AN OPEN LETTER TO THE JULIET I NEVER HAD
I know this is such a cliché but I'll give it a try. Maybe this time you'll be mine and I'll be yours. (Not just in my dreams). Or not. But anyway, it has been more or less 8 years since we last saw each other. 2016-2008, I did the math. Yay!
I'll make this straight to the point without being verbose and wordy but I can't because oh! the irony of things. Okay, let me start with a question. Do you know how it feels when you are confessing your feelings to someone (over again) who already knows it but tries to ignore it as much as she can because she knows that I do not even have that slightest chance? I hope you know it and you feel my agony I've been keeping all these years -- the agony of 'you and I can never be together like the moon and the sun up in the sky.' I hate the fact that I, for the record, am still in love with you. Since grade six. 12 wonderful years of love and busted feelings.
I hate the fact that I keep on dreaming about you at night about how we have a 'happily ever after' ending. I hate the fact that I can only have you in my dreams. I hate the fact that I dream about you for almost three times, the first one was back in high school and the second time was when I was in college, and in those dreams, you are mine and you are so in love with me. We even hold hands. We kissed. We smiled. We stared at each other's eyes, seeing a galaxy of possibilities. We even talked about how our future is going to be, about how many kids we want, about the bucket list we wanted to try, about how I loved you since grade six, and without realizing it, up until now.
Juliet, you will always have a part in me. A part that will never be erased nor replaced by anyone in this world. You were special to me and you still are. I may meet and love other girls, I may end up with one for a lifetime but you will always have space in my heart. And you will always be a part of my story that I will tell my grandchildren when they want a good story that has a cliché plot but has a bittersweet yet a good one unlike those soap operas they watch on TV - all fairy tale-like. You know, I'm kind of into "first love never dies". And maybe it never will.
Guess what? I dreamt of you last night. I know you kind of anticipated that one but yeah it's true. We talked. And this is a fragment of the memory of what we talked last night:
"Di ka na aalis?" You, asking me while you are holding my hands.
"Di naman ako umalis e. Ikaw ang nawala. You will always have me." I was looking right through your eyes letting you know I was that sincere.
That was pretty much what I remembered but it felt good. I woke up with a light feeling. I woke up smiling. I woke up reliving the feelings I had for you and remembering how wonderful it feels to have loved someone even if it was not reciprocated, at all.
Maybe that is one of the true definitions of love out of many. You know, the "I love you but you don't have to love me too just because I love you. I'm happy because you are happy, even if the reason is not me. I'm happy and I love you." That selfless love. That masochistic love everyone knows. But yeah, I love you and it will always be tattooed in my heart.
I never had that chance. We never had that chance. And it's fine. I don't know where you are or what you do or who you are with or who you'll be spending your lifetime with.
I can never move on with these but I can go on with my life. Thank you for a wonderful experience. This may be the closure I need for myself. I can not ask you one because we never had it. I would be silly if I’d ask one. Until then, see you soon (or never).
yousharknotpass
stormborns
origamiaround