.” “Ohh, really? Well, if you say so, you must be right!”

I watched Nayuki as he clicked his tongue and gave my phone back, hesitating for a while before speaking up. “Hey, Nayuki…”

“… I’m seeing someone.” “Huh? You are?”

As soon as the words left my mouth, Nayuki turned to look at me.

He looked at me as though he was looking at a defective product, and I smiled wryly at him.

“Uh… If I can be in a proper relationship, you won’t have to worry about me so much, either… I caused you a lot of trouble during high school.”

Those were my genuine feelings, but the moment he heard that, Nayuki scowled and stood up.

“If that’s why you’re looking for a relationship then stop it.” “… I have other reasons, too. They say love is the supreme thing, right? I’d like to share that feeling with the person I’m currently dating. …Although at the moment it’s nothing more than a formal title…” “Leave me out of this. I don’t care about your love life.”

Nayuki spoke bluntly, turning his back to me and walking towards his closet. Then, he said one final thing:

“This so-called relationship of yours is only for your own self-satisfaction, anyway.”

I wanted to talk with my little brother more, but I couldn’t fight back against the rejection emanating from his back, so I left his room.

I let out a sigh as I stood in the hallway.

“This so-called relationship of yours is only for your own self-satisfaction, anyway.”

Nayuki’s words played on repeat in my head.

…Isn’t love something you do for yourself?

But, if you were to truly love your partner… Surely that makes it all worth it.

And if I could be someone like that, Nayuki would also be happy.

Nayuki always gets irritated when he sees me.

That anger, in other words, is proof that he has been trapped by me.

I want to free Nayuki from that anger.

…He should just forget about me.

Talking with Nayuki excites me more than talking with my lover.

But apart from that, I also wanted to free him… Free him from the existence that is “me”, and from my looming death.