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“ i don’t know, i’m scared that because of this he’s g-gonna end up in trouble, wherever he might be.” it wasn’t something he could just ignore for the sake of ignoring, especially when they all knew the person behind the blog had connections, and very important ones. it was frightening to think nothing was safe anymore, even beyond the definitely questionable ‘accidental murders’ and abandoning he’s seen being exposed one after another, falling down like domino pieces and all for the sick enjoyment of some bastard who willingly wasn’t understanding how things sometimes needed to remain a secret for the greater good.

and he knew the police now was going to question him, that this was going to fuck himself and his brother up, because he knew it would arrive to his parents, and that they wouldn’t be happy. at all.

with a thick swallow, inseong’s figure just deflated onto the nearest chair, trying to wipe away tears from his puffy doe eyes. he wanted the earth to open itself up and swallow him whole, in that precise instant. he never felt this much humiliation in his life ━hell, even being publicly slapped by his parents felt like nothing if compared to this. “ i e-evidently deserved it, if it happened. i don’t even know-know what to do, i don’t. ” besides staring at his hands, staring at the lines and crevices and trying to save time from acknowledging how now all of ashmont’s eyes were on him, and for the wrongest reasons. “ what am i supposed to do? ”

cam buried his face in his hands; that was the thing this exposer didn’t seem to understand. it wasn’t just the people on their list they were impacting, it was people beyond that. it was inseong’s brother, and cam’s siblings, and alice’s family and elliott’s family and... and everyone. “i’m sure your brother will be fine,” cam insists, because what the fuck else could he say? he shouldn’t have even said that because he couldn’t... he couldn’t guarantee anything. he didn’t know that for sure. 

still, he perked up when inseong said that he’d deserved it, like a shock to his system. because he could assure him that that wasn’t remotely true. “you didn’t deserve to get pulled into this mess, like...” cam shakes his head. “you didn’t do anything.” inseong never hurt anybody. inseong was the most innocent person on campus right now. 

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: but youre so cute

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: I like you

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: long story short, zar’s like my brother. i’d die for that kid.

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: so i was thinking, maybe we could go on a double date sometime? If thats ok with you?

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: i could definitely steal one of his dogs for you

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: I like you, too 

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: Oh really??? I didnt know that

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: A double date? Yeah, i think that could be fine.  

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: I mean im just... i don’t feel like i know them, yknow? Im just worried youll have to bridge that gap 

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: [img]

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: It’s really ok.

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: not gonna lie, it’s pretty hot so i’m not complaining

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: but I wanted to ask you… you know zar and honey right?

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: Stopppppppppppppp

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: Yeah i found some of yours and it’s... good. I like them. 

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: .... Yes. Kind of.

“Made,” Alice corrected him. “I made money that way. Past tense.” It felt important to her that people knew that, and she suddenly became frightened by the idea that most of the list thought she was still doing it. She bit the inside of her cheek, unsure if there was anything she could do about it. “Dude,” Alice said, before lowering her voice to a whisper. “Zar literally killed someone. Have any of his friends turned their back on him? No. Have people stopped talking to him? No. I mean,” she shrugged, “we both just found out our friends and roommates also killed people. I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to turn my back on Vi. Not now, when she probably needs people most. I don’t know if she wants that, but that’s a different story. And I highly doubt you’re planning on ending your friendship with Julian. So tell me,” she said, looking at Cam with her eyes wide. “Why would it be different for you? Why would people be against you for making the wrong choice to help your family?” Maybe she was a bad person. Maybe she was supposed to think Cam had done a terrible thing. Alice sighed, and then became very quiet. Yes, Alice, why? Because he’s rich and you’re jealous? She was trying to make Cam think she wasn’t a total bitch, and none of that would help. “In the post, they said they were quoting me directly and that I chose him because of his costume. I checked later, it was an exact quote. But they left out the most important part. I said that he was dressed as a bunny, so his secret must not be that bad. I took a gamble, hoping that he was as innocent as he looked. And I was right.” She shook her head. “I will apologize. But I feel like I should give him a little time… How long did you suggest Jules wait before apologizing to Angel for picking her?”  

jules was hunched over a soggy bowl of lucky charms, his appetite diminished by the previous night’s events. that was how you knew something was up with him – lucky charms were a staple the boy. but he couldn’t look down at his breakfast like everything was normal, for it felt like nothing was the same as it had been yesterday. daisey’s murderer had gone out of their way to expose not one, but four people, including both of the boys in apartment three. even worse, they had pinned the blame of his secret slithering out into the public eye on kiki, whom jules had known was already going to blame herself. none of this was her fault. he had been the one to make a stupid decision.

he was more than surprised to read of the crimes cam had committed, though. they had known each other for almost two decades, and while they had only become close at the beginning of their college careers, jules had not known of his situation at all. they had both fucked up, pretty terribly. but jules would never be afraid of cameron. he just hoped the other boy could say the same about him.

his eyes darted away from the bowl of added sugars as cameron exited from his room. they were bound to see each other eventually, living in the same apartment and all. he hated this. they were never quiet when they were together – always bickering about the rivalry between dc and marvel or screaming over a trailer for the new star wars movie. jules felt the lump in his throat grow, like he was trapped, unable to say something normal. “ are you?“ he repeated the question, the tone a little more threatening than he had planned for. jules cleared his throat. “ i mean, yeah, i’m fine. kind of. not really. ”

this moment only proved how fucking whacked out their world had truly gotten; how many times had cam woken up like this, walked outside to see jules sitting at the counter eating his lucky charms? and then they’d say their good mornings, launch into the chatter that defined their friendship. now, it was just a big gaping silence that cam had no clue how to fill. part of cam wanted to pretend like nothing happened, but... that’s how he’d gotten into this mess in the first place. trying desperately to pretend everything was fine so he wouldn’t have to face the consequences of what he’d done. the music was playing, it was time to face it. 

how could he, though, when his stomach fell at jules’ aggressive questioning. fuck, jules was definitely mad at him for what he’d done. and cam couldn’t even blame him. “i’m okay,” he lied, because telling the truth felt like self-pity, and it didn’t feel right to pity himself in front of jules. “i mean, considering.” considering everyone knew what a fucking fraud he was now and everything. there was a limit to how okay that could be.

Of course, Sutton came to see Cam. Cam – this kind, gentle, man – was worth it.

He thought about Sydney, how happy his twin was with his partners. How for a long time, Sutton thought it was all just a scam. A hoax. He was that guy on Valentine’s day, so ready to grumble about stupid happy couples and their stupid happy happiness and yet… He still hoped. And wished. Wished until he was too angry to wish anymore, and then too… jaded. He’d been roughed up by so many guys. None of them like Cam. Men who didn’t think twice about slamming him against this or that, about bruising or pain.

He’d become so apathetic about it all. So much so he’d upset men he slept with, irritated they couldn’t get the rise they wanted out of Sutton. He’d seen that type of hypermasculine insecure sad-excuse-for-a-man countless times before.

Yes you’re a big strong man. What do you want me to do? Cry? 

Mind, not all the men he’s slept with were bad, definitely not as bad as some. But none of them compared to Cam’s unique sweetness or warmth. Cam was like warm coffee cake or the comfort of an oversized sweater. Where could you go wrong?

Sutton couldn’t stop his smile, stifling a little laugh. God, it was hot in here; he could feel the heat rush to his face at the compliment. A hand rose to press a finger to Cam’s lips, “Shh.” Because Cam was making him blush and Sutton didn’t know how to deal with that. 

He could feel his back arch up towards Cam as they changed position. The fingers of one hand slipped through Cam’s hair, his other running over Cam’s chest and around the back of man’s body to feel for his shoulder blade. Sutton hadn’t expected to hit the sheets let alone for Cam to maneuver anywhere other than his mouth. Not that he was complaining. At all. When his eyes opened it was just long enough to catch Cam travel further… and further down. 

His lips parted.

Fuck.

Sutton couldn’t help but tilt his head back. His shallow exhale of breath was audible. Maybe, just maybe, Sutton had an affinity for neck kisses. So foreign they were to him. So lush and addicting and wow he’d been missing out on something wonderful hadn’t he?

He thought that his fingers at the back of Cam’s head would be enough of a hint – enough to scream YES THIS IS GOOD – until the pressure of Cam’s lips against his pulse was suddenly gone and… What… What was happening? Cam come back. “Mm. Don’t stop…” His eyes flickered open, meeting Cam’s gaze, just taking a moment to count Cam’s eyelashes before spurring into action. He figured it was only fair that he demonstrates how good Cam was making him feel. And anyway crushing Sutton would be of no concern anymore if he was on top. He pressed his lips against Cam’s as he moved, adjusting their bodies, “I’m sure…” he began, the gentle brush his lips finding that spot just below Cam’s jaw, “By the end of the night,”  nipping gently at Cam’s neck, once. Twice… “We’ll figure it out.”

it hit him sideways, how much he liked the noises sutton made. everything about sutton felt very deliberate, like he knew the kind of impact he had on cam, like he knew how every action he took rippled throughout the air and touched every part of the universe. but this, while it still had the same impact, was almost accidental. inadvertent. sometimes cam got the sense that sutton held back, wrapped himself in layers of black clothing and beautiful art, but this felt raw, and real. one little gasp and cam was hooked. careful, ever careful, he ran his teeth over the thin skin on sutton’s neck, just to hear those sounds again. 

fuck, even sutton’s hands in his hair felt so good. nobody ever really touched his hair. ever since it had gotten long enough to braid (even a little bit), cass had been playing with it, but nobody had ever held him close quite like this. everything felt new, and, and he wasn’t nervous, which always came with the new. he just felt... good. it felt good to hide right in sutton’s throat, to pull away and look up at his beautiful eyes. every movement of his, so deliberate, so impactful, so unignorable, all hit cam in waves. the flicker of his eyelids, the twitches of his lips, the hummingbird motion of his pupils; it was like cam could see it all. 

if every little tremble was a wave, then sutton rolling on top of cam was a tsunami. cam’s entire world seemed to shift on its axis, eyes shutting as sutton pressed their lips together. god, why hadn’t he been kissing sutton all this time again? it was fucking incredible, he finally understood why people wrote, like, songs and poems about kissing. so when sutton pulled away, cam made an unhappy noise. 

cerelia had been stationed at the giovanni’s set-up since the night began. the scent of italian food clung to her even now, but she guessed that was good for business. the people next to her had decided they were starving the moment she took the spot nearest to cam. “i hope he’s okay.” it’s the first thing she’s said since she got there, quiet and nervous and unsure, all of the things she usually never was while in attendance of a football game. “i hope you’re okay.” she’d called and texted, even tried to visit him a few times. she couldn’t imagine what he was going through. she didn’t want to. “i think it’s actually pretty fucking dope that you stole from the bourgeoisie, if that counts for anything. as a former rich bitch, i can guarantee you that it won’t be missed.” her eyes remained on the game for two simple reasons: she wasn’t sure she wanted to see cam’s reaction to her conversation starter, and she was completely wrapped up in the action on-field. you could take the girl out of cheer, but you couldn’t take the cheer out of the girl. “and you shouldn’t blame yourself for anything.– WOO! GO KNIGHTS!” her sentence derailed the instant one of their running backs went flying across the field with the ball in his hands. she was on her feet as soon as she saw it, hands cupped around her mouth as she shouted. and then, y’know, she remembered what she was doing, cleared her throat, and sat down; trying to look as disinterested as possible. “i mean… yes. let’s talk.”

Alice pressed her lips together nervously. She deserved that. “Right,” she mumbled, taking a big sip of water. She had to listen closely over the din of the crowd to hear Cam speak, but the look on his face said enough. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him like that, angry and direct. Then again, she wasn’t sure if she’d really been looking. “I can’t say it’s going to get better, because that would be a lie. I can tell you that after I got exposed, people were surprisingly decent to me. And people don’t really like me. But they do like you.” It wasn’t an easy thing to admit, even to herself. She spent so much time trying to get people to like her that she’d achieved the opposite result. Alice sighed, and then slowly nodded her head. “Actually Cam, it is. I’m sorry. For Inseong and for his family. But I had to pick someone. We both know bad things happen when you don’t follow their rules.” Things like Alice being exposed for telling the killer exactly what she thought of them or Jules being exposed because Kiki didn’t want to throw anyone under the bus. Maybe the Kiblers were just bad at following orders. “The fact that I didn’t let a bunch of my classmates know a secret that could put him in danger is a huge relief.”

he pulled a frown at that, staring down at his feet. people liked cam? maybe in, like, a puppy dog way, but he didn’t think many people respected him, or took him seriously. it wasn’t like he had all that much to lose. but alice... he was surprised people were decent to alice, though he wondered what she meant by “decent”. but, because he didn’t feel like being compliant, he argued, “there’s a difference; you make money doing something perfectly legal, and i made money doing something illegal that put someone in prison.” he shook his head, regretting it as soon as he said it. “never mind, that... that has nothing to do with it.” he pressed his lips together, averting his eyes. he had to admit; alice had a point. “it had to be someone,” he agreed. “but... but why inseong? he never did anything to anybody. he never hurt you, ever.” if cam were forced to pick someone, he’d have to dig deep within the dark part of himself, try to figure out who deserved it, if anyone deserved it. but inseong still deserved it the least. “you don’t need to apologize to me, you need to apologize to inseong. you didn’t know if the secret would put him in danger or not.”

“parker is my fucking pal. my fucking dude, y’know. like… we marathoned the first two seasons of young justice together freshman year. you can’t do that with someone and not come out fuckin’ thick as thieves. and we are. thick. i mean, i guess i’m thicc, but that’s besides the point. and we really are so similar, have a lot of the same problems. like… neither of us can make phone calls, or return something at a restaurant if they get it wrong. it’s like both of us are afraid to exist loudly, y’know? we don’t want to be annoying. that’s kind of ironic, because superhero stuff is one of those things i’m constantly afraid of being annoying about but parker and i can talk about that for hours and hours. we’re annoying to each other but we never get annoyed.” 

“sutton is… god, he’s like… he always smells like coffee, and paint, and something almost minty. and he makes everything like so easy. everything about him is so…… easy. sometimes i feel like i’m tripping through life and sutton just glides. he’s effortless. it’s like… sometimes i feel like his voice just drips out of his mouth, it’s so smooth and- and easy, just easy. and he’s so beautiful, like he draws all eyes to him, like a magnet. yeah, that’s, that’s a good word for him; magnetic.”

“during my shifts at beans and leaves i remember staring at him all the time whenever he was there, and he’d always be, like, drawing on his napkin or something. and sometimes he’d catch me looking and my heart would drop but then he’d smile like- like butter sliding down a warm pan. i used to think he was really mysterious. god, and don’t even get me started on his fucking art. i honestly believe his paintings are how he sees the world, how he experiences them. he told me he has synesthesia, too, which, i think is so cool. he’s just… he’s brilliant. i want to know how his mind works, i want to know him.”

“…….. whenever i……… i don’t know, whenever i think about her, all i can think about is how i had sex with one of the prettiest girls in the town, that all of these guys wanted, and i still didn’t know i was gay. like she….. i don’t know, she was always this very untouchable person to me. like, nobody is looking at me normally, but when she’s in the room, then i’m basically negative space, y’know? i didn’t talk to her until i did and…… she’s really nice. it makes sense why so many people think she’s incredible.” 

“…….. i still haven’t told her that i’m gay, though, and i don’t know if i’ll tell her. who knows how she’ll react?” 

“kiki is like… she really is raven, y’know? but like, a little more smiley. i know she’s sad right now, but most of the time i’ve known her she was a little happier. she is by far the coolest person i’ve ever met, both, like, my kind of cool, and like, objectively cool. like, thank god i’m gay, or else jules and i would be fighting over her. no, but really though, she’s so incredible and smart- i know people think she’s kinda whacky, but i think she just… thinks differently. she sees things that nobody else sees, she loves the secret, the… the creepy. that’s really cool, too; i’m a weenie, and she definitely isn’t. she’s… fearless.” 

“alice kibler? she’s… i don’t even know what to think of her. we’re, like, on different planets from each other, basically. like, she’s kree, and i’m a skrull. i don’t even, like… i don’t know what she means when she says words half the time. i dunno, she gives me the vibe of, like, those bully girls in middle school, who sound really sweet to your face but are really saying mean things to you. like… is she being condescending? i can’t tell.”

“and the worst part is, sometimes i think she’s trying to be nice. i just… i just don’t know if i can trust that, y’know? is that mean? am i the mean one here?”