Marian Abate

“Big Sis, I missed you!” Leia smiled brightly and entered the apartment, looking for somewhere to place her dish. She settled on a table and set it down. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited in a while. I’ve just been so busy with work and running and swimming all over the place.” 

Leia took a seat at the table and rested an elbow and then rested her chin on her hand. “So, what’s going on in your world?”

Marian got some ice water for the two of them and took a seat across from Leia.

"It's okay dear, the important part is you're doing well. As for me, mostly the same old stuff. Honestly not much has been going on for me. New patients, my coworkers are as delightfully quirky as always, and I went on a few dates that didn't lead anywhere."

"Sometimes I wonder if it's me, you know."

Marian quickly snapped out of his funk.

Stuck in a circle, huh? That was a good way to put it. And maybe she did need to work on her self-esteem. She just needed to do better, or at least try to like herself a little more. Starting with her perception of herself seemed as good an idea as any.

She looked down at the paper uncertainly, eyes skimming over the question once, then again. She read it more carefully the third time and tried to think what her answer was. What did she want?

She didn’t want to just go with the first thing that came to her mind. That being her desire to be better at her job. If she gave it some thought, that’s not really what she wanted. Yes, she liked her job. It was fun and she could explore many new things through it. But that’s not what she wanted, not really.

So what did she want?

To like herself? Well, yes, but that seemed more of an end goal than what she wanted right now. To have more friends? Yes but, again, an end goal. 

Finally, she thought she had her answer. She wrote it on the paper in pretty cursive font.

I want to be more free.

When Lillie finished writing Marian checked her answer.

I want to be more free.

Marian couldn't help but parse that desire through a filter of his own life. Images of his parents flooded his mind. How easy it is to lose yourself when a lot of pressure is put on you. He couldn't help but feel a connection to Lillie's answer.

But this was about Lillie not him and he needed to stay focused and professional.

Send a symbol and I’ll answer the question about my muse. (Or answer in character. Whatever works for you!)

Leia felt forever indebted to Marian for helping her out when everything felt hopeless. Once she was 18, she moved out because she didn’t want to be a burden any longer. Still, she stayed close (just a room away) and visited often.

On a cold afternoon, after she had gotten off work, Leia cooked a fish she had caught while swimming home from the cove. She placed the fish on a plate and walked over to Marian’s door. With the plate in one hand, she knocked on the door with her other hand and waited. 

Marian was considering going out for dinner as he had been busy and didn't have much food in his apartment when a knock was heard. Opening the door an adorable young woman was standing, cooked fish in hand.

It was none other than Leia. Marian would never forget that day over ten years ago when he found a real life mermaid washed up on shore. Since then Leia has been a constant and precious person in his life.

And so Lillie did. She got it all off her chest, telling him about frustrating coworkers and clients, overwhelming jobs and tasks asked of her, and so on and so forth until every possible thing that crossed her mind was out and in the open.

After all that, she inhaled a deep breath, then exhaled it in a sigh. 

“But, um… Yeah. That’s the long and the short of it, I guess.”

She smiled sheepishly, as if a little embarrassed about telling Marian so much about her personal life. She knew it was okay to tell him all this, of course. She trusted him. He was her psychiatrist after all. But it was hard admitting things that she didn’t like about herself sometimes.

Long story short? It was rough.

Marian looked Lillie up and down. The poor girl seemed exhausted from everything she talked about.

“Lillie, I’ve been thinking it over and you’re stuck in a circle. What we’ll need to do is work on your self-esteem. You’re a wonderful, friendly, and; if I may, pretty young women. You keep focusing on narratives where you see yourself as; for lack of a better term, lesser. Now I understand part of that is the stress from work, but since I can’t fix that - I’d like to fix your perception of yourself and work from there.”

He got up and opened a cabinet. “Let’s see here, a-ha!”

Marian sat down a paper with a single question on it in front of Lillie with a pencil.

“I’d like you to be as honest as you can be, write down the answer to this question to the best of your abilities.”

Name: Bright Canon: Shinigami to Gin no Kishi Size: 100x100

**Free Use. Just like or reblog if you’re going to use them**

Preview:

“That’s a relief. Thank you so much, Marian.”

She settled onto the plush couch and exhaled a sad little sigh. She wasn’t sure where to begin. With the rough demands of modeling, perhaps? Or perhaps those creepy fans she’d been spotting here and there, trying to hide from her view but not quite able to? How about that new crush of hers?

She froze at the thought of the crush. Were famous people allowed to have crushes? The answer should have been obvious, but Lillie was prone to overthinking when she got anxious.

She supposed she may as well say it all. But one thing first.

“You look lovely today, by the way,” she said softly. “But, um… It’s just been rough at work with the upcoming holiday season at all. Getting all these weird jobs. You know, model these jingle bell socks, model that skimpy Santa dress. That sort of thing. Usually, I don’t mind it. I can work with the photographers until I’m comfortable. But it’s like, lately… I don’t know… Like I’m not being heard I guess?”

She’d start there. See what Marian had to say. Then she’d go from there.

"Thank you dear, I personally feel it's important to try to look your best. Now give me one moment because I think..."

Marian had set up his work laptop to check in on the notes about Lillie.

Yes, fears about not being heard.

"Yes, do you remember that you voiced similar issues in past sessions? We talked about how you sometimes feel like people want to protect you like an object, that this sometimes makes you feel less like a person. Feeling objectified isn’t uncommon as we’ve discussed, but we know it goes further than that in your case."

Marian looked away from the screen and directly at Lillie, making eye contact.

Being famous was rough. She dealt with strange work environments, crazy fans, and demanding orders if she wasn’t doing her job quite right. She tried to manage it all on her own most of the time, but sometimes that grew too much for her. That’s why her manager advised she go to a psychiatrist by the name of Marian.

As of the current moment, she had worked with him on multiple occasions. He was cheery and kind. Lillie appreciated his help. After a particularly rough day at work, cut short due to overwhelming anxiety, Lillie decided to make an unexpected visit to the doctor’s office.

“Hi there, Marian. Sorry about coming with no advanced notice and all. Just… I’ve had a rough day. Needed someone to talk to, you know?”

She offered a small, shaky smile. Her eyes were red and puffy. It looked like she’d been crying. She was just trying to do her best, and sometimes it really felt like she wasn’t doing nearly enough.

It was none other than Lillie. A pleasure to be around to say the least. She was a popular weather girl at Leuda Broadcasting Station. Marian tuned in often to check the weather. Marian wasn't all that surprised to see her show up one day as a patient - fame has it's pressures Marian couldn't even begin to imagine.

Examining Lillie's face Marian could tell right away Lillie had a hard day. They'd discussed anxiety in the past. Marian hadn't quite come to a conclusion as to if it was a full on anxiety disorder Lillie had, but one thing was certain. Lillie needed someone and he was here to help. Only Lillie could decide how far Marian could go in treatments.

"Oh no, it's fine dear, I'm actually free today." He gestured to the soft pink couch. "Why don't you take a seat and tell Marian what's bothering you?"