All Aboard The Hot Mess Express

accidentally said "invasive thoughts" instead of "intrusive thoughts" today and actually I think I'm onto something. this thought does not belong here and it is harming the local ecosystem

"unbecoming" is such a great word. bro that shit was so rude you no longer Are

i love the phrase "cruel and unusual." not only is what you're doing mean but it's also quite frankly fucking bizarre

ask not for whom the bell peppers

I’d enjoy some four person “tennis” in “Antarctica”, if you’ll pardon the doubles on tundra

some royal jewels were stolen from the louvre which is unfortunate for historical reasons but you gotta appreciate a classic crime. so many crimes are online these days it’s nice to see heist culture is still alive

still believe that one of the greatest bits of all time was on January 6th, 2021 when. well. you know. and twitter was understandably an echo chamber of panic and fear and Justin McElroy just tweeted a selfie with a filter that was like “have a delicious national spaghetti day” followed by 3 tweets that were like “fuck. i’m sorry. i don’t know how to delete scheduled posts” and as i type this two years later i’m laughing

Passed my autopsy with flying colours. There was so much inside me

holy mother of god i have GOT to get weirder

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be frightening. I still want grandmas to think I'm a nice young lad. I just think it's vital to my health that I am bewildering and slightly indecipherable

isn't sleeping supposed to cure the tired sleepy? and yet

i'm sorry i wiggled your skinny boyfriend like a sheet of metal. weeop womp weeoop womp weeeoop womp