ROBERT. what are you doing.

 someday i will return from the void in earnest and actually write a blog or two but i've been blogging for work and also blogging in my spare time would i think just be too much blogging

ROBERT.

the only positive thing i have to say about this photograph is that your wife is, as ever, incredibly lovely because YOUR OUTFIT IS THE MOST TRAGIC THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.  (excepting, possibly, your other tragic outfits and/or the film lawrence of arabia.  but i digress.)

do you know how many insipid greeny browns you are wearing robert? 

seven.

you are wearing seven different shades of the same color.

i honestly thought i had plumbed the horrific and unfathomable abyss of your color incompetence but NO, IT HAS REACHED APPROXIMATELY THE DEPTH OF THE MARIANA TRENCH, robert this is appalling.

here is a handy bullet list of all the horrible browny greens.

the wide stripe on the hat

the thin stripe on the hat

the hideous hat itself which would honestly be much improved by a good soaking of gasoline and perhaps a match

the background of your tshirt

the pattern on your tshirt which robert i cannot even tell what that is.  it seems vaguely vinelike in nature and looks like something my enormously unartistic little sister would draw. 

the fact that you have owned this shirt for ages which is inexcusable robert because you are a multimillionaire and can afford better clothes than this

the background of your pants

THE CROTCH-LEVEL STRIPE ON YOUR PANTS. honestly robert that stripe is incredibly ill-placed and also completely unnecessary.  you are a movie star.  everyone is going to be looking at your crotch anyway.  there is NO NEED TO DRAW ATTENTION TO IT PARTICULARLY.

in fact the only thing on your body that is not an insipid greeny brown is the stripe of what might be your man purse, which i have to SIDE-EYE ON PRINCIPLE.

bless.

yes, that's right, robertwhatareyoudoing is going on hiatus*, due to some fairly cataclysmic (in the best way!) upheavals in the life of your robert blogger.

it's been fun, guys!!  thanks for all the good times!

much love, Jessie 

now see i would be crying about this

but

pantagenets

i found the 1995 version of Richard III where RDJ plays Lord Rivers.

otherwise known as

that one time robert did shakespeare.

For your information, it is all the rage in Paris for men to wear brightly colored socks with their dark suits. 

It is also all the rage for men to wear tight brightly colored pants 

imagine

Robert Downey Jr. in neon pink skinny jeans.

I'M IMAGINING, I'M IMAGINING

i can't tell if i like this mental image or not

BENEDICT.

oh, heavens.  this is that one time when you wore this ridiculous coat over your suit at a red carpet event, isn't it?  ALL BAD CHOICES.  particularly with that fuzzy hood.

AND THE HAT.  i think that among all the egregious outings of the hat this one is and always will be THE WORST because it bears no relation to the huge puffy green coat at all.

benedict. no.  just no.

ROBERT.

dear heavens.  you too are wearing a green coat over a suit—it isn't a complete suit even, the PINSTRIPES ARE DIFFERENT, NO ROBERT SUITS ARE NOT MIX AND MATCH—and it too DOES NOT WORK AT ALL.  

FURTHERMORE. you are ALSO WEARING orange accented basketball shoes.  this is NOT APPROPRIATE ON ANY LEVEL, particularly when combined with a suit.

robert. please try to match. for the sake of my sanity.

JONATHAN.

..................................i don't. understand. your moustache.  

at all.

from what i can see, though, your coat isn't the literal worst, although that color of green is slightly nauseating.

jonathan. i am so glad you no longer sport this moustache.

YES.

ROBERT.

what even is this

STRIPES, and more stripes, AND THEN ALSO MORE STRIPES DOES NOT COUNT AS MATCHING, ROBERT, particularly when each set of stripes is COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM ONE ANOTHER

for the record, black and then different black also does not count as matching.  those shoes are a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TONE OF BLACK FROM THE SUIT, robert.

i think you might be trying to seduce me but i can't tell because i'm blinded from the stripes.

and your choice to wear hot pink socks.