how am i not myself

Saint John Chrysostom fears lest the sinner falls into one of the two extremes. One extreme is despair and hopelessness; the other is indifference and disinterest. The devil possesses two weapons, which he uses to give the finishing blow to sinners. One weapon is for people who are sensitive; the other, for them who are insensitive. For sensitive people he uses the weapon of despair and hopelessness. He attempts to demoralize the sinner: "Oh no! What have you done? There is no salvation for you now. Who can save you?" The Christian must respond by saying, "Get behind me, Satan of despair! Leave, you scoundrel, because your shadow is obstructing my view of the Cross of Christ, my great hope. I know that I sin, but I hope in God's mercy." For them who are insensitive, the devil possesses the weapon of indifference and disinterest: "Don't worry, you're a good person. What have you done, anyway, to repent? You're not a criminal. You haven't killed anyone. It would be great if everyone was like you!" The Christian must object: "No! Get behind me, Satan of indolence and delusion. Leave, because your ugly figure is blocking the spiritual mirror and preventing me from seeing my true self and understanding that I am full of wounds and in need of treatment."

When I love God and neighbor, I belong to heaven, I become heavenly. But when I am submerged in worldly cares, entranced by worldly attachments, I belong to the earth, I become earthly, demonic. "O Lord and Master of my life, grant unto me, Thy servant, the spirit of love."

Let us be merciful to ourselves by being merciful to others, gain compassion by showing compassion, and do good that good may be done to us. For we receive the like in return: good works, benevolence, love, mercy and compassion, but not merely to the same value and measure of excellence. You give out of what you possess as a man, and only as much as a man can bestow. But you receive in return a hundredfold from the inexhaustible divine treasures, together with eternal life, and benefit from as many great bounties as God can bestow, which "eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man" (1 Cor. 2:9).

Beautiful things are accompanied by pain; nevertheless, pain in turn leads to joy. Roses produce thorns, and thorns produce roses. The rainbow usually appears after a storm. Before the sky clears up, a downpour must first take place.

Perhaps the saddest thing in our times is the distortion of Christ and the Church. Christianity is seen not as the new life of saved humanity, united in the Church, but as the sum of certain theoretical and moral positions. They have begun now to talk too much and too often about Christian teachings and have begun to forget about Church life.

Let us pray for God to count us worthy of exercising mercy, both internally (with our disposition) and externally (with our actions), so that we too have the hope of finding mercy and forgiveness during the great Judgement Day of God.

Christ rose from the dead with His wounds. We too shall discover Him in our wounds, and we shall discern His presence in our vulnerability and courage to live the lives we have been given.

Learn how to turn the sorrow of the Christian sufferer into joy through the consolation of faith. [...] If you do this, you will be a friend to mankind, an angel of consolation, an instrument of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter.

Love of God takes various forms. The man who wrestles with wrong thoughts loves God according to his measure. He who struggles against sin, and asks God to give him strength not to sin, but yet falls into sin again because of his infirmity, and sorrows and repents - he possesses grace in the depths of his soul and mind, but his passions are not yet overcome.

Nothing in the world is more important than the salvation of human souls, and there is no subject more worthy of unceasing and perpetual remembrance than the redemption of the world by the Son of God from sin, the curse, and eternal death. The Holy Church has engraved in her divine services, through unchangeable words, images, and rites, the whole economy of our salvation, so that people--so inclined to forget God, the salvation of our souls, and all that God has accomplished for their salvation, eternal joy, and blessedness-- should constantly have before their eyes, and within their reach, God's great, wise, and good deeds. In this way, we are continually inspired to repentance, amendment, and salvation, and we shun the vanities of this corrupt and fleeting world.

Learn how to turn the sorrow of the Christian sufferer into joy through the consolation of faith. [...] If you do this, you will be a friend to mankind, an angel of consolation, an instrument of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter.