Lorem Ipsum

I do not know why I am still fighting, why I did not give up. Nothing changes. I do not remember when I was happy. I am extremely lonely. And I am still here. It does not make sense.

The day of my birthday is coming. I do not feel good about it. I am very nervous. This birthday was supposed to be the border line. I was supposed to have my life as it should be until this day. But nothing is as it should be. My life is a mess. And I do not know what to do. I am tired of fighting.

There is so much going on right now that I do not know how to write about it. But one thing comes into my mind: I am not suitable for life.

I do not remember when I felt light hearted, when my mind was clear. Depression took too much from me. And it do not want to give me anything in return. Even death.

I do not think happiness exist. At least not for me. It is not here nor somewhere else. You cannot find something that does not exist.

It is interesting and frustrating. I am able to do my New Year’s resolutions and at the same time I struggle every day to get out of my bed. I can sleep all day.

I am having a bad time. I wish it would end.

I can be brave. I can go forward. But it will not change the main reason I suffer. My loneliness.

So what that I try to figure out some things, to do at least small steps ahead. There is no hope. No happiness for me.