addicted to rot

until your fingerprints are bruised across the length of my body

throw me down and make me yours

i am nothing but yours

my brain thinks of nothing but you

my hands exist only to touch you

my mouth exists only to taste you, your salt and your sweetness

my body is a length of fabric to wrap around yourself and make you feel beautiful

i am reduced to nothing but a thing, dedicated to your pleasure

60 days craving

60 days a wandering zombie

60 days feeling everything with an intesity i fear will kill me

60 days with nothing between me and the world

60 days not telling anyone how desperate i am to throw those 60 days out the window, for one sweet luscious night

ive spent enough time making people scared for me, to worry them like that again

one bad decision,

an honest utterance, long overdue,

and decay blooms and eclipses my life.

it has become cliche that you have to hit rock bottom before you can bounce back up.

but as my walls crash down around me,

as icy wind from which ive hidden for so long licks my arms,

there comes a moment of peace, once the crashing stops.

i survey the landscape i'd been sheltering from -

gnarled trees and jagged rocks.

the enormity of the night sky above me.

and the empty space, the absence of fears i had convinced myself were real.

and i can start again.

with all my coping mechanisms stripped away

a tightrope walker with her safety net snipped

sure the net hurts

might damage my body long term

but it stops me falling to my death