i flipped someone over my shoulder in a larp once

when Marvin’s just woken up, and Whizzer’s already showered. “good morning,” Whizzer says into Marvin’s lips, “your breath is disgusting.” Marvin smacks him away, and groans, and buries his face into the pillow again.

when Marvin finishes shaving and pats his cheeks with aftershave, Whizzer saunters into the bathroom and repeats the motion before pulling him in for a kiss. “can’t i do one thing in peace?” Marvin asks, grinning. Whizzer hums – of course not. 

when Whizzer serves breakfast, eggs over spinach over toast, Marvin drags him down by the collar and kisses him, deeply. he lets go and pushes him away a little and smiles, turns back to his breakfast and pretends it never happened. payback. 

when Marvin leaves for work, he asks for a goodbye kiss. Whizzer plants one on his cheek as he shoves him out the door. 

when Whizzer gets home (half an hour after Marvin, sweaty from the day’s activities, grinning and tired and content), Marvin pushes him against the wall of their foyer, shoves a leg between Whizzer’s, kisses up his neck. “i’ve been wanting to do this all day,” he says, and Whizzer believes it. 

(there are too many kisses to count after that – he kisses along the line of Whizzer’s jaw, his bared neck, the soft spot between his thighs that always makes him melt. Marvin gives up his counting game for a few moments there and gets lost in the beauty of Whizzer’s body.)

when Whizzer cooks dinner, twenty minutes later with his pants still unzipped and his motions easy and loose, Marvin comes up behind him. “what’s for dinner?” he asks, launching himself onto his tiptoes, tucking his chin onto Whizzer’s shoulder. “none of your business,” Whizzer says, carelessly moving away. “you’re an asshole,” Marvin replies, and he kisses the side of Whizzer’s neck before pulling away and huffing.

when Marvin is doing the dishes, Whizzer sidles up beside him. “thank you for cleaning, dear,” he says, half-mocking the pet name. Marvin grumbles, and Whizzer smiles at him. he turns Marvin’s face towards his and kisses just to the left of where Marvin’s mouth, soft and ever-sweet. Marvin does his best to still be huffy afterward, but he isn’t fooling anyone.

in the middle of their late-night SNL viewing on Marvin’s little television, Whizzer removes his legs from their position draped over Marvin’s (knocking the book on his lap in the process) and stretches his arms. “i’m going to the kitchen, do you want anything?” he asks. “wine would be nice?” Marvin replies, raising an eyebrow. Whizzer grins at him, toothy, and leans back for another kiss before busying himself again.

in bed, undressed and unwinding, Whizzer yawns and closes the novel on his lap. “i’m going to bed now,” he says, softly, his gaze soft and affectionate and directed right at Marvin. Marvin leans over, cradles the side of his face, and kisses him gently. “goodnight,” he says into Whizzer’s lips. “goodnight.”

when Marvin decides he’s done reading for the night, he leans over and turns off his bedside lamp. he pulls the covers up to his neck and leans back into Whizzer. he feels Whizzer’s arm snake around his waist and a soft, sleepy kiss pressed into his shoulder. 

‘You must include a cover letter’ does not mean ‘write a single line about why you want this position’. If you can’t be bothered to write at least one actual paragraphs about why you want this job, I can’t be bothered to read your CV.

Don’t bother including a list of your interests if all you can think of is ‘socialising with friends’ and ‘listening to music’. Everyone likes those things. Unless you can explain why the stuff you do enriches you as a person and a candidate (e.g. playing an instrument or a sport shows dedication and discipline) then I honestly don’t care how you spend your time. I won’t be looking at your CV thinking ‘huh, they haven’t included their interests, they must have none’, I’m just looking for what you have included.

Even if you apply online, I can see the filename you used for your CV. Filenames that don’t include YOUR name are annoying. Filenames like ‘CV - media’ tell me that you’ve got several CVs you send off depending on the kind of job advertised and that you probably didn’t tailor it for this position. ‘[Full name] CV’ is best.

USE. A. PDF. All the meta information, including how long you worked on it, when you created it, times, etc, is right there in a Word doc. PDFs are far more professional looking and clean and mean that I can’t make any (unconscious or not) decisions about you based on information about the file.

I don’t care what the duties in your previous unrelated jobs were unless you can tell me why they’re useful to this job. If you worked in a shop, and you’re applying for an office job which involves talking to lots of people, don’t give me a list of stuff you did, write a sentence about how much you enjoyed working in a team to help everyone you interacted with and did your best to make them leave the shop with a smile. I want to know what makes you happy in a job, because I want you to be happy within the job I’m advertising.

Does the application pack say who you’ll be reporting to? Can you find their name on the company website? Address your application to them. It’s super easy and shows that you give enough of a shit to google something. 95% of people don’t do this.

Tell me who you are. Tell me what makes you want to get up in the morning and go to work and feel fulfilled. Tell me what you’re looking for, not just what you think I’m looking for.

I will skim your CV. If you have a bunch of bullet points, make every one of them count. Make the first one the best one. If it’s not interesting to you, it’s probably not interesting to me. I’m overworked and tired. Make my job easy.

“I work well in a team or individually” okay cool, you and everyone else. If the job means you’ll be part of a big team, talk about how much you love teamwork and how collaborating with people is the best way to solve problems. If the job requires lots of independence, talk about how you are great at taking direction and running with it, and how you have the confidence to follow your own ideas and seek out the insight of others when necessary. I am profoundly uninterested in cookie-cutter statements. I want to know how you actually work, not how a teacher once told you you should work.

For an entry-level role, tell me how you’re looking forward to growing and developing and learning as much as you can. I will hire genuine enthusiasm and drive over cherry-picked skills any day. You can teach someone to use Excel, but you can’t teach someone to give a shit. It makes a real difference.

This is my advice for small, independent orgs like charities, etc. We usually don’t go through agencies, and the person reading through the applications is usually the person who will manage you, so it helps if you can give them a real sense of who you are and how you’ll grab hold of that entry level position and give it all you’ve got. This stuff might not apply to big companies with actual HR departments - it’s up to you to figure out the culture and what they’re looking for and mirror it. Do they use buzzwords? Use the same buzzwords! Do they write in a friendly, informal way? Do the same! And remember, 95% of job hunting (beyond who you know and flat-out nepotism, ugh) is luck. If you keep getting rejected, it’s not because you suck. You might just need a different approach, or it might just take the right pair of eyes landing on your CV.

And if you get rejected, it’s worthwhile asking why. You’ve already been rejected, the worst has already happened, there’s really nothing bad that can come out of you asking them for some constructive feedback (politely, informally, “if it isn’t too much trouble”). Pretty much all of us have been hopeless jobseekers at one point or another. We know it’s shitty and hard and soul-crushing. Friendliness goes a long way. Even if it’s just one line like “your cover letter wasn’t inspiring" at least you know where to start.