The Terrifying Life of a Panda

“Increases your chances by 80%” does not mean “there is now an 80% chance”. 

If your chances were previously 10%, your chances are now 18%, not 90%. 

if your chances were roughly 1%, they’re now just slightly less than 2%. 

She’s working at the hospital since Rhona came to town,

Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to town,

Hide away, hide away, she’s come to take us down.

Miss Rhona’s at the doorstep, I’ll keep 6 feet away,

But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today,

Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to stay,

Hide away, hide away, we can’t come out to play.

But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today,

And here’s a note from Rhona, she wanted me to say,

Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away,

[Image ID: Tumblr user @neanderthyall says in the notes, “I thought that 6 feet was kind of a double meaning. Like six feet away to stop the spread, but when people die they’re six feet underground, and its six feet of the dirt that keeps you apart. Like ‘Hide away, hide away, even though it hurts Hide away, hide away, or the six feet will be dirt’.” End ID.]

I’ve taken the liberty of expanding the lyrics slightly and coming up with a tune:

Daddy’s at the food store, Mummy’s out of town, She’s working at the hospital since Rhona came to town, Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to town, Hide away, hide away, she’s come to take us down.

Miss Rhona’s at the doorstep, I’ll keep 6 feet away, But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today, Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to stay, Hide away, hide away, we can’t come out to play.

I need to see the sunlight, I’ve not been out in days And here’s a note from Rhona, she wanted me to say, Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away, Hide away, hide away, she took us down today

As planned I’ve extended this even further and re-recorded it with the new lyrics and a guitar part; it’s also a bit better quality. It’s so cool that so many different versions of this song have sprung up already! I recommend having a scroll through them all on @jus-tea​​‘s tumblr.

(Em)Daddy’s at the (B7)food store, (Em)Mummy’s out of (B7)town, She’s (Em)working at the (B7)hospital since (Em)Rhona (B7)came to (Em)town, (Am)Hide away, hide away, Miss (Em)Rhona’s come to town, (Am)Hide away, (Em)hide away, she’s come to (B7)take us (Em)down.

Miss Rhona’s at the doorstep, I’ll keep six feet away, But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her one today, Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to stay, Hide away, hide away, we can’t come out to play.

I’m missing all my friends, though we keep in touch by phone, I’m learning what it is to truly be alone, Hide away, hide away, even though you moan, Hide away, hide away, or we’ll be lying prone.

My love she says she misses the twinkle of my eyes, But Rhona stalks the streets and to meet would be unwise, Hide away, hide away, we hear the desperate cries, Hide away, hide away, or see the bodies rise.

I feel myself a-coughin’, I haven’t got a mask, It’s work or die for me, though, so who am I to ask, Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s on the task, Hide away, hide away, she’s come for me at last.

I need to see the sunlight, I’ve not been out in days, And here’s a note from Rhona, she wanted me to say, Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away, Hide away, hide away, she took us down today.

The days all run together, I haven’t changed my shirt, We may be getting restless, but keep on the alert, Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s quite the flirt, Hide away, hide away, her touch is not inert.

“Recently, a friend of mine told me that she felt guilty that she hadn’t accomplished more during the last year of the pandemic. Now, I’ve heard that a few times. And I have a feeling we’re gonna be hearing that more and more.”

I’m not sure whether I should laugh or cry.

Is OP aware that oh so many books exist on this subject?

And that almost universally the ones authored by people with doctorates in classicism and mythology disagree with OP?

Including the… epic hymn that first told this story? You know what’s in that original source material… right?

Abducted, yes. Demeter mourned? Definitely. Rape, no.

So here’s some info on Ancient Greek wedding traditions which (oh my stars and garters!!) included abducting the bride. With the father’s permission, which Hades got before he took her away.

Here’s a whole book on the subject of Ancient Greek wedding custom and its conflation with funeral rites. (Which sounds a bit like Hades and Persephone to anyone who’s ever dabbled in things like explication and context)

Here’s a link to another book that talks about Persephone’s rise to power as a result of her willingly eating the pomegranate seeds.

Oh shit!!

Here’s a whole bunch of myths and hymns that talk about her Queen of the Underworld badassery!!

Holy pug tacos Batman!!

Here’s another book about the myth focusing on the seasonal religious and liminal rites. WHICH TAKE PLACE IN THE DRY SUMMER (not the fucking winter), which you know if you read a book.Way to go, OP!

All these fucking books!  What could anyone possibly do with them all?!?!?!?! Do you eat books to absorb their powers instead of read them?

A better guess would be that you got into a moral panic over the name of a certain Renaissance statue and maybe after reading three pages of Edith Hamilton or the first paragraph of a Wikipedia article. And then used that to castigate and demean not only the people who actually take their limited time to create gorgeous art but also to denigrate modern day worshippers of Persephone and Hades?

See also: Seduction and Rape in Greek Myth and Predatory Goddesses, both by classicist Mary Lefkowicz.

Here’s a more concise video

Meow