Gay, and yearning

I think of neon gossamer moths coated in shimmering lights

of a long night walk deep into the shaded world

of desires only seen in the mirror’s reflection

my father and who I could’ve been if I were able bodied would I be me

probably not but damn would I love to learn to drive I’d probably have picked up my dads jobs honestly I hate being stagnant I love moving just going and going seeing everything.

when I switched to a new number someone told me they called the only thing they could hear was a great downpour of rain and honestly that’s very me

I hope I can be me again someday

I hope someone laughs at my jokes very few people do these days it’s a feeling I miss what’s the point of being witty with no one gets on that level to respond not saying the people I date don’t get it but one my jokes are very dark and about me or things that bother me also you just have to have the right vibe to make fun and long that’s something I crave that half fight half banter part constant show of affection I want someone who hits back with that level of force

nobody really meets that standard

I want to carve up a deer skull and paint it for an altar piece I’d honestly be down to skin the thing myself

PUPPET

I can’t breathe

I can’t be

Hands choking the life from my lungs

like all those years ago

these weeks feel like a mire

to which I must always return

I am not alive here I am but a puppet

I do not ask salvation which I know only I can provide

someone said to me that I will be special and loved one day

but that is already true he does love me he does know me

And yet still I am a puppet

He does love me that I won’t deny

but he flinches when he looks me in the eye

I don’t tell him of my pain he will cry and wail say he is sorry

he will force mine wooden hands to be of comfort

I find those words funny because someone does love me but still no one wants the face of mine only a puppet

built to their design

for care and comfort and pleasure divine

players entered the church compound found the emo kids shed learned about them and how their trying to hunt down the devil for the various reasons. Ethan thinks he can use him as a battery and does not understand engineering principles , Lewis is an edgelord, June thinks it’s a wild animal her adopted father is using to gain prestige, and Bella thinks it’s related to her father who went missing. (The actual sin host)

afterwards the players going into a nearby medical facility the compound constructed and found Mary the mousy disabled veterinarian turned kidnapped doctor. She is convinced by Mike that they are in fact legitimate law enforcement (they are not) learning the priest is claiming his divinity is most likely psychic and can turn corpses into smoke which he used to disappear people who he disliked.

they proceeded to enter the priests personal study learning he was a former Cain agent who hunted down his partner (both ways) who went rogue then was forgotten about by Cain due to unknown reasons he ends up In this small West Virginia town of Greenville pretending to be a priest and using his powers to make humans serve his whims.

After learning of this they go to his personal mansion and set it on fire to lure him out. After failing to convince them to join him he tries to summon the centipede which he had negotiated with but the whistle he intended to use was shot out of his hand they proceeded to blind him trip him repeatedly and then shot him in the head (this was very annoying I tried so hard but he kept missing his roles)