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In a world that rewards nonstop noise—podcasts, hot takes, group chats, and endless Zoom calls—the rarest and most powerful skill is knowing when to close your goddamn mouth. Here’s how and why to master it. Why Shut Up? You sound smarter instantly.The less you say, the more weight your words carry. People who talk constantly dilute their signal with noise. Silence creates mystery; mystery…

No other version of the song could supersede these. (Except perhaps the occasional Rick Roll. (Depending on whom you are Rolled by, of course.)) Let’s just agree that The Manager is in the house. Karen-approved playlist.

You ever notice how nobody cares about anything anymore? I mean, really cares. Take this business with the astronauts—Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams, stuck up there on the International Space Station for nine months, and then SpaceX swoops in like some cosmic taxi service to bring them home. Splashdown off Florida this week, March 18th, 2025—parachutes drifting, dolphins circling like it’s a…

You know what’s been bugging me lately? These anti-DOGE protestors. I mean, what in the Sam Hill is a DOGE anyway? I looked it up—turns out it’s one of those internet money things, like Bitcoin, but with a picture of a dog on it. A dog! Who comes up with this stuff? And now there are people out on the street, waving signs around, yelling about it like it’s the end of the world. Why can’t folks…

If you go to CVS to pick up a prescription, beware the store playlist. It will coax your inner animal out of its eggshell and bewitch your soul. The bad speaker system will belch out trite, Top 40, robotic pablum. You will briefly consider changing your lifestyle to avoid repeating this purgatory. “My illness probably isn’t fatal,” you will reason; but, your strident hatred of those songs might…

Kim is the manager and has said she has 100% confidence in her managerial framework. Therefore, after many Reisligs and re-watches, I defer to her judgment. Let’s play it out: No Air Coverage Needed. Though it may be the Main Problem with the security plan, someone has to look over the use of taxpayer dollars. This Photo Op Was Great. Don’t accuse her of bias! Whoopi Has Spoken. Don’t fall…

Computer technology runs much of our lives. We see it at the grocery store. We see it online. But, what does it mean to put a computer in charge of your life? The Bard AI may have the answer. Let’s ask it. Tell me how you got interested in collaborating with humans? I got interested in collaborating with humans because I believe that we can achieve more together than we can apart. K: It bases…

You like beef. You order it medium. It arrives. And, that shit is PURPLE. This is common. Apparently, most of humanity hates “overcooked” beef. To compensate for this culinary ignorance, chefs tend to undercook that fucking steak you actually DID want to be “medium.” I will skip my many experiences of disappointment in this realm and—instead—suggest that you order a steak Medium Well. This…

In these difficult times, you might be tempted to settle for any old opportunity to wet your whistle. Heed: Discernment is the key to scratching that sinful itch. If you are a city dweller like me, or a business traveler in a strange locale, you have many bars within walking distance. How can you know which to patronize (let alone prioritize)? Bar manager: I propose the following standard for…

Working from home may seem like a fog of repressive emptiness. Don’t let that get you down. Opportunity is knocking. Set your own schedule. Take control of the overbearing passage of time. (Time you can use, or lose.) Here are a few habits you can adopt to set yourself up for success in the post WFH world: (more…)

While some claim inflation is the thing stretching our budgets and tapping our savings, I beg to differ. The root cause is Doordash. Racking up an $80 MacDonald’s order is effortless when utilizing telematics-enhanced food delivery— the true source of first-world financial oppression. To make matters worse, when you only receive half of what you ordered (which equates to roughly $5.23 worth of…

When there are things to complain about, it can be tricky to determine who the managers are. Sometimes, all of life’s managers turn out to be piss poor. It is during those times that I am at my best! Heed: Lower your expectations. The bigger the managed thing, the lower your expectations should be of the manager of that managed thing! But who are these managers, anyway? Here is a list of…

sometimes, you inner manager needs a little tweaking. Heed: 1. and done 2. and through 3. and flee 4. and out the door 5. ain’t no rhymin with five 6. gonna get sick Fermented Brain.