Following a Whim

ROTN, Rot, Nightmare, Rotten Ho — whatever suits

AO3

Female | English Age = Tomb Raider

Lifetime adorer of Classic Era Lara Croft 🩵🤎 Sleeps on a thick mattress of old fic drafts

A classic case of a chatterbox catching a severe and all-inclusive form of selective mutism, “getting over it” wrong, and becoming stuck between two worlds as a consequence. (What do you mean, that’s not a classic?)

Translation: communication fun, but hard — even dropping likes. And wow, does that sound pathetic now that I type it out.

✨🌸🌼 First world problems~! 🌼🌸✨

(Credit to Radley @jacebeleren for accidentally helping me realise wtf was wrong with a completely unrelated comment. Thanks, dude🫡)

Context: this is about Sister Imperator's age when Mr Evil tied her up and ate her little sisters or something

You know what? Sister's timeline is actually something I wanted to make a post about months ago, but I tried to add too many images and tumblr went "No😡" and I said "Fuck you" and then I forgot about it. 😶

So, a little piece of info I've noticed about the comics is that Sister must have been on her own for roughly two years before she met Marika.

The whole drama with her little sisters went down on Halloween of 1956...

...and then the next time we see a date, it's 1960. Sister tells us in that very scene that she's been with the circus for two years.

While Sister's visual appearance ages or de-ages a lot in the comics, she is consistently older in 1960 compared to 1956. More of a young woman than... well, a child.

How old exactly was she in 1956? I don't know. But:

She was young enough to mature significantly in four years

She was young enough that while she knew she was going to run away from home with her sisters someday, she didn't believe it wise to do so yet

She was young enough that she looked like a little girl only three years prior in 1953

Nothing's concrete, obviously – especially since the twins grew much less than Sister between 1953-1956. But those are the factors I worked with to reach the visual age range I used for that chapter.

Although, I should note: just because Cardi reckons she couldn't be older than fourteen doesn't mean she is that age. That's just the upper margin for how old Cardi perceives her to be. In reality, she could have been older... or younger. 💀

As a side, I also have a headcanon that Sister was keeping herself off the streets by getting older boyfriends and staying with them. She does say later on that the men in her life haven't done her good. Not her step-father – the men in her life.

I don't think she's talking about her father, somehow.

So in my head, these boyfriends were all fine and dandy with having a pretty young blonde warming their bed, but the moment the bun landed in the oven? "Nope. No-siree. I can't be having the baby of some street skank – I'm going places. Off you pop, Babes!"

And then no other man wanted her, because "Ew, other man's child."

[Beginning of Series] [Latest Chapter]

Dark Fic – Read the Tags

In every generation, there is a Chosen One. They alone will read the tags, follow their wisdom, and spare themselves the trauma of non-consensual angst. They are the Reader. For returning readers: if you've read the first 14 chapters then I imagine you'll be fine, but I'm letting you know that I've updated the tags anyway. 💜💙

Summary: One evening of self-pity turns into Cardi's worst nightmare. Lost in a world where all of his hopes and dreams had never come to fruition and never would, Cardi is left to drift – alone and without a purpose, unloved. Meanwhile, figures lurk in the shadows, watching. Eras: Skeletá, Meliora

Upload Schedule: Tuesdays (UK time) for 3-5 weeks The fic still isn't finished, but I need to solidify some chapters to force myself to commit to their contents. Yay for mutually-beneficial workflow efficiency! The staggered updates are 1) for tradition's sake, and 2) to give me time to solidify the transition from C19-C20.

Primary Tags:

Rating: Explicit (not for smut, sorry) Warnings: Chose Not To Use (does not mean none apply) Main Characters: Cardi, Sister, Nihil, Special Ghoul, V Main Relationships: Cardi & Sister Imperator, Cardi & Papa V Perpetua, Cardi & Papa Nihil, Cardi & Special Ghoul Background: Sister Imperator/Papa Nihil

Additional Tags:

Thematic: Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, does it still qualify as hurt/comfort if the ratio is about 9:1?, Emotional Whump, Whump, Family, Dark fic, Time Travel, it was all a dream Emotional Trauma: Grief/Mourning, Depression, Dissociation, Paranoia, Psychosis, Miscommunication, Amnesia, Altered State of Consciousness, Mummy Issues, Abandonment Issues, post-death trauma Physical Trauma: Pneumonia, Fratricide, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Head Injury, Vomiting, mild body horror Misc Trauma: Psychiatric Drugs, Implied/Referenced Medical Malpractice Character-Specific: Motherly Sister Imperator, Scared Sister Imperator, Fatherly Papa Nihil, Cardinal Copia | Papa Emeritus IV | Frater Imperator Needs a Hug, Sister Imperator is an idiot, Cardi is an idiot, Papa Nihil is an Idiot (but also somehow the smartest in the room), Cardi is one of those adopted kids who doesn't believe in found family, Papa Emeritus I and II and III are not great people Technical: References to the Sister Imperator comics, Medical Inaccuracies, Unreliable Narrator, No Beta we die like Frater Imperator

(Yes, I changed the "no beta" tag from Sister to Frater.😝)

Primo: *gazes ominously into your soul* No.

Secondo: *stares disdainfully at you over a glass of wine for a few moments before turning his head and addressing one of the women he’s with, ignoring your calls for his attention entirely*

Terzo: Hmm… Well, if you can find one, I think I have some glitter here somewhere. Why let your dreams just be dreams? Let’s make that vampire sparkle! (They don’t sparkle, by the way.)

Cardi: Well, uh… no. No, of course not! These are a creature of the night! Beings of… of darkness, and blood, and… sparkle?? *scoffs* That’s so stupid, man.

V: I am not a vampire. *puts on his glitzy mask* But sometimes, I do sparkle! ☺️

Sister Imperator: Not in any good literature, they don’t. *disgusted Sister noises*

Papa Nihil:

YES! :D

Mr Psaltarian: *glares at you like you just encouraged his adoptive son to ride a tricycle at the age of 55* You need better taste in movies.

Marika Psaltarian: Ye— I mean, of course not. Why would vampires sparkle? It is much harder to hide in shadows when you are sparkling. That is why, back in the circus, we wore the most beautiful and sparkly outfits... *story time with Marika begins*

Judith: Uh… *awkward pause* I guess? I mean… if you’re watching the right— wrong. Wrong film. I-I don’t watch… you know… *more awkwardness* …Okay, so I do, but it’s all purely educational!

Special Ghoul: I am not a vampire. And I also do not sparkle. I mean… I suppose, if you were to, like, stick little crystals here on my mask, then maybe… but me in my birthday suit? *laughs* Actually, I am pretty pale, so maybe if you get the light bright enough… But I also would not let you see that, so… Tough luck, right?

Okay, but I was actually having worries that both the votes might have been for “I like pressing buttons”. I can work with a tie.

I’d do a tie-breaker poll, but something tells me the results would be identical.😆 Guess I’ll just have to force my attachment away from Screaming in the Night for a bit and actually make a decision.

Thanks for the input, people! 💜

Btw has anyone noticed it’s Tuesday tomorrow? Because I love Tuesdays. Fun things sometimes happen on Tuesdays. Entertaining things. Things that cause screaming-crying-throwing-up, fly squeals, and deflating balloon noises – which I of course find endlessly hilarious, because I am evil.

Everyone knows. He looks like TR1 Lara Croft if the devs were all horny gay twelve year old goth boys. But they don’t say anything because he’s one senile old fuck and they really don’t fancy getting exsanguinated, or kidnapped, or - god forbid - pissed on.

As some of you know, the chapter titles of Cardi Goes to Hell are ripped directly from the lyrics of Alice Cooper Goes to Hell.

I very recently realised that pretty much every single lyrics website on the internet has the lyrics to Guilty wrong, and that Chapter 1's title is based on misinformation. The lyrics are "screaming in delight", not "screaming in the night". 🤦‍♀️

To jog your memory: that chapter is Cardi's fever-induced nightmare. The one with the strange formatting. He relives a conversation with Marika while the nightmares in the real world slowly creep in.

So... I'm looking for feedback from readers:

Thanks for any input! 💜

...So I got distracted while reviewing that one chapter of my fic.

Feels good, man 😌

Anyway, I am here to let you know that Mr Psaltarian absolutely plays with little boats in the bath. Cardi’s bathtime doubled in length after Psalty entered the picture, because the boy had a blast playing boats with his super cool Tati.

…And then I stop very quickly, because Impera did release in that era and no amount of imagining will ever tell me the truth. The Alluring Cardi of Temptation* in the CMLS video of my mind probably never would have happened anyway.

(Also, in the highly improbable event that I get sucked up into a parallel universe like a fanfiction self-insert, I’d like to not find that reality falls completely short. Because frankly, if that universe’s version of CMLS still doesn’t have Papa in it and Twenties is still just a lyric video, I may spontaneously transform into the most sour of lemons. I mean, I slipped between worlds for this shit — leaving behind everything I know — and this is what you give me??)

* I’m literally just picturing Cardi taking the place of Mr Mephistopheles, except he’s doing the Spooky Hand Gestures of Spectre!Terzo from Square Hammer instead of twirling his pike or whatever. Complete with Spooky Zoom-Out While Staring Intensely At The Camera. And also maybe the Sky-High ‘Ta-Da!’ upon his reveal for good measure.

I feel like this thought has been hovering at the back of my brain for months, but it didn’t truly register until I started rinsing mushrooms (which apparently reminds me of Nihil for some reason).

The only time we see young!Nihil in papal robes is when old!Nihil and Sister are getting a little too nostalgic and they see each other young but in their elder selves’ clothing. And I don’t feel like that counts. Which would leave Terzo’s final show as the earliest known appearance of the iconic Papa Nihil Robes. Long, long after Nihil lost his place as frontman.

While contemplating this, I decided that I don’t think Nihil had those particular robes for a long time before that show. They’re ornate. They cost money — more money than any single Era I costume. They must have been made after Ghost began to take off.

Which made me wonder if maybe he was given them not long before Terzo’s final show:

A) As a gift from Sister to make Nihil feel like he was a part of the band again, perhaps in the hopes of smoothing Cardi’s way into the role of frontman

B) To ensure Nihil didn’t look like a hobo on stage in the old, cheap, and bedraggled robes he already had

C) Both of the above

(As a side, I believe it’s not just the robes that were a part of Sister’s buttering up of Nihil. His appearance in Terzo’s final show itself was secretly a bribe, and so was his sax solo in Miasma. Even the smiles she gives him in Chapter 1 are fake af, but he doesn’t see any of it. Nihil looks blind, but really, it’s only Sister he’s blind to — even though she’s also who he sees the clearest.)

There is absolutely no way Sister Imperator has much in the way of magical powers beyond creating ghouls. No way. If she did, then she’d be Willow Rosenberg-ing it up. If you’ve seen the S6 finale, then you know what I mean.

Peeled potatoes.

There’s a notable difference between Cardinal Copia and Papa the Fourth. And maybe I’m biased, but personally, I see it as a guard being let down.

Cardinal Copia is quiet. Controlled. His quirkiness is neatly folded away, visible but not flaunted. A quiet resentment — a fire — burns in his eyes, but he does not lash out at the faces of those who infuriate him so. Instead, he keeps it hidden, channelling it into something bigger.

He’s determined. Full of ambition. He will earn his rightful place, and he will show those who gained the title without earning it what a real showman looks like. And to do that, he needs to focus.

But Papa the Fourth? He’s not quiet. He’s not controlled, either, though he’s certainly not uncontrolled either. He’s openly weird and rude (but is polite when it matters). He brags right to Nihil, Sister, and Psaltarian’s faces (but is humble when praised). He speaks his new title with pride, and seems genuinely upset that Sister won’t call him “Papa” (but eventually lets it go because although he doesn’t like it, he understands — half of the issue, anyway).

The guards have been discarded. Every risk to his ambition has been neutralised, and now, it’s finally safe for him to be the Cardi that feels most natural to him.

What changed: his promotion and the death of Papa Nihil.

Cardi is Papa now. He is Papa Emeritus the Fourth — the only papa left alive. And he’s better than his predecessors, because unlike them, he earned his title. And the only person left who could strip him of said title is Sister Imperator, and looking at their relationship… I don’t think he ever considered she might do such a thing to him. Not until he saw the coffin, at least.

Because quite frankly, the only sincere, sane, and non-manipulative looking smile we ever saw from the original Sister Imperator was when Cardi was brought into the band. She sucked at hiding her fondness for him.

And unlike us, Cardi would have seen that regularly. He knew Sister liked him. He knew she was safe. He knew he could be himself with her. And once Nihil died and it all sunk in, it was safe for Cardi to be himself around him too, because there was sod all the old fart could do to hold him back now. And Psalty? What the fuck was he gonna do? Cardi was Papa!

…And then he saw that coffin. Paranoia took hold of him, and suddenly, Cardi had to be on guard again — without letting on that he was.

Then Sister died, reality hit, and Cardi’s guard shattered. He was left naked and stumbling in a world he no longer recognised, in a role he did not understand — had never thought to understand, because somehow, he’d made himself believe that Sister would be there forever. He needs his guards, but he can’t remember how to bring them up. Isn’t sure he’d be able to maintain them even if he did. Everything is just… confusing, all of a sudden. Even things he once understood perfectly well make no sense in this bizarre mirror world where everything feels wrong.

So he’s left fumbling around, watching Star Wars instead of working because he doesn’t understand what he’s doing, and a part of him knows that he could learn, but he doesn’t want to. He isn’t ready. He’s still picking up the pieces, trying to make sense of the strange (and honestly kind of terrifying) new world around him. A world with none of the things he’d felt would be there with him forever.

No papacy. No Sister. Not even the Ministry building he’d come to know so well.

Just… Cardi.

(And also Marika, but my god, Cardi’s relationship with the Psaltarians does not feel like they’re still family to me. 😢)

Then Mum comes back, and he starts to feel like maybe he can do it. Maybe he can be Frater after all. He just needs a little help getting there, that’s all.

But newfound determination and support system or not, he’s still struggling to get himself out of this hole he’s found himself in. And so, Cardi either takes his holiday as a means to distance himself and hopefully return refreshed and finally ready (but is waylaid)… or he decides he’d rather just… not.

And I would rather not be dealing with this weather, but alas, here I am. 😤😤😤