lyks

ako: naghahanap ako ng old pics natin kanina tapos ang dami kong nabasang screenshots ng old convos natin. nung nagde-date pa lang tayo, like wala pang label, sure ka na ba agad na magwowork yung relationship natin?

siya: oo naman, di pa tayo nagde-date alam kong magwo-work na talaga tayo.

tawang tawa ko non kasi for context, magkaibigan na talaga kami ni alex before. naabutan ko siyang may jowa pa tapos nagbreak sila hanggang sa ang tagal nya ng single. noong naging single kami pareho, kinabahan na talaga lahat ng mga tao HAHAH kasi alam nilang ang lakinh chance na magkapalagayan kami ng loob. medyo ayaw nila non kasi ang messy kung di magwowork.

balik sa usapan namin, natanong ko siya uli.

ako: like kahit dati pa? gaano ka ka-sure?

siya: naaalala mo pa ba kung gano tayo ka-swak together? sure ako dati pa, kahit nung di pa tayo nagde-date. alam ko lang na kung magiging tayo, ito na talaga yon. ulit-ulit!

tapos napunta kami sa iba pang convo. mahilig sa buwan si alex, parang may tanda pa nga dati na kapag full moon, di siya makausap nang maayos eme. pero nabasa ko to sa lumang screenshot:

at totoo naman ito hanggang ngayon. ang daming mga bagay na ginagawa ni alex para sakin, para samin, para sa bubuoin naming pamilya. grabe lang hayyy, sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam.

pag-uwi nya kaninang umaga, nilamog ako ng maraming halik at yakap. nag-usap kami about sa trabaho at maraming bagay. hay, ang saya-saya ng taong nilalaan lahat ng mga rason nya para sa ikabubuti ng bubuoin naming pamilya.

I am my mother's daughter, and just like any other love-hate relationship of a typical Filipino household, we often have huge fights. Last November, we had this depressing argument that led to me cutting them off and them moving forward without me. Honestly, I made my peace with not reuniting with them again. Perhaps that’s because I've grown up taking care of my siblings because my mother at that time could not move on from her personal life regrets. I was the one getting them ready for school, taking them for a bath, and sitting beside them in every hardship. I got so tired of taking care of my siblings. The moment I left that house, I healed my own well-being. There was a point that I didn't even want to have my own child because how can I be able to love it holistically when I am my mother's daughter? i am afraid to be like her, but she's the only role model I could look up to at that time. I was full of rage.

Even after leaving Bulacan, my siblings still go to my place, thinking that I am their older sister—the very first person they greet with a happy Mother's Day every May.

Back to yesterday, it was the first time in a while that I was brave enough to face them. In the meantime, my mother and I are in good terms. I haven't spoken to my father yet. I thought he was angry. He's a very loving father, but even more so, he's a very respectful husband. Despite my mother's narcissistic tendency, he'd still say nanay mo pa rin yan.

siya: bab, dapat matalino magiging anak natin.

ako: ha? grabeng pressure naman yan.

s: ang mahal pala kasi ng tuition, dapat sa UP siya mag-aral pala o kahit saang state univ para kayanin natin.

a: kaya naman natin yun kapag college na siya, kahit saan nya gusto, basta magprepare tayo baby pa lang siya.

hanggang sa napunta na sa mga possible sakit yung usap namin.

ako: paano kapag may autism anak natin?

siya: ayos lang, ready ako kahit ano, tayo nga may sakit sa utak di lang natin sure kung ano!

sabay tawa siya nang malakas.

🫠🫠🫠 kasal pa lang pinaplano namin pero yung mental preparation niya nasa pag-aanak na hahaha. hiling ko lang e sana maging malusog ang magiging anak namin, kahit sino pa siya. also, gusto nito since then babae pero sabi nya ayos na raw siya sa lalaki, papangalanan naming Luke! 🤭 mga adik sa star wars.