isn't she lovely?

Hi I'm Maikol or Jax I'm an artist, minor, autistic ,etc

I am transmasc, use he/him and any pronouns and I'm fictionkin

TADC and MD have been my special interests for three years, Pony Town for around four.

I've been drawing for 12 years and using Ibis Paint X for 10 years with small breaks. Sometimes I may switch to art programs such as Sony Sketch or Infinite Painter.

I draw with my finger (despite having a drawing pad [but the pen tips got lost])

My tags: #rodolfo posts , #rodolfo art , #rodolfo asks , #rodolfo reblogs , #rodolfo archive

Other socials: Instagram , Newgrounds , PInterest

This blog is semi moderated by my bf and I block freely

I ship weird things but never assume I ship incest or abusive shit, yes this does explicitly imply I don't want proshippers/darkshippers near me. Get out.

I do not like you intersexist transphobic esorsexist tme tma afab amab agab people. People don't owe you their whole life's story.

my opinion about most ships:

random stuff:

I already said it before but I'm gonna get called a piece of shit for this, I don't really see trans (binary) Jax as canon in any way, maybe genderfluid Jax? I'm a little scared posting this as I've already gotten harassed over just posting transmasc Jax (even called part of a nasty agenda...?) but whatever YOLO.

I watched the finale 2 days ago so it's not as fresh (I have dissociative issues so some things may not be as accurate or could be wrong, please tell me if that is the case) but I'll list some reasons why:

- Pomni sees the Ribbit and Jax conversation, (In which Jax just says it's a very personal secret of his [Atleast in the spanish dub]) continues to use he/him pronouns

→ That'd make her a piece of shit. Sure you can say " she didn't want to out them. "

But she could have! There's no danger, they're the only " humans " there, it'd just make her CRUEL for letting everyone think that a dead trans person is not trans and is what they thought they knew.

I don't know if Gooseworx, a trans woman, would be leaving such horrible messaging in her show that " Hey it's ok to let all your QUEER friends think that a dead trans woman was just a man because she never came out " but maybe I'm taking it in bad faith because if I died and everyone (even those who knew) pretended I'm a cis woman I'd come back from the dead and slime them out. Pronouns don't equal gender but I feel like if Jax was trans in any way he would use other pronouns.

- Leroy Mateo doesn't dress in any gendered way, to me he comes off as just alternative

→ Sure he hangs out at a queer bar, but that could mean he's any LGBTQ identity, not just trans, but also the toxic masculinity shit and repression is only confirmed to be continued until he spirals by Jax, not Leroy.

Escaping from his abusive mother would've also given him a new start where he could forget about being Leroy Mateo and have started his life as a new person, maybe even another gender. But he still chooses to identify as himself.

- The circus gives you your biggest insecurities, wouldn't that have identified his repression as one and made him ATLEAST a tad bit feminine?

→ Idk man I feel like if I was an egg and trying to deny it by making myself into the most toxic masculine man ever I'd be spawned into the circus as the most feminine woman of all time.

- He seems to be comfortable with presenting in any way as long as it's his " persona ", he doesn't like being vulnerable in any way

→ Was he scared and horrified, and thought his circus avatar was pathetic? YES. So did everyone in the circus, as it makes you into a metaphor of your insecurities and negative traits (You could even say he's a rabbit 'cause he keeps running away from his problems)

The thing is he doesn't mind being feminine or masculine, but he uses it negatively to cope and keep dissasociating into this " funny one " persona he has.

Ribbit's bow proves this, he was ok, being vulnerable, when he wore her bow he blushed and liked it, UNTIL HE REALIZED KAUFMO ALMOST GOT THE CHANCE TO SEE HIM ALL VULNERABLE!!!

The maid dress freak out?? They did it without him expecting it, he didn't know he was gonna be feminized, or put in that situation, and doesn't know how to deal with it because, thanks to his mother, femininity for him is being vulnerable, almost being ripped apart, open for the world to see all your problems, insecurities, and traits you don't want anyone to know about, and he thinks they're all going to make fun of him.

- Isn't she lovely is a cover, the song is not theirs to change

→ Yeah yeah I know the song doesn't have to be literal at all times and can just be there for certain parts, but idk I don't think he's less than a minute old 😭

I don't think the song is about Pomni (atleast not only about her). My interpretation is that despite their problems, despite everything, they see eachother as lovely, wonderful people that are made and full of love. They love eachother (Platonically or romantically? That's for you to choose) and it's kinda evidenced by the fact Pomni almost kills herself just to stay with Jax.

Anyways um. Yeah, please don't tell me to kill myself haha I feel like these are valid, none of these reasons were written with bad faith in mind (as I was a transmasc Jax believer, I'm literally proving myself wrong)

You can tell me I'm wrong or whatever you want just don't start insulting me and saying horrible shit ok? Thanks.

So I've been posting about the finale a lot cause it won't leave my brain but it's whatever...

So you guys realize we didn't see Pomni's abstraction as a fantasy Jax has right? Because it's the locked door with a hundred locks... Jax doesn't even wanna think about her abstracting oh my goddd they make me sick

So here's my thoughts on the finale, mostly about Jax and Pomni's moments though as I'm not able to process anything else.

These are parts from conversations with my boyfriend, started shortly after watching the movie

"Going into the movie I thought, great, another show that proves that people like me should just die and never find peace, they should just succumb to the loneliness and desperation, to the feeling of being so horrible you can't let anyone get near you.

I think every scene with Jax in it was intensely beautiful. The way he couldn't hold in his anger at the start, the way he leaves, he watches over the others but doesn't give himself the lovely fantasy of being friends w everyone and helping them, he just watches. The way he approaches Pomni and then says " It's nothing forget about it ". (My friends and two kids in the theater said NEGATIVE AURA AND RIZZ FAILED RIZZ ATTEMPT) as if, for the one time he was gonna be vulnerable on his own, he regretted it before even doing it, regretted even thinking about it. What was it? A love confession? A call for help? Both? We'll never know, if he had said it maybe he would be there, but now he's just... abstracted. The scenes with the abstraction scenarios, all coping mechanisms, being unnecessarily violent and rude about it, treating it as a joke, sexualizing yourself to forget about it. And then there's the Jax, the Jax playing piano, the Jax who knows the truth, the part of him that wants Pomni to know the truth, he wants the help, the love, he wants what once happened with Ribbit to never happen again, he wants to be vulnerable even if it hurts if it would mean people won't "die" over his actions.

Abstraction to me reads as a passive suicide.

" I hate you " " Why do you make it so hard " " Why do you love me " " Are you coming to remind me of all my wrong doings ? " " I'm an horrible person " " I don't wanna go " all different calls for help, all different SCREAMS for help, the way he hugs Pomni and sobs, he's never had someone understand him so deeply, not even Ribbit understood, sure, she wanted the best for him, but she overstepped the boundaries of a deeply traumatized Jax. He blames himself for it, but he can't do anything about it. The way he starts hyperventilating, he realized he's being vulnerable, he's being a " little girl " about all of this. He can't handle it anymore, can't hold off the pain and anguish anymore.

Talked to my boyfriend about it and we both agreed that the theater version of Isn't she lovely is much louder than Stevie Wonder's og song.

It wasn't until this morning that I found out it is not the actual song, but a cover featuring Disappearing Guy's VA with a brand new instrumental, which I assume was done to match the sadness and emotional intensity of the scene.