Femmes, Femmes All Around

But I was wondering how you avoid Zionist indoctrination while converting? Bc I decided to look into conversion last year (ultimately decided I do not theologically agree with Judaism as much as I thought) and after working in a Jewish community for a year, I found myself thinking more like a Zionist and agreeing with their beliefs. Until recently when I had to really get out of that and realize I was allowing myself to be told what to think. I think for me only hearing one side is what did it, and feeling like I have to be a Zionist if I want to be Jewish/reconnect w my Jewish ancestry. I feel bad bc I used to be pro Palestine or at least thought I was but my thinking started going down a pretty dangerous path and at two or three different points i had to pull myself out of it bc I felt like I was being radicalized.

whooooo boy.

The short answer is stick to your principles.

The longer answer is, you need to surround yourself with antizionist Jews and make a commitment to antizionism. I've actually had my conversion on hold for an unfortunate amount of time due to various life stuff causing me to leave my hometown, and have had trouble connecting with another Rabbi due to lack of community outreach for the region I live in, time, distance, etc. I've even reached out to rabbis and we started working on things until scheduling and other problems threw a wrench in the works. This is a sore spot for me so I don't talk about it much. But the thing is, a synagogue could be established in a 15 minute walk away from me tomorrow, and if it was predominantly run by zionists I would not go. This is because of my commitment. When I was 15-18, it was frustrating to see flags in the bimah, but I could ignore it- noting that I'm from the south and have had to learn how to cope with genocidal and regressive symbols like this (confed flags, dont tread on me, etc) being around me without any control over them basically my whole life, and that my hometown's temple largely didn't talk about Zionism. I'm sure thats different now and people there have likely gotten radicalized. I'm older now, and I can't, and frankly I dont think it was a good thing that I used to. I have no desire to participate in a temple that permits genocide.

You also need to critically think about... everything. Ask yourself "if someone said this shit about any other group, would I agree?" (For example, I would not agree that white Italians need their own state where being white Italians are central, and where keeping the white Italian birthrates high is necessary, and would recognize that as ethnonationialism- and people do say shit like that about Italy).

Additionally, you shouldn't. Ever. Lie to your rabbi/whatever other religious leader your branch of Judaism recognizes about something like this as a conversion student. It can turn on you very badly and very quickly.

Anti- or at minimum non-zionist rabbis and temples exist, though they aren't as common. I would prioritize finding antizionist Jews in your area and not only forming relationships with them, but asking their advice on who and where to go to. Sometimes there won't be resources that you can use as an antizionist. Sometimes you'll be stuck in a weird grey area for a long time. I'm not uncomfortable with this, honestly. The fact that I've stuck with it even through this only signifies my commitment. Abayudaya Jews created their community with few resources avaliable, and even through times of hostility. The commitment means I fully recognize them as Jews, even though plenty of them didn't convert the way rabbinic Judaism recognizes as sufficient. I care more about how other Jews who I have relationships with see me, knowing my struggle with community resources, than say, being recognized as a "proper Jew" by the Israeli state. This doesn't mean I think conversion isn't necessary (because people love to fearmonger about converts misbehaving); it just means that I don't feel personal spiritual unease with the way my path is going and the complications I've faced and still am dealing with. I keep to myself about these complications more because they're personal details and very stressful for me, so I don't care to share them in a public forum, especially because people treat converts very badly, and I'm also treated badly for not being white. And thats before considering that I'm not a zionist. People are going to do lashon hara enough about me without actually knowing private details like that.